35. Faith
CHAPTER 35
Faith
I reluctantly left my post at the railing. Where was Dante tonight? It would already be pitch dark in Indiana. Had he watched the sunset while thinking about me? Doubtful. He was probably fighting off coeds who’d already returned to school from Christmas vacation.
I followed Carter into the restaurant and to our table overlooking the water. Candlelight flickered, the dim light darkening half of his face in shadow. “What are you in the mood for tonight?”
I took the menu from the server and scanned the wine and beer list. “I’ll take a Honeyweiss, please.”
“I thought maybe we’d share a bottle of Chardonnay.” Carter nudged my menu to the side and smiled at me.
I shrugged. “Sure. Chardonnay would be lovely.”
Was he going to order my food for me, too? Why was I being so bitchy? I shook my head, trying to shake my crabby mood away. An attractive, intelligent man sat right in front of me. Even though I wasn’t interested in anything romantic happening, I could still enjoy his company for an evening and make my mother happy in the process.
The server returned with a bottle of Santa Maria Valley Chardonnay. She opened it and let Carter try it before pouring a glass for each of us.
Carter raised his glass and gestured for me to do the same. “I’d like to propose a toast. To new beginnings.”
“To new beginnings.” I lifted the glass to my lips and took a generous gulp.
When our server returned, Carter asked if I wanted to share an appetizer.
“Do you like oysters?” I asked.
He squinted at me. “I haven’t tried them before.”
“Would you like to try a half dozen?” The server tapped her pen against her notepad.
“Sure, why not?” Carter smiled at me. “Let’s try new things tonight.”
Try new things, huh? Carter didn’t strike me as the super adventurous type. What would he do if I pulled out one of the sex toys I’d mentioned in one of my books? He’d shit bricks, that’s what.
I wasn’t being fair. I hadn’t actually tried any of them, either. All my knowledge came from extensive online research, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t willing to go there with the right guy.
An image of Dante slid through my mind. Eyes half-closed, jeans around his ankles, that look on his face like he always got right before he?—
“Come again?” Carter’s voice cut through my naughty fantasy, and I coughed. He was talking to the server.
“I asked if you want horseradish or Tabasco with your oysters.”
Carter’s brow furrowed as if this was the most important decision he’d make all day. “What do you think, Faith?”
“Why not both?”
The server nodded and walked away.
Carter cleared his throat and took a sip of water. “So, tell me about your plans for your career.”
I launched into my standard reply. Publish in a few literary journals. Continue working toward a tenured position after that.
“I’m assuming at some point you want to settle down, start a family?” He took a roll from the breadbasket and spread a pat of butter over it.
“Eventually. I’ve still got several years to go before I’d want to settle down. Between teaching and publishing, I’ve got quite a bit on my plate.”
“So where does the potential for a relationship fit in?”
I adjusted the cloth napkin on my lap. This was my chance to set him straight and make sure we were both on the same page. “I’m not looking for a relationship right now. Did my mother give you a different impression?”
“She said you’d say that. But she worries about you. I’d be willing to wait.”
At that moment, our server returned and set our platter of oysters on the table between us. I bit my lip while Carter assured her we didn’t need anything else.
His last comment had made me a little nervous. I needed clarification. “What do you mean by that?”
“Men have certain needs.” He studied the platter of oysters.
Trying to avoid the direction the conversation seemed headed, I reached out and picked one. I shook the bottle of Tabasco over it and raised the shell to my mouth, letting the oyster slide down my throat.
“Oh, my gosh. Delicious.”
“You’re not making this easy for me.” He took a sip of wine and attempted to pick up an oyster.
I selected one and passed it to him, hoping to change the subject. “Did you know oysters have been around for fifteen million years?”
“That’s great, Faith. As I was saying, men have certain needs. I’m not proud to admit this to you, but I’m not pure.”
Oh, my god. Where was he going with this? I avoided looking at him and took another large gulp of wine.
“I’ve been with a woman. She tempted me, and in my weakness, I succumbed. Clem saved me. I became active in the church and took a virginity pledge.”
“So, you’re a born-again virgin?” I poured myself another glass of wine and tried to digest Carter’s revelation, especially why he thought he needed to share it with me .
He relaxed against the back of his chair, the oyster still perched awkwardly in his hand. “Wow. I was so nervous to talk to you about this.”
“I think that’s great. But I’m pretty sure we’re not on the same wavelength here.”
A look of concern flashed across his face. “What do you mean?”
I sighed. How much should I divulge? “I mean, I’m not exactly pure myself, but I don’t feel like I need to talk about it with a relative stranger.”
“I’d like us to be able to talk about anything.” He lifted the oyster and tipped it into his mouth.
Immediately, his cheeks puffed out, and a strangled choking sound came from the back of his throat. A line of drool dripped from the corner of his clenched lips. He raised his napkin to dab at the edge of his mouth as his eyes bugged and his cheeks took on a greenish tinge.
“Carter, are you okay?”
His brows furrowed as his mouth gaped open. A horrible gagging sound ripped from his throat as the oyster and the remaining contents of his stomach splashed onto the stark white tablecloth.
I jumped out of my seat and away from the table. The diners around us stopped eating and looked on in disgust.
Carter wiped his mouth with his napkin. “I’m so sorry. I have a horrible gag reflex. If you’ll excuse me for a moment.”
I nodded and picked up my glass of wine, raising it in salute to the patrons around me. Then I tilted it back and drained it.
The ride home didn’t take long. Traffic had eased up and Carter maneuvered the car across multiple lanes on the 405. Conversation was minimal. After returning from the restroom, Carter had tossed a handful of twenties onto the table and led me out of the restaurant. He’d apologized profusely for ruining our evening.
I felt sorry for him for multiple reasons. First, the obvious. Puking in the middle of a nice restaurant would send almost anyone over the edge. He’d actually handled the whole situation better than I would have had I been the one to heave the contents of my stomach into the breadbasket.
Second, because there was no way in hell I was ever going to be the kind of girl Carter wanted and needed in his life. He was a good guy. A little too evangelical for my taste, but he would make some modest, virginal woman a wonderful, devoted, and loving husband someday. Everyone assumed I’d fit the bill. How could they not? I’d never done anything to show them otherwise.
I’d followed along with my mom and Clem, like a little lamb being led by the almighty shepherd. But that wasn’t who I was. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. Not Carter, Clem, or especially my mother. But this whole setup with Carter had gone too far.
What would they think if I told them about the books I’d written? And how would I ever explain the arrangement I’d proposed with Dante? Would my mother and Clem ever willingly welcome the illegitimate bartender into their fold?
The car slowed, and Carter entered the security code at the gate. A few turns later, he pulled into the long driveway and stopped the car. He walked around and opened my door, then followed me to the portico.
He paused before the stone steps leading onto the front porch. “I’m really sorry about the way this evening went.”
I patted his arm. “It’s okay. I had a good time.”
“No.” He wrapped his hand around mine. “I embarrassed myself and you. And now we’re out of time. You head back soon, and I’ve missed my chance.”
“Carter, I?—”
My words were muffled as he drew me against his chest. “I won’t ask for a kiss, Faith. I don’t deserve one after the way I behaved tonight.” His hand stroked my hair. “I think you’ll come around. I’m a patient man. I’ll be waiting.” He pulled away and kissed the top of my head.
I stood motionless on the step as he walked back to the car and ducked inside. As he backed down the driveway, he lowered the window and waved. Stunned, I lifted my hand in response, then turned and slipped through the front door.
Wait a minute. He’d be waiting? Waiting for what? As the realization of Carter’s intentions sank in, I staggered against the door and leaned into it for support. Unless I’d completely misunderstood, he seemed to think we’d made some kind of commitment to each other.