Chapter 43 Reyansh Carter
Reyansh Carter
Every cell in my body itches to be closer to Aisha. When she asked for space, I had to force myself to run after her. Because that’s what I always do. I chase her.
But lately I have observed that the more I chase, the farther she goes away from me. So, for the first time, I forced myself to not do anything. I forced myself to stay back and let her vent in the way she wanted to.
Sometimes giving space is the best thing you can do in a relationship.
So, I lie in bed right now, knowing she is outside having a chit-chat with my mom.
I know my mother has a comforting angle with Aisha, which I am so grateful for because despite the bond that Maa and Aisha share, there are things she is more open about with Mom, and I am glad she was able to find that.
Knowing the things that she has been through, there’s a kind of comfort I always yearned to provide but was never able to because, despite growing up with parents who had decided to separate, I couldn’t even remotely relate to the things that she had been through.
I close my eyes tight when I hear the bedroom door open. Her scent reaches me before she does, and I shiver slightly when her cold hand touches my jaw. She lightly traces my stubble, and I feel my heart race as if it is the first time she is touching me.
“I am sorry, Rey,” she says, and for the second time, I feel my eyes well up. I know she feels guilty about what she said earlier, but I know she wasn’t wrong. If we ever got divorced, it would be because the love we both felt pride in failed us both.
I hold her hand and pull her towards me, and she lets out a quiet yelp as she falls over me.
“Don’t be sorry to your husband, Aisha,” I say quietly, and even in the dark I can sense the effect this must have had on her.
Even after six years of our relationship, she isn’t immune to my touch and my words, and then she thinks she can fool me by saying that she is not in love. “It is my job to be sorry.”
“So you will keep doing things that you need to apologize for?” she counters, and I laugh.
She covers my mouth with her hand, and I push myself upwards and touch my lips with hers with her hand in between.
Her eyes bulge out, and I chuckle, pulling away from her.
I push her back and lay her down on the bed; with my face resting on the palm of my hand, I hover over her.
“Are you okay?” I ask the most important question of the hour.
She nods, and while I don’t believe it truly, I let it pass.
“I think I spoke too much, but I was just overwhelmed and overstimulated,” she says, and I let her talk. “Do you think what I said was wrong?”
“Not at all,” I say. “Maa had it coming, and with everything that is going on with you, I don’t think you overreacted.
I understand the pain and the disappointment you have been through in life.
I hate that even I have played a little part in it.
If anything, I am proud of you. It takes guts to speak up to your family, and I loved that you finally spoke your heart. ”
“Was she mad after I left?”
My heart grows warm for her. Her ability to still care for people, even after they have hurt her and disappointed her, makes me so proud of being called her husband. My petty self could never, but the empathy she carries within herself is admirable.
“She wasn’t. She was hurt, yes. And I slightly overheard Mom give her an earful. But it was necessary, so don’t hold yourself guilty for it. Even Maa knew this was coming.”
“What if she goes back? What if she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore?”
“Aisha,” I say, a little more stern this time. “She will talk to you. Do you think your mother can stay quiet in your presence? Either she will rage bait you or you will rage bait her, and then you guys will start talking.”
She rolls her eyes even when she knows what I am saying is just pure facts.
“And about her going back, you have to understand that while you guys’ lives are interconnected, you both have separate lives. She will go back eventually. She can’t stay here, you know that. London air doesn’t suit her; am I right?”
She chuckles because this is exactly what Maa says whenever we ask her to stay with us. The truth is, she loves her life back home. She loves living with her siblings, and even if it boils Aisha’s blood, this is the kind of thing she has had to accept.
“And…” she starts, stopping mid-sentence.
“And?” I ask, brushing her hair out of her face even though it wasn’t troubling her. Truth be told, I love touching her. My hands constantly itch to be around her, to touch her, even if slightly. It calms my heart and my mind. The kind of peace you could never get with meditation even.
“You aren’t mad or hurt by what I said to you? I had a bit of an overreaction to your words, but whenever you say stuff like that, whenever you question my feelings? It makes me think you are going to leave me.”
“Don’t you want me to leave you? Isn’t that why you wanted a divorce?”
She stays quiet to my questions, but her silence speaks volumes. Even if she doesn’t want to admit it out loud, I know that she doesn’t want me to leave her.
She wants me the same way I want her. Like the air we breathe.
“But no, I am not mad or hurt,” I say.
“For sure?”
I smile, leaning down to kiss her cheek, and she closes her eyes.
“For sure. I know what you said was in anger, but I also know it was true. If we ever separated, even though it will never happen, I know it will be because we failed to protect something that was so sacred for the both of us.”
She turns towards me, burying her face in my chest as my words get heavy.
“I am tired,” she says, and I can simply understand the underlying meaning of her words.
Because I am too. Tired of us fighting. Tired of us having so many complications. I miss the time when we could exist, but I wouldn’t put in so much effort for someone other than her.
She makes everything worth it. The fight, the chase, the tiredness. Everything.
“I know, meri jaan,” I press a kiss to her head. “Sleep. I have got you.”
And I mean it. I have got her for the rest of our lives.
Till death do us part.
* * *
“You are making it wrong,” I hear Maa say, and both I and Mom sit on the dinner table watching the comedic scene unfold in front of our eyes.
Aisha insisted on making breakfast today, and Maa said she wanted to see if she knew how to cook.
I think she just wanted an excuse to talk to her, but who am I to stop them?
“I think this is exactly how a paratha is made,” Aisha counters back, annoyance filling her voice, and I bite my lip to control my smile.
“I think you are wrong,” she adds even though she isn’t.
“When do you not think I am wrong?”
“True.”
“If you’re such a pro, then you make it.”
“Move.”
Thankfully, Chhavi isn’t awake yet, which is why they’re able to work this way, calmly and without any fights. I mean, this is a normal conversation between them.
“Aisha,” I say. “We have the dinner scheduled for tomorrow.”
“What dinner?” Chhavi the devil asks as she comes out of her room.
“Work,” I simply reply.
“But I wanted to have a day of fun with my sister,” she says with a dramatic pout.
Aisha turns, surprised, and the look on her face is laughable. Because everyone sitting in this room can tell that this must be a joke. A joke which isn’t funny.
“What?” Aisha asks.
“I wanted to spend a day with you,” she says. “Maybe you could guide me. I leave after that. I got an email last night. My dorm is ready.”
“You would listen to my guidance?” she asks, and I bite back my smile.
That’s my girl.
“Obviously,” Chhavi rolls her eyes. “Do I have any other choice? Besides, this place is still new to me.”
Aisha looks at me, and if she wants to cancel, I will let her, but I really wanted to spend the night with her.
In fact, I want to spend all of my nights with her. Because during the day she can pretend all she wants, but during the night she comes back to me, comes back home, and it makes all the trials and tribulations of the day worth it.
She makes coming back home worth it.
I used to hate coming back home to a silent house back when I used to live in turns with my mom and my dad. Because my dad would be at work and my mom would be busy too. The silence used to kill me. It used to send me down a weird meltdown that made me dissociate from everyone.
I got so used to that numbness that when Aisha and I started living together, it took me time to settle down in that chaos. She was loud and always so bubbly, and it used to make me wonder how someone can have that much energy.
But when she quieted down, I realized how much her voice, her loudness, made my life better. Her chaos was my peace in disguise. She made life worth living, and I remembered to never take that for granted.
“We will go out for a lunch,” she says. “I am not canceling our dinner.”
“Works for me,” Chhavi says, and everyone standing is surprised at her being so understanding at the first try.
“See, you burnt it,” Maa says, and Aisha steps aside with a dramatic huff.
“You were making it,” she exclaims.
“But you burnt it,” Maa counters, and we all laugh.
“I wonder how Dad put up with you,” Aisha counters.
“He loved to put up with me. That’s why you’re here.”
Aisha covers her ears, her face going red, and I cover my mouth to hide the fact that this conversation is hilarious.
“That’s a disgusting thing to say. I am going to pretend I didn’t hear that.”
“Won’t change the facts.”
“Maa!”
We all burst into tears while laughing, and I am hit with the realization that we are all going to miss this so much.