Chapter 42 #2
I brace for impact, expecting him to attack me in some form, even though my soul knows he’d never physically hurt me.
“You will not wake the kids, Shae,” he grinds out, pulling me close to him with gentle yet firm hands. “You’re coming to my room, where you’ll sleep in my bed, and we’ll figure out the rest later.”
What!
“Figure out the rest! You’re out of your mi?—”
He suffocates my screams when he presses his lips to mine, holding my face to his firmly, but not painfully.
I count the seconds in my head, trying to grab hold of something so that I don’t fall into Storm’s vortex of power.
This is the man I love.
This is the man I love, and I can’t resist him, even when I should.
I let go, falling silent in his arms, and he pulls away from me, resting his forehead against mine. Then, we’re moving—cradled in his arms bridal-style, he takes steady steps until my back hits his mattress.
I go still, closing my eyes, and all I can think is: The man was innocent. And the man I love killed him in cold blood.
Tears fall into the shell of my ears, so I slide my eyes closed. My face burns.
Nothing feels real; everything feels off, as if I fell into the uncanny valley, where things look the same, but just one shift off center.
This is the man I love, and he has the blood of three people on his hands just from tonight.
Including one man who didn’t deserve it.
“Why, Storm?” I whisper, still finding comfort in the darkness behind my eyelids. “Why did you do that?”
“Why does it matter?” His voice comes from nearby, and I sense his body next to my thigh, as if he were sitting on the mattress.
“Why does it matter? It’s because he didn’t do anything!” I say, breaths catching in my chest. My eyes spring open when he shifts, and before I know it, he’s right there in my face, hovering over me.
“You destroyed a man—killed him—because he failed to meet your standards?—”
“ My standards ? Shae, you almost died !” He shouts inches from my face, and I’m so stunned by the force of his words that I go mute.
Then, my anger gathers like a ball I’m about to lob into the net.
“Yes! I know I almost died, Storm. Trust me, I was there and I have the wounds to prove it. But it’s not about that!”
“Shae—”
“It’s about the fact that you decided to kill someone because of your feelings, not your logic.”
“I was being very logical,” he cuts in.
“You decided he should die because he failed you. Not because he was guilty. Because he disappointed you.”
“Shae, I swear to g?—”
“You let the cold, heartless side of you take over and make decisions, just like you did eight years ago when you threw me away!”
I choke back a sob, startled by my words, by my connections, until they’re out of my mouth. I’m upset that he killed Bakari, and his death will haunt me for a long, long time.
But I’m more upset about the reasons why he did it—how he was able to do it.
The Storm Sandoval I know is loving, feels deeply, is protective, and possessive. He’s a man with strong morals, not a heartless murderer.
“What does it say about me if I stay, even knowing you’re capable of this type of cruelty?
What does it say about me when I know , have lived in the aftermath of your high-handed decisions?
Who would I become if I lived in the constant fear that you’d discard me, destroy me, because you think it’s the right thing to do? ”
“Enough!” His voice shatters the air like a gunshot, and he wrenches away from me. But he doesn’t look at me when he says it. Because he knows. He knows I’m right.
I sit up, the room spinning.
“ If you stay, Shae?” Storm says from his place near the wall. His back to me, I watch the breaths saw in and out with increasing speed. He faces me, his face a mask of fear and rage and some other emotion so potent I can barely define it.
“I don’t know what to do here, Storm,” I whisper, my heart in the active process of breaking.
“And I don’t know how to go back to before, Sweetness.” The devastation in his voice has me swaying where I sit on the bed. This is him cracking—unmoored, aimless.
This is the man I love.
“But,” he says, swallowing hard. “I promised you I’d let you choose. So I’m gonna let you choose.”
My throat burns with searing pain as I take in what he’s saying.
“You asked once how trust can be rebuilt, and here’s what I had to accept: You can’t rebuild from what was; you can only build something new,” he says, solemn.
“Trust starts with truth. The full truth. And here’s the truth about the man I am today.”
He takes a slow step toward me, one, and then another, until he kneels at my feet. Not touching, just staring openly at me.
“I am a murderer, Shae. I’ve been a murderer since I took Jaxon Samuels’ life to protect you in that alleyway the night you went clubbing at Velour.”
My eyes slide closed at that memory, at him finally clearly confessing to what I’ve always known to be true.
What I’ve already accepted.
“Since you left my apartment the last time I saw you, I’ve killed even more men. I’ve taken lives because of pride, because of greed, because of mercy. I’ve killed to make them pay for their sins; I’ve killed to protect mine.”
He lifts his hands and freezes, as if he wants to touch me but thinks better of it.
“In most cases, I killed because I was ordered to do so, because for the last eight years, I’ve worked for Lakeland, doing his bidding.”
I suck in a breath.
“What do you mean, Storm?” I ask, lost.
“In order to defeat the monster, I had to become one myself.”
At that moment, lightning illuminates the sky outside the window, and a heartbeat later, in rolls the thunder.
“But even as I sank deeper and deeper into Lakeland’s world, plotting to kill him slowly and thoroughly by not just taking his life, but destroying everything he stood for, I never lost one thing: My commitment to protect you, Shae.”
A single tear rolls down his face, and he doesn’t move to wipe it away, nor does another follow it.
“Everything I do until my last breath will be for you, Shae Olivya Rivers. Everything. My heart beats for you, bleeds for you, and I’ll sacrifice every part of me so that you may live.
I’ll do anything, go to any length, take any soul if it means you get to be here another day.
And anyone who threatens your life, your fucking happiness, will meet justice delivered by my hand. ”
Another bolt of lightning.
“That’s why he had to die. Because when I say I love you, I mean every part of my soul in this lifetime and the next exists to meet yours.”
“Oh, Storm,” I say, searching his face and not knowing what the hell to think.
He stands, stepping away, and with every inch that separates us, coldness grows.
“I promised to give you space to choose, and I meant that, Shae. So choose. No more in-between, no more waiting. It’s time. Come find me when you decide.”