Reyansh Carter
When I was in my early teens, other kids at my school always used to say that I was the biggest asshole in the world.
And now, I agree with them. Because no way in hell would any sane man talk to the woman that they love—the one who after six years still makes their heart race, who still has them in a chokehold—the way I did this morning.
I am an asshole and a loser. Big one.
When I first saw Aisha in university, I felt my lifeless heart resurrect back to life.
Before her, I had been in multiple relationships—ones that lacked meaning and love.
I never felt as connected to any woman as I did with her.
From the moment our eyes locked, I was done for.
Too lost in her beautiful brown eyes and her fierce retorts.
For most of my life, I had been the confident, extrovert guy—one who walked into the room like he owned it.
But Aisha was an exception. I couldn’t utter a single word to her when she was introducing herself to my group.
It wasn’t till I saw other guys buzzing around her like bees that I gathered the courage to go up to her and ask her out.
What could I do? I was helpless. She hated men with every fiber of her being. Guys who had asked her out had been very sarcastically refused. I didn’t have the guts to get my heart broken that way.
I still remember the day I asked her out. I had asked my mom for tips, and she said to go follow my heart; if the girl refuses, then it’s her loss. But I couldn’t make her understand that losing her would always be my loss.
You don’t find women like Aisha in your life twice.
Yet I took my own words for granted.
One month into our relationship, and I had already started envisioning a life with her. One that was filled with puppies, books, food, and love. Little did I know that I would be the one ruining that dream soon enough.
Was getting married right after we graduated from university the reason for the bitterness that followed in our relationship? I don’t know.
I always knew I wanted to get married young. I didn’t want to make the mistake that my parents did.
I thought I was doing the right thing by getting married to the woman I loved. Maybe that was the mistake.
* * *
As I get into the building of my office—Carter & Co. Architects—I try my best to forget her sad face I was responsible for. But it’s so damn hard to get her out of my mind. She plagues me like a disease. One I will never want to get rid of.
Building Carter & Co. Architects from the ground up was my lifelong dream.
Ever since I discovered my love for architecture, I have been obsessed with starting something of my own.
I used to think that it was an unachievable dream, and I should just go via the safe route and start working under my dad.
It was Aisha who supported my dream. She was the one who pushed me to talk to my parents once we graduated. She is the only woman behind my success. The success that later took me away from said woman.
I walk in my cabin, ready to submerge myself in work—the only thing that I am good at doing—when I notice him sitting in my chair.
I roll my eyes at him, and he just grins, not bothering to get up from my chair even when I stare at him.
“Care to explain why you are here, Aarav Singhania?” I ask, my arms crossed at my chest.
Aarav Singhania—my best friend since childhood—has always been a pain in the ass. He was attached to my hip till we went to university, only for him to drop out later on to become a full-time content creator in NYC.
“I missed my best friend, so I flew down all the way from NYC to London,” he smiles before getting up to hug me. I grumble, not a huge fan of physical touch, before patting his shoulder, causing him to chuckle.
“Nice seeing you still alive,” he says as I drop my stuff on the other chair since I don’t think he is in the mood to leave my chair, as he moves to sit down there once again.
I frown. “You sound surprised. Why is that?”
He bats his eyes at me like a puppy, and this is exactly the reason why I don’t like him sometimes. He always takes the dramatic route before getting to the point, and it’s aggravating.
“Get to the point,” I grumble, pinching the bridge of my nose as I take a calming breath.
I don’t have the patience or the time to deal with his antics.
“I thought by now your wife would have put poison in your food,” he says sweetly. “I mean, who would want to stay with a husband like you?”
I roll my eyes even if his words hit my heart like a dagger. I know his words hold truth. If it were me in Aisha’s position, I would have left me.
I am still grateful she hasn’t. Yet.
“Thanks for the vote of confidence in my marriage,” I reply, sarcasm dripping in my words. I don’t like his honesty, particularly at the moment. “But I am still alive and married.”
“I can tell from the ring on your finger,” he says before getting up so that I can finally sit at my place and start working.
I stare at the golden band resting on my left finger. Even when our relationship has maybe lost its meaning in the long run, I have never had it in me to take off this ring. Nor has she, and these rings on our fingers give me the hope that maybe we can repair what’s long been broken.
“Got your answer then, I hope,” I smile bitterly at him. “You can leave now. I have work to do.”
He, as usual, doesn’t leave. Instead, he raises his legs and places them atop my table, right by my laptop’s side, and I glare at him.
Why am I friends with him again?
“What?” I ask.
“Are you sure you’re not forgetting anything?” he asks in return
I narrow my eyes at him, wondering why he is asking me that. If something important was today, then Aisha or my PA would have reminded me of that.
My memory sucks—I can’t help it.
My dad says to drink badam rogan for it. But it tastes worse than shit itself.
“Would you cut to the chase and just tell me? I don’t have the time for your bullshit, Aarav.”
“It’s your wife’s birthday eve, Rey,” he says, sounding done with me at the moment. “She turns 28 tomorrow. Don’t you remember?”
My fingers halt on the keyboard as my mind registers his words. Fuck. I cursed under my breath.
How could I forget?
While birthdays have never mattered to me so much, they have always been a special day for her. She loves her birthday even if that day gives her so much anxiety. Not only that, but she hates when the people she loves and cares about so deeply forget her birthday.
While a lot has changed between us, I have always made sure to remember her birthday.
Now I forgot that too.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
“I forgot,” I admit out loud, hating myself as the words leave my mouth. My wife remembers every single thing about me. Yet I keep forgetting all the things related to her. “I will make it up to her.”
“How?”
I grit my teeth together. How is what I need to figure out at the moment?
“Don’t bother your little brain over it,” he rolls his eyes. “I have arranged for a small birthday party at my place tomorrow for Aisha. You and a few of our friends and business associates are invited. You better come with an apology and a gift worthy of her attention.”
I sigh even though my heart burns with the knowledge that instead of me, my best friend is preparing for my wife’s special day.
I know he has always been like a brother to both of us, yet my heart burns with jealousy.
“Why are you so worried about her?” I ask, spite laced in my voice.
He shakes his head, seeing right through me. “She is my sister-in-law, and she has always treated me like an elder brother. I am just doing the same. Besides, she deserves better than this, and you know it.”
I tilt my head, examining him while trying to calm myself down.
I don’t require him to lecture me about my relationship now. My parents do it enough even though they don’t know the details of what a wreck it has become.
“You are a relationship expert now?”
“No, Reyansh,” he says, dead serious. No sarcasm in his words. “You were the relationship expert. Remember? What happened that you have become this way? Aisha was and is the single best thing that has happened to you, and you keep treating her like a stranger? I thought you loved her.”
I clench my hands into a fist, trying to control myself from losing my patience, which is hanging by a thin rope.
“I did.”
He waits for me but doesn’t say anything. I rarely open up about what’s going on in my mind, and that is part of the problem of why Aisha and I are in this situation.
I run a tired hand on my face while I loosen my tie with the other. The room seems suffocating to me.
“I just… don’t know how to fix this. Our marriage has become a mess, and I am to be blamed for that. She made efforts while I couldn’t. Now it seems like even she has moved on.”
He stays silent for a beat before opening his mouth, and I pray to all gods that he doesn’t say something painful anymore.
“Then let her go.”
My eyebrows furrow as I stand up, almost losing my balance.
“What the fuck?”
He takes a step towards me, not caring that I might punch him in the face itself for uttering such bullshit.
Leave Aisha? The only person I love in this world? No chance
“She deserves better. You know it, and I know it. It’s about time she realizes it and decides to leave you. Before that happens, I suggest you let her go.”
“Shut the fuck up. You know I won’t let her go.”
“Why not? You refuse to fix anything. So why not let her go and live a peaceful life yourself?”
“You know I can’t.”
“Why is what I am asking, Reyansh?”
He keeps pushing, and I heave out a tired sigh. He won’t leave without hearing what he wants.
“Because I still love her. I always have and always will.”
“Then keep her before she leaves you. Because once a woman leaves you, Reyansh. She never comes back.”
He doesn’t wait for my response, choosing to leave me alone in the office.
And I only pray to God that she doesn’t decide to leave me too.
Because I know I won’t survive that.