Chapter 34
THIRTY-FOUR
SHAE
I don’t open my eyes because there’s a hell of a lot happening right now.
One, it has to be past seven a.m. if the angle of sunlight coming through the windows and hitting my closed eyelids is an appropriate indication.
Two, I’m not in my bed. The surface beneath me is too lumpy to be anything but a body, and I’m going to have to say words to the owner of said body once it’s discovered that I’m awake.
Three, my position has Storm’s stiff dick right against my pussy lips, and I cradle the organ with my lady bits like we’re holding hands—but with our privates.
I can’t move. I want to move. To be completely honest, I want to ride him, but there are so many more things that need to come first.
I lift off his chest, but Storm’s arms band around my back like a vice.
“Just a minute more,” he murmurs, his lips pressing into my hair.
Well, if that don’t have me wanting to weep.
I don’t move again for a full sixty seconds, expecting his dick to deflate, but of course it doesn’t.
This is dangerous.
“Storm,” I whisper, and I don’t have to say any more. His arms fall away, and I slide off his lap, pulling the tangled sheets up to hide my breasts.
In the golden morning sun, Storm looks magnificent. He slings his arm above his head while the other disappears beneath the sheet. My mouth goes dry as the rays hit his eyes just right to make his irises appear like jade and amber.
We sit in silence, but it’s Storm who breaks it. With a big breath, he says, “Do you regret last night?”
I can tell he’s trying to be casual about everything, but I know him. The way his shoulders tense and his eyebrow quirks signals his discomfort.
I don’t need to think about my response.
“No. Not at all,” I say, trying to smile. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not scared.”
There. That’s a very adult response.
Storm’s muscles seem to unclench at my reply, but his expression turns serious.
“What are you scared of?”
I pull my legs up and regret the action when all my pelvic floor muscles scream at me. Settling into a crossed-leg position, I ignore Storm’s slight knowing grin and look down at my lap to collect my thoughts.
“I’m scared of losing myself again. When we first started dating, I was so immature. I look back at that time and, God, I have no idea how you were so patient with me for so long.”
“I knew you were worth it, even if I turned out to be an idiot,” he replies slowly, his hand landing on my knee, almost as if he can’t stand being apart from me.
“I get that, and when things started to get messy, I found myself seeking you out to settle my emotions. It was like, if you were okay, I could be okay.”
“And that’s a bad thing?” he asks, his brows creasing.
“Yes. No. I don’t know,” I finally say, throwing my hands up.
“All I know is that when we broke up, I was practically physically sick from the separation. I would have these moments of stability, where I’d be able to lift my head and hype myself up to face another day.
But then, at other times, I’d be so depressed my mom was worried I might hurt myself.
I was spiraling with no one to catch me. ”
His jaw twitches as he grinds his teeth, but I don’t rush to comfort him or make the words prettier. The past is the past, just as the truth is the truth.
“So, I’m scared. I’m scared to be vulnerable with you and to trust you.
I’m afraid that if I go down this path with you, I’ll turn into someone I’ll hate—I’ll lose sight of who I am.
I’m scared that starting back up with you means driving myself crazy looking for signs or second-guessing your every word.
I’m a mom. Tempest and Raiden need me to be whole and healthy, and yet, I feel this could be… .”
I stop, chewing on my bottom lip with my eyes cast down, unable to look at Storm. But then his fingers touch my chin, tilting my head up and forcing me to say the hard words while staring directly at him.
“What do you think this could be, Sweetness?” His words are whisper-soft and unsteady, almost like he’s opened up his chest to expose his heart to me.
“I think…if you are who you say you are…this could be everything. ” He smiles at that, but it’s a small, sad expression. “But I believed you loved me once, only to find that was a lie—wait, let me finish.”
I hold my hand up when he opens his mouth to object, to correct me.
“And now, I’m learning the belief I’ve lived under for eight years—the belief you never loved me, or you had feelings but stopped, is incorrect. It’s disconcerting. Destabilizing. So, you said we’re going to take it slow, and I need to know…do you mean that?”
Storm’s hand is still on my knee while the other lands on his chest as if it hurts. His lips turn down, but he doesn’t look upset, but more so contemplative.
“Yes,” he says, clearing his throat. “I want you to feel safe and be safe, Shae. I’ve always wanted only that, above all else.”
He grabs my hand and brings it to his lips. He kisses the back of each finger.
“Trust is such a fragile thing,” he whispers, his mouth still pressed to the back of my palm. “But I guess it all comes down to one question: Do you believe trust can be rebuilt?”
I think about that, looking off toward the window. The curtains are gauzy, more feminine than I’d expect for bachelor Storm, but I put that thought aside and focus on what’s right in front of me.
Can trust be rebuilt? I guess that’s the critical question, because if I can’t ever trust him again…well, we’re dead on arrival then, aren’t we?
“Yes,” I say, my voice gaining strength. “I believe that, if both people want it and work at it, trust can be rebuilt. I’m just…not a hundred percent sure how to do that.”
Storm nods as if he’s a man on a mission.
“Leave that part to me, Sweetness. I’ll get us started, and we’ll figure it out from there. Okay?”
He looks so eager, so earnest, that it’s hard not to catch his smile. So, I let it happen, a grin spreading across my face.
“Okay,” I say, pulling our hands back and placing them on my lap. “But there’s one thing I am sure about.”
“What’s that?” he asks, sitting up and moving closer. I’m not sure how he’s gonna take what I have to tell him.
Blowing out a big breath, I say, “As far as the kids are concerned, we’re not together. Just platonic. So, no kisses or hugs or talk about our feelings about each other in front of them.”
He frowns so deeply, I’m concerned about his facial muscles.
“Storm,” I start, tilting my head and ready to plead my case.
“No, no,” he says, holding out a hand and closing his eyes to smooth out his features. “I…I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it.”
I nod slowly.
“I don’t want them to get confused, and if things don’t work out—” Storm grunts, his face changing again—this time to barely suppressed anger.
“This is not a done deal, Storm Sandoval!” I say, raising my voice a fraction and hopping off the bed.
I take the sheet with me, which I regret, because Storm is still naked under the bedding, and now his still hard dick is out in the open.
I spin in a circle, looking for my shorts and ignoring the seeping cum trying to make a reappearance this morning.
Holy hell.
“I know , Sweetness,” he bites out. “I just…how long are we going to keep this from them? I agree with you, baby, but what does this look like? No kisses? No hugs? Hell, will you get mad if our fingers brush while passing each other in the hallway?”
I roll my eyes.
“Now you’re being ridiculous,” I say, pulling my shirt over my head. Once done, I throw the sheets at him, and he vaults from the bed and towers over me in full naked glory.
“Don’t leave. Not yet,” he says, an edge of…something in his voice. “I just…wait. Stop, Shae.”
And because I’m working on myself, I pause instead of storming out of the room. Progress, right?
Storm blows out a breath and puts his hands on my shoulders, bending down to look me in the eye.
After a long moment, he says, “I’m scared, too.”
Despite their soft delivery, I still flinch at his words.
“I feel like I’m holding on to you by my fingertips. I don’t want to drop you, and yet, I’m trying to figure out what the hell to do next to get us back on solid ground.”
He opens his mouth again but looks away.
“I’m scared to lose you forever, Shae, and that’s the risk I’m taking here. So, I need to learn how to live with this discomfort, this uncertainty, until you’re ready to take a step together back on land.”
Tears well up at my waterline, and I sniff to keep them at bay. But I don’t look away.
Placing my hand on his chest, I say, “I promised I’d try, Storm. And I will try. If I set a boundary, I promise it’ll only be because I need it, not because I intentionally want to push you away.”
Storm stares at me for a long second, his eyes roaming over my face, then he leans down with slow, controlled movements and kisses me.
Tenderly.
The press of his lips to mine is another apology.
“I’m sorry, Shae. I know I said I’ll be patient, but I guess the more primitive parts of me want to lock your ass down sooner rather than later.” He grins, his eyes flashing with amusement. “Drag you by the hair to my cave and knock you up to stake my claim.”
I bark a laugh, but all he does is smile.
“Look, our first fight since getting together, and we’ve managed to resolve it in less than five minutes. We’re winning at life, baby,” he says.
I hum.
“Yeah, but going back to the whole knocking me up thing. You know that’s not happening, right?”
Storm lifts an eyebrow and reaches for his boxers, pulling them on while staring me down.
“You mean, again?”
I suck my teeth and put my hand on my hip.
“Whatever, Storm. I’ve got an IUD now, and that thing has a good three years left on it.” I cross my arms. “No more Sandoval babies for you. Not from this womb.”
I deliver the news with a joking tone, but Storm’s face is anything but amused.
“Storm?”
“We’ll talk about that one later,” he replies. What?
Spinning me around, he walks us toward his door.
“I’m assuming you don’t want to be caught together by the kids, so I’ll let you go first,” he says, his voice neutral.
He grips the door handle but doesn’t move to open it.
“Storm?”
“One more kiss before you go?” he asks, his breath moves the loose strands on my neck. Turning, I lean into his embrace, tilting my head up toward his.
“One more,” I reply, and Storm grins.
If I were wearing shoes, my toes most certainly would curl in them. Storm devours my mouth, sucking out all my air and reason and making me instantly wet.
Jesus, what this man does to me.
When he finally does release me, I’m grinding against his thigh and leaving a wet spot on his boxers.
“See you in thirty, Sweetness,” he whispers, our lips grazing each other’s.
I mumble something incoherent when he pushes me out the door.