18. Sloane
Sloane
“ I sn’t it perfect?” Cal’s shout is strained, since he’s balancing what is easily a twelve-foot tree while Lo stands back and yells to the left, to the right.
Yeah, there’s no way to center that damn tree. Not when it literally touches the ceiling. We either need to cut a hole up there or trim the top.
Considering I get more than enough of Madame E as it is, I don’t think cutting a hole in her floor is the way to go.
I cringe. “I don’t know if I’d call it perfect.”
Sully, who’s still standing between me and all the commotion, shouts, “Why in bloody hell would you buy a tree that big!”
Cal straightens and huffs, like he’s affronted by the question. “It’s Murphy’s first Christmas with us.”
In his effort to explain, he releases the tree, and it tilts to one side. Luckily, it’s wedged against the crown molding, so it doesn’t fall over completely.
“Now look what you did,” Sully grumbles.
Lo yells, “More to the right!”
“Where’s Brian?” I ask. “And the kids? ”
Lo shifts her focus from the tree to me. “They went to walk Fuzzy. How was the doctor?”
I smile at Sully. “It was good. Baby is measuring right on time.”
Cal grins widely at us. “I can’t wait to be an uncle again. When are you telling T.J.?”
“Telling me what?”
We spin around to find T.J. and Murphy with Brian and his monstrosity of a cat behind them.
Rather than step into the room, the cat cowers, backing away from the tree, and darts behind the man he’s imprinted on.
“What the hell did you do?” Brian yells. He steps forward, only to tumble to the floor because the cat’s leash is wrapped around his legs.
“Shit.” I rush to help him up while Sully tries to unhook Fuzzy from his leash. “Maybe try rolling left.”
He goes right.
“Your other left.”
He goes right again.
“Brian,” I grit out. “Work with me here.”
“Dammit,” T.J. and Murphy say, mimicking Brian’s voice. They dissolve into fits of giggles and fall into a heap.
The cat, thinking he’s being called, prances around them.
I yank on the leash, figuring I might have an easier time, but I think it gets caught on Brian’s zipper, and he yowls, grabbing his crotch.
“Dammit!” he grits out.
The cat lunges for him, landing on his chest with enough force to knock the wind from him. His back paws, unfortunately, hit Brian right where the sun doesn’t shine.
The howl he lets loose sends shivers down my spine.
“I’ll get ice,” Lo calls.
“Why doesn’t Fuzzy ever snuggle me like that?” Cal pouts.
Sully blows out a breath. “Maybe we should take T.J. out to tell him the big news. ”
I nod. “Good idea.”
“Can I get ice cream?” T.J. asks before we’ve even entered the restaurant across the street. He’s been begging us to tell him the big news since we got Brian untangled.
Bringing T.J. to the Grasshopper to tell him feels right. There’s a sense of kismet here. This is where we had dinner the night our baby bear was made, so telling T.J. about him or her here feels like coming full circle.
Our future may still be uncertain, but Sully and I are a team. We have to be. So I’m thankful we can do this together.
“Let’s sit, then we can order ice cream,” Sully tells him.
Before he can finish the sentence, T.J. is asking for change so he can play Pac-Man.
So much for his dire need to know our secret.
We let him go, figuring it’s best if he works off some of the energy before we force him to sit and talk. At least he’ll have ice cream to entertain him when he comes back.
“So what are we telling him?” I ask once the server has dropped off his ice cream.
Sully shrugs. “That he’s going to be a big brother?”
I nod, though suddenly I’m not sure that’s the angle I want to go with. But what’s the alternative? “Good, good. That’s exactly how we should present it. Good idea.”
Brows lowering, Sully assesses me for a second. Then, with a shake of his head, he calls T.J. over.
He’s right. It’s important for us to focus on our son and his role as a big brother. That will make it easier to steer clear of questions about our family dynamic. A week ago, I would have been dead set on sticking to that. Now, though, the idea leaves me feeling a little crushed.
Maybe because I’ve gotten so used to being in the apartment with the little family that Sully, Cal, and Brian have created because of Terry’s trust. It’s nice having people around. It leaves little time for me to feel lonely.
What’ll happen when it’s time to leave?
My stomach twists painfully at the thought.
Will Sully and I share custody? Two apartments. Mine unbearably quiet on the nights Sully has the kids. And spending days away from an infant? I don’t know that I can handle it, yet it would be unfair to keep Sully from his child.
Shaking free of my spiraling thoughts, I force myself to focus on the matter at hand.
“We have some exciting news,” Sully starts as T.J. shovels ice cream into his mouth.
“Yes, you’re going to be a big brother. Isn’t that exciting?” I ask with a smile.
T.J. freezes with another spoonful of ice cream in the air, his eyes locked on me, his expression flat. “You’re having a baby?”
Dread washes over me like a wave. Shoot. I hadn’t considered that he might not want to be a big brother. What if he freaks out? Maybe we shouldn’t have done this in such a public place. It wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibility for him to toss his ice cream across the table.
“Yes,” Sully chimes in. “Your mother is having a baby, which means you get to be a big brother. Isn’t that exciting?”
“Where will the baby live?” T.J. asks, still pensive. The question is almost accusing. Far too knowing.
And dammit, my stomach is in knots.
“With us,” Sully responds easily.
T.J.’s whole body relaxes and he breaks into a smile. “Cool.” With that, he shoves another bite of ice cream into his mouth .
It occurs to me then that our son is far more in tune with what’s going on than I realized.
And it kills me that he even has to be concerned about it. I may be questioning what will happen in the future, but I never want my son to have to worry about that. I hate that it’s even a thought. More than anything, I want this time to be joyful for him.
“Is it a boy?” T.J. asks.
“We don’t know, bud. We thought we’d wait to find out with you at Mum’s next doctor’s appointment.”
With another nod, he stabs his spoon into the bowl in front of him. As usual, he’s determined to eat quickly so he can play again.
“If it is a boy, he’ll be your little brother, just like Cal is my little brother,” Sully says with a grin.
“Can I go play again?” he asks, holding up his empty bowl.
We nod, and he’s gone.
I sigh as he trips over his feet but rights himself without falling. “That went okay, I think.”
Sully nods, his attention set on our little boy. “I should have kept him around and talked up the idea of a sister too. Hopefully he’ll be happy either way,” he says under his breath.
“I’m just happy he won’t be alone like me,” I quip.
Sully stiffens and frowns at me. “You’re not alone.”
I try to smile, try to make it easier on him.
Brush off the off handed remark like it’s nothing, but Sully’s frown doesn’t fade.
He studies me like he knows how scared I am of the future.
Like he understands that I can barely breathe when I think of a future without him in it.
“Sweetheart,” his voice is a whisper as he reaches across the table to squeeze my hand.
“You’ve got all of us. No matter what happens between you and me, we’re family. ”
My heart free-falls in my chest. His tone is stern, but it’s sincere, his words the honest truth. And they’re exactly what I needed to hear.