Chapter 12 #2
“You’re a sore loser, huh?”
“I meant for you.” I pretended to pout. “Not me.”
He shifted closer. “Nice try.”
His closeness, his calm, the fact that he wasn’t nervous about being this domestic, made it hard to think straight. We laughed. We cooked. We teased each other until the kitchen smelled like golden perfection.
“Do we need to find a judge?” I held my plate and admitted, if only to myself, that his stove was a wonder of the world. “Or do we just admit you lost right now?”
Chase raised an eyebrow, nodding toward the back deck. “Let’s settle this. Before you change your story.”
We stepped outside, and it was like entering another world.
The salty air, the distant sounds of the ocean, the way his dark yard gave way to stars.
The patio was softly lit, a stark contrast to the bright precision of the kitchen.
A few simple string lights hung in long lines, giving the entire space a private, secluded feel.
“Jasmine?” I said, breathing deeply. “I thought you weren’t into the whole floral thing.”
“I make exceptions.” Chase lowered himself onto the deck seating instead of the glass table, making the outdoor couch look smaller. More intimate. “Ready to eat?”
We tasted each other’s sandwiches like we were considering life-or-death decisions, but neither of us had the guts to call the winner. I faked a grimace. He took a second bite of mine, just to make sure it was a fluke. In the end, we declared a tie.
“Next time,” he said, “we’ll let Finn decide.”
“That’s not fair. He’d pick you just because you put more than one kind of cheese on it.”
“Smart kid.”
After dinner, we relaxed and I had to smile at the hidden lighting under the deck.
The ocean air made everything softer, more like a dream than anything else.
I tucked my legs under me, resting my head against the back of the couch.
The deeper part of this—the reason I couldn’t stop thinking about—made its way to the surface. “Chase?”
“Mmhmm?”
“This isn’t the kind of place I thought I’d end up.”
He paused. I could feel him weighing his words. “The deck or the grilled cheese?”
“Neither.” I sighed, surprised by how easy it was to talk to him, to admit the truth that I’d barely let myself consider.
“After Finn, I wasn’t sure I wanted this.
A family. Stability. Jarod—” I stopped. I hadn’t meant to go there, to say more than I’d already said.
“I didn’t think about the future the way you do.
I plan all facets of the resort and my homelife with future projections all mapped out, except when my heart is involved. ”
Chase’s arm stretched behind me, pulling me closer. “Because of Jarod?”
“I thought we were happy.” I shifted against Chase, not moving away, but finding a comfortable spot, finding the words that fit with what I hadn’t said yet. “He was the kind of guy I thought I’d always be with. On paper, we made sense. Got along great, similar interests.”
Chase traced a slow line down my arm with his thumb, waiting. He didn’t rush me. Didn’t push for answers.
“I told him I was pregnant.” The words felt both far away and all too real, like they’d been locked up so long they didn’t belong to me. “And all the color drained from his face.”
Chase exhaled, a low sound that said more than words.
“I knew we weren’t madly in love.” I wondered how much I’d tell before I couldn’t keep my own emotions in check.
“But I thought there was enough. More than enough. I thought he cared about me, even if he wasn’t crazy about the idea of a kid.
I thought he’d come around to the idea of being a father.
Instead, he split. And now I don’t know how to trust anyone. ”
Chase shifted beside me, pulling me in tighter.
“Not just Jarod.” I swallowed hard. “I don’t know how to trust myself. I’m scared I’ll never find a relationship where I get both—a partner and a father for Finn. I don’t want to drag anyone into a life they don’t really want.”
Chase paused, and I was terrified I’d said too much. “That sucks.”
“It sucks?”
“Yeah. He was a coward and a total shithead.”
I waited. “You don’t think it’s stupid of me?”
“Of course not.” Chase’s voice was low and sure. “You’re the one who got hurt.”
“But—”
He cut me off. “I’m still here, aren’t I?”
“Why?”
“Because,” he said, holding me close, “I know how it feels.”
“To get pregnant?” I snuggled against his side, my voice teasing, not wanting him to hear the wobble in it. “Impressive.”
He laughed, a quiet sound that hummed through me. “No, to see something you thought was normal, then discover it wasn’t at all like you thought.”
I took a deep breath. “What do you mean?”
“My parents,” he said. “They are all I’ve ever seen. Careful tiptoeing and silence. No heat, no passion. Just… there. When I got a little older and saw that other parents weren’t like that, it kind of shook the foundation under me.”
“And you’re worried you’ll be like that?”
“It’s not how I want to end up.”
“How do you want to end up?”
“With this.” I felt him smile, and it broke something open inside me. “With something real.”
“I should be scared, and I am. Taking a chance after what happened.”
He nodded, leaning in closer. “Shouldn’t I be scared, too?”
“Depends,” I said, my lips brushing his. “Can you handle losing grilled cheese contests?”
He laughed and held me tighter, giving me all the answers I needed right then. The breeze picked up, blowing my hair into my face. I swept it away, pushing aside the doubt that always came with the past. This time, I had reason to hope it would stay there.
Chase leaned his cheek against my head. “I consider it a minor miracle, but my sister found happiness. Lacey wasn’t as affected by our parents as I was. She and Daniel have a happy marriage. I miss her sometimes.”
“You don’t see her much?”
“Less since she got married. They live over in Big Pine Key now.” He shrugged, but there was a hint of melancholy in his voice. “I get it, though. She’s happy.”
“And you’re not?”
He tilted his head and kissed me softly as if to prove otherwise. “Getting there.”
I smiled against his lips, letting myself believe what he was telling me. That we were both getting closer to something we’d never had before. We kissed again, longer this time, and the warmth of him seeped into every corner of doubt I’d ever had.
His hands moved slowly, tracing down the lines of my back as he pulled me into his lap. I shifted, straddling him on the couch as we lost ourselves in each other and the night. This was it. This was what I’d been too scared to imagine. The world fell away, leaving only Chase.
His skin against mine.
His heart against mine.