Chapter 23
TWENTY-THREE
KAIRI
Colton slowly slides my dress up my thigh until it’s bunched at my waist, and hooks his finger in the strap of my underwear, gently tugging it down until I’m completely bare from the waist down.
My heart beats hard in my chest as I think about the possibility of someone walking up to his truck right now and seeing me naked, but a part of me gets a thrill from the idea of it.
“This has to be a one time thing, Kairi,” he whispers desperately, but it sounds like he’s trying to convince himself more than he’s trying to convince me.
What Colton admitted to me only moments ago scares me. I don’t even think he’s realized what he said, and I don’t think I’ve even processed it and what it means for our friendship either. The overwhelming need to have him inside of me is clouding my judgement, but I don’t care.
“Okay,” I nod, pulling at the button on his pants. “Never again after this.”
He sits back on his calves, looking around to make sure no one is coming as he undoes the button and zipper, lowering his pants just enough for his cock to spring free. I stare at it hungrily as I lift the blanket for him to get under.
He nestles himself on top of me, his hard length just barely grazing my entrance as he pulls the blanket higher to cover his shoulders.
“Just in case someone walks up to the car,” he explains, “I don’t want them seeing any part of you.”
“So protective,” I murmur, holding his gaze as I wrap my legs around his waist, giving him full access.
“Only when it comes to you,” he says, eyes roaming my face as if he’s memorizing every detail.
He positions his cock at my entrance and slowly sinks into me. My mouth falls open and my eyes roll back as he stretches me to my absolute limit. I do not remember him feeling this big.
“Your pussy is so tight,” he says through clenched teeth. “I better make it past the five minute mark or you’ll never let me live it down.”
I laugh out loud and he takes the opportunity to thrust fully into me, turning my laugh into a strangled moan.
“Oh fuck,” he groans, dropping his forehead to mine as he stays completely still. “If you moan like that again I might not even make it to one minute.”
“I don’t care how long you last,” I pant, holding onto his biceps tightly, “as long as you make me come first.”
“I plan to” he says, before lowering his lips to mine.
Every inch of him plunges into me in a steady rhythm and I can feel myself teetering near the edge of an explosive orgasm. This is the first time I’ve ever had sex while sober, not that Colton needs to know that, and I never want this feeling to end.
The thought of not experiencing this with him for the rest of my life feels wrong, but my feelings for Colton are also confusing. We’re supposed to be friends—nothing more and nothing less. He’s supposed to be helping me find my soulmate, or at least win Zale’s heart over.
I never expected to feel this attached to him, but we’ve just crossed a line and I don't think I want to go back to how things were.
I don’t think I can…and that’s what scares me most.
“Stay with me, darlin’,” he mumbles against my neck, placing a gentle kiss there.
“What are we doing, Colton?” I whisper, feeling anxious but still not wanting this to stop.
He pulls away from my neck and stares down at me, still moving in and out of me. “We’ll figure it out together,” he whispers, brushing a curl out of my face and planting a soft kiss on my forehead.
It feels like too much is happening between us, and at the same time—not enough. How can we possibly move on from this like nothing happened? How—
“Oh,” I yelp.
Colton releases his teeth from my nipple, glancing up at me. “You’re overthinking.”
I hold his gaze and nod. “I’m scared,” I whisper, tightening my legs around him in case he tries to stop.
He lowers his forehead to mine, closing his eyes as he takes a deep breath. “I’m scared too, baby,” he admits.
He lowers his lips to mine, and just like that my mind blanks and the only thing I can focus on is the feel of his mouth moving in sync with mine. He pulls out of me almost completely before plunging back in all the way.
I whimper, my face warming as I near the edge of release. It takes two more thrusts before I tip over, and Colton follows close behind, burying his face into my neck as his thrusts become uneven and jerky while he spills into me.
He gently collapses onto me, still holding up most of his weight, but I don’t want us to part just yet. I’m not ready to lose the feeling of him inside me, and I’m sure as hell not ready to face the consequences of what we just did.
“Let me love you the way you deserve,” he mumbles into my shoulder a few minutes later.
I stiffen and try to push him up so that I can see his face but he’s too heavy for me to lift.
“Colton…” I whisper, my body beginning to tremble. “We can’t—”
“Sorry to interrupt your party,” a voice comes from the side of the truck and I shriek, just as Colton uses his body to shield me from their view. “The projector broke, like, ten minutes ago so we’re cancelling the second movie showing.”
“We’ll pack up and leave,” Colton replies to whoever is there. “Thanks for letting us know.”
I can’t see the face of the person he’s talking to but I hear their heavy footsteps as they retreat.
A whole minute passes before Colton lifts off of me and pulls his boxers and pants back on without a word.
I reach for my underwear but before I can grab it his hand swipes it up and he stuffs it into his pocket, dark eyes watching me.
“Those are mine now,” he murmurs, before jumping out onto the grass.
He turns around and holds his hand out for me to take. I swallow and pull my dress down before crawling across the blankets and taking his hand. He pulls me toward his chest and lifts me out of the trunk, carrying me to the passenger seat and shutting the door behind me.
From the rearview mirror I can see him packing up the snacks, blankets and pillows before tossing them into the back seat and jumping into the driver's side.
“Ready to go?” he asks as he starts the engine.
I nod, not trusting my voice enough to speak. He studies me for a moment before he starts driving, and I have a feeling we are far from done with the conversation that was interrupted.
During the drive, I’m almost sure we’re making our way back to The Shredder House, but when he turns on a side road, I realize we’re headed to Saltwater Springs’ famous lookout point that overlooks the whole town.
When we reach the top of the high hill, he parks the truck next to the old willow tree and shuts off the engine, staring out at the town lights below.
“I’m exhausted from pretending not to want you,” he finally says, still focused on the town.
“Colton—”
“I want it to be you and me in the end,” he says, cutting me off. “I keep telling myself not to get attached, and to not let you get attached either.” He looks more pale than usual and very scared.
He runs a hand through his hair, finally turning to look at me. “You make me feel like my life has some meaning,” he says, his voice cracking. “You make it easier to breathe when the world is weighing me down.”
“Colton…” I whisper, my throat tightening with emotion. “You know we can’t…”
He looks pained as he nods, looking away again. “I know,” he says quietly. “If all I’m allowed to have is your friendship then that’s enough for me, Kairi. You’re someone I never want to lose.”
“I’m really sorry Colton,” I whisper, my voice cracking now. “I feel like I led you on somehow, and even punished you by asking for sex—”
“Don’t,” he says firmly. “Don’t apologize. You didn’t lead me on or punish me. I was very much aware that we could never be more than friends.”
“So why…”
He shrugs. “I fell in love with you before I even knew what it was that I was feeling.”
“When did you start having feelings for me?” I ask, my eyes starting to blur.
Colton chuckles humourlessly as he looks out his window. “It’s been a couple years now.”
My heart skips a beat. “A couple years?” I whisper, turning to look at him just as a tear spills over and runs down my cheek. “But I asked you—before we agreed to this whole love coaching thing—I asked you if there were any unshared feelings on your end!”
He looks at me with a sad smile that hurts my heart to look at. “You did ask that,” he reassures me, reaching over and wiping my tear away with his thumb, but it’s quickly replaced by another tear, and another. “But I never actually gave you an answer. I wasn’t ready for you to know.”
I feel so stupid for not realizing how easily he evaded answering me at the time. All of this could have been avoided, and now I’m left feeling like I hurt him more than anyone ever has. I roughly wipe away my tears as I hold his stare.
“We should stop,” I say, my voice still shaking. “We should stop the love coaching and fake dating.”
His eyes widen slightly. “Is that really what you want?”
I swallow, my lip trembling. “It is,” I say.
He nods slowly. “Then let’s end it.”
“Okay,” I whisper, unable to look at him.
“Okay,” he whispers back as he starts the engine.
We sit in silence for the rest of the drive back to the house and as he pulls into the driveway I hop out of the truck before he can put it in park and bolt inside, running up the stairs in my shoes and straight to my room where I let the guilt wrap around me.
I was selfish with Colton. I always asked for more and more from him, and I never considered what he wanted, or how any of it was making him feel.
I was stupid; I am stupid; I don’t deserve him.
And now I’m left not only feeling guilty for turning him down, but also confused because I’d be lying if I said a part of me didn’t want him too. I want him, but it’s not worth risking our friendship over.
Colton deserves someone that will love him right. He should be with someone that is consistent and intentional about how they show him love. And I can’t be that person for him, not while I still have feelings for Zale too.