Chapter 50
EMMELINE
The woman seated at the table looked remarkably similar to Nor. With wavy, midnight hair, thick brows, and a long nose that tipped downward the slightest bit, the resemblance was striking. But where Nor’s skin was pale, Veda’s was a rich russet color—similar to that of her brother, Raj. Her mouth dropped open, and the spoon she’d been holding clattered on top of her plate.
“What—how did you—why are you here?” she shrieked, before shoving away from the table, grabbing a small child from a chair beside her. She was tall, nearly Rain’s height. With wide eyes, she backed toward the hearth.
Rain stepped through the rift first, with hands raised. “Veda, please. I’m sorry to scare you, but we need your help.”
I followed behind him, and her dark gaze darted over Rain’s shoulder to me before she frowned at my husband. “Why should I help you? You got my brother killed.”
Rain stopped. Gnawing through him, the words discovered a hospitable environment within his chest—the statement finding a home in his heart like a worm in an apple. He visibly flinched, posture suffering from the blow. I closed my eyes, gently tracing our golden connection, wishing I could comfort him more thoroughly. But Veda had suffered a terrible loss, and to provide Rain any kind of relief might seem a minimization of her own grief. Despite knowing whatever had happened wasn’t Rain’s fault, we were still responsible for the life of each soldier.
“And I don’t think I can emphasize enough just how sorry I am.” Rain hung his head, and I fought against the threat of tears. “I loved your brother, and I will miss him every single day.”
Veda’s lips pursed, but she bent, easing her son to the ground. “Go play, Arun,” she murmured. The little boy backed out of the room, large solemn eyes darting between the two of us. Veda shooed him, and the pattering of little feet brought a smile to my face.
“My husband sent word he would be home for the night. I assume that’s why you’re here?” she asked.
Rain nodded, eyeing the table. “May we discuss?”
She crossed her arms, but gestured for us to sit.
“I have no desire to implicate you,” Rain said as he settled into his chair. She slowly eased into the seat across from him. Not knowing what to do with myself, I sat beside Rain, listening quietly. Part of me had been inclined to entertain her child and allow Rain to plead for her assistance in private. But I thought he would have felt it was abandonment. He had known Veda for almost as long as he’d known Raj, and it wasn’t easy to face her. “I couldn’t exactly rift right to the Seat, and so I hoped you would take pity on us.”
“And what do you hope for me to do? Amil cannot help?—”
“I wouldn’t ask Amil to betray the Supreme. It’s certain death.” Rain shook his head. “Neither of you should be punished for worshiping the gods and putting your faith in the Myriad. All I ask is for a place for me and Em to rest until dark. If you happen to know where we can find novice garments, that would be helpful too.”
Veda clasped her hands on the table in front of her. With her husband in the Supreme’s guard, Veda’s immediate family was among a sparse population allowed to live in Lamera. Though there were shops and inns and places of worship within the city, and many Vestians worked at those locations, the only people allowed to reside inside its walls were hand-chosen by the Myriad.
“Are you truly the Beloved?” she asked after a long moment. Before I could answer, she continued, nearly breathless. “If you’re the Beloved, then to say no would be to defy the gods, would it not? Amil will not like this, but I think we have to. The gods would want us to, wouldn’t they? But if Amil comes home, then...” she trailed off as she looked at me.
Surprise bound my tongue for only a moment. “I am the Beloved. I can prove it, if you’d like. Although, Hanwen’s gift is a bit different, so I’m not sure?—”
“Did my brother believe it?” she whispered, eyes meeting Rain’s. “Did Raj die for her cause?”
“Her cause is the same as mine. The Beloved is prophesied to bring peace to the Three Kingdoms. Aonara blessed her with healing, Ciarden with shadows, Rhia with our daughter, and Hanwen gifted her a deeper well of divinity,” Rain said, an edge of irritation making itself known. He tempered it quickly, reaching over to squeeze my hand. “To answer your question, yes. Raj did die for her cause. He believed in her just as fiercely as I do.”
My heart was in my throat, and I wished to be anywhere but here. I was grateful for Rain’s love and support, but it felt as if I was responsible for every bit of destruction and death which had occurred.
And I was, wasn’t I?
Everyone who had died had done so fighting for me to have a chance against our many foes, the worst of which hadn’t been identified.
Veda sighed and put her elbows on the table. Rubbing her hands over her face, she pushed on her eyes a bit harder than necessary. I wasn’t sure if she was a conduit or not, but she didn’t seem much older than Lavenia. I knew their parents had died when Raj was younger, and it hurt to think Veda lost her older brother at such a young age as well.
I didn’t breathe. Success hinged upon her decision. If she told her husband we were there, our plan would be ruined. We needed to stop the Supreme from waking Iemis, and we needed to save those children. Veda held our fate in her hands.
She finally lifted her head, blinking hard. “Wait upstairs in my sitting room,” Veda said. “On my way back from taking Arun to Amil’s mother, I will fetch you what you need.”
Rain tensed beside me, and I knew it killed him to ask, “Will he speak of us?”
Veda clenched her jaw. “He doesn’t talk yet.”
“And we can trust you not to tell Amil’s mother?” Rain asked, leaning forward on his elbows. Mouth tight, and back rigid, his countenance was severe.
“I will not have her dying for your cause too,” she snapped. “I will endanger myself alone—for Raj.” She stood, pointed toward the staircase, and pulled her cloak off a hook by the door. “Arun, come. Let us go visit Nani.”
Lamera was crowded. With such little space, each house was quite narrow, with multiple floors. When Veda had said to wait for her, I hadn’t imagined having to climb so many stairs to find her sewing room. The small space was remarkably tidy. With a comfortable chair and small bookshelf beside the window, it seemed this room might have doubled as a reading spot for the woman.
“Gods, how many soldiers did he bring with him?” Rain muttered as he glanced across the square to the Seat. The obsidian building reached into the sky, the sunlight catching on the stained glass windows. We’d been ushered through the building rather quickly before, but I’d loved the way the colorful light had beaten down on the wood floors. The obsidian had greatly hindered my divinity, making me feel as if I was stuck, but the beautiful show of color had helped me avoid panic. “He expects a fight. If we don’t give him one, he’ll take his time. A distraction to the east is our best bet.”
I wished I could see that rainbow of color now, because my mouth had gone dry, and breathing had become difficult.
“Rain, what if he succeeds? What if the Supreme raises Iemis, and the god helps him destroy everything? He said he wanted to rule, but Cyran’s vision...”
I trailed off, not knowing what to do with myself. The fear was taking over, making my heart slam a throbbing beat within my skull.
Somehow, Rain was calm. He stood at the window, taking in every detail of our surroundings with strategic consideration.
Gods, he was handsome. His breeches were snug, the muscles of his thighs thick once more since escaping Folterra. I allowed myself to appreciate the curve of his ass as he studied the imposing building we’d soon be sneaking into.
As his long legs brought him over, his confidence and smile worked hard to charm me. His emerald-green shirt was unbuttoned at the top, a haphazardness I found endearing. His gaze roamed over me, and he put his hands on my waist. Pulling me close, he whispered against my neck.
“You’ve never cowered before the gods, and today would be a terribly inconvenient time to start.”
I laughed, though I knew he was only trying to distract me. I wanted it to work, but I simply couldn’t push those dark thoughts aside. “Rain, what if we die?”
“Then we find each other again in the next life. And then the one after that.” He seemed so tired. The bags beneath his eyes mirrored mine, and he had earned his own wrinkles between his brows. I wasn’t sure if it was a trick of the light that showed me a few grey strands in his curls, right at his temples. I’d found a new one of my own just the other day. Despite our slower aging because of our divine bond, it seemed stress did what it wanted.
“I much prefer this life,” I said, peering up at him.
“And we’ll do whatever we can to keep it.” Gently, he snaked his hand into my hair and pulled me closer. When his soft lips met mine, I closed my eyes. With reverence, Rain kissed me—long and lingering. As if he might never get to do it again.
And it was that realization which sent a shudder through me. I wrapped my arms around him with careless abandon and pulled him close. Opening for him, I parted my lips and deepened the kiss. This could be the last time the two of us shared such a moment.
I thought I would have been used to it by this point. Each morning we woke could have been our last together. But knowing Rain planned to distract the soldiers by himself scared me to death. What if the Supreme’s guard found him? What if he was overpowered? Nipping at his mouth, my body protested at the idea. He returned the bite, tugging my lower lip between his teeth, likely objecting to my part as well. With my stature, it would be easier for me to blend in as a novice, right beneath the Supreme’s nose.
Rain picked me up, and I wrapped my legs around him. He pressed my body against the door, my soft curves contouring to each hard muscle. His hands roamed down my sides as he pinned me, and I couldn’t contain my moan.
“’I love you’ isn’t enough,” I panted, repeating the words we’d said so many months before. He lowered his head, teeth grazing the top of my breast, and I raked my nails down his back. Each movement between us was pure desperation, and all I wanted was more time.
“I am yours, Emmeline,” he said, sprinkling soft kisses down my neck. “In each lifetime, I am yours, as you are mine.”
I stifled a sob as I tilted my head back against the wooden door, allowing him better access. Thinking about a future without him, waiting the rest of my life to die and find him again, didn’t seem feasible. It was certainly not an option for me, though I wouldn’t voice it.
If I lost Rain, I didn’t trust myself not to follow after him.
The novice garments Veda procured didn’t fit either of us. The set she’d retrieved for me might have fit a child, and ones she brought Rain wouldn’t fit him either. But they fit me. I hated the idea of Rain wandering the streets of Lamera without some sort of disguise, but he needed it less than I did. The pants were too loose and far too long. Veda had helped me roll them at the ankles, but I wasn’t confident as I walked along the narrow alley. The tunic was comfortable, if a little large, but the headpiece was easily the worst part. Only my eyes remained visible, and the fabric covering my mouth made it difficult to breathe.
But it kept me safe. It kept me anonymous. When Rain headed east, his own hood pulled far over his face, I hadn’t allowed myself to stare after him. Instead, when I noticed two novices running late for their curfew, I followed after them. Veda had given us valuable information about the schedule the Myriad adhered to, and if I didn’t get inside within the next quarter hour, I would have to wait until morning or risk punishment.
I needed to hurry.
Thankfully, one of the novices had taken the vow of silence. The other muttered a quick hello, but when I only nodded, she didn’t ask questions. It seemed safest to allow them to think I’d also taken the vow. I didn’t want to misspeak and expose myself for a fraud.
“Oh, thank the gods. It’s Juliet at the door.” The novice slowed as we rounded the corner, and she caught her breath. The silent one beside her matched her pace, and they both seemed relieved.
I wouldn’t have noticed the small door if not for the Myriad Mistress standing in front of it. Nestled between a bush and a divine statuary, it blended into the opulently designed facade of the obsidian behemoth that was the Myriad Seat.
“Late again, are we?” the mistress scolded, but she smiled fondly at the two novices. To me, she gave a bit of a grimace, but I hoped I was only imagining it. Her garments were far more decorated than the masters and mistresses I’d seen in Astana. I tried not to stare as she escorted us inside, pulling the door shut behind her and sliding locks into place. The oppressive obsidian weight tamped down my divinity, and I ground my teeth at the sensation. “Sabrina, this is the third time this week you’ve nearly missed curfew. I have a chore to do, and you’ll help before bed.”
When the other two novices hurried down the hall, not bothering to look back, I realized she had been speaking to me.
Shit .
I stopped, bowing my head as I waited for her to finish with the locks. In the meantime, I begged the gods to hear my pleas. If Sabrina hadn’t taken the vow of silence, and I refused to speak, I would certainly have a problem.
Mistress Juliet stepped forward, her small lantern guiding us down a corridor away from the other two novices.
“You’re lucky it was just me at the door. His Holiness has returned,” she said, glancing over her shoulder to make sure I was following. “He needs our help.”
I said nothing, but my hands began to twitch. What would I do if he recognized me?
“With only the one arm, he cannot care for the children, so we are going to put them to bed.”
What had he done with the novice he’d kidnapped along with the children? Shouldn’t she have been tending to them? Or perhaps she’d fought, and he’d decided she was more hindrance than help.
Juliet didn’t seem to mind my silence, so I followed after her, wondering what to make of this situation. Could I sneak the children outside and rift away by myself? Would that be enough?
I stifled my sigh, knowing it wasn’t. To ask the god for favor, the Supreme needed my blood. He very likely still had it, considering Rhia’s warning. If I had the opportunity to destroy it, I had to take it. But what purpose was there in stealing Declan’s children from their mothers? Descendants of the forestborn god would serve as decent collateral, I supposed.
Down a series of stairs, I followed the mistress. The air grew denser with each passing moment, and I wondered how close we were to the font. When Rain and I had been here to bond our souls together by drinking from it, the steps had gone downward endlessly, bringing us into what seemed like a cavern. Lit by scattered candles across the floor, it had even been almost romantic.
But now, the scent of mildew grew stronger, and the humidity made breathing harder as the wet chill seeped into my bones. I tried not to shiver. Eventually, Juliet stopped at a landing and opened a door. Behind it, the corridor was well lit, with clean stone floors, and a large rug running down the center of the hall.
Despite that, it wasn’t living quarters we stepped into, but a prison. The rug and cleanliness were a farce of comfort when each wooden door locked from the outside. A ring of keys hung from a nail in the wall, and I did my best not to flinch over the wailing babes.
“You don’t still have milk, do you?” Juliet asked, eyes trailing down my body. Surprise, more than anything, caused me to shake my head. The mistress tutted before breezing into the room. Had Sabrina birthed a child recently? Was she another victim of Declan’s plot to rape and impregnate?
“Just as well. I’ve sent for a nursemaid already, since the smallest two aren’t weaned.”
She unlocked one of the doors and revealed two wailing infants swaddled on the ground. Rushing in, I picked one up, swaying back and forth to soothe the babe. Mistress Juliet followed and picked up the other child. Questions swirled upon my tongue, but I bit them all back. None of her answers would appease me, and using my voice would only lead to suspicion. When both infants had quieted, the one I held in my arms burrowing toward my breast in frustration, Juliet explained where the third child was.
“The toddler has been taken to the font to make her sacrifice.” My entire body stiffened. “She will likely fall right asleep when she gets back.”
My exhale was forceful, but the covering over my face seemed to hide it. I nodded, turning away from Juliet and beginning to pace as the baby in my arms thrashed about to get to a breast that wouldn’t provide her any sustenance. It was a good thing Juliet couldn’t see my face because my scowl threatened to shatter. The idea of these precious children being forcefully used by the Supreme made me feel ill. A sob threatened its way up my throat, but I swallowed it down.
“In fact, why don’t you go fetch her? His Holiness would certainly appreciate it, I’m sure. He has a long evening ahead of him.” Juliet pulled the baby from my arms, and nudged me toward the door. “Don’t fear, Sabrina. He doesn’t know how tardy you’ve been this week.” She winked at me, as if she’d done the novice a great favor.
With no small amount of dread, I slipped back out to the stairs. Though I had no idea where to go or what to do when I got there, I took the spiraling staircase downward, one step at a time.