Between Shadows and Light

Chapter One

For a nursing home where everyone’s come to die, there isn’t a dull moment.

“You know you can’t leave, Joe.” I gently place my hand on his shoulder and pull him away from the door.

Joe initially resists my touch but then turns and steps back.

“It’s like a prison in here,” he says. “Look outside, Birdie. There isn’t a cloud in the sky. The sun is shining. And I’m stuck in here where it smells like death and dirty Depends.”

I suppress a smile and guide Joe into one of the lobby chairs where many of the other residents are. An old episode of Gunsmoke plays on the big television, but most of the people are slouched over, asleep in their wheelchairs.

“It’s nothing like a prison here,” I say. “You get to take the bus every day. I bet they don’t let you do that in prison.”

“There are still too many rules,” he says, folding his arms over his chest.

“You’re right.” I place a pillow beside him to prop him up. “But the rules are there to keep you and the other residents safe. The bus will be here at eleven and will take you anywhere in town that your heart desires.”

“You’re lucky you’re cute,” Joe says, turning toward the television. “Because your bossiness is getting on my nerves.”

“You’re lucky you’re cute too, Joe,” I say. “Because you trying to escape is getting on my nerves.”

Joe tries to cover his mouth to suppress his laugh, but it comes out anyway. I can’t help but smile this time. Joe and I have had a daily argument since the day I started at the nursing home about two months ago. He’s had a challenging time adjusting to the rules and hates more than anything that there is a code to get out of the building.

“I’ll be back at eleven to get you all on the bus,” I say. “But until then, watch some Gunsmoke .”

“I’ve seen every episode. At least a hundred times,” Joe says as I walk away. “It’s all that’s ever playing in this damn lobby.”

I go back to finishing my morning rounds. I pop into Marilyn’s room, but she’s sound asleep, her television blaring in the corner. I hit the off button and check on her. Ever since being put on new meds, she’s slept a lot. Her family usually pops in for their daily visit around noon.

After checking on Marilyn, I continue down the hallway, past the bird sanctuary, the library, and on to the largest rooms where some of our married residents reside.

“Hey there, Sunny.” I knock lightly on his already open door. He turns to me and smiles.

“Well, Birdie. You’re a sight for sore eyes.”

His eyes shine with the grin that extends across his face. He pivots his blue chair to face me.

“Is Sis already at her morning therapy?”

Sunny nods. “You just missed her.”

I sit in the chair next to him, needing to give my feet a rest. Sunny’s wife goes to cognitive stimulation therapy twice a day for her Alzheimer’s, which is part of the memory care programming at the nursing home. Sunny needs this break from Sis as much as she needs the extra care.

“Who’s meeting you for lunch today?”

After working here for only two months, I know the family and friends of the residents almost as well as I know the residents themselves. Sunny is one of the more popular people in the nursing home. He doesn’t need to be here. He’s sharp, and although his body moves slower than it probably once did, he’s in great shape overall. He’s here only because Sis needs to be, and he doesn’t want to be without her.

“Walt’s already been by for coffee,” Sunny says. “Camilla is bringing the kids over for lunch.”

“Oh, good,” I say. “It’s been too long since I’ve held Signe and Asher.”

“You’re welcome to have lunch with us.” Sunny pushes himself out of the chair. “Camilla always brings something fresh and homemade.”

“I appreciate that.” I also get up. “But if I have lunch with you, all of the other residents will know you’re my favorite, and we can’t have that.”

Sunny holds his stomach as he laughs. “And here I thought everyone already knew.”

The truth is, I like all of the residents at the Wheaton Nursing Home equally and have a unique relationship with each one. Sunny, though, is someone special. He reminds me of my own grandpa back in South Dakota, who passed away when I was a teenager. The residents are what make me eager and excited to come to work every day.

“I’ll check in on you and Sis later.” I pause at the door. “And enjoy those grandbabies of yours.”

“You know I will.” Sunny lifts his hand to wave.

At eleven, I make sure everyone who wants to take the bus is safely on. It stops at a few sights in town, and the residents who are still mobile have an opportunity to pick up snacks for their rooms, supplies they’re running short on, or just a chance to get out and remember what life felt like before they were in a nursing home. The staff takes turns chaperoning the bus around town, and next week is my shift.

The door to my mom’s office is open so I peek inside, but she’s not there. She’s the reason I moved to Wheaton and work at the nursing home. Her mom was moved here for their specialty in memory care when I was young. When she found out that the nursing home was on the verge of closing, she stepped in as the administrator. She’s only been here for a little less than a year but has been working hard to turn this place around. When I desperately wanted out of being a travel nurse, she suggested that I come work for her.

The lunch crowd starts filing past me, so I turn to walk with them to the cafeteria. The food around here isn’t great, but my mom is trying to improve that too.

“Is your family here?” I say to Marilyn as she moves past me with her walker.

“They should be, Ms. Birdie.” Marilyn is a Southern belle and only ever addresses me formally.

I help everyone get situated at their tables. I laugh to myself that everyone here ends up in the same places almost every day, much like a high school lunchroom. Even in their old age, they have their cliques. There’s the group of men who play cards. The bingo group. The knitting ladies, and then there is always the table of the non-verbal residents.

Many of their families join them for lunch too, and I always find my way to Abigail, who has never had a visitor in the two months I’ve worked here.

“Hey, Birdie.” I stop walking and turn to Sunny.

Camilla smiles and waves, her son, Asher, on her lap and daughter, Signe, in a chair next to Sunny. Next to her is a man I’ve never seen before.

“I’d like you to meet my grandson,” Sunny says, gesturing toward the man. “This is—”

“You must be Robby,” I say. “Camilla’s brother. I hear you recently got married. Congrats.”

“No, this is—”

“Liam.” The man narrows his brow, studying me.

“My oldest grandson.” Sunny places his hand around Liam’s back and smiles. “He’s visiting from New York City.”

“For how long, Uncle Liam?” Signe turns her attention to him, and he grabs her and puts her on his lap.

“It’s really nice to meet you,” I say, and he only nods in acknowledgment.

“Birdie is my favorite nurse in this place.” Sunny grins at me.

“Well,” I say, biting the corner of my bottom lip as I step back from the table. “I hope you enjoy your visit to Wheaton, and Camilla, it was great to see you.”

“You as well.” Camilla warmly smiles at me, but I glance at Liam, who continues to stare at me, expressionless.

How can that man be a relative of one of the nicest men I’ve ever met? He was rude and dismissive and looked at me like he was too good to share the same space with me. I turn and glance over my shoulder, and Liam continues to watch me as I walk away toward Abigail.

“Hi, Abigail,” I say, gripping the back of the chair next to her. “Do you mind if I sit and join you for lunch today?”

Her smile is from ear to ear. “Oh, I’d love that, Birdie. Thank you.”

She picks at her food, and I open my brown paper bag and put my peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich on the table.

“I don’t think I’ve ever asked you.” I turn toward Abigail. “But do you have a family? I’ve never seen them here visiting.”

Abigail pushes her potatoes around on her plate. “I have two daughters. One lives in Minneapolis, and the other lives in Davenport, Iowa.”

“Do they visit you here?” I press on.

“Oh, no.” Abigail shakes her head. “We haven’t spoken in several years. My grandkids are all grown, and I haven’t seen them in ages either.”

“I’m really sorry to hear that,” I say. “It must be hard.”

Abigail closes her eyes. “It is, but we all have to live with our decisions, I suppose.”

I open my mouth to respond, but Camilla approaches our table with Asher on her hip, his head heavy on her shoulder.

“Hey, Birdie.” Camilla smiles. “We’re having Asher’s second birthday party this Saturday. It’s from two to four at our place on the lake. It will be pure chaos, but we’ll have a lot of food and beverages for the adults, and Jake and I would love for you to come. I mean, if you don’t already have other plans.”

“I’m free,” I say. “That sounds fun.”

Camilla laughs. “Well, I don’t know if I would classify a second birthday party as fun, but I’m so happy you can come. Give me your number, and I’ll text you the address.”

I hand Camilla my phone, and we exchange numbers. She texts me the address. I’ve made no effort to get to know anyone outside of this professional setting since arriving here. I’m not sure how long I’ll stay, but my mom seems to love it and I want to be near her.

“Don’t bring a gift,” Camilla says. “Seriously. Asher has more toys than he knows what to do with.”

“Thanks for the invite,” I say.

“See you Saturday,” Camilla says. “Now it’s time to get my boy down for his nap, or he’s going to disturb the peace here.” Camilla chuckles as she walks away.

Abigail places her hand on mine when I turn my attention back to her. “Good for you, Birdie,” she says. “Get out there. Meet people. The lonely life isn’t meant for everyone and certainly not for you.”

“Well,” I say, taking a bite of my sandwich. “It isn’t meant for you either.”