Chapter 15
FIFTEEN
SHAE
I ’ve made a lot of stupid decisions in my life, but taking two hungry and overtired seven-year-olds to one of the least child-friendly places on the planet really ranks in the top five.
As we mill around the Palace of Versailles, my daughter shares a look with her twin brother before glancing over her shoulder at me.
God, what is she up to now?
Tempest, the ringleader and their designated spokesperson, required us to go to Disneyland immediately upon waking. I stupidly suggested that we explore the area, eat well, and then head to the castle.
They already went to Disneyland Paris a few days ago with my mom, and while it’s no real issue for us to go again, financially, at least, I try hard to give the kids more normal boundaries.
Sure, we have the money to do so, but going to Disneyland Paris twice, especially after spending five days at the park already, is excessive.
In the soft-lit sunshine pinging around the ornate palace, I acknowledge that maybe I should have acquiesced.
It doesn’t take much for Tempest to overrun me, Yennifer, Raiden, and the security staff I established for us.
With a slowness that would be comical if it weren’t so enraging, Tempest guides her hand to the red velvet ropes separating the walkways from the priceless artwork.
“Tempest!” I hiss through a smile as my group passes by another guided tour on the way to the Hall of Mirrors. “Don’t you dare.”
To my right, Yennifer chuckles, but when I look at her, she wears a neutral expression.
I snap back to look at Tempest, moving toward the front of our private tour line.
When I reach her, she grabs the velvet rope, swinging her body beneath it to the other side of the barrier and obscenely close to a painting of Joan of Arc.
“Madame, s’il vous plait!” The guide shouts as he gestures to me, stuttering as his eyes widen and his face goes red.
“Pardonnez-nous,” I mutter, lurching toward my daughter. Her moss-green eyes sparkle with glee as she hops and twists her hips in that strange walk-dance seven-year-olds do. Raiden stands still as the group comes to a complete stop, his eyes as wide as the guide’s.
“Tempest! Now!” I snap, my voice rising despite my trying not to make a scene.
“Look at me, Mommy!” she coos, striking a pose next to a portrait of some long-forgotten French queen.
“Beautiful, baby. Now come to the right side of the rope. We’re not allowed over there.” I hold my arms out, motioning for her to come forward with both hands open, and her smile spreads.
That’s when I know she’s about to go into demon time.
“Tempest,” Yenn says, stepping up to me and placing her hands on her hips. “Come on, sister girl, or you’re not getting pain au chocolat when we leave this place.”
Tempest gasps and comes from the restricted area immediately, looking up to her aunt with pleading puppy eyes.
“Please, Auntie Yenn? Don’t take away the chocolate!” she says, her voice going too loud, and a group of tourists turns their heads toward our party. It feels like there are hundreds of people here despite us arriving well after the evening rush and it being Thursday.
“Well, behave,” Yenn says simply, giving her a serious look and then winking. I blow out a breath. Lately, I feel so out of touch with the kids. I know they’re growing and they’re curious, but I get this sense that they’re doing more than testing my limits, and I’m not sure what to do with that.
Spank ‘em , is what my daddy would say. Spare the rod and spoil the child, and all that bullshit. As for me, I will never cause them physical or emotional pain. Not if I can help it.
Grabbing Tempest’s hand in a firm grasp and scooping up Raiden’s in the other, I say to the guide, “Excusez-moi, Monsieur. Où sont les jardins? Pouvons-nous voir l’Orangerie?”
If we can skip to a place like the gardens where the kids can move around a bit without fear of causing an international scandal, I might be able to breathe.
“Oui,” the man says, spinning on his heel and guiding us past the impossibly pristine garden and toward the airy enclosure that holds Marie Antoinette’s orange grove.
“Enfin, l’Orangerie. Merci.” With a short bow, he leaves our group.
I guess that’s the end of the tour.
“Jesus,” I say, releasing Raiden and wiping my forehead with the back of my hand. It feels like everyone is watching me—watching us. I usually don’t care what other people think because fuck ‘em. They don’t pay none of my bills.
And yet, it’d be nice not to move around the world encased in armor, deflecting everyone’s snap judgments about me.
“Mama, can Raiden and I go look at the pretty flowers over there?” Tempest’s big eyes widen a bit as she looks up at me, and I squat, tucking my skirt between where my thigh and calf meet behind my knees.
“Honey, look at me,” I say, keeping a soft voice and trying my damndest to gentle parent through this moment. “I know you wanted to go to Disneyland again?—”
“Yes!” she interrupts.
“ But ,” I say, “You already went. And it’s really important to Mommy that you have this experience, too. You are standing in living history, baby. You’re getting to do something not many people get to do. I certainly didn’t get to visit Versailles at your age.”
She pokes out her lip, and I grab Raiden’s hand, pulling him to stand next to his sister.
“We can do all that we need and get most of what we want, right?”
I look between their faces. They’re fraternal twins, obviously, but I’m always taken aback by just how similar they look.
“Mommy.” This comes from Raiden. “I’m glad you’re here.”
I touch his cheek.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here earlier,” I say. Looking at both of them, I continue, “Let’s give it five more minutes. I’ll be able to sleep better knowing you had this experience. Okay?”
Tempest steps forward, her smile bright.
“Okay, Mommy! We’ll be right over there,” Tempest says. She points toward a bend in the Orangerie where a bloom of colorful florals climbs a trellis.
I stand, straightening out the invisible wrinkles in my paisley wrap skirt.
“All right,” I draw out, looking around. Luckily, there’s an empty bench right in the sight line of where they want to go, so I move us all toward it as a group and flop down with Yennifer next to me.
“I’ll be right here,” I say, offering them an inch. The twins flounce off to see the flowers and the sculptures nestled within.
“You’re doing a great job with them, Shae.” Yennifer’s soft voice breaks my observation.
I blow out a breath in response.
“I am fucking up a lot, too,” I reply. Before she can refute that, I hold up my hand. “Nope, don’t argue. I know I’m doing a lot for them, but I can be more present. I should be more present.”
Yennifer tsks . “Don’t should on yourself, boo-boo.”
I look across the room to where they stand shoulder to shoulder, looking over a short barrier to the foliage below.
“I want to be more present.”
“You’re building a whole-ass empire, sis. You have, what? A hundred people working for you now?”
“Seventy-seven,” I reply.
A band of tension forms at the back of my skull.
“That’s a shit ton of people—and responsibility,” Yenn says.
“Yes,” I reply. “But those two heartbeats over there are my number one priority. Always.”
I look over to the twins, who are just beyond my field of vision.
“Tems, Rai, stay where I can see you,” I say, raising my voice to reach them over the somewhat crowded space.
“I know that, babe. Everyone knows that,” Yenn replies. When I don’t continue the conversation, she looks at me with concern.
“You do know that, right? That everyone knows you love your kids?”
Maybe if I weren’t so sensitive, or maybe if I weren’t so thrown off-center by Storm, I could put on the mask. But the truth is, I love my work, and I love my kids…but the attention I’m able to devote to both is inequitable on most days.
And I want to do better for Tempest and Raiden. I just don’t know how.
Maybe if you stopped trying to be Superwoman….
“Yeah, I know, Yenn,” I reply, smiling weakly and looking away from my best friend.
I frown first, then my heart falls to my feet as I stand from the bench.
“Raiden? Tempest?” I yell, moving toward where I just saw them. When they’re not in the designated spot, I raise my voice, all kinds of terrible scenarios instantly running through my head.
“Raiden! Tempest!” I whirl around in a circle in time to see Yennifer jump up with a panicked look.
I spot the guards, shouting nonsense at them when I hear one of the twins call out for me.
“Mommy, over here!” Raiden shouts.
I turn, feeling dizzy….
…and that dizziness compounds when I see my seven-year-olds standing in front of a man crouched in front of them.
A man who stares wide-eyed at both their faces.
A man who, when he finally turns toward me, looks like he wants to incinerate me on the spot.
Their father.