Aisha Kapoor
If you asked me what happened a few minutes ago, I would say that I don’t remember.
All I know is, that Reyansh is exactly where I have wanted him for months, exactly where he belongs.
On his knees. In front of me. Worshiping me.
He breathes heavily on my core, his eyes locked with mine and I think he is silently waiting for my permission. As if I would ever say no to this—to us.
My toes curl as I pushed myself on his face, not caring how desperate it makes me look because who am I kidding? I am desperate for this man.
Shamelessly.
He smirks as he delves his tongue in my core and I feel my soul leaving my body.
“Look at me,” he says pulling back. “The moment you stop looking at me, I will stop. I want to see how you look, how you feel when you fall apart on my tongue.”
“Fuck, Reyansh, you’re so—”
“So?” he licks me up and down and a moan rips out of me
“Stubborn.”
“And?”
He continues to lick me up and down as he teases me.
“Annoying.”
He laughs and that sound resonates deep in my core. He plunges two fingers inside of me at the same time and the sound that leaves my body is absolutely feral and for a moment I forget that it’s not just the two of us alone in this house anymore.
“I think you’re missing a few words, meri jaan.”
He kisses my clit and my thighs shake as he lifts my legs and wraps them around his head. I bite my lip to keep myself from screaming but the sheer pleasure he is causing me is nearly divine.
He drives his fingers in me with force and precision like he knows my body well while he circles his tongue on my clit like he is welcoming himself home.
“Charming.”
He hums on my core and that sensation goes straight down my spine and I feel my stomach tighten and that familiar feeling unfurling inside of me.
I grab his hair keeping his face close to where I need it. I am going to come.
I need to come.
“Hot.”
He hums in approval as he curls his fingers inside of me reaching my sensitive spot and my eyes roll back.
“And mine.”
The words slip out of me at the same time as my body convulses on his tongue.
He licks me up and down as I drip down on his face and my body, now lathered in sweat finally relaxes in his hold.
“All yours, meri jaan.”
He gets up from between my legs, lowers them softly on the bed and climbs on top of me. My mind is numb and all I want to do is curl up and sleep.
Safe to say I am exhausted.
His eyes have that gleam in them that makes me see how happy he is, how proud he is of the job he has done.
He kisses my forehead, gently and it fills me with so much warmth that all I want to do is cry in his chest.
It is weird how us woman are labeled as complicated when at the slightest touch of love and warmth we melt like a Popsicle in Delhi summers.
“Feel good?” he asks softly and a blush deepens my cheeks as I nod
“Amazing,” I say and he chuckles.
“I will get a warm towel and clothes for you. You can change then we can sleep, hm?”
“Wait,” I stop him. “Don’t you want to continue? In return?”
His face grows confused as he looks at me as if I asked him a complicated question.
But I can’t comprehend how he doesn’t want me to give him that same pleasure back in return.
“What— no,” he says with a shake of his head as if he can’t believe that I am bullshitting him.
“Aisha, I didn’t go down on you because I wanted something back. I did it because I wanted to. I love seeing you fall apart on my tongue, on my fingers, on my di—”
“I get it,” I cover his indecent mouth with my hands and he smiles.
“Yes. So, no. I don’t want anything in return. The only time we will be having sex is when you take me back, fully and wholeheartedly.”
* * *
Reyansh comes back after changing his clothes, with his shirt and a warm towel while I laid back and thought about…everything.
One night was all it took to change everything between us.
Not because we had this moment of intimacy, no.
But because I know my heart—that didn’t hate him even earlier but held that resolve against him in my heart— has now melted.
The shield is gone. The iron clad walls have gone down.
Now there’s nothing I can hold onto except my stubbornness to keep him at a distance.
What I find myself thinking over again and again is that whether I want to divorce him because things fell apart and I didn’t think we could work out again or because I am still sitting on that high horse because I can see that things have changed.
Even with my rose colored glasses off I can see that this man in front of me will do anything but let me go.
All I need to make up my mind about is if I will still make him do that.
He helps me take off my clothes and while momentarily I feel that shyness in me, I remind myself that I have been naked in front of him a gazillion times.
He pulls his shirt over me, and I bask in the familiar warmth of his cologne and his clothes.
“There,” he helps me take out my hair that got stuck in the shirt before kissing my face again. Even when I don’t show it, a part of me cries seeing us back like this.
A hurt, unhealed part of me wants to scream at his face that why didn’t he fix himself when I kept telling myself things will get better. Why did he not see that we were falling apart? Why didn’t he do anything when he saw me drifting away?
So many questions with no answer to them. A part of me fears that if I had not brought up the topic of divorce, he wouldn’t have put in any amount of effort and that is what holds me back.
I don’t say a word, not knowing what to do anyway. I hope when sleep overtakes me, I am able to find some answers to these questions.
As we lay down in bed, I ponder over if I should turn my back and face him, but I am shy and afraid so I stay put.
“Aisha?” he says softly, as he settles down behind me and turns off the lights
I hum in response.
“Can I hold you while we sleep?”
I smile. “Reyansh, you just went down on me. I don’t think you need permission to hold me right now.”
He moves closer behind me and I can feel the heat of his body.
“I always need permission to touch you, Aisha. I don’t want to cross any boundaries.”
I turn towards him and he pulls me flush against his chest and I rest my hands right above the center of his heart.
“You don’t cross my boundaries. I would tell you if I am uncomfortable.”
He smiles and kisses my forehead.
“Good night, Aisha.”
“Good night, Reyansh.”
* * *
“How was the event?” Maa asks me first thing in the morning as we sit on the table to have our breakfast.
Maa and Mom have officially stuffed our refrigerator with more food than we can eat. It is filled to the brim with half Punjabi and half plain British food.
So naturally for breakfast I am having plain parathas with sausage. Dangerous combo.
“Good,” I say as I stuff my mouth with a morsel.
“Did Reyansh reach on time?” Mom asks and I nod
“Why do you think I didn’t reach on time?” Reyansh asks as he takes a sip of that horrible tea
Every time I see him drinking it on an empty stomach, I pray to our collective God’s to to forgive him for his sins. He is just a man who can’t digest milk in his tea, after all.
“You take after your father. He didn’t ever reach on time so I doubt you do too.”
I snicker and he rolls his eyes. I mean, she is right.
“You guys came late, ha?” Maa gives me a look and I wonder if they heard anything
If they did, I would like to dig a hole and bury myself in it. Please and thank you.
“Yes.”
She doesn’t say anything but pours me another cup of chai.
“Are you and Reyansh free today?”
“Why?” Reyansh asks the question on my mind
“You remember your favorite cousin Chhavi?”
The sound of her name sends a feeling of dread down my spine.
Chhavi is my youngest and my meanest cousin sister.
She is not mean on your face but her back handed comments really get to me.
I can’t say anything to her because she’s the youngest child in our house, and, like every youngest child in a desi household, she’s pampered and used to getting what she wants.
I remember how she kept taunting me for having a boyfriend and “gaslighting” my mother in letting me marry him. Not to mention, she would be the sweetest person in the world in front of Reyansh and even if I didn’t say it out loud, I would always get jealous.
“What about her?” I ask, already done with the conversation
“She is coming to London. She has gotten a scholarship here in a university and I want you to bring her here before she goes and settles down in her hostel.”
“No,” I say shaking my head. “Maa, you know how much she gets on my nerves. She is so spoiled, I can’t handle her.”
“You don’t have to. She will be here only for two days.”
“Two days and two nights.”
“Aisha, don’t be a brat,” Maa says with a sigh and I slam my cup on the table rather harshly than I should have because the glare she passes my way still scares me even if I am approaching my early thirties.
“Maa, is it really necessary she stays with us?” Reyansh asks and she finally looks at someone else other than me
“Reyansh, she is still a child. She will just stay a few days and won’t be an issue.”
I roll my eyes. She won’t be an issue to her but she will be an issue to my peace.
“I understand. But if Aisha doesn’t like her here, she won’t stay here. We can arrange a secure stay for her but nothing at the cost of our peace.”
My mom looks like on the verge of breaking her silence and I wonder if she is going to give him a peace of her mind the way she would give to me.
“Fine,” she bites out. “What’s the use of having family abroad if they won’t be any help?”
“Maa, don’t start,” I say standing up. “She can stay.”
* * *
“Aisha,” Reyansh calls me out from behind as I storm out towards my car.
“What?” I turn around and see him walking towards me
We haven’t talked much this morning. I made sure to wake up before him so after last night we wouldn’t have to talk too much.
I was a bit shy remembering everything. Not only that when I woke up this morning, his head was buried in the crook of my neck while his hand was too close to my chest. Not that I mind but I was way too flustered for somebody who has been with this man for more than six years now.
“Are you okay?” he asks, as I open the back door and keep my office bag there
“Of course,” I say. “Why would I not be?”
“Because,” he pulls me towards him so I am facing him. “Now, tell me. Are you sure you want Chhavi to come and stay here? I will talk to Maa if you are not.”
I sigh, as if she will listen to him.
She will just pull her typical mom blackmail mode and use it on him.
“She just gets on my nerves. She is so spoiled. She doesn’t even listen to anything you say and you know she passes so many backhanded comments on me and our relationship.”
I pour my heart out in front of him as he patiently listens and my heart slowly warms up at the feeling of us falling back in routine. It feels as if nothing has changed.
“I know. But I will be here. You won’t have to worry. I know Maa won’t say anything to me when I set the record straight with her.”
I nod. That’s also true. She might make faces and glare at me but she respects her “damad” too much to say a word to him.
“Now, can you tell me why you have been avoiding me?” he asks and I find myself struggling to maintain eye contact with him
“I am not avoiding you,” I lie straight through my teeth.
“And I am not in love with you. Baby, at least tell a lie we both can believe.”
I roll my eyes even when my cheeks turn pink not even because of my makeup.
“I am not. I just got busy with getting ready and all of that.”
He gives me a look, not believing me a bit.
“You know I am going to miss it?”
“Miss what?”
He cups my cheek and leans down to whisper in my ear. His hot breath tickles my skin and I find myself nearing his touch like a magnet.
“I am going to miss the feeling of you under me, at my mercy, when I am at work.”