Chapter 15
Chapter fifteen
Noelle
Cole’s been gone for two hours now, and if he doesn’t walk through that door in three minutes I think I might throw up.
This house is too big, too quiet without him in it. He might not be the chattiest, but his presence fills the room, and with him gone there is nothing but cold air and the supernatural silence of a snow-dampened world.
I haven’t had this much time off in years, and I’m not sure what to do with it.
Passing the time is slightly easier now that the power is back on; I drink my Jasmin tea, watch some terrible television shows he’s got on his DVR.
After being cooped up this long, though, I need to do something to feel productive again, even a little.
My shower is hot yet unsatisfactory. Every time I try to imagine Cole’s hands on my skin I’m reminded he’s not here, that he’s out there risking hypothermia and further injury. The thought of him being in any sort of danger kills the mood faster than any dead bug could.
His towels are soft and warm, though, and the stock of floral-scented lotions he put out for me makes my skin silky soft.
Cole’s bedroom is bigger than my entire apartment, and yet it has a strangely cozy feel to it.
A large ornamental rug covers most of the floor, and his bed is nearly twice the size of mine.
The large windows that sit above it look out over the snow-capped forest and are draped with heavy, deep blue curtains.
I walk straight to his dresser and rummage through his clothes, pulling out his thickest sweater and a pair of sweatpants.
I should probably put out a bundle of dry clothes for when he gets back. I mean, it’s the least I can do, considering he’s out there risking his life for me.
Again.
I pull out another sweater and pair of sweatpants before moving onto socks. I’ll grab him two pairs, just to be safe. If he doesn’t want them, I will.
It takes some searching and an unfortunate run-in with his underwear drawer for me to find his socks.
In true Cole fashion, each pair is neatly folded and carefully placed instead of just thrown in, though one side of the drawer looks slightly off; it’s less neat, organized.
Almost chaotic. I start taking out the rolled up pairs, thinking it’s just a stack of underwear he somehow placed in the wrong drawer.
But as my fingers graze the surface my breath catches in my throat.
A small, flat wooden box with the lock snapped open sits right before me, taunting my willpower.
I shouldn’t look; Cole is my best friend, I shouldn’t snoop through his things. But something keeps my gaze laser-pointed on that lock, and before I can stop myself I’ve lifted the lid.
The air is sucked out from my lungs when I rifle through the stack of yellowed envelopes. Some are old, dated up to a decade ago, while the latest is dated just last week.
And they are all addressed to me.
Why would he write me letters only to never send them?
We made a pact to never keep secrets from each other, a pact that we’ve honored no matter how embarrassing.
I know everything there is to know about Cole Martin, from the depth of his ambition to which teammate he once had a sex dream about.
What could possibly be bad enough he’s afraid to tell me?
I am a terrible, horrible friend for even entertaining the thought.
But I have to find out.
Fiddling with the envelope of the most recent letter, which isn’t sealed, I pull out the torn piece of paper.
Tears crowd my eyes at the first sentence, making it impossible to read.
My darling Noelle,
It’s been 285 days since I ignored my doctor’s advice and moved back to Sleighbell Springs to be with you, and 179 days since you and Henry broke up. I could have admitted my feelings for you every day since then, but really, I have lost hope I ever will.
You are a light in this cold, dark world, and I cannot afford to lose the one thing that makes my life worth living. It would be selfish of me to try and drag you into my lifestyle, knowing it wouldn’t get you the undivided attention you so much deserve.
You deserve someone who can carry your burdens for you, who can tell when you’re in your head too much and coaxes you out, and can step in at the café so you can have some time off.
Someone who can devote their life to worshiping you the way you should be.
And that person can’t be me. Not while I’m still under contract with the Vultures.
I hope there will be a moment where the stars align for us. Know that for the rest of my days, my heart only belongs to you.
Yours forever,
Cole
I stare at the letter clutched like a lifeline in my hands, the words a blur as they race through my mind. This box, the entire stack…are they all love letters?
All this time. All these years of thinking he didn’t see me like that, of throwing myself into relationships to try and get over him. He’d been right there. Watching from the sidelines, wishing to be mine.
I fall backwards onto the floor, waiting for the room to stop spinning.
What the hell am I going to do?
I can’t confront him on it, not without admitting I snooped through his things. Yet it feels impossible to go back to how things were between us when we woke up this morning, let alone like we were before the storm hit.
Know that for the rest of my days, my heart belongs to you, he’d written. How can I come back from that?
I slip the phone from my pocket and pull up the recording of his live last night, pressing play on his confession over and over. I knew he wasn’t that good an actor; growing up, he couldn’t lie to save his life. Maybe it was naive of me to think that changed.
My finger strays to the comments, scrolling through dozens of messages from shocked puck bunnies and bitter sports fans alike. But something tells me to keep scrolling, again and again, until I see them.
The comments from his teammates.
HRHRhys: Man I really hope she didn’t break your heart there. It’s bad enough to hear you whining about being in love with her, can’t imagine this whining would be any better
Jace4Ace98: congratulations to the happy couple! #Jace4BestMan
AidenKMac: FUCKING F I N A L L Y
DudeKai21: So you finally took my advice and decided to go for it with Noelle. HAPPY BONING
My finger stills, staring at those comments for far too long. Were they in on the joke? I don’t think so, as I hadn’t seen him on his phone once that day.
He can’t expect me to believe he talked about me to his teammates as anything more than his friend from back home. I might not be an athlete, but I know locker room talk, and it’s never crushes or full relationships they discuss.
None of this makes any sense. What am I supposed to do with this?
I better figure it out, fast. Cole will be home soon and I can’t let him even suspect that I know. Without a plan, that would not end well.
Everything I’ve ever wanted lies in the palm of my hand, I just have to be brave enough to take it.
I’m not sure that I am.