28. Sloane
Sloane
“ D id you say karaoke?”
Brian steps up behind me as I stand in Sully’s office doorway.
Excitement zips through me, and a smile blooms on my face. It’s the first I’ve mustered since Will laid down his ultimatum three days ago. I’ve internalized the emotions that have plagued me since that night because I worry that if Sully knows, it’ll set us back, and we’ve made so much progress.
The moment he found out I went to work for Higgins, Smith, and Dodge, he told me that Will had only hired me to get in my pants.
It crushed me that he believed I wasn’t worth more than that.
But with time, I realized that, though his words were harsh, he was concerned about me and for me. And now I know he was right.
And worse, Will is right too. I am exactly what he said I am: a forty-year-old mother who has no business as an associate.
I’m not good at my job. Hell, I’m not sure I’m even a good mom.
I’m definitely not a good wife. For years, I’ve blamed Sully for the way our marriage crumbled around us, when I was equally at fault.
And now, I’m keeping secrets from him. I’ve asked for so much from him, and his only request in return is that I talk to him.
And I can’t even do that. I’m lying by omission.
But how can I not? I don’t have the first clue what to say.
I need a game plan before I get Sully’s feelings involved.
I want to be with my husband. I want to try.
The end. There’s nothing else to consider.
However, I don’t know what to do about my career.
Do I just give up? Lose my identity again?
I’m five months pregnant. I can’t just start at a new firm.
If I leave Higgins, Smith, and Dodge now, it’ll be at least another year before I can even think about working again.
The thought alone is debilitating.
For so long, I wanted to try for another child. I wanted to expand our family, but when it didn’t happen, I came to terms with it. And when T.J. started school, I adjusted my point of view and chose to embrace the chance to focus on myself. Now all of that has been thrown into question again.
I hate it. Is it really too much to ask to have a good relationship with my husband, to have happy, healthy kids, and a career? Why does achieving one mean losing the other?
And then there’s the financial aspect. Not working means I’m solely reliant on Sully again. The thought guts me. It’s exactly how I felt at the end of our marriage, especially when he offered a hefty amount of spousal support.
It was like a sucker punch, the inference that he was certain I needed him. Like he believed that even after our marriage was over, I could only keep my head above water because of him.
“ Yes ,” Lo screeches, dragging me out of my head. “Do you follow the Grasshopper on Instagram? They announced that tomorrow is karaoke night.”
“You didn’t see Mum outside?” Cal asks at the same time Lo speaks.
“I really wish you didn’t have to miss karaoke, Brian,” Lo says. “I’ve heard your skills are unmatched.”
I can’t focus on her teasing or Brian’s reaction, though, because I’m having a completely different conversation in my head again.
Sully’s mother is in town? Shit. When did she get here? And where is she right this moment? And what does she think of Sully and me and the baby? Does she even know? Is he going to tell her?
My husband calls my name, and my heart stutters to a stop. I’m sure the war playing out in my head is written all over my face.
“Your mother is here?” I repeat. I don’t want to dislike his mother, but she’s worse than my own.
At least I know my mother has always cared.
Maybe she cares because she wants to mold me into her protégé—or at least she used to wish she could, now I’m sure she’d settle for just an upstanding attorney who shows up to court on time—but Sully’s mother ignored both Cal and Sully when they were children, and she’s no better with T.J.
Honestly, I’m shocked she made the trip and not looking forward to seeing her again at all. She was one part of the divorce I didn’t mind.
Sully stalks toward me, his expression panicked. “I didn’t know she was coming,” he says quickly.
“Where is she now?” I look over my shoulder around the hallway, hoping she’s not in one of the other offices.
“We sent her back to her hotel,” Sully explains. “I didn’t want her to ambush you.”
The fact that he even thought about my reaction is surprising. For so long, she would show up, and he’d send a simple text. Could you make reservations and make up the guest bedroom? My mum’s in town.
Despite the dread that washes over me when I think about facing his mother, it almost feels like the universe has stepped in to show me how different Sully really is.
A test to see how much we’ve changed.
He’s passing with flying colors. But am I?
I have a choice to make. I can pack up and stay at the penthouse until she’s gone. Let Sully handle his mother.
Or I could lean into the mess we’ve created and the two of us could find a way forward together.
I could show his mother—and everyone else, for that matter—that we’re figuring it out.
That we’re trying. That we’re a family, no matter what happens.
And, more importantly, that we’re determined to put our children first, which is something she and Terry never did.
Determined to get this right, I take the final steps toward my husband and wrap my arms around his shoulders, making a statement without saying a word. And if the surprised smile that hits his lips is any indication, he’s thrilled by this turn of events.
“Are you okay?”
His brows tug together. “Of course I’m okay.
I just want you to be okay. She always stressed you out, and I won’t let anything stress you out.
I told her she’s not welcome here unless she can be kind to you.
And you’re not making reservations for her.
Also, she didn’t even ask about Murphy. She’s never even met him and it was like he was an afterthought. ”
“Sully.” I don’t even know what to say. His mother was always selfish and awful but that’s a new low.
Truth is, I never brought up how arduous my interactions with his mother were.
I kept it to myself, always proud that his mother and I never fought.
In reality, that was a mistake. It meant that I stewed.
As much as I thought I fought my husband, I probably didn’t fight enough.
Instead, I gave up. That’s why we stopped speaking long before the marriage ended.
God, my stomach tumbles at that realization.
Sully’s eyes say it all. They’re filled with desperation. He needs to know that I believe him. That’s he changed. “I don’t want to be like her, Sloane. I want to get this right.”
He’s nothing like his mother, and the fact that he’s even worried about it, is proof enough that he’s changed.
Unable to help but smile, I inch closer. When I’m hit with his familiar scent, the people around us fade away. “Then let’s make sure we give it our all.” I scan his face, making sure he understands what I’m saying. “If that’s what you want, I mean. ”
Sully’s voice is raspy when he responds. “I’ve never wanted anything more, sweetheart. Is that what you want?”
Popping up on my toes, I let my lips brush over his and murmur, “That’s exactly what I want.”
“Are we going to talk about that kiss?” Lo asks from the rocker in the corner of Sloane’s .
I spit into the sink and rinse my mouth, then turn and give her a smile, but I don’t respond.
Her brows lift to her hairline. “Oh, is that how it’s gonna be?”
“I’m not ready to talk about it,” I say as I drop my toothbrush into its holder. “I don’t exactly know what’s going on yet, but I think maybe I’m dating my husband?”
Squealing, she points at my face. “Oh my god, you’re blushing.”
I bite down on my bottom lip. “I really like him, Lo.”
She snorts, the sound echoing off the tile walls. “I’d hope so. You married him.”
I don’t know how to properly explain it, but I’m giddy every time I think of my husband and what we’re doing.
It’s like I’ve reverted back to the Sloane from law school.
The emotions are so reminiscent of those that overwhelmed me when Sully and I started dating.
Only this time, I don’t have to wonder whether he’s in it for the long haul.
I know he is because he keeps telling me he is.
So now I’ve found myself in a unique situation where I know he’s safe and these feelings are real, but we’re still exploring and learning new things about one another. It’s exactly what I need to move forward. Of course Sully figured that out, probably before I did, and is giving it to me.
“I, for one, am very excited for karaoke. And even more excited to watch Sully woo you some more.” Lo tucks her legs beneath her and presses her lips together, like she’s gearing up to say something.
Internally, I cringe. I don’t want a warning about being careful.
Careful is the last thing I feel like being right now.
In fact, I want to be reckless, and I want my husband to be a little reckless with me.
We married young and went straight to work, slipping into our roles as proper adults, doing all the things that were expected of us, and look where that got us.
Now, I want to throw caution to the wind and chase the fire burning inside me, between us.
I’m desperate to discover what type of explosions we can create. Our lives could use a bit of a shift.
“Have you had the chance to talk to Will about Yoga Jess?”
My heart sinks.
That’s what she was gearing up to say.
I hate to let her down, but I haven’t spoken to Will since our dinner.
I can’t. Not until I figure out what the hell to do about my job.
But how do I explain that to her without telling her about his ultimatum?
Her reaction will be a lot like Sully’s, I imagine, and once again, I question whether I’m ready for that shitstorm.
Then again, she’s my best friend, and keeping this all bottled up isn’t getting me anywhere.
So, heart in my throat, I ease into it. “I haven’t, actually.”
She tilts her head in surprise. “Oh, I thought you wanted to help.”
“It’s not that I don’t,” I say quickly. Then, before I can back down, I admit the truth. “I’m just not sure how much help I can be.”
Mouth tugged in a frown, she straightens in her seat. “Why?”
“I’m really fucking up at work,” I admit with a sigh. “Like daily. Between this pregnancy and being so out of the game after so many years off, I feel lost.”
“It’s probably just your nerves,” she says. “Or maybe it’s because everyone at that firm is so awful.”
I sigh, my chest deflating.
One shoulder lifted, she says, “Tell me I’m wrong.”
“You’re wrong.” My words lack the intensity that would come with them if I really believed them, though, and she knows it. “Never mind. I’ll talk to Will.”
Her eyes narrow as she scrutinizes me, seeing far more than I’d like her to. “What aren’t you telling me?”
My heart stumbles. This is it. My opening. So I go for it. “The other night at dinner,” I say, lowering my gaze to the pink rug between us, “it wasn’t a work meeting.”
She frowns. “Then what was it?”
“A surprise date?” I say, though the statement sounds more like a question.
“A surprise what ?” Her eyes bulge. “How does someone surprise date another person?”
“Exactly.” I throw my hands up. “That’s what I’m saying.
” Feeling vindicated, I lean forward. “But it was clearly a date. And while we were there, Will laid out exactly what he wants from me. What, you ask, might that be? Well, it isn’t that he wants me to work on more cases with him. That’s for sure.”
Lo snorts. “Let me guess: he wants you naked, spread out on his desk.”
I look away, cringing. Defeat overrides the anger brewing in me when she puts it that way. “I guess.”
“Oh my god,” she shouts. “That ass. What did you say? What did Sully say? Jesus .” With a hand to her chest, she sucks in a breath. “To be a fly on the wall when he knocks Will out.”
I still can’t look at her, so I study the lava lamp and the way the blobs continue to morph.
“ No ,” she hisses. “Sloane, look at me.”
With my face screwed up, I obey, bracing for her to yell.
“Please tell me you told him to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine.”
“He’s my boss,” I protest weakly, my eyes stinging.
“Yeah, and your boss has no right to talk to you that way. ”
This time I’m the one who snorts. “Right, because I’m sure your boss doesn’t talk to you like that.”
She tips her head back and huffs. “Cal and Will are on opposite ends of the creep spectrum, trust me. Cal’s comments are wanted. Are Will’s?” Nose scrunched, she gives me a questioning look.
I shake my head. Though I’m at a loss for how to handle this situation, I can say with certainty that never in my life would I have welcomed the comments Will made that night.
“I just want Sully.” I wring my hands, nerves skittering through me.
“More than I’ve ever wanted him, if I’m honest. And I want my job.
And our family. Is that too much to ask? Why do I have to choose?”
Lo stands and pulls me into a hug, sighing. “You shouldn’t have to, babe. You absolutely shouldn’t have to.”
“I just want the chance to explore what Sully and I could have. Is that so wrong?”
“No. But eventually…” she hedges.
I nod. She doesn’t have to finish the statement. Eventually, I’ll have to make a change. Because no matter how unfair it is, it’s obvious I can’t have that job and my husband too.