Chapter 40
EMMELINE
Summoning divine fire beneath my bath water, I nearly brought it to a boil. I hoped the heat could sear the frustration and grief from my body.
And the resentment.
It wasn’t fair to blame Rain for all of it, and yet my mind swirled over every scenario in which he’d denied me involving the dragons. And I couldn’t stop thinking about how he’d kept such a secret from me.
But he hadn’t been wrong, had he?
Involving the dragons put me at risk. Involving the dragons killed that sweet creature who had brought me so many smiles during the darkest of times. I couldn’t let myself think of it or I’d begin to weep again. Ryo had been innocent and pure, made from a memory I now mourned. Though Rain had spoken to me of the past as we rested with Ryo’s body, I had no recollection of it. My only solace was that Ryo hadn’t suffered for long.
Though doing as the Supreme had bid might have saved Rainier and many of his soldiers, did I jeopardize everything else by giving away my blood? Just as Rain had feared?
Could I have acted differently?
I had never been able to see the bigger picture. With every choice I’d made over the years, instinct had been a deciding factor. Emotion guided impulse, and how many times had my sentiments overwhelmed me in the past, and made me act when I should have waited? What was it this time? Either I had waited too long, and so many people died because of it. Or I didn’t wait long enough, and I gave the Supreme what he wanted when I shouldn’t have, eventually bringing about excessive death as well.
I wished there was a god in control of timing, and that I had their divinity instead. The rest of the gods could have their blessings back—save for Rhia. Elora was the only gift I’d desperately fight to keep.
Tilting my head back, I finally wetted my hair, smothering the wafting scent of smoke. After tending to Irses’ grief, I’d needed to ensure my divine flames wouldn’t spread past the Wend. Rain had left to barricade the toppled city walls and to handle the wards. I hadn’t seen him since.
Was that a blessing or a curse?
I didn’t know how I’d react when I saw him again.
I wasn’t sure which part of me was louder in my mind. Would I react with frustration over his unwillingness to listen to me? I could have used the dragons weeks ago to this same end. Or would I experience such profound relief, to see him healthy and whole, that none of the rest would matter?
I sank beneath the water and closed my eyes.
Why couldn’t any of this be easy? It was horrifically unfair that I had to make decisions for the well-being of the Three Kingdoms. I’d been living for Lucia and Elora my entire life, but to have this thrust upon me as well was too much. The only time I’d ever lived for myself was when I chose Rain, and I’d never felt more selfish for it. Because while I’d been rekindling things with him, my daughter had been in danger. Marrying him had brought war to Vesta. Choosing the man I loved had endangered him.
Gods, how much easier would it be to just stay beneath the water and never resurface?
The image of Rain’s limp and battered body, when Nereza’s shadows had retrieved him from the pit, wouldn’t haunt me if I never took another breath. If I hadn’t felt him on the other side of that bond, I would have thought him dead. I could stay beneath, and forget everything. Theo would become a distant memory instead of a constant ache in my heart. The novices I’d killed in Folterra wouldn’t be a dull phantom in the back of my mind. The horrors of witnessing Elora’s death, the anger and pity and confusing fondness I held for the boy whose blade had committed the atrocity—all of it could be taken from me.
It wasn’t an option, though. I had a ruinous responsibility to uphold, and I couldn’t leave Rain or Elora without knowing I’d accomplished that task. It wouldn’t be fair to them, even if their ties to me meant they’d be in danger the rest of their lives. After what Cethina had said, I’d already sent word to Thyra to take Elora across the sea. It wasn’t safe in Vesta.
Which left Rain here, with me. If our enemies attempted to use him against me again, I was certain they’d kill him. And if that happened, there was one thing I was certain of. They would win this war.
The Three Kingdoms could burn.
A hand landed on each of my shoulders, pulling me forward out of the water.
“Em, what happened? Are you all right?”
Water dripped from my lashes, and I gasped for breath. “What?”
Rain’s mouth dropped open, eyes wide and wild, as he knelt outside the bath. “You were so still. I thought, gods, I thought—” he broke off, a sigh of relief falling from his lips. His head dipped low, eyes no longer meeting mine.
“I’m all right,” I said, voice quiet. “I’m sorry for scaring you.”
As his gaze lifted to mine, I allowed myself a moment to take him in. He’d let his beard grow, and it gave him such a dignified appearance. The wrinkles at the corners of his eyes were deeper as he frowned, and the scar on his brow was stark in the dim light of encroaching dawn. Without any candlelight, I could only imagine what he thought he’d walked into. He’d changed his clothing, wearing a simple white shirt with a few buttons left undone at his throat and plain trousers. Rain smelled fresh—of petrichor and warm skin—and I wondered when he’d had the chance to bathe. Under my inspection, his lips kicked up at the corner the slightest bit, and his plush mouth begged to be kissed.
Gods, he was beautiful.
Suddenly overcome by a need so great I didn’t know what to do with myself, I pitched forward and pressed my lips to his.
He’d nearly died. We’d both nearly died.
There was no space between us in this moment for me to air my grievances about why things had gone the way they had. And truthfully, there was nothing to take issue with. Each decision had led us here. We had survived, and that vicious future of ash and destruction remained held at bay for the moment. None of the rest mattered—not now.
Despite my abrupt movement, Rain met my intent with ease. Soft lips parted at my touch as his hand lifted to the back of my neck. And that was all I needed for every muscle in my body to loosen in anticipation.
“I’m sorry,” I said, panting against his mouth. Apologizing for everything I’d brought upon him in this life, emotion welled in my throat. He was so good, and I was so undeserving.
“Don’t,” he responded, pressing ardent kisses to my chin, to my jaw, to my cheeks. “Not now, dear heart. Not ever.”
And then his hands were on my waist, pulling me to stand. I shivered, the water sluicing from my body having cooled as I’d stewed in my thoughts, and the bathing chamber wasn’t warm. Rain’s lips dragged a trail from my neck down to my shoulder, then slid across my collarbone. He paid special attention to my tattoo while his large hands squeezed and stroked. Sliding across wet flesh, he grabbed and soothed and claimed.
My own touch roamed, and I grew desperate. I needed him closer. I needed his warm skin on mine. I needed to be pinned and caressed and reassured that we had survived. The threat was gone, for however briefly, and we were alive.
We’re alive. We’re alive. We’re alive.
Despite my guilt for having brought this strife down upon him, despite my desire to sink beneath the water’s surface and forget everything, I needed him. My twin flame, the source of every good thing in my life.
Rain palmed my backside, pulling my body flush against his and causing me to stumble as I stepped out of the bath. Gripping me tightly, his fingertips pressed into my flesh as he lifted, and I wrapped my legs around him.
“We’re alive,” I breathed as I bent forward to press a kiss to his neck.
“Because of you,” he replied, as he carried me into our room. He tripped over my discarded clothing, laughing as he dropped me on the bed. Caging me with his arms, that crooked smile graced his face, though it was more subtle than I preferred. “Because of your bravery and strength, Em. That’s the only reason.”
Unbidden, relief caused me to exhale with such force I coughed.
Rain hovered over me, and his face screwed up into a frown. “What was that?”
“It’s just a cough from all the smoke,” I explained, running my fingers over his back.
“It wasn’t just a cough.”
“I thought you’d be angry with me,” I relented, knowing there was no use hiding it. Pulling my wet hair out from beneath me, I averted my eyes.
“I would have tempered my anger if there had been any cause for it,” he said, fingertip turning my chin to meet his glassy gaze. “I think you mistake my fear for something more malicious. I’m scared, Em. So fucking scared.”
“Me too,” I whispered. His vulnerability made me regret my irritation with him. The last thing I wanted was to examine my feelings on the matter. Fervently, I pulled at his clothing, needing him to be as physically bared as I was.
He ignored my silent request, as he dragged his lips down my damp skin. Soon, his buttons were out of reach, and I huffed in frustration. Trailing affection down my neck to my chest, he playfully nipped at my breast. My back arched into the touch, the golden string between us anchored to my ribs, and his reverent caresses tugged me closer to him.
“Take off your clothes,” I demanded, and he only chuckled. His warm breath coaxed my nipple to peak, and I tugged at his shoulders as he hovered over me. Whispered endearments peppered my stomach—moving lower. As he drew closer to my waiting heat, I grew agitated. “I don’t think so,” I said, covering myself with my hand, and he snorted in disbelief.
“It has already been decided, dear heart. This belongs to me, does it not?” he asked, cupping his own palm over mine. I squeezed my thighs tightly together. Unrelenting pressure ground against my hand, forcing my own fingertips to part my flesh and slide over slickened skin.
“And this sensitive little clit?” he asked, pressing my own finger down on the swollen bud, rolling it beneath our touch. A moan slipped past my lips, despite my resolute desire to make him bend to me for once.
“I think,” I began, struggling to speak, “that my bravery and strength have earned me your obedience.”
His hand stilled for an instant before he slowly withdrew his touch. I felt it before I saw it, but I understood a moment too late. Our silly farce of push and pull had been a distraction for him, and my reminder had ruined it.
Despite that, he composed himself as he stood, unbuttoning his shirt. A measured breath and a darted glance toward my tattoo was all it took to soothe his anxiety, and then his gaze turned ravenous.
“If you won’t allow me to pleasure you right now, then I insist you pleasure yourself,” he commanded. At my hesitation, Rain stopped unbuttoning his shirt, staring at my hand still resting over my aching flesh. His brow raised, and he nodded at me. “Go on, Em. Fuck your fingers for me.”
Dragging my teeth over my lower lip, I watched him as I made myself comfortable. He stood there, with tented breeches, as I dragged a pillow beneath my head. But I didn’t do as he asked, waiting for him to continue disrobing.
“Show me how you filled your sweet cunt each night,” he rumbled, staring at my body, “and drifted off to thoughts of me filling you instead.”
I flushed crimson beneath his perusal. Despite our reunion, and just how well he’d learned my flesh in the last few months, this was all still quite new. To be stared at with such blazing desire and tender appreciation was overwhelming. For so many years, I hadn’t experienced passion like this. I’d been lusted over and used by a husband who’d only sought pleasure and an heir. It wasn’t the same at all.
With Rain, he’d wanted all of me from the beginning. It had always been everything or nothing with him, and that was why we’d fallen apart—because neither of us could handle that dusky in-between. I’d been alone and empty for so long after, with only thoughts of him to keep me company.
I’d only had my imagination—and my touch.
And now, we could have everything.
I slid my middle finger through my wetness, watching Rain’s gaze narrow on the exact spot. His hands drifted toward his collar, but when he didn’t continue, I stopped my motions. Despite his concentration on my core, his mouth quirked into that crooked smile as he continued with the buttons.
“So pink and pretty,” he murmured, letting his shirt fall from his shoulders to the floor. The praise flooded me with heat. He prowled closer, but I stopped him with my foot against his stomach. He laughed, grabbing it to move it aside, but he froze as I allowed my other leg to fall open. Sliding my fingers down to my opening, I pressed two into my aching core and threw my head back when it didn’t ease the emptiness.
“Trousers,” I ordered, panting as I slowly thrusted. My other hand drifted to my breast, rolling my nipple between my fingers. He groaned as the sound of my wetness grew louder. Unwilling to stop his gaze from darting all over me, he fumbled with his breeches.
He might have had a filthy mouth that made me want to whimper and beg for him, but gods if he wasn’t desperate and needy for me too.
I couldn’t take my eyes off him as his clothing dropped from his body. His hips still jutted at sharp angles, never fully recovered from his captivity in Folterra, but the muscle he’d lost had recovered drastically. My movements stilled as I took in each chiseled line on his body, leading down to where his cock jutted—boastful almost in its size and enthusiasm.
I licked my lips, wanton for the taste of him.
And as he moved over me, I allowed him, while secretly commanding my shadows to do my bidding. Because if Rain was left to do as he desired, he would ravage as he saw fit. He would kiss and lick from my neck to the aching center of me until my legs shuddered around his neck.
And I wanted to have my wits about me as I drew every sensible thought out of his mind with my lips around his cock.
As he continued forward, I let my shadows twine over his body. He yelped as I flipped him onto his back with my divinity, and I couldn’t help my giggle.
“Em,” he rasped when I didn’t release my hold. I crawled across the bed and settled at his hip.
Bending over him, my damp hair tickled his far side as I blew a breath on the tip of his cock. He jerked from the motion, and I turned my head to look at him. Finding a furrowed brow, I laughed, glad he understood my intentions.
Torment.
My hair slid over his thighs, and I knew he’d want to grasp it in his fist. But he couldn’t. Sliding one hand up his perfect stomach, I teased him with soft caresses and faint tickles as I dragged my tongue over the head of his perfect, impossibly hard length. He groaned—deep and guttural—when my other hand cupped him beneath his shaft.
“Temptress,” he grunted, “What are you doing to me?”
“Do you not like it?” I purred, knowing the answer as one hand twisted over his length and the other continued to apply light pressure where I held him. His hips bucked, and his eyes rolled back.
“I don’t like not being able to touch you,” he said, lifting his head enough to give me a petulant look.
“Can you be patient for me?” I asked, willing to release him if he needed me to, but the slight purse of his lips told me he’d rise to my challenge.
Head lolling to the side as he looked toward the window, he couldn’t stop the jerk of his hips as he thrust into my hand, powerless against his need. “You have until sunrise,” he said, and I nearly laughed to myself.
With how light it had grown outside, I only had minutes.
I dipped, ass in the air as I licked his shaft, tracing the thick veins with my tongue. Rendered silent, Rain’s head fell back, and his hips pushed upward into my grasp. Fisting him in my hand, I dragged my tongue up the length of him where my fingertips just didn’t meet, sucking and kissing.
Twisting my hand in the motion I knew he liked, I took the tip of his cock in my mouth. Hair tossed over my shoulder, I tilted my head to watch him as I brought him to the brink. His eyes were closed, mouth slightly open, and he was the picture of beautiful misery.
“Please,” he begged, soft and desperate, and I would have given him anything he asked for. But as he opened those green eyes, all he wanted was me. “Let me touch you. I need to touch you.”
I released my shadows, and he found my ass immediately. Squeezing it, he tugged me closer, as I continued to slide my hand up and down over his raging erection. As saliva dripped from my mouth down the sides of his cock, my hand moved easier over his silky skin. The weight of him, the sturdy tension as I moved his cock, made me grow more aroused by the minute.
And when he pulled my body even closer, resting my elbow on his stomach as I continued to suck and rub and lave and twist, a cry escaped me.
His fingertips parted my sensitive center, gathering the wetness that had accrued, before he slowly plunged his fingers into me. He dragged them free, circling my clit with a languid touch, before plunging them into me once more. I groaned around his cock and began to tremble. In a steady rhythm, he repeated the motion as my hips twitched to meet his movements.
His hand stalled as I pressed his cock deeper, allowing it to hit the back of my throat.
“Fuck, Em,” he said, and then he twisted his body. Wrapping two strong hands around my thighs, he forcefully pulled me atop him. I planted my hands on either side of his legs as I released him from my mouth.
“What are you doing?” I gasped. My breasts pressed against his lower belly, and my legs were splayed across his chest.
“Feasting,” he replied, before dragging me backward by the hips.
When his tongue slid up the center of me, my body bowed. Moaning, my back arched, and his fingertips dug into my flesh. He held me close and didn’t allow me to remove any of my weight from him. He tugged my clit into his mouth, creating a delicious suction. My hips bucked, and I held no shame as I tipped my pelvis forward, grinding on him. His beard was a rough but welcome friction I hadn’t expected.
Everything felt far too good, far too fast. I needed to slow him down.
As he continued to bring me toward that hurtling finish, I took his cock into my mouth once more. With zeal, I used my hand at the base while I brought his tip to the back of my throat again and again. He grunted against my flesh each time. We were a writhing mass with an inconsistent tempo, each of us receiving pleasure while focusing on giving it.
It almost felt like a challenge. Which one of us would break first? Who would meet that delicious end, merely a servant to our desires?
I didn’t like my odds.
As he filled me with his fingers, arm tucked beneath my thigh, and he sucked on my clit with frenzy, I wasn’t sure I could last much longer. What I truly yearned for was the thick cock in my mouth to take the place of his fingers. I wanted to take him in my body, filling me like I’d imagined all along.
“Want you inside me,” I panted around his cock, and his reaction was instant. Pushing me forward, grabbing my ass and sliding me down his chest, it was clear he wanted the same.
“Sit on it,” he commanded, words both simple and filthy.
“The tonic,” I moaned, sitting up. I straddled his stomach, looking down at what I so desperately desired.
“Found some at the estate. Ride me, Em.” He squeezed the globes of my ass—hard.
“You went to the estate to look for tonic?” I asked, incredulous, reaching down and sliding a loose fist over his cock.
“No, I went to the estate for—” He sighed at my touch as I gently circled the head of his cock. And then he smacked my ass, hard enough I was sure it left a red mark. I shrieked in surprise, looking over my shoulder to glare at him—even if I delighted in it. “I went there for something else. Doesn’t matter. I took it, and now you’re going to bounce this perfect, fat ass on me.” He held a cheek in each hand and pushed me forward once more. “Aren’t you, Em? Unless you need me to hold you down and rut you like some sort of?—”
He groaned as I lifted up, swiping the tip of him through my wetness, eager to both take him and silence him.
As I lowered myself onto his length, I found immense pleasure in each agonizing second. Drawing it out, I took him slowly. The position wasn’t quite what I was used to, and I had to tilt my hips to make it work, but I’d missed the feel of him. Fully seated, I shifted, grinding and rolling my hips.
Little pants of breath escaped Rain with each movement. His callused hands grazed over me. My waist, my lower back, my hips, my ass. He caressed and grabbed and squeezed as I moved, his breathing punctuated by soft grunts.
Leaning forward, I put my hands on his knees and began to move. I was conscious of the angle, lifting myself carefully and nearly allowing his cock to slip free. And then I lowered, with excruciating slowness. He hissed, hands on my ass. As I repeated the motion, he spread me, needy for a clearer view. His touch bruised, and I wanted it all the more. We had survived the unthinkable. We’d broken the siege. We had each other and we had this and I never wanted to stop.
“Fucking hell, Em. Do you have any idea how arousing this looks? Seeing this pretty cunt grip me as you slide down my cock? This is gods damn mesmerizing.” A hint of a laugh. “I can’t last for long like this.”
“You savor how well I take you, don’t you, my love?” The sound which came from his chest was pure carnal desire as I taunted him with wicked words. “Like this pretty cunt was made just for you.”
He bucked into me erratically. Hands on my hips, he raised his own from the bed and slammed into me with precise and punishing thrusts. I moaned, tipping my head back. The morning sunlight spilled over the stone ceiling, and I closed my eyes. The ends of my hair grazed Rain’s stomach, and he grabbed it at the base of my neck. But as I reached toward my clit, he dropped the gathered strands and pulled my arms behind my back instead.
“Just another second like this, and then I’ll give you what you need,” he said, and I couldn’t say anything, only moaning, as he continued to drive up into me, feeling far too big and far too perfect as my body bounced on his. A few more thrusts, and he grunted, gently easing me from his body.
“In front of the dresser,” he said, sitting up and sliding us toward the edge of the bed. He bent down to whisper in my ear. “I want you to see how debauched you are with my cock thrusting into you.”
He crowded me, pressing kisses to my shoulder as he eased me to stand. Leading me across the cold floor, the large rug doing little to warm it, his hands traced my hips and grabbed my breasts. I wasn’t sure I was eager to view myself in the enormous mirror as he said, anticipating to hate my reflection for a multitude of reasons. But when I looked into my own eyes, my breath caught. I was every bit as ruined as he alluded to. My hair was tangled from the bath, frizzy because it had been left to dry like this. My cheeks had grown red, and the flush had spread to my chest. My eyes were glazed by lust. I was positively shameful. Rain wasn’t untouched by our fervent lovemaking either, a fine sheen of sweat coating his brow, and a little beast inside me purred in delight. He dipped, tugging my hair off my shoulder and pressing a harsh kiss to my tattooed skin.
He lifted my leg, gently placing my knee on the furniture. With his hands on my waist, he bent forward to whisper in my ear, “Watch your face go slack as I fill you, dear heart. The way you bite your lip to keep from moaning my name.”
And I did just that, as the head of his cock prodded at my entrance, the swollen flesh already tender in the most delicious way. I braced my hands on the dresser as he pressed deeper, and his name slipped past my lips just as he said it would.
His fingertips found my clit, and the touch was like a spark. I was so close, so sensitive, I knew it wouldn’t take long. His mouth dropped open as he fucked me, deep and thorough. My breasts swayed and my belly quivered from each thrust, and my eyes were drawn to where our bodies met. Rain’s clever fingers worked over me, and I caught just a glimpse of his length as he bent his knees and thrusted as deep as he could.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I cried, desperate for air, for release, for him. And he could tell.
Rain slowed his touch for just a second. “With me, dear heart,” he said as he nipped at my exposed neck.
Rain’s shoulders flexed in the mirror, and as he stood straight, head tipped to the ceiling, the veins in his neck bulged. When he rubbed my sensitive clit once more with expert precision, I didn’t hold back. If he wanted to finish with me, I’d just have to accelerate the process. I clenched my muscles around him, and he grunted.
“Wicked woman,” he breathed, pausing for a moment. When he began anew, all tenderness had left him. It was enough, that blessed ache alongside his exhaustive touch set me ablaze. Heat licked up my spine, and I closed my eyes as I rode the blissful wave of pleasure. I gasped and panted, the release almost painful in its completeness. The golden bond between us flared with impressive brightness. Spasming around him, I collapsed forward, elbows on the dresser.
His hand gripped my hair, lifting my head to look in the mirror. “Look at yourself. Loving everything I have to give you,” he said, pounding into me once more. The golden flare of light at the edge of my vision was almost overwhelming. I watched him, the muscles in his jaw twitching and his brows furrowing. Rain’s hands roamed over my back and waist and hips as his mouth went slack. His groan was loud as I felt the heat of him, so deep inside. He kissed my spine as he filled me, so much that our combined release dripped free.
I didn’t move—couldn’t move—as his cock’s twitching slowed and he slowly pulled out. He was still bent over, forehead resting against my back, catching his breath.
“You’re not bathing again tonight,” he said in a low and raspy voice. “You’ll stay my thoroughly fucked mess until the morning.”
“It’s already the morning,” I quipped, and his hand lightly slapped my ass as he stood.
“You’ll stay my thoroughly fucked mess until I fuck you again. We’ll line up with morning eventually.”
I laughed, turning in his arms. As I traced my hands over his strong chest, I realized all the tension from my body had gone. Every worry and fear had abated—even if temporarily. Rain had done that.
As he tugged me close, enveloping me in arms strong enough to help carry my burdens, I was grateful he’d robbed me of the distressing emotions I’d had in the bath. And if he had to keep rescuing me in this way, soothing me with his body and distracting me with fiendish words from delectable lips, I couldn’t complain.