Aisha Kapoor
Chhavi looks at me with a piercing gaze as we settle down in the cafe nearby her university.
I am familiar with this area, and thankfully it is not that far away from our house, so if she ever needs our help, we can be there on time. However, I just hope she doesn’t take that as an excuse to show up whenever she wants.
I would love for her to respect my boundaries and establish some for herself.
“What’s wrong?” I ask her as we place our orders.
I have been to this cafe a lot of times during my own university days, and I loved the comfortable seating of this place. It is warm and homely and doesn’t break your wallet when you visit too often. Plus the food and service are authentic and top-notch.
“Nothing,” she says, shaking her head. “I am just not used to this. Plus, I am stressed about university.”
“That’s understandable,” I say. I know what she means; I was so nervous and scared too when I first came here. I remember, just in the first week of me being here, I wanted to go back home because I was so lonely and so scared.
But then I found my own home here with my people. I found my Reyansh, and that makes that one week of cold sweats so worth it.
“Just make sure you enjoy every single moment of this,” I tell her with a smile. “It will be so worth it at the end. Don’t be afraid to talk to people, and knowing you, you will have an easy time gelling with people.”
She nods with a smile.
“You know I have never had a boyfriend,” she says, and I wonder where this conversation is going. “Everyone kept such a keen eye on us back home. It always made me slightly jealous of the freedom you got.”
Well, I don’t know what to say to that. It is not like I had an aim to make a boyfriend here. I wanted to make my career. But God had some other plan for me.
I have always heard that if a city or a place calls you to it, it means that your destiny is written there.
I always used to yearn to move to London, and I guess it was because a part of me knew that my destiny was written here. My destiny was and is Reyansh.
“Well, now you have all the freedom you want,” I say with a smile. “Just don’t misuse it. Don’t do drugs or get pregnant. The rest of it is fine.”
She chuckles, and I feel the tension dissipating from around us.
Our food comes in, and I am so grateful because not only am I starving but also we don’t have to make any more small talk.
“Is everything okay between you and Reyansh?” she asks out of nowhere, and I choke on my food. She passes me a glass of water, and I wonder why she is asking me that.
“Why do you ask?” I question
As far as I know, Maa wouldn’t have discussed it with anyone from our family, least of all her. She keeps such things private. I think if I got divorced, even then she wouldn’t have told anyone.
“It just feels like it,” she says with a shrug. “I don’t get the same vibe from you two.”
“Meaning?”
I am curious to know what vibe she used to get from us earlier.
“Meaning that you guys always had such heart eyes for each other at the beginning,” she says. “Now it seems like the love has fizzled out. Don’t take my words harshly; I am just concerned as your sister.”
I quirk an eyebrow. I don’t know what she is talking about. As far as I know, I look at Reyansh the same way I used to look at him before. And as far as everyone around me has told me, I don’t think the way he looks at me has changed either.
“There’s nothing like that,” I say, honestly. “I don’t think that we have changed that way. If anything, we love each other more. I won’t lie, there were issues—”
“Did he cheat?”
My eyes widen. What the hell?
“No,” I say, way louder than I should have. “No. He didn’t cheat. He doesn’t even look at any other woman other than me.”
“Then what happened?”
I bite my tongue, thinking about whether I should tell her or not. I don’t want her to talk shit about him. I can’t tolerate that, especially knowing the level of understanding she has and the filter she has on her mouth.
But she is family, and despite her bitchiness, I don’t think she has any bad intentions.
“We just got so busy with adulthood,” I start, careful of my words.
“You know that we got married young, and obviously I wouldn’t trade that for the world, but we had our own ambitions, our own careers to make.
We didn’t realize when our careers took more priority than each other. So, I proposed that we separate.”
Her eyes widen, and I now realize how shocking it sounds coming from my mouth. Even the twenty-one-year-old Aisha would be shocked that I tried to separate from the one person I couldn’t live without. There’s no better feeling than turning into a lover girl solely for one man.
“But isn’t that what you are not supposed to do? Didn’t you guys promise each other that despite everything, the love between you two won’t ever change?”
Her words are harsh, but I know she isn’t wrong. We did, and that is what hurt us the most.
“I know, but that is what hurts the most. But we made an effort to fix our relationship. That is the most important part—not letting each other go even when things get hard. I gave Reyansh time, and he made an effort to work on things that didn’t work out between us.
It was enough to show me that he truly cared. ”
She nods, and I hope she doesn’t ask me any more questions about it. I made up my mind after taking a lot of time, and it was really hard, as it is to put a stop to my overthinking. I don’t want her to trigger it into something bigger.
“That’s good. Just make sure he isn’t using you.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Haven’t you seen the men of our society? They usually do this. They get an ego boost after doing this. Just make sure he is not love bombing you. If he has fixed the issues for sure, then that’s great. I just hope he doesn’t break your heart after making you trust him again.”
Her words make me guilty about telling her anything. Reyansh isn’t like the men we grew up around. Like the ones who take everything on their fragile ego. He isn’t one to break my heart after healing it in the first place.
But I would be lying if I said I haven’t thought about it.
“He isn’t like those men, Chhavi. He loves me truly. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have made efforts to stay and fix it.”
“I am going to ask a personal question, and I hope it is okay.”
I want her to shut up because she is pissing me off now. She is poking her nose where she isn’t welcomed.
She doesn’t even wait for me to refuse.
“Do you guys get intimate after you asked for a divorce?”
I glare at her. This is the same line she crossed the other day, and it only makes me mad that I said a word to her about our relationship problems.
“I knew it,” she says, getting whatever she wanted to know from the look on my face.
“We are married. There’s no issue in us having a good sexual life. Stop asking me such questions.”
“I didn’t mean to offend you,” she says. “If you guys got intimate even after you asked for a divorce, then maybe that’s what your marriage has reduced down to. There’s no harm in it, if you want it, of course.”
Bile rises in my throat. I am disgusted.
“Chhavi, you have a very shallow mindset,” I say, and her face instantly changes into one of shock. “If you weren’t a guest of my mother, I wouldn’t take a second to show you what talking shit about my husband and my marriage gets you.”
“I was just concerned,” she says as I get up from my seat. I put the amount of money it will cost for today’s lunch on the table.
“There’s a difference in being concerned and being crass about your sister’s relationship. If I didn’t know any better, I would assume you want me to get a divorce. Clearly, coming to London doesn’t change your stupid mindset.”
I pick up my car keys from the table.
“Pay the bill with this money and take a cab back home. I am not letting you sit in my husband’s car.”
She looks at me, furious, but I am way more furious than her.
I don’t care if Maa gets mad at me for leaving her here, but I am not letting her sit in his car. It is only a shame that I will be letting her live under our roof for the rest of the remaining hours of the day.
* * *
“Where’s Chhavi?” Maa asks as soon as I come home.
“She wanted to explore,” I say as an excuse. I don’t want to tell her that her dearest daughter of her brother talked so much shit about her son-in-law.
“And you left her alone?”
“She wanted to do it on her own. Besides, she is an adult. I gave her enough money to make her way back home. She knows how to book a cab.”
“Did she say something?” she asks, and Mom looks at me intently, probably able to tell that I am hiding something.
“Just some stuff about my and Reyansh’s relationship she shouldn’t have said. But that’s who she is. She has a habit of talking shit.”
“Just a few more hours till she is here, hm,” Maa says, and I nod.
Just a few more hours.
“Did Reyansh leave?” I ask.
“Yes,” she says. “He had a meeting with someone.”
I nod. Good thing he isn’t here because then I would just accidentally let my anger out on him, which isn’t a good thing at all.
I silently go to my own room and lie down on the bed.
While I know what she said wasn’t true at all, I can’t help but overthink all over again.
She just triggered my fears once again, and now I am annoyed.
I just hope what she said doesn’t turn out to be true.
I wouldn’t survive if Reyansh decided to leave me one day.
I would go mad if he did. I have only ever loved him, after all. In a way that doesn’t come often, in a way that isn’t easy at all.
But if it was him, it was worth it.
I just hope it remains that way.