Chapter 46
LAVENIA
In the time it took me to pull my leg from the turtle’s grasp, he’d already shifted into a man. His strong hand gripped me by the ankle and yanked me closer. It had all happened so fast, the only sound which came out of me was a startled grunt, and his eyes widened as he shushed me. My grip on the goddess’s comb was strong, but I wouldn’t use it. Not yet.
“Who’s there?” the guard shouted, clearly having returned to his post. The turtle shifter dragged me downward to an opening in the spire, hidden within the seaweed, and shoved me inside. I could barely see due to the dark surroundings, and I fumbled around until the guard swam into view.
I ducked beneath what I realized was a window, uncertain if I’d remained hidden enough.
“Old Telemern?” Surprise colored the guard’s tone. I didn’t allow myself to sigh in relief, remembering the name from Foxglove. If he was a friend to her, perhaps he’d be a friend to me.
“Aye. You’re Marlow’s boy, aren’t you?” His voice reminded me of my father, and I hoped there wasn’t much more the two men had in common.
“Yes. I-I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this.”
“I’ll admit, it’s rare. You ever feel like stretching your legs when you’re in this form too long?”
I wished I could see the two of them, but I couldn’t risk popping my head out.
The guard chuckled, and his voice sounded farther away when he spoke. “I haven’t earned my pendant yet, so I’m not even sure what that feels like.”
“How old are you?”
“Next year will be my seventy-fifth year,” he said, and my eyes bulged. I’d have guessed he was in his twenties, but I supposed I was a bad judge. Mairin was four centuries old, and she didn’t look much older than me.
“Ah, then she’ll probably gift it to you soon enough. Too long of a wait, I think.”
“Well, the Queen, I mean, she—you still haven’t earned yours back, have you?” The guard’s voice grew sharp.
“No, I doubt I’ll see land ever again. But she knows best, I suppose. Still, though. Legs ought to be a right from birth.”
At this, the guard snapped, “I think it’s time you go rest.”
“I will as soon as I’m done, boy.”
“Make it quick.”
“When you live this long, you’ll learn these old bones can’t move much faster.”
There was silence for a moment, and I wondered if the guard left. Just as I was about to peek over the ledge, Old Telemern spoke once more.
“Don’t you have other people to worry about? I’ll bet Smokkar is terrorizing someone as we speak.”
“You didn’t hear? He’s dead. Surprised it took her this long, if I’m honest.”
A shiver crept up my spine. Estri had killed Smokkar. I didn’t hold any affection for him, and I thought his motivations had likely been nefarious, but it was still shocking to think of the Sea Queen killing someone I’d spoken with. Her child, no less.
“Huh,” the shifter grunted, but offered no opinion on the matter.
“Go on, old man.”
I hoped Old Telemern wouldn’t argue with the guard again. The sooner the guard left, the sooner I could ask my questions. And once I got my questions answered, I’d make my way to Mairin. If Smokkar, someone who seemed to hold questionable morals just like his mother, had grown out of favor with the Sea Queen, it was only a matter of time before she grew tired of me.
Whatever I did, however I left, I’d have to figure out a way to bring as many seaborn with me who wanted to leave. Foxglove’s timid smile appeared in my mind, and my heart ached over what I knew had been done to her. A life outside of the water couldn’t have been worse than being held hostage by Estri. Could it?
Above me, the giant mass I’d mistaken for a rock swam through the window. Old Telemern had shifted back into his sea creature form, and I slowly turned on the ground. I didn’t dare stand, not wanting to be seen if the guard still lingered.
There weren’t any moonpearls on the walls, and yet there was a faint blue glow to my surroundings. The turtle shifter’s home didn’t have any furniture or any of the limited comforts my own chamber did. It was just a cave. As my eyes adjusted, I realized the ceiling was covered in what might have been algae—and it was glowing. Not nearly as strong as the moonpearls, the faint light cast everything in a bluish-green haze. I blinked, watching as the enormous sea turtle disappeared into a hole in the ground.
I didn’t call after him, fearful the guard might hear me, but I pushed off the wall to follow. Despite his cumbersome size, Old Telemern moved far faster than I did. I wished, not for the first time, that my body wasn’t so awkward as I dove after him. Surprisingly, the water grew warmer the deeper I went, which wasn’t what I’d expected.
The algae didn’t grow along the hole, but it wasn’t as deep as I’d imagined. When he settled at the bottom, I could still make him out. Large, his body was mostly a dark grey, perhaps even black, but there were white speckles all over it. He looked spectacularly similar to a rock, and it was no wonder I’d been confused as he laid still outside the spire. Long ridges ran down his back from the front of his shell toward his tail, and more white spots littered those ridges than anywhere else. But his shell didn’t look hard—it appeared smooth, and I wondered if it would be soft.
Perhaps like leather, I realized. The reason Fox had called him a leatherback. I should have noticed the different texture beneath my feet.
Spinning, he used his fins to burrow into the sand. He was enormous, his length shocking. From the tip of his nose to the end of his tail, he was almost two of me. There wasn’t much room in this small pit, so I backed against the wall as I slid farther down. His eyes alone were each the size of my palm. As he settled, he turned those haunting orbs onto me. Completely black, even the shine of the algae didn’t seem to penetrate their depth.
With his size and the way he spoke to the guard—not to mention his name—he must have been ancient. I wondered how long he’d been here, unable to leave without a pendant.
“I am a friend of Foxglove,” I said.
The sea turtle tilted its head, and if he had been in his human form, I suspected his brows would have been raised. He adjusted in the sand, making himself comfortable. After a few long moments, waiting for him to take his other form and speak, I grew impatient.
“Why bring me here if you didn’t plan on shifting back to speak to me?” I demanded.
He only stared.
“Fine. Thank you for hiding me from the guard, and I’m sorry to bother you. I’ll just be on my way.”
At this, his body began to convulse, and then finally he shifted. It wasn’t a convulsion, I realized, but laughter. His shoulders shook, and his mouth curved in a face-splitting grin. The old man was naked, as the seaborn often were, but I averted my eyes nonetheless.
“Where are you going, Princess?”
“You know who I am?”
“These ears work in my other form.”
I shot him a glare, and he gave another chuckle as he rubbed his hand over his bald head. It was hard to tell his skin color in this lighting, though it was lighter than my own. But it maintained that same aged look as his leathery shell. His smile wasn’t fearsome, as I’d expected, and he almost looked kind. His eyes were crinkled in the corners, as if he spent quite a lot of time laughing.
“Where are you going?” he asked, this time a bit softer.
“I want to find Mairin. I need to—” Biting my lip, I cut myself off. Fox had said to ask him about the past. That didn’t necessarily mean I could trust him. “I just want to speak to her. We were...friends.”
“More than friends, if I understood her correctly.”
“She spoke to you? You know her?”
“Well, she is my sister. So, I suppose I can say I know her. Just as much as I knew any of them.”
I only blinked at him. How could this man, who appeared ancient, be Mairin’s brother? Did they perhaps have the same father? Telemern seemed far older than the Sea Queen. Estri couldn’t possibly have been his mother. “Excuse me? How old are you?”
“I have been here since long before Rhia last visited us. Does that answer your question, child?”
My heart beat like a drum, echoing against the walls of my chest. “How?”
He didn’t answer me. “You will not find Mairin.”
“What?”
“Well, I suppose you could, but I wouldn’t suggest it. Anywhere she might be would only bring you to a certain death.”
“Where is she?”
“I cannot help you leave, but I can help you live,” he said. Leaning forward, he lifted his age-splotched hand to mine. “The chance to escape is long dead. Estri’s reach is limitless, and it is a lesson in futility to act against her. A lesson which will be paid in blood.”
“Where is Mairin?” I pressed, suddenly worried about the merrow. I knew I shouldn’t care, maybe I should have even been glad to know she was in peril, but I couldn’t shake the vision of her from my mind. That disarming smile and patient demeanor. Her beautiful curls which caught the light and set her ablaze. Regardless of what she’d done to me, each time I’d seen her in Estri’s kingdom, she’d been brimming with concern for me. How could I not offer her the same regard?
“I have not seen the surface since before the Great War, my dear. I see your aura; I know you are good, and I want to help you. If you play the part, she’ll eventually allow you to leave—and then you can never come back.”
“You can read auras too?” I asked, suddenly feeling sick to my stomach. The last time I’d thought of that skill had been when Mairin tempted me with a hint of our future. She’d wanted me to be sure of who I was and what I wanted.
Did I know now what that was? Who I was? A woman who had lived for her friends and brother her entire life? Someone who killed her father because he deserved it? A person who would sacrifice her own self for her people? None of that made up who I was. Not really. Those were just things I was willing to do—to be needed. And who was I if I wasn’t needed?
What I did know was that I deserved more from the people I cared about. From myself .
I deserved to put myself first and be put first. But could I do that at this moment? Could I just forget about Mairin and Foxglove? Or even the selkie who, though not helpful, hadn’t been cruel? Could I abandon the innocent seaborn here? They clearly wanted to leave, but couldn’t.
The solution only grew more apparent the longer I shied from it. Fear and insecurity pumped like blood through my veins, but I didn’t have a choice. The Sea Queen had to die.
“All of their children can see auras.”
“Whose children?”
“Why, the gods, child.”
I stopped thinking about the seaborn, about killing queens and missing merrows, and stared at him. I swallowed, my hand lifting to my lips. He couldn’t have meant what I thought.
“Y-you and Mairin?”
“Yes.”
“You have the same father? Hanwen?” I asked. Everything went slightly hazy, and my pulse pounded against my temples. If their father was a god, it had to be the God of Wrath; Ciarden wouldn’t forsake Aonara for Estri. My other hand lifted to fuss with my hair, though my curls floated upward out of my face. I couldn’t stop moving or else I’d stop breathing.
He sighed, shaking his head. “I suppose you wouldn’t know, since the oldest conduits died in the Great War. The seaborn don’t dare speak of it either—she’s forbidden us, but I do not care much. I am nearing death, anyway.” He rubbed a wrinkled hand over his forehead, fingertip pressing hard between his brows. “There are seven, dear girl. Seven gods,” he repeated when I only blinked at him.
“Seven,” I repeated. “The old gods?” That only accounted for six. The Mother and the Father, Rhia, Hanwen, Ciardien, and Aonara—but who could the last be?
“‘The old gods,’” he mocked, scowling. “They are all old. Timeless. My mother is so old, her true nature has been forgotten.”
My stomach tightened and my blood ran cold. “The forestborn believed in their own god,” I whispered. “And so the seaborn…” I trailed off, unable to speak. The seaborn had their own god too.
Goddess.
“Estri is a goddess,” I said, eyes wide.
The shifter’s smile was grim. “Do you see why we cannot leave? Do you see why you must give in? There is no point in denying her—not while you are within her domain.”
I couldn’t think straight. Was he telling the truth? It would explain so much. Her control over the sea, her control over the seaborn. Her enormous power wasn’t special because she was seaborn; it was special because she was a god . Why would a goddess live amongst mortals? She’d mentioned friendship with Rhia, and I’d thought nothing of it. How had Estri faded from our histories?
“But—but you have a prophecy. How can it come true? She cannot be killed, can she?”
“No one has been successful. Just a day ago, it was proven impossible once more. There is no escaping her.”
“How can there be a prophecy—?” I began, before horrifying realization spread to my heart like an arrow to the chest. “Someone tried to kill her a day ago? Smokkar?” I asked, my voice shaking. I almost begged the gods before I wondered if that might have done more harm than good, considering my new knowledge.
“No,” Old Telemern said, and his gaze went distant. Staring at the wall beside me, his shoulders sloped downward and his face went slack. My heart cleaved in two.
“Mairin?” I breathed, and he looked down at his hands.
I moved, feet pushing off the ground, pulling my body through the water faster than I thought possible.
It didn’t take long at all for Old Telemern to shift and appear beneath me. I caught his meaning immediately, grabbing onto the curve of his shell and holding tight. I didn’t see the guard from before, and I hoped our luck would hold.
“Take me to her prison,” I said, hoping this seaborn knew where it was. Where else could Mairin be?
The answer to that question came immediately, but I banished it. If she wasn’t in Estri’s prison, she was dead, and I refused to acknowledge that possibility. The only reason I was able to believe she was still alive was because the guard had mentioned Smokkar’s death. If Mairin were killed, it would’ve likely been at the same time Smokkar died. I’d have heard about both of them.
It gave me hope. Mairin might not have been loyal to me, but that didn’t mean she should die. Her imminent peril made me confront the tiny thoughts in the back of my mind; perhaps there was more to her betrayal than I thought. Maybe there was a chance for her to apologize, for us to speak, for things to go back to how they were.
But they couldn’t if she were dead. Even if she lived, things could never truly be the same.
I had changed during my time here.
I realized I needed someone to care about me as I cared about everyone else. Exhaustingly and completely. With a reckless abandon that would make me dizzy. With what she’d done to me, I doubted Mairin could be that person. But the thought of her dying made my breaths and heartbeats come too quickly. I couldn’t give her a chance or refuse her if she were dead.
My thoughts ran rampant as Old Telemern swam us higher and higher, approaching the tall tower which held Estri’s prisoners. Finally, the old turtle shifter slowed before treading water just outside the highest window in the spire.
“Well, go on,” I said, and he merely moved his head back and forth in refusal. “Coward,” I spat, before slipping off him and swimming toward the window.
I still held the goddess’s comb in my hand, but I wasn’t sure if it would do any good. If Estri showed up, if she knew everything which went on in her domain like she’d implied, I was as good as dead too.
But perhaps I could free those in her prison beforehand, maybe they could take the knowledge from Old Telemern and do something with it.
Estri could not continue to hold the seaborn captive. She was not good or just or kind; she was only controlling. And gods, was I sick of controlling women in my life. The Sea Queen was not worth the worship or love demanded by the gods.
What is love to a god?
Swimming to the top of the tower took far longer than I needed it to. I was in a hurry, desperate for a sign of the fiery redhead I’d grown to care about over the past months. Had it been love? Could it ever be love?
I couldn’t know—especially if she was already dead.
Shimmying my hips through the hole Smokkar had brought me through the week before, I waited for my eyes to adjust. It was dark; the only thing illuminating the prison was a faint glow toward the back of the spire. Countless bodies and limbs and the coral enclosure floated between me and that ghostly luminescence, but I blinked, trying to make out its shape.
“Mairin?” I said, moving closer to the coral-covered grate which held them captive.
A cough, and that white-blue glowing mass shifted. “Not here,” a voice said. “Never here.”
Blinking, I watched as the shape of a man stood up behind the writhing tentacles and fins. Long, silver-white hair flowed loose around him, and that was the source of the light. Glowing far fainter than it had the last time I saw it, I watched as some sort of giant eel slipped through Smokkar’s tresses. Relief filled my belly, heavy and warm.
“Why haven’t you shifted?” I asked, certain his squid-like form could find a way out.
“I can’t,” he retorted. “Do you think me stupid?”
“I was told you were dead.”
“And I’m surprised you aren’t.”
“Where’s Mairin?” I asked, but before he could answer, the water around us began to churn. Spinning, it pulled me down toward that hole I’d shimmied through. I shrieked, unable to stop the water’s pull as it dragged me down, down, down.
I managed to plant one of my feet on the ground near the hole, though the current wrenched my other leg and part of my dress through. I struggled, trying to pull myself free. But the water kept flowing—relentless in its draw.
My hair plastered to the side of my head as the water level fell lower and lower, creating a pocket of air within the prison spire.
That was when the sputtering began. Gasping breaths and the sickening sound of flopping flesh filled the small enclosure. Eyes wide, I watched as Smokkar leaned against the back wall and observed his dying sisters as they flopped on the ground in their seaborn forms. In his humanoid form, he could breathe, but the seaborn were clearly dying with no air. His jaw twitched, but he didn’t move.
“It is you she wants, Princess. Best go now, before she kills them all.”