Chapter Twenty-Four
Liam is a quiet sleeper, and when I wake up, I almost forget that he’s in bed beside me, next to the mound of pillows I put between us.
Almost.
I tiptoe out of the room, but as I reach the door, I glance back. The blanket has slipped low, revealing the elastic of his black underwear. One arm is tucked beneath him, and his golden chest rises and falls with each slow breath. Strands of his blond hair have fallen across his face, partially obscuring his closed eyes.
The smell of coffee awakens my senses, and my mom stands at the pot when I reach the kitchen.
“What are you still doing here?” I ask as she pours coffee into her thermos.
“Nursing a hangover.” My mom leans against the counter. “And how was your night?”
“You mean, after you mentioned how hard you’d be sleeping and that Liam should spend the night?”
“I did say that, didn’t I?” She smacks her palm against her forehead. “In my defense, he was drinking. Safety first.”
“That’s not how it came off.” I blow on my coffee. “And we have a very platonic relationship, if you must know.”
“Okay,” she says slowly, a smile plastered across her face.
“Seriously, Mom.” I shake my head.
She shrugs her shoulders. “Whatever you say.”
I moan when I take my first sip. “We’re friends.”
“Birdie.” She puts her hand on my arm. “It’s okay to let yourself feel something, even if he isn’t going to be your forever.”
I try my best not to roll my eyes. “I can’t with this. Have a good day at work.”
When I return to my bedroom, Liam stands at my bookshelf, wearing only his shorts. He’s looking through a photo album, and when he hears me, he smiles and closes it. He leans against my desk.
“Good morning.”
His hair is tousled, and his muscles are on display as he folds his arms over his chest.
“Good morning. I brought coffee.”
Liam smiles and grabs a mug from me. It should be illegal to look like this after only just waking up.
“You were an adorable child.” He nods toward the closed album.
I sit on the edge of my bed. “Yeah, that word has been used to describe me a lot.”
“Did you sleep okay?” I ask.
“I did.” He puts his cup down, grabs his shirt from the chair, and pulls it on.
“Why’d we drink so much?” I put my mug on the nightstand and fall back into the bed. “Everything hurts.”
Liam laughs. “Have you ever had a lake day? It’s the best cure for a hangover.”
“I’ve been to the lake.” I raise an eyebrow.
“But have you had a lake day? Where you lie in a swimsuit all day, swim, fish, sleep, eat, repeat?”
Liam grabs a bag slung over my full-length mirror. “Pack a bag. We’re having a lake day. I’ll meet you downstairs.”
I don’t bother protesting. I throw on a bikini with a summer dress over it and put a few things in a bag. I tie my hair on top of my head. It’s hot outside, and we ride with the windows down all the way to the lake, music blaring so there’s no need for conversation. We pull in down the road from where Jake and Camilla live to an adorable cottage. Liam grabs my bag for me, and we get out of the car.
“Welcome.” He smiles as he points to it. “It’s been in the Bergland family forever. And it is my summer home.”
He opens the door to the cottage, and I fall in love instantly. It’s modern and looks like it’s been recently remodeled. It smells like fresh paint but also like Liam.
As if he’s reading my mind, Liam says, “Camilla and Jake fixed it up a few years ago. That’s actually how the two of them met. Camilla came to spend the summer, and Jake took pity on her and helped her with the renovation.”
“It’s beautiful.” I run a finger along the countertops and glance out the large window with panoramic views of the lake.
Liam hands me my bag and points to a room. “You can get changed in there, and then we’re going to paddleboard out to a platform and do some swimming.”
“I thought there would be no physical activity.” I moan. “My entire body is sore.”
Liam laughs. “It’s not far. I promise.”
I sigh as I stare at myself in the mirror in my black bikini. I run my hand down my pale stomach and turn to the side. When I was growing up, everyone thought I was younger than I was. But I’ve come to appreciate my body and all it’s capable of. I step out of the room, and Liam does a double take.
“You’re doing it again,” I say, and he knows exactly what I’m talking about.
“Take this.” He throws me a beach towel and pulls his gaze away from me.
We grab paddleboards from the shed and put them in the water. The platform is only about twenty yards out from shore, and the lake is like glass, with no wind.
“It’s beautiful out here, isn’t it?” Liam closes his eyes and tilts his face toward the sky. “I’ve been out here all summer, but I haven’t taken the chance to enjoy it.”
We reach the platform, and Liam helps me onto it. We pull up our paddleboards, and I jump into the lake. It’s cool, which feels nice on this hot day. I float on my back and squint as I look up at the bright sky.
“So far,” I say, “I like this lake day thing.”
He laughs, and his muscles flex while he pulls himself up the stairs. I follow him and then plop myself onto my stomach. The surface beneath me is warm. Liam lies next to me.
“How are things with your dad?” I turn to him and shield my eyes. “I haven’t seen him around lately.”
“He’s coming back next week.” Liam props himself up on his elbow. “Which means we get to share this space for a few days. Lucky me.”
“Is he really that bad?”
“Compared to some dads, no.” Liam bites on the inside of his cheek. “But there’s something about him I’ll never understand. He likes to put me down. Remind me of my mediocrity. And trust me, I usually feel bad about myself without needing help from him.”
“I’m sorry.” I chew the inside of my cheek and nod. “About your dad. And that you would ever feel bad about yourself.”
“Why do I have the feeling you could top every story I ever told you?” Water beads drip down his face, and he brushes his hair back.
“That’s not a good thing,” I say.
“What’s the story of that mysterious man at the nursing home?” Liam squeezes the nape of his neck. “The sperm donor.”
“There’s not really much to tell.”
Liam traces his lips with his index finger. “Why do I feel like there is? Like he’s at the center of so many of your fears?”
“Hmm.” I lie flat on my back and bend my arm over my face. “You’re perceptive.”
“So, I’m right?”
“Yes, and no.” I focus on my breathing. “My mom’s light more than made up for his darkness. I’m able to put things into perspective now. But did I internalize why I wasn’t good enough for him to show up for my entire life? Of course.”
All my logic and reason tell me that I’ve shared enough. For now. But my words are met with silence. I turn to look at Liam, and he’s staring back at me, curious, focused in a way that makes me feel so seen by him.
“He taught me what it feels like to have a broken heart. He gave me lessons at a young age on what broken promises feel like. He’s the reason I understand disappointment at its core. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve been able to recognize that it’s about him, and not about me at all. But for a really long time, I wondered what was wrong with me. Why I wasn’t good enough.”
“But you know you are, right?”
Liam shifts onto his stomach, positioning himself above me and shielding my eyes from the sun. He props himself up on one arm, his presence close and warm. Opening up to him feels like the scariest and best thing I’ve ever done.
“We all have our shit.” I stare into his eyes. “But I’m not at a point where I can say that having a messed-up, absent father has had no effect on my life. It has. It does.”
Liam brushes my hair back. “I only want you to top my stories with the good stuff. Never the bad.”
Energy transfers between us, but neither of us speaks. Moments pass, and the intimacy of it gets to me. I quickly lift my head, almost hitting his.
“Paddle back to shore?”
“Yeah. Sure.” Liam helps me get to my feet.
I sit on a stool in the cottage as Liam makes me lunch, the radio quietly playing in the background. I watch as he cuts up fruit and puts vegetables on a turkey sandwich. We sit side by side.
“What’s next on the agenda?” I ask.
Liam presses his hands together and smiles. “Everyone knows that a nap comes after lunch on lake days.”
“A nap? Really?” I laugh. “That makes sense, I guess.”
“Yep.” Liam grabs my hand. “But it’s not just any nap. It’s outside. In the hammock. It’s going to change your entire life.”
I almost believe him that it will.
Liam leads me outside and jumps into it and gets situated. It rocks back and forth, and then he holds his hand out.
“Your turn.”
I squint my eyes. “There is no way I’m going to fit into that. Not with you in it.”
“You will. Trust me.”
I sit gingerly, and when I feel steady, I lift my legs into the hammock and lie back. The moment I do, gravity pushes both Liam and me to the center. Our bodies pressed together.
“Is this your ploy to get a cuddle out of me?”
Liam flicks his eyes up. “What if it is?”
My bikini and his trunks are now dry, and I anchor my leg between his. Liam lazily wraps an arm around my back and pulls me toward him. I bury my face in his warm chest that smells like the lake, sunscreen, coconuts, grass, and every other favorite memory of summer.
“Is this okay?” His words vibrate against my head.
“It’s not the worst.” I wrap my arm around his lower back and drag my fingernails down his skin.
We’re a tangle of limbs swaying in the breeze. I close my eyes, syncing my breath with the gentle rise and fall of his chest beneath me. His strong arms wrap around me. Liam’s body is solid and warm, and it isn’t long before sleep claims me. But even as I doze off, I’m aware of him.
I don’t know how long I’m out for, but enough time passes that my dull headache is gone. I slowly open my eyes to slits and glance up to Liam’s gaze on me.
“Hey,” he says, smiling. He slides his hand down my back.
I detach myself from his body and wipe my mouth. “How long was I out for?”
“A while.” Liam sits up. “Aren’t hammock naps the best?”
It was being wrapped up with Liam that I liked so much. I could stay here with him the rest of the day and be very happy.
“Are you hungry? ‘Cause I’m starved,” Liam says.
“I could eat.”
He takes my hand and pulls me up. “Well, since we’re having a lake day, we’re going to have to go fishing and hope we catch dinner.”
Liam wasn’t joking. He goes to the shed and starts bringing things to the boat: first life jackets, then two fishing poles, and a tackle box.
“Are you serious?” I stand and stretch my arms up. “I haven’t fished since I was little. And there is no way you know how, Mr. New York City.”
“I wouldn’t kid about something as serious as catching dinner.” Liam tosses the last life jacket in the boat, then grabs my hand. “Let’s pick out a fishing hat.”
We go into the cabin, and he opens up a wicker basket full of hats of every shape and size.
“What about this one?” Liam pulls out a wide-brimmed straw hat and pushes it on my head.
“You’re kidding, right?” I look around for a mirror but don’t see one. I go to remove the hat, and he laughs and pushes it back onto my head. He then puts one on, too. But instead of looking ridiculous, the wide-brimmed straw hat fits him perfectly.
“Let’s fish.” Liam grabs my hand.
We pull out onto the boat, and Liam hands me a fishing pole. I haven’t gone since my grandpa taught me how when I was younger. That was a long time ago, and this pole looks nothing like the one I remember.
The shore is laden with rocks, and large trees rise up behind them. Liam grabs my pole back from me and casts it into the water before handing it back to me. The lake is calm, and it looks like the boat is slicing through glass.
“You look like you fit here,” I say. “How can you so easily leave it all behind?”
“Some of it will be hard to leave.” Liam turns the boat. “But this has never been my home.”
I lean back in my chair and put my legs up on the other seat. “Maybe. But I’ve seen your eyes light up over helping the nursing home, and I wonder if you ever felt that kind of excitement with the work you did in New York.”
“Birdie.” Liam kills the engine and lurches forward. “You have a fish on your line.”
He grabs the net, and I clumsily reel in, muscle memory taking over.
“Keep the tip up,” he says, grabbing my line and easing the fish to the boat. “You’re doing great.”
He guides the fishing line to the net, and I jump up in excitement.
“Is this something we keep?”
“It’s a walleye. If we can catch one more, we have dinner.”
Liam gets the next fish, and I could have stayed out on the lake for longer. We are almost the only ones out there. It’s so peaceful. Liam pours me a glass of wine as he cleans and cooks the fish, and I watch.
“See,” I say. “You’re pretty good at this small-town stuff.”
“Sunny taught me how to clean and cook fish when I was a kid.” Liam dishes up my plate. “I could visit every summer, sure. See the people I love. But you’ll be singing a different tune about this place come winter. I promise you that.”
Someday, I’ll run into Liam and his future wife as he comes to town to spend a long weekend at the cottage. He’ll be someone I knew back when. He won’t tell his wife that at one point, this girl from Wheaton felt comfortable enough to share almost all the things. Even the ugly stuff.
He sits next to me, and I remove his hat and put the one I’ve been wearing on his head.
“Better,” I say.
I spoon the fish into my mouth, and it’s good. I haven’t had walleye since I was a kid. I should recommend this meal for the residents at the nursing home.
Liam turns his stool. “A day at the lake isn’t over. We haven’t even done the bonfire yet.”
“As much as I’d love to, it’s getting late.” I glance at the clock on the wall. The entire day went too fast. “You should probably take me home.”
I think about all I have to do before I work six days straight. There are piles of laundry, I need to stop at the grocery store before it closes and pick up a few things, and I have to get a good night’s sleep.
Liam takes my empty plate from me and brings it to the sink.
He leans against the counter. “You could stay here tonight.”
“Oh, really?” I put my hands on my hips. “Could I?”
“That’s not what I meant,” he says. “I have two extra bedrooms.”
Staying would be so easy. Continuing to get lost in his presence and talking late into the night.
“I can’t,” I finally say.
But also, I hate how much I want to. I get up and close the distance between us. I pull down the ridiculous hat that he’s still wearing. He rubs his hands down my arms.
“You’re freckly,” he says.
Liam traces a few of them along my collarbone. New ones seem to pop up anytime I’m in the sun.
“I found my favorite one,” he says, holding his finger against one right where my shoulder and neck meet. I glance up at him.
“Today was amazing.” I grip his waist. “I like lake days.”
Liam pulls off his hat and wraps his arms around me, drawing me close. His lips brush softly against my temple.
“You can’t stay?”
I release a breath and pull away. “I shouldn’t stay.”
Those are two very different things.