Chapter Eighteen
The morning of July Fourth is hot and sticky. I think about making an excuse not to go. My mom already left to spend the day at the nursing home, and it would be more comfortable to go there and see if she needs help than to attend this party and put myself out there. But I can’t cancel. I invited Lucy to go with me, and it’s all she’s been talking about for the past couple of days.
Lucy pulls into the driveway promptly at two, and I run outside to greet her.
“I feel like I’m going to a party at the popular kids’ house.” Lucy claps her hands together.
“Wait.” I buckle my seatbelt. “Haven’t we outgrown the whole popular group thing at our age? Because let me tell you, those were never my people.”
Lucy laughs. “Mine neither. I was squarely in the theater kid, slightly emo group. I can’t wait to see how the other half lives.”
“Yeah?” I shake my head and smile. “I was the horse girl throughout middle school, and in high school, I think I was actually invisible.”
“Ouch.”
We drive out of town until the lake comes into view. I don’t need to give Lucy directions. Everyone in town knows where Jake and Camilla Abrams live. We pull up to their large home, and there must be twenty cars parked in the driveway and nearby field. Lucy puts her car into park, and her mouth hangs open.
“I really wish I didn’t have to leave early,” she says. “This is going to be a party.”
“I don’t plan to stay late either.” I pull down the mirror and glance at myself. “I need to be at the nursing home no later than eight.”
“Well.” Lucy grabs lipstick from her purse and paints her lips a deep red. “I need to get Gavin from his dad’s at five, so if you stay later, you may need a ride home.”
The music is loud when we step outside of the car and into the sun. People on the lawn play volleyball in their suits. A woman hits the ball over the net, and a man lifts her off the ground and twirls her in celebration. Then I realize it’s Liam. I stop walking, and Lucy practically runs into me. He wears only swim trunks, and his muscular chest is golden brown. He puts the woman down, grabs the ball, and moves to the serving position. She smiles at him the entire time, unable to take her eyes off him.
“Damn,” Lucy says, leaning toward me. “Is that your Liam?”
“There is no ‘my Liam.’”
“Let me rephrase that.” Lucy links her arm in mine. “Is that Liam Bergland? Sunny and Sis’s grandson, who spends more time talking to you when he visits the nursing home than talking to his grandparents?”
I slide my sunglasses down. “That is Liam Bergland. The man who reminds me daily how much he hates being here and that he can’t wait to move back to New York to live the rest of his life.”
“Well.” Lucy pushes me through the screen door of the house. “There’s always Will. All the guy does is talk about you.”
Will. The nice guy from work who makes it known how he feels about me. The man who wants to settle down in this nice community, meet a woman, and raise a family. Someone I know could be mine if I wanted him. Yet I feel no spark and can’t fake that I do.
There are as many people inside the house as are scattered out on the lawn. Camilla turns, and when she sees us, she smiles and heads in our direction.
“Birdie. Lucy. I’m so happy you came.” Camilla pulls me into a hug and then hugs Lucy.
“Hopefully, you know quite a few people here.” She points as Dax, Carrie, and Malik work their way toward us.
“Birdie, hi.” Carrie hugs me. “Jake is working the grill right now, so please, eat some food.”
“Hey, ladies.” Malik hugs me and Lucy. “Jake and Camilla got new jet skis. I just went for a ride. It was amazing.”
“Yes.” Camilla nods. “You should take one out. It’s the perfect day for it.”
“Umm.” I glance at Lucy. “I’ve never been on one. I think I’ll stick to land today.”
“You’ve never been on a jet ski, Birdie?” We all turn as Liam walks through the door and enters our conversation. “That’s just wrong. I can take you.”
“No.” I glance at Liam, who is now next to me, and for some reason, it’s hard to breathe. “I didn’t even bring a suit. But thank you.”
“I’ve got you.” Camilla grabs my hand. “I have about a hundred suits, in all shapes and sizes, in our guest room. They’re all clean. Help yourself.”
“Umm,” I say, but Camilla is already pulling me in another direction.
“Let me know when you’re ready.” I turn over my shoulder to Liam and nod.
She opens up the top drawer of a dresser, and she wasn’t lying. Camilla pulls out so many suits—bikinis and one-pieces of all different shapes and colors.
“Hmm.” Camilla holds up a pale pink two-piece. “I think this will be perfect. Try it on, and if it doesn’t work, there are many more to choose from.”
I can’t remember the last time I wore a swimsuit. I pull it on and stare at myself in the full-length mirror in the corner of the room. I feel very exposed. I turn to look at my backside, and it barely covers my butt. I push my breasts up and run my hand down my smooth stomach. I blow out a breath.
I feel a bit like an imposter and maybe even a little beautiful. I pull on my light blue summer dress and walk out of the room.
No one is in the same spot they were in when I left the group, so I pop outside. Liam talks to the woman who was playing volleyball with him, but he glances over his shoulder and spots me waiting in the distance.
“Ready?” He raises his eyebrow, and I nod.
He turns and says something to the woman, walks toward the water, and I follow.
“You don’t need to take me.” I catch up to him as we reach a shed. He pulls me inside. “I don’t even know if I want to go on a jet ski. What if I hate it?”
“What if you don’t?” Liam grabs a life jacket. “I’m going to get you out of your shell, Birdie. By the time this summer is over, you’re going to have all sorts of new experiences under your belt.”
“That sounds like a threat,” I say under my breath.
We stand by the water’s edge, where four jet skis are parked in their ramps. He puts his hands on his hips and stares at me. He’s back to the Liam I met at the beginning of the summer. The man who said very little but did a lot of judging with his deep blue eyes.
“Didn’t Camilla give you a suit to wear?” He gestures toward my clothes.
“She did.”
I drop the life jacket to the ground, pull my dress over my head, and toss it onto a nearby bench. When our eyes meet again, Liam is staring at me, mouth slightly open. His eyes rake down my body. He bends down to grab my life jacket and mumbles something under his breath as he throws it to me. I secure it in place, and Liam grips it and pulls me toward him. He tightens a couple of the straps.
“Ready?” Liam gestures toward the lake.
“Ready.”
Liam gets on the jet ski first and then nods at the small space left on the seat.
“I’m supposed to sit there?”
“Yes,” he says. “Unless you want to try to take one out on your own.”
I step down onto the jet ski. “How do I hold on?”
“Here.” He takes my hand and wraps it around his torso, and then my other hand, until I’m hugging him.
He glances at me over his shoulder. “Hold on tight, okay?”
The engine starts up with a roar. I bury my face in his warm, tanned back. He smells like sunblock, coconuts, and sunshine. He starts slow, but when we get into deeper water, he speeds up, and I grab him tighter.
Liam turns to me. “Are you okay?”
“Watch where you’re going,” I yell over the engine.
He laughs and then stares straight ahead. We whip by Lucy, who has Malik as a passenger, and Liam heads farther down the lake. I move one hand off Liam’s torso and onto his thigh for greater support. His body tightens underneath my touch.
Liam steers us closer to shore, where the resort is. He stops at the end of a dock and turns off the engine.
“Do you want to drive?”
“No.” I shake my head vigorously. “Definitely not.”
Liam laughs. “Come on, Birdie. I’ll show you how. You live in a lake town now. You should know how to drive a jet ski.”
He hops off and sits at the edge of the dock.
“Do you want me to be scared?” I say, and Liam’s face goes flat.
“Never.” Liam squeezes the base of his neck. “If you don’t want to drive, you don’t have to. I don’t want you to be scared. Ever. I want you to be the opposite of scared.”
I release a breath. “Fine. But you need to be with me, and I’m going to go slow.”
Liam nods. “I know you are.”
I move myself to the front of the jet ski, and Liam gets on behind me. He leans across my body and connects the lanyard kill switch around my wrist.
“In case we fall off.”
He points to the right handle. “This is the throttle. It’s sensitive. You don’t need to turn it much.”
He reaches over me and takes my hand. “If you want to reverse or go into neutral. And this is the start and stop button.”
“Seems straightforward.” I turn the jet ski on, grip the handles, and pull away from the dock.
Liam is so much taller than me that his head rests on my shoulder. His breath is warm against me. He reaches his hand across my body and puts his hand over mine.
“Don’t forget the throttle.”
I head down the lake, and when we pass the very last boat in sight, I grip harder, and the jet ski goes faster. Liam’s arms tighten around my waist. I haven’t felt this much power between my legs since the last time I was on a horse. The jet ski feels predictable, though, in ways a horse never could.
“You’re a natural,” Liam yells into my ear.
His hand tightens against my waist, and he pushes me back into him. We’re so close, I’m practically on his lap. His thighs press against mine, and his other hand grips my hip.
The wind in my face brings me back to that open meadow all those years ago. I felt invincible then. My entire world was in front of me. Nothing could touch me. But then everything changed. For years afterward, I had a recurring nightmare of me and my grandma flying through the air, knowing that the ground was going to come with a thud. I shouldn’t have let myself forget that. When Jake and Camilla’s cabin comes into view, I slow down and steer directly toward it. Anxiety overtakes my chest cavity, and it’s hard to take a deep breath.
It’s been years since I’ve had a panic attack.
“You were doing great,” Liam says. “Why’d you stop?”
“I’m done.”
We reach the ramp, and I disconnect myself from the jet ski, hand Liam the keys, and jump off. I hear Liam’s voice behind me, but I rush toward the shed, needing to be alone. I unhook my life jacket and go to leave but run into Liam’s hard body, blocking the only way out.
“Birdie.”
He shuts the door behind him so we’re completely alone in the dark shed. The sunlight peeks through the gaps in the wood.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“No.” I shake my head. “I was just done.”
“Did I make you uncomfortable?” He steps toward me but then stops himself. “I wanted to redistribute your weight. I was pushing you back. I’m so sorry if you felt unsafe. . .”
His voice trails off.
“Shit.” I look around. “What time is it?”
“I don’t know, about seven maybe. Why?”
I promised the residents they’d get their fireworks show. I can’t let them down. How could Liam and I have been out on the water for so long? Time moves too quickly when I’m with him. I lose sight of what’s important when he’s in my orbit.
“I need to get to the nursing home. I may have missed my ride.”
“Let’s get changed,” Liam says. “I can bring you.”
“You don’t have to,” I say. “I don’t want you to miss the fireworks over the lake.”
“They won’t start for hours.” He opens the door of the shed. “I can be ready in ten minutes.”
I change out of the bikini and get into Liam’s car. Neither of us says anything on the way there. I expect him to pull away as soon as we arrive at the nursing home, but instead, he gets out with me.