49. Connor
CONNOR
The “pause” stirred up mixed emotions at first. Part of me was relieved not to be a burden during her busy period. I hated the thought of adding to everything she was juggling.
This seemed the best path to avoid breaking up, which was not happening. Del planted that seed, but when I was sitting in her dorm room, looking at those gorgeous turquoise eyes, I refused to water it.
On the flip side, I also initially anticipated that three weeks without her were going to be torture. No Eden, no light, no happiness.
I was wrong, though. Our daily FaceTimes quickly disproved that assumption.
She was so eager to talk every night, wanting to tell me all about her day. She loved hearing how proud I was as she tackled her school obligations—giving me plenty of light and happiness in return.
Not to mention, she radiated contentment following our scenes over FaceTime. She asked for one almost every night before she left for California, the peace on her face afterward proving I’d been thinking about the pause incorrectly.
She didn’t need a break from me, from us, to be successful.
You’re becoming her person, her man, her Dom. What she needs, not a burden.
The thought healed something in me that I couldn’t yet name.
When Eden arrives safely in California, my anticipation of our reunion turns from a slow boil to a simmer. Her semester is done, one major hurdle over. In only eleven days, the pause will be over, and she’ll be in my arms again.
We plan to keep up our texts and FaceTimes daily, despite the time difference. It turns out that during her first full day there, she’s manages another big step: telling her mom about us.
When I call her the next night, she fills in the details.
“She was less upset about me not telling her we were dating than Dad. I think maybe because she’s on the other coast? Either way, she said she understood why we’d want to be quiet about it.”
Her face is scrubbed of makeup, and she appears calm. “That’s good.”
“She was still a little worried about me being overextended with a boyfriend. But I explained the whole ‘pause’ concept, and she ate it up. She said it was a sign of our maturity that we created space for the right things, at key times.”
I don’t know if I ever want to be this mature again, but Maureen’s good opinion of us is a win. “I’m glad the pause has unexpected benefits.”
“I know,” she responds in an amused tone. “Ten more days is about all I can take, though.”
“Same.” I try to bridge into the thoughts that have been percolating for me over the last few days. “I…I don’t regret we took the break, but I’m also thinking if something like this happens again, we should find a way to work through it without time apart.”
Her eyes brighten a fraction. “Yes, yes, I agree. I’d have protested more if we weren’t also dealing with fallout from everyone finding out we’re dating.”
“I was all over the place that day, and just didn’t want to weigh you down…”
She interrupts me. “You aren’t…you make my life better, Connor. Maybe I should have been clearer that day in my room. You make me happy.” The corners of her lips turn up. “I might get distracted in your presence, but that’s on me.”
I drop the topic, but it feels fucking good to hear that.
“By the way, Mom—she really likes you.”
I smile, reflexively. “Well, that’s good, because I plan to be around a while, Rosy.”
“You better.” Her voice drops to a whisper. “We’ll have to refrain from naked time, though. It’d be kind of awkward in my childhood bedroom with Mom two doors down.”
“No worries, it’ll just make our reunion even more sweet.”
“Can’t wait.”
All being well in California is perfect, because I’m steeling myself for Christmas with Mom. She never bailed, and even sent her ticket details in an email to all of us.
I try not to think about it too much for the first couple of days Eden’s gone, beyond pressure-testing my responses to thoughts of seeing her. Anxiety doesn’t stir, a good sign—the EMDR therapy has once again served its purpose.
Waves practices kept me occupied too, helping these days apart pass quicker and distracting me from dwelling on Mom’s visit. They’ve intensified in the latter part of the season, with everything at stake.
Win the next game after Christmas, and we secure the division title. With three regular-season games left, we’re also close to qualifying as one of the top two seeds in our conference, which would mean a first-round bye, allowing us to go straight to the second round.
“We never know when a game could be won or lost by our feet,” Del says in our kicking team meeting on December 22. “We’re not going to cost this team a victory.”
“That’s right, Coach,” Jeremy calls out, the rest of us affirming the sentiment in kind.
While my role is limited to practice, I appreciate the shift in energy. I soak it up, getting hyped up each day even though I won’t play in the actual games. My brothers are as serious as I’ve seen them during this home stretch of the season.
Case in point—Landon’s like a different person when I’m subbed in during an afternoon scrimmage. No teasing across the line, fierce determination painted in his eyes.
I make the field goal, and instead of congratulations, he’s pissed when he comes to a stop next to me.
“Fuck, I had that block…” he growls to himself.
It’s the NFL. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised my brother wants to shut me down, even during practice.
“Nice one,” Del says to me as I run back to the sidelines. Tapping my shoulder for good measure.
“Thanks, Coach.”
Standing next to him as the scrimmage continues, I glance at his expression. It’s focused, unbothered by my presence. At practice, his demeanor’s been neutral since everything with Eden exploded.
Yet, we haven’t really talked, not in the relaxed way we used to. Now is not the time, but I hope we can find our way back there.
Especially with my plan to be with his daughter as long as she’ll have me.
“How are you feeling about tomorrow?” Eden asks when we’re FaceTiming the next night.
Tomorrow’s Christmas Eve, meaning Mom’s flying in.
“It’s…it’ll suck, but I’m not anxious. There’s no physical manifestation of anything, either.” Thank God.
“That’s so good, Connor. I’m here tomorrow if you need to talk. Anytime. My family won’t even notice, there’ll be so many people around.”
“I know, Rosy.” A certain three little words are itching to come out. But there’s no way I’m saying them for the first time with her three thousand miles away.
I’m so ready for her to be back, and that’s just one of the reasons.
“Eight more days,” she says, as if her mind went in the same direction.
“I can’t wait. We’ll plan a big celebration.”
“Will we?” Her voice, flirty.
Then I remember the Better Together chat from a few weeks ago.
“Well, actually, if you’re okay with it…
my family is gathering at Landon’s house for New Year’s Eve a few hours after your flight gets in.
Do you want to use that as a way to make everything official with them?
” My mind is processing all of this in real time.
“Really?” she asks excitedly.
“Yes, it’s time.” More confident now, after a moment to digest.
“I’d love that.” Her eyes glowing.
“Me too, beauty.”
No more hiding. It’s going to be awesome.
“I’m hoping I’ll know more about my future otherwise, then, too. This waiting is getting hard.”
“Have you heard anything from Aiden?”
“He sent me an email saying he was still working on it.” She sighs. “For now, once I’m back, the U23 training camp is the only thing on my schedule other than school. Oh and I still have to keep up with the content for my brand deals too.”
“You’re a rockstar. It’s going to work out.”
“I just wish it was working out faster.” Her impatience is covered by a half-chuckle.
I don’t have any words of wisdom, so I wait to see if she wants to vent more. Instead, she changes the topic.
“Anyway, are you sure you’re alright about tomorrow?”
I smile at her concern. “I am, I promise.”
“In case you start feeling otherwise…do you want to do that thing they do in movies? Fall asleep together on FaceTime?”
I don’t think I need it as a security blanket, but I’m sure as hell game to stare at her while she sleeps.
“Let’s do it.”
She hustles off to brush her teeth, while I fold my glasses, placing them on my nightstand.
“Night, Connor,” she says when she returns, tucking herself in.
“Night, Rosy.”
Despite everything that’s going to come tomorrow with Mom, I fall asleep within minutes.