Chapter 18
Chapter eighteen
Cole
It’s unreal to think how, after all these years of pining, my best friend is finally mine.
It’s taken fifteen years and dozens of letters for me to confess, and even then it was only because she forced my hand. Noelle’s always been braver than me, and I’ve never been more grateful. The ice might be my battlefield, but the world is her domain. I’m just living in it.
She’s in my arms, watching the ever-changing skies from our bed. Our bed—what a fucking blessing it is I get to say that. That she trusts me enough to stay, to let me love her the way she deserves to be loved. We’re not out of the woods, but we can see the light.
Outside, the storm has died down. The wind no longer howls through the mountains, the skies blue and clear of snow. It looks like a perfect winter’s day, but any fun is smothered by the snow piled high enough to be trouble.
I can’t bring myself to care about any of it.
With Noelle in my arms, her body curled into the crook of mine, the snow could bury us for all I care.
I would die without a single regret. All those years of yearning to be with her, of tears and heartbreak while trying to get over her and searching for her in every model’s bed.
It was worth it for us to end up here. Together.
My lips brush the soft skin on her shoulder, tracing a pattern between the freckles on her skin. “What are you thinking about?”
“Trying to guess how hard it would be to get to the café,” Noelle confesses. “I need to see the damage for myself.”
I can’t say I didn’t see this coming. Noelle, after all she’s been through, has to have her life raft of independence; without it, she could never settle. But I hoped it would be a few more days before I had to even think about putting us both in danger like that again.
My girl is too stubborn for her own good. “It won’t be pretty. Especially after the second half of that storm.”
After I got home, the winds picked up faster than before, so odds are the rest of her roof is gone now, too. Not to mention the fresh snow that came with it. There is no telling what kind of damage happened after I left there. I can only hope the café made it out unscathed.
“Doesn’t matter. It’s my house, my home. I…I need to know,” Noelle sighs, her worry evident in her voice.
I want to tell her not to do it. That the roads are too dangerous even with the plowing, that the risk of injury is too big to try. And that would not even be a lie. But that’s not the real reason I don’t want her to do this.
I’m worried seeing her apartment in ruins will trigger her thoughts of depending on me.
That she will forget everything we said last night and see me like one of the deadbeats her mother dates, holding a roof over her head to get what I want.
I’m afraid it will ruin us before we’ve had a chance to begin.
Still, I know there is no changing Noelle’s mind once she’s made her choice.
Either I get on board and make sure she stays safe doing it, or she will slip out and do it herself no matter the risk.
And with her emotions as big as they are, rational thought might be hard to find once she steps foot inside that place.
“Okay,” I sigh. I wipe a hand across my face, trying to force myself to leave our little nest and risk it all. “We’ll go after breakfast. But you will follow my lead, and we will go back home the moment it gets too dangerous.”
Noelle snorts, and though I can’t see her face I know she’s rolling her eyes. “Yes, sir.”
I groan when her words go right to my groin, leaving me hard and twitching as I press into her skin. I bet she’s doing it on purpose now that she knows it drives me wild. “You’ve got to stop doing that.”
Don’t stop. Keep doing it forever, if it means you’ll stay.
“What’s wrong?” Noelle asks, innocent as a dove, batting her long eyelashes as she looks up at me. She leans back, dragging herself up and down my hard shaft, feeling the effect her words have on me. “I thought you liked being in charge? Your body seems to think so, anyway.”
I grin at her thinly veiled attempt at provoking me. In a second I’ve got her flipped over, my hands on either side of her head to pin her in place. My honey-sweet love is such a little brat. Maybe I should remind her what happens when she acts out like that.
“Yeah? Let’s put it to the test, see if you’re right,” I say. “Spread your legs.”
Chaos and destruction surrounds us the moment we drive into town.
The roads have been plowed, making them somewhat safe to drive but blocking the sidewalks, forcing everyone who dared to leave their house to walk on the road.
Looking around, it’s clear that this storm has wrecked more than any storm I’ve seen.
So many people are out in the streets assessing their homes and businesses, eyes full of tears and faces of disbelief.
I keep my hand gripped on the steering wheel, the other on Noelle’s thigh. I shake my head. “I don’t think you’re the only one with terrible luck.”
“This is terrible. Shelters will be crowded for a long time, I’m guessing. And contractors will be hard to come by.”
“Not if you have money,” I say with a smile, but she doesn’t mirror it. I slow down the car as we approach the square, giving her time to reconsider her choice. “Better prepare yourself. Your street is coming up.”
We pull up across the street, the damage clear as day. A pained gasp rips from Noelle’s throat as she looks up at the remnants of her home—nothing I said could have prepared her for this.
In the soft light of a milky sun the damage is more obvious than last time.
Other parts of the roof caved, effectively turning her cozy apartment into a rooftop patio.
The glass from her windows covers the sidewalk in thousands of tiny shards, along with a few of her things that sat on nearby dressers and side tables.
There is nothing to be salvaged here.
Noelle jumps out of the car without a warning and I’m only a second behind, chasing her towards the front door.
It’s still locked—looters haven’t taken their chances yet.
A small relief, though in the grand scheme of things it's barely a positive. On the other side of the door, the snow on the stairs tripled since last time. Noelle doesn’t seem to care as she barges up them anyway.
I stay a step behind, ready to catch her if she slips.
At the top, I want to sink into the floor.
Snow buries every inch of her apartment, piled up so high you can’t tell what you’re walking on.
I think I see the back of her couch peeking out to my left, though there really is no way to be sure as any fabric has long frozen over.
The door to her bedroom is still open, and along with the surviving upper cabinets in the kitchen I can make a rough sketch of where things are buried. It makes no difference.
“What am I going to do?” Noelle drops to her knees amid the debris, her tear-soaked eyes taking in the scene. Her eyes are glazed over, like her mind is far from here.
I kneel down in front of her, gently pulling her into my chest. “You don’t have to do anything. Not today.”
“This apartment, the café…it’s all I have. Every cent I have went into these spaces. How am I going to pay for all of this? I’m fucked, Cole.” Noelle eases a sob. “I don’t even know who I am without this place. I lost everything in the span of one weekend.”
My heart aches at the sight of her in so much pain. I want to hold her, give her my credit card, do anything to make it better. But there is nothing that could ease the pain of losing your home.
I know, because I felt it every time I had to leave her behind.
Wrapping my arms tighter around her, I brush my lips against her forehead, soft and reassuring.
“You haven’t lost everything, Honey. The café looked untouched, and we will rebuild this place even better than it was.
I’ll look for great contractors, get you whatever you need—you won’t have to worry about a thing.
In the meantime, my home is yours. Remember that. ”
“I can’t,” Noelle says, and her voice breaks. “You know what I grew up with. I can’t give up my independence like this, not yet. No matter how much I want to, it’s just too soon. I would be no better than her.”
There it is. The quiet part she never said out loud, the terrible thought finally brought out into the sunlight. I knew it was coming, as I know how she thinks, but it still hurts.
Because it means that, no matter what I do, she might never feel safe enough to be mine forever. Not just because of my job—which will be resolved soon—but because she can’t see herself as my equal.
I nod, though she can’t see me with her face buried in my chest, and let her sob for as long as she needs to.
I can’t imagine the depths of terror she must feel.
“It’s okay, it’s okay. I’ve got you. You don’t have to carry this alone anymore, remember?
I’ll get this place fixed up and ready for you to move back in no time at all. ”
Calming down a little, Noelle moves to look at me, her eyes red and puffy from crying. “You would do that for me?”
“I would do anything for you. You know that.” I smile and push a lock of hair behind her ear, giving me a clear view of those beautiful eyes. “Promise me something?”
She nods. “Anything.”
“Stay with me until your apartment is fixed? Don’t make the decision to leave now, not yet.
Please.” My voice is quiet and pleading, but I can’t help it.
We have come so far, I can’t let her slip through my fingers at the last second.
“You are it for me, Noelle. Whether you live here or in our home, that doesn’t change.
If you feel you need us to live apart for a while, then that’s okay.
Just don’t change your mind about me. About us. ”
She cocks her hand for a moment, her face softening as she scans my face.
Her fingers brush my cheek, and when her lips meet mine they are warm and soft and loving.
“I won’t change my mind, I promise. I have loved you for too long to give it up now.
And I don’t want to move out—I just want the reassurance of knowing I can, if that makes sense?
It’s just something we will have to figure out, together. ”
I ease a sigh of relief, the weight I’ve been carrying lifted at once. Noelle is mine. She could still change her mind, but right here, in this moment, we’ve won.
I’m the luckiest fucking bastard in the world. She’s moving into our home. I will get to make her breakfast, drive her to the café every morning. Help out wherever I can, though she probably won’t let me touch the coffee maker. Drive her home at night. Make her dinner. Watch over her dreams.
Just me and her against the world.
Fucking hell. Is this what it feels like to get blessed?
I slide my hand into the crook of her neck and steal another kiss, dragging it out for as long as she lets me. When we finally break apart, I can’t keep the smile of relief from my face. “What do you want to do now?”
“I think I want to open up the café for anyone in need of a hot meal, or just a cup of coffee. Give people a place to rest and take comfort in one another.” Noelle nods to herself, her gaze far away as she formulates a plan for herself. “You can pick me up later, if you want. Or I’ll walk home.”
Like I would ever let her do this alone.
Opening up the café only proves how big a heart she has, trying to help the neighborhood like that.
Noelle deserves someone who can help carry her burdens, even when she tries to take on those of the people around her.
Someone who finds joy in everything that makes her happy.
And if helping our neighbors makes her happy? Well, that’s good enough for me.
Besides, it’s my job to keep her safe. Always has been, but especially now that she’s mine. There is no chance in hell I will let her walk on those dingy roads at dusk, even less all the way up into the mountains.
“No way. I will be right by your side to help with whatever you need, and we go home together. Let’s just hope I don’t blow up the café trying to make coffee first.”
In the snow-enforced silence, Noelle’s laugh is as clear and melodic as ever.