Chapter 12 #4
I keep thinking about that boy in the basement. Nikki seems nice enough, but I’m not sure if I can trust her.
I excuse myself to the bathroom, taking my purse with me. It’s only a few feet from our table, and I relish the fact that it’s a single-occupancy restroom and I can shut and lock the door.
I don’t actually have to go. I just need a break from all the questions. I reach into my purse, digging around for my phone.
It’s not in there.
Did Luca grab my phone to put Dante’s number in it and forget to give it back to me?
Crap. I don’t think I grabbed it from upstairs before leaving. Well, there goes any chance of trying to get help for the boy.
Grumbling, I can’t even try to search for information on the missing child. I glance around the bathroom. There’s a paper towel that I could use to write on, perhaps leave a note for someone to help, but I search and there’s no pen in my purse, either.
I usually carry a pen with me.
Weird.
Did someone go through my belongings before I left the house? I feel weirdly suspicious, but it could just be a coincidence. Maybe I used the pen and I forgot to put it back with my things.
I finish in the bathroom and step out, coming back to the table. Nikki and Moreno are having a friendly chat about me, it seems.
“I was just telling Moreno how nice it is to meet a girlfriend of Luca’s. He’s never brought any girls home before. We should invite your parents to join us for dinner next weekend.”
“Next weekend?” My voice catches in my throat.
I’m not ready to tell my parents about Luca or the engagement. And doing it all within the next several days is dizzying. I reach for my water glass, needing another sip.
“Yes, unless they have plans already. Then we can try for the following weekend,” Nikki insists.
“I’m sure they have some time free. I would imagine they’d like to get to know the family their daughter is marrying into.
” Nikki says those words with a warm smile, but I can’t help but wonder how much she knows.
Moreno stares right through me. “She’s right; it would be nice for our families to meet, to get to know one another.”
I don’t know why, but I feel as though that’s a threat, him wanting to meet my family. He’s already made it clear that if I don’t wed Luca, I’m dead.
The last thing I want is to put my family in harm’s way. They’ve done nothing wrong. “I’m not sure they’ll be pleased with our engagement,” I admit.
“Something we both agree on,” Nikki says, staring at me. “But I do like you, Harper. You seem like a good person. I just wish you and my son would wait a little while longer before jumping into marriage.”
How can I tell her that this wasn’t my idea? And while it may have been Luca’s idea, it had been done solely to protect me.
He doesn’t want to marry me.
How could he? We’re both still in college. We barely know each other. We’ve only scratched the surface and haven’t even been out yet on our first real date.
We had plans to do that this weekend after I returned from Nova’s birthday party. I’m not sure when I’ll be allowed to leave.
When I don’t say anything, Moreno finally speaks up.
I don’t have the slightest idea what words will spill from his lips, but he stares at me and nods. “She’s following her heart.”
“You approve of their engagement?” Nikki asks, staring pointedly at Moreno. “You wouldn’t feel that way if it were your daughter.”
“Nova isn’t getting married,” Moreno states matter-of-factly. “This isn’t about her.”
It’s almost as though I’m not seated at the table, and quite frankly, that would be fine. I’d be happier to just let them talk about me than have to defend the reasons that I’m marrying Luca.
Moreno kicks me under the table, and I cough, reaching for my water glass.
Is he always this much of an asshole? Nova never mentioned her parents, at least not in any violent aspect. Then again, neither did Luca.
I take a sip and then glance between the two of them. “Is this what I have to look forward to, my parents bickering when we announce our engagement?”
Nikki laughs. “We’re not married.” She’s quick to remind me that they’re not a couple.
Yeah, well, Luca and I are barely a couple too. Look how that’s turning out. I hold my tongue and keep from saying the wrong thing.
“Nikki is just concerned that you’re marrying her son for the wrong reasons,” Moreno says, glaring at me.
“Don’t put words in my mouth,” Nikki scolds him.
The woman is a bit of a spitfire.
Turns out, I like her.
Maybe we can get along. If she talks to Moreno this way, I can only imagine the tongue on her that she has around her mafia husband.
The waitress brings our food to the table, and I stare at my pasta, my stomach churning. I can’t eat. The smell of the food is overpowering, and I excuse myself, hightailing it for the bathroom again.
But this time I hear Nikki as I hurry away. “Are you sure she’s not pregnant?”
I’m definitely not pregnant. It’s been twelve hours since Luca and I fell into bed together. We used a condom, I’m on the pill, and pregnancy symptoms don’t occur that fast.
No, this is one hundred percent a panic attack because I’m being forced to marry a man whose father runs the mafia.
I turn the sink water on and stand over it, my hands gripping the porcelain as I stare down at the rushing water.
Gasping for breath, I’m trying to slow my breathing, my heart rate, and the million thoughts and fears swimming through my head.
It’s not just my life that’s getting fucked up.
I really wish I had my phone so I could text Luca. He’s the only person who understands what I’m going through. He’s experiencing it too.
I’m not alone.
Except, right now, I feel that way, completely, utterly overwhelmed. I rinse my face with the cold water, hoping my rosy cheeks will return to their regular hue.
I feel hot, clammy, and nauseous.
But I don’t think I’m actually going to vomit.
It’s just the fear riding through me like an electric current with nowhere to escape. I’m burning inside, and not in the fun, tingly, I’m aroused type of sensation. This one pricks at my skin, my muscles, firing pain signals all the way from my brain to my toes.
Everything hurts.
It’s bloody agony, and they haven’t done anything to me.
The mafia hasn’t touched me physically. Sure, they restrained me last night, threatened to kill me, but I’m without actual scars.
Emotionally, however, I’m a disaster.
How am I going to explain this to my parents? They’re never going to accept Luca, certainly not after knowing him for a semester.
And his parents? I’m afraid to introduce my family to them. What if they see through the horror and realize the monsters that lurk in the shadows will become my family?
They’re not going to accept Luca if they have any inkling of what’s going on.
And even if they don’t and all goes smoothly, there’s little chance they’ll be happy with the news of our engagement.
I can fake a lot of things, but pretending to be excited for a wedding neither of us wants, they’ll see through it.
There’s a soft knock at the bathroom door.
“Someone’s in here!” I shout.
“Are you okay in there?” Nikki asks through the door.
No, I’m not the least bit okay. But I can’t tell her that, not with Moreno staring me down at the restaurant table. I consider my options; none of them are ideal, and finally, I open the bathroom door, letting her inside with me.
“I’m having a panic attack,” I confess, staring up at her, praying she won’t push and ask me why.
She reaches for my hands, bringing them to her own. “Why are you panicking?” she asks, her voice calm, steady, her focus entirely on me.
It’s only the two of us. I could tell her everything—about the boy in the basement, the forced marriage, her husband is mafia—but instead, I shake my head, trembling.
“I’m overwhelmed,” I say.
It’s the truth, but it’s more of a quiet truth, compared to the real reasons I’m feeling this way.
“Because of the wedding?” she asks.
“My parents are going to freak out when I tell them. You have no idea how supportive they are, but this—it’s going to break them.”
Nikki nods slowly, and her breathing is soft and calm. “Breathe with me,” she says, telling me when to breathe in, hold it, and exhale.
I’m struggling to breathe, my heart racing, gasping for breath.
Her hands wrap around my hips to steady me. “Let’s try something else. Grounding,” she says.
I nod and tremble, my insides beginning to feel like jelly.
“Name three colors that you see.”
“Beige,” I whisper, staring at the bathroom tile of the walls.
She nods in agreement. “What else?”
“Gray and white,” I say, studying the marbling color and swirl pattern of the porcelain sink. My breathing is becoming less erratic.
“Good. Give me two more colors.”
“Olive green,” I say, staring at the soap dispenser, “and pink.” The soap is an ugly shade of neon pink.
A smile quirks at the corner of her lips. “Therapy taught me to work on grounding myself when things get—overwhelming,” she says. She shuts off the sink that’s been running the entire time in the background.
There’s a prominent knock on the bathroom door.
“We’re fine, Moreno,” Nikki shouts to him through the thick door.
“Just checking.” I can imagine him grumbling and returning back to his seat at the table.
“Is there anything else bothering you?” Nikki asks.
Now is the time to tell her the truth about the boy from last night. The child locked inside a cage in the basement.
I glance up, meet her stare, but the words don’t come.
She’s Dante’s wife, and I want to trust her, but I’m not sure she’d even be able to help me if I tried. Moreno is waiting for us.
Besides, she has to know what he’s involved in; there’s no way a woman as smart as Nikki isn’t privy to what’s happening under her roof.
We were kicked out of the house last night when I’m assuming they brought the child inside to the prison basement. I doubt they kicked her out of her own home.
Does she know about him?
She doesn’t strike me as the type to get involved with the mafia. From first impressions, she seems like a decent mother, worried about her son, wanting to know why we’re jumping into marriage after barely knowing one another.
But I’m reluctant to trust her.
She’s married to him. She must know something. You don’t live in a house with dozens of men patrolling the property without asking questions.
Or, in my case, snooping around.
Not that I was intending to sneak around and look for anything, other than the whimpering puppy I thought I heard. I guess the Ricci’s don’t have a family pet.
“Anything at all?” Nikki asks again, releasing her grasp on me now that I’m steady, grounded, and feeling better. “It’s just the two of us.”
It is just the two of us, but I can’t trust her unless she trusts me first.
She hasn’t given me any indication that she feels her life is in danger. She’s not telling me to get away, to protect myself or Luca. I want to trust her, but I wonder if it’s foolish hopefulness driving me to open my lips.
No words come.
Maybe it’s better that way.
The fear making me silent, keeping me from trusting his mother.
I can’t help but realize when I left today with Nikki, our entire afternoon was already planned. From the restaurant to our spa day, which I’m now beginning to regret.
Dante made sure I wouldn’t be going anywhere without a mafia thug following me.
I was never asked where I wanted to eat or what type of food I’d like to grab. Moreno made the decision for us, or perhaps Dante had made it prior to us leaving.
Is that what it will be like on campus?
Moreno or another one of Dante’s men making decisions for me, following me around, my constant unavoidable shadow?
“Do you think you’re ready to go back out to the table?” Nikki asks when she’s met with my silence.
“Yes,” I whisper, hoping that I can manage to get a few bites of pasta down.
“Good. Try not to get too stressed. I know things might get a bit rough, but I promise you that I’m here for you,” Nikki says.
I want to believe her, but I’m not sure I can. The only person I trust is Luca, but I can’t even reach out to him because I don’t have my phone.