CHAPTER NINETEEN
It had been a week since Lizzie walked out on Ben at the bar. In that week, she hadn’t heard a peep from him. This was not Lizzie’s first rodeo. In fact, she’d ridden this bronc around the block a few times. Breakups were supposed to be easy. At least until now, they always had been. It stung that Ben apparently didn’t feel the same pull she did.
The days preceding Christmas were always busy ones for the Parker family. They observed long-standing traditions to get together multiple times before the main event. One day to bake cookies. One to watch It’s a Wonderful Life. Christmas Eve dinner. Christmas morning brunch.
Low on holiday cheer, Lizzie used work as an excuse to skip out on most of it, but couldn’t miss Christmas morning. And the bar was closed anyway.
She and Charlie spent the morning at her folks’ house, sipping coffee and opening presents. Later, they feasted on brunch, played board games, watched babies, and nibbled on gingerbread cookies as Bing Crosby crooned about a white Christmas in the background.
“You can do it, baby girl,” Kate said.
“Just roll on over,” Adam said.
Everyone was gathered in the living room, where Kate and Adam coaxed their chubby cherub. Six-month-old Abby was on the verge of rolling over for the first time. When she finally did, the family cheered like she’d won the Boston Marathon. The uproar scared poor little Connor into tears. At only four months old, he had no new tricks to debut.
Nana wore a T-shirt that read, “Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year, most of the time, once in a while, never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff,” and got tipsy off cranberry mimosas. The paintings she’d given everyone had been a hit. No one had a nose—Nana said she hadn’t learned noses yet—and no one was recognizable. They’d turned out more like cartoon caricatures, but she’d put in a lot of effort, and everyone thanked her.
Twice during the day, Lizzie caught two or more of her sisters huddled up and whispering. They clammed up immediately when they saw her. This family had no secrets. What were they afraid of Lizzie overhearing? Something weird was going on. She could feel it.
Also suspicious was that neither Daisy nor Lucy had mentioned Ben. A week ago, that’s all they wanted to talk about. Their silence made Lizzie wary. Then again, perhaps they sensed her reluctance over the topic and were just being polite. She laughed out loud. No, that wasn’t it. Her sisters knew no boundaries.
Finally, she couldn’t take it anymore. “What gives?” Lizzie said. “Why is everyone acting so weird? You don’t have to walk on eggshells because I had another breakup.”
“No idea what you’re talking about,” Kate said.
“Me either,” Emma agreed.
“You broke up with someone?” her mother said.
Lizzie’s eyes narrowed. Even her mom was in on it? Fine. Whatever. Ben was the last thing she wanted to talk about anyway. She was glad no one brought him up.
Later that night, Lizzie’s luck ran out. Most of her sisters had bailed. Jack held Connor in a Barcalounger, both snoozing. Nana had gone to bed. Her parents and Bella tinkered around in the kitchen. Lizzie was alone in the living room, scrolling her phone, when Lucy cornered her.
“I didn’t want to open a can of worms in front of the whole family,” Lucy said. “But I’m worried about you. Are you okay?”
Lizzie didn’t need an explanation. She meant the Ben situation.
“It was a fling,” Lizzie said. “We flung, and it’s over.”
“I think it was more than a fling,” Lucy said, giving her a look that said she’d already used her twin superpower to get into Lizzie’s head.
“Sometimes sharing a brain with you is annoying.”
“You’re miserable. You’ve never been so affected by a breakup. What does that tell you?”
“My Grinchy heart grew three sizes over Christmas? Just in time to break?”
“You love him.”
“What? No I don’t.”
Lucy raised her eyebrows. “Scooch,” she said, wedging herself into Lizzie’s chair.
“I don’t think you and those knockers will both fit,” Lizzie said, moving over. The sofa chair was made for one, but wide enough for them both if they squeezed. “Whaddya carrying a gallon of milk in there?”
Lucy laughed. “I know. They’re so huge.” Once she’d settled in, she turned serious. “Talk to me.”
“It hurts,” Lizzie whispered. “I’ve never felt like this before.”
“Is this about him having lunch with that woman? I told you what Jack found out at poker—that Ben only went because Maya told him you’d had coffee with someone the week before, leading him to believe you were dating other people. It was all a misunderstanding.”
“Maybe this time,” Lizzie said. “But he’ll hurt me eventually. Why stick around to find out when?”
“You’re pushing him away because you’re scared.”
“Of?”
“Liking him too much. Being hurt. Being in love.”
Lizzie huffed. “If this is what love feels like, I’ll pass.”
“Where did this fierce independence come from?”
“Rage against being a twin,” Lizzie teased.
“Wha—” Lucy feigned indignation.
“No offense. But you know what I mean. How we were always lumped together?”
“I get it,” Lucy said. “Look, you’re worried Ben will hurt you. But you don’t know that. You have to try. Take a leap. That’s what love is.”
Lizzie stared straight ahead, not sure what to say to that. She liked Ben, but love him? That seemed like a stretch. Lucy grabbed her hand, laid her head on Lizzie’s shoulder, and continued. “I always assumed you just picked losers or were too finicky with men. But I’m beginning to think you purposely push men away. Like you’re afraid of being happy.”
Lizzie stayed quiet. That was exactly what she did, and she was surprised Lucy hadn’t figured it out sooner.
“Jack thought maybe you’d been hurt…”
“Jack should mind his own business.”
“I said there was no way. You’d have told me, or I’d have sensed it, but now, I’m thinking he’s right. You know you can tell me anything. What happened?”
Lizzie sighed, resigned to getting it all out. “It’s not that dramatic,” she said. “You remember Riley? My high school boyfriend senior year.”
Lucy nodded.
“I told him I loved him on prom night.”
“You never told me that,” Lucy said.
“That’s because he never said it back. And then a week later, I found out he was diddling Rebecca Peterson.”
“I knew he ended up with Rebecca, but I didn’t know you loved him. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was embarrassed. At seventeen, I’m sure it wasn’t actual love. Just what I thought at such a young age. Anyway, it hurt me—crushed me, actually—and I vowed that wouldn’t ever happen again. I would never let myself feel too deeply, and I would always have the power in a relationship. If anyone was going to get hurt, it wasn’t gonna be me.”
“But then how will you ever find true love?”
Lizzie shrugged. Until now, her date-and-release policy had served her well. Ben had upended the cart and stirred up emotions no one else ever had. “Until three weeks ago, I didn’t believe in true love. Of all the guys I’ve burned through, no one’s made me think it possible. Ben brought up some…stuff.”
“Lizzie, you’re so amazing and have so much to offer. What if the ‘stuff’ Ben brought up is good stuff? Stuff that could change your life.”
“I don’t know,” Lizzie said. “What if I give him another chance and he hurts me again?”
“That’s a risk you take, putting your heart out there. But you’re tougher than anyone I know. And the payoff is tremendous.”
“I slept with him,” Lizzie said, knowing Lucy would come out of her skin.
“I knew it!” Lucy clapped her hands together once. “I wasn’t going to say anything until you brought it up, but I could tell. Details.”
“You know I’m picky when it comes to that—very picky. But he was just…I don’t know…irresistible. He’d gone into this burning building and saved a dog and was like all hero-y or something. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but obviously, it was a mistake.”
“The fact that you let him get that close should tell you something. It tells me something.”
“Oh, yeah. What’s that?”
“I already said. You’re in love, dingbat.”
“Harrumph.”
“Is he around?” Lucy asked.
“He said he was spending Christmas in Knoxville. His parents live there.”
“Maybe he’ll call when he gets back. You should talk to him when he does.”
“You sure you’re not just pushing me because of the betting pool you all have going about when I’ll settle down?”
“What?” Lucy’s voice went two octaves higher. A sure sign of guilt. “How’d you find out about that?”
“Doesn’t matter,” Lizzie said. She’d overheard Nana and Kate talking about it.
“Nana,” Lucy muttered. “Don’t be mad. It’s all in fun. We just want you to be happy.”
“I know. And I don’t care. I just hope you didn’t put odds on ‘anytime soon.’”
Jack came in, holding a fussy baby. “Sorry to interrupt,” he said. “But someone’s hungry, and I don’t have the necessary equipment to feed him.”
Lucy extracted herself from the chair and went to them. “I’ll feed him, then we can go. It’s getting late anyway.” She shot Lizzie a look that said the conversation wasn’t over, merely tabled for now.
Lizzie roused Charlie, bid farewell to her parents and Bella, and left. She drove home thinking about what Lucy had said. About her loving Ben. Lizzie was pretty sure she wouldn’t know love if it walked up and French kissed her. But she trusted that Lucy knew her—maybe better than she knew herself. A month seemed way too short a time to fall in love, but then again, it had only taken Lucy and Jack a hot minute.
After feeding Charlie, she went to the refrigerator for a water bottle, but stopped before opening it. Pictures of her sisters’ growing families hung from liquor-themed magnets.
Under “Why limit happy to an hour?” hung a family photo of Kate, Adam, baby Abby, and Duke and Luna—their dogs. “I have mixed drinks about feelings” held up Jack, Lucy, Connor, and Mr. Snuggles—their cat. That picture dangled next to the wedding invitation for Noah and Daisy, which was right beside the birth announcement for Hannah, Emma and Dirk’s little one. Lastly, a Christmas card picturing Nana, Bella, her parents, and their cat Oliver hung under “I’m not slurring. I’m speaking in cursive.” Everyone was moving on. Everyone but her.
Lizzie never thought about getting married. Never really felt the urge to settle down. But turning thirty and seeing all her sisters wed had done a number on her. She could no longer just call one up and say let’s hang out. Gone were the days of lounging by her parents’ pool all day before Sunday dinner or meeting for lunch on a whim during the work week. Now, her sisters only worked part time, and any sneaking away for lunch or coffee was done with their husbands.
Normally, being alone didn’t bother her. But as the last Parker standing, alone was starting to feel lonely. Was Lucy right? Should she give Ben another shot? Assuming he wanted one. Catching him at lunch with someone else was a bummer, but not a deal breaker. She could see a scenario where he went only to appease Maya, and if that was the case, she could get past it.
If she was ever going to let down her guard and give a relationship a go, Ben was as good a bet as any. He was also the only one who’d ever made her consider such a thing. She would wait until he called—if he called—and see where things went from there.
Charlie nudged her thigh. “I know, boy. It’s bedtime.”
She took a quick shower and came out to find Charlie had made himself at home on one side of her king-sized bed.
“Oh, really?” she said, climbing under the covers. “Well, maybe just tonight.”
Charlie filled a void. Not the way a man could, but at least he would never break her heart.
“Merry Christmas, buddy.”