Aisha Kapoor
Confused would be an understatement for my feelings at the moment.
Reyansh has been different since this morning. Weird kind of different.
Would it make me a bad person if I said that his apology while felt genuine because I know that man and I know he can’t fake the tears that I saw in his eyes—still didn’t manage to touch my heart?
All I kept thinking while he kept looking at me to say something, anything was that why? Why are you doing this now? What’s the point?
I know his intentions might have been pure but his words hurt me more than they could heal me.
I had since long made peace with the fact that I would never get my Reyansh back. I would never get our old relationship back and I had made my heart come to terms with it.
Painfully so, but I did.
Now his actions confused me so much. Should I give him another chance? Should I ignore his barely there efforts?
I honestly don’t know.
“Aisha,” he waves a hand in front of my face as we stand in front of Aarav’s house.
The drive to his place was silent, filled with the occasional sighs and hums of Reyansh.
It felt as if he wanted to say something but was holding himself back and I am glad he was because I don’t think I can handle his words at the moment.
I can’t decipher the meaning behind his words or his intentions.
I was touched by his actions but I won’t let them sway me from my decision.
“Yes?” I reply back, finally looking at him
He looks beautiful with his hair a little unruly today and his beard is growing slightly and he might have to trim it a bit because the shaggy look doesn’t suit his warm features.
There’s a softness in his gaze that has been missing since long and I kind of missed it.
“Are you okay?” he questions, resting his hand at the small of my back and my skin burns under his touch
God, I missed his touch. I can’t deny that.
After all, he has always been really, really good with his hands.
“Yes,” I replied passing him a tight smile. “He must be waiting for us.”
I didn’t let him reply, walking inside the apartment and away from his touch.
My jaw visibly dropped and my eyes widened as I looked around. The living room was decorated with balloons and my photos hung around the lights. The photos from our college days with our old friend group—half of them we had lost touch with and the other half had moved away across the globe.
My eyes welled up a little bit when I saw some pictures of mine and Reyansh. We looked so happy in those.
We were so happy. What happened to us?
“Surprise,” Aarav yells in my ear and I stumble back. “Happy Birthday, Bhabhi.”
I giggled as he pulled me in for a bear hug. I wasn’t expecting to celebrate my birthday this year. There wasn’t much for me to be happy about.
But things took a turn and I can’t even pretend that it didn’t bring some joy in my mundane life.
But Aarav has a way of lighting things up—both literary and figuratively.
“Thank you, Aarav,” I smile as he finally lets me go. “This is…so amazing. I am speechless.”
“It was your husband’s idea.”
My cheeks reddened slightly as I felt him looking at me. But I didn’t have it in my heart to look back at him.
It was too much for one day.
Especially knowing what was coming for him.
* * *
This is the most awkward yet happening birthday of my life. I have never socialized as much in the last month as I have already done tonight.
I sigh as I stand in the corner of the room with Sasha who was also invited tonight by Aarav. How they know each other is something I will never know.
“He’s looking at you,” she says to me, a smile plastered on her face as she looks ahead.
“Who?” I ask mindlessly sipping my drink
“Girl,” she deadpans me. “Are you for real? Your husband. Who else?”
I roll my eyes. “Soon to be ex-husband.”
She chokes on her drink and I shake my head.
“Are you okay?” I ask once she is done with her coughing fit
“I am fine-tastic,” she says wiping her mouth with a tissue. “Are you okay? I thought you were just joking with the divorce thing.”
“Why would I joke about that?”
I look at her and sigh. “It makes sense if I divorce him.”
“Why? Don’t you love him? And he loves you too, right?”
Love. A word that used to define my entire being once upon a time. Now feels like a distant emotion. Something I cannot relate with.
Do I still love him?
Yes. And that is what hurts the most. The fact that I can’t stop loving him despite how much he has hurt me.
Despite how much we have hurt each other.
But does he still love me? I don’t know
I am not sure and even if he does, is love enough to sustain our dooming relationship?
I think not.
“You know the answer to that, Sasha,” I gulp down the tears blocking my throat. “But it’s not enough.”
Our conversation is cut short as Aarav makes his way to me and I see Reyansh behind him, staring at me with those eyes that make everything so difficult for me.
“Bhabhi,” he says. “It’s time to cut the cake.”
I drop my glass on the table next to me and walk after him, all ready for this night to end.
It’s been long and I need to talk to Reyansh soon before I change my mind.
As everyone gathers around me while I blow out the candles to cut the cake, I remind myself that this happiness is temporary.
Because it is so easy to get swayed by emotions.
I cut a small slice of the cake and turn to feed it to my husband who is looking at me with so much tenderness it could melt anyone’s heart.
He feeds it to me before leaning down to press a kiss on my cheek but I awkwardly move my face away.
Not because I am scared of his touch. God knows I have craved it for so long. But because I know that if I give in this time, I won’t be able to move away.
My stomach dips as I look at the hurt look on his face. One that he covers with a small smile.
All we do is hurt each other then why isn’t he the one letting me go first?
Maybe then I won’t feel so guilty.
“Aisha,” he whispers in my ear as Aarav and Saisha move to plate the cake. “What did you wish for?”
He asks and I look at him, contemplating whether to tell him this now.
“You truly want to know?” I ask
“Of course,” he says, taking a hold of my hand and I look at our closed hands one last time. “I would do anything to make your wish come true.”
“Really?”
He nods, and I take in a deep breath.
It’s now or never.
“I wished for a divorce.”