Chapter 27
~Daley~
Between gulps of air and the rush of endorphins, I try to make sense of what just happened.
Biologically, I know what happened. I’m aware of the oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin at work in my body, making me feel absolutely fantastic. I know that the part of the brain that helps make decisions switches off during climax, resulting in that incredible out-of-control feeling of surrender.
None of that is new. It happened the first time Deacon and I had sex too. What I don’t fully understand is why I’m drawn to him the way I am, why he’s drawn to me, and what this means for us beyond this moment.
As if sensing my thoughts, Deacon raises his head from where it dropped after his own orgasm. “I can feel you thinking from here, Mama.”
My smile feels slow and lazy, my body still barely under my control. “You said to forget about everything else, and I did, but it won’t stay buried forever.”
He rolls off me, his slick, softening cock sliding from between my legs and leaving me feeling empty as he flops onto his back next to me.
“It won’t,” he agrees, putting an arm beneath his head as he stared up at my ceiling.
“So, let’s talk about it. Why are you still punishing yourself over what happened almost twenty years ago? ”
The lack of pretence with Deacon is one of the things I find most appealing about him, even more than his incredible body, and I try to match that energy the best I can.
“You’re right that I’ve been avoiding getting close to anyone, but I don’t think it’s punishment.
It’s more of a protective instinct, keeping far away from drama.
Over time, it became a habit, and it’s easier to get through things on my own than try to fit anyone else into my life. And you… well, you’re drama.”
He raises up onto his side, propping his head on his elbow to look at me. “Excuse me?”
“Not you personally.” I lean over to place a kiss on his chest, at the top of his pectoral muscle, because it’s right there and I can’t help myself. “But everything that you represent. Your fame. Your role as River’s teammate. Your age. Even if we wanted to keep doing this…”
“I do want to keep doing this,” he interrupts, his grey eyes serious and steady as they look down into mine. “There’s something here, Daley. You know that.”
“I know,” I admit in a whisper. After what just happened, denying it would be futile.
“Do you want it too?”
My teeth tug on my lower lip, trying to stop the word that wants to come out. It will complicate everything in ways I don’t think I’m ready for, but in the end, I can’t lie.
“Yes.”
His grin almost blinds me with its raw beauty. He’s so unbelievably attractive, and a shot of lust shoots straight to my abdomen, reawakening the need he just so thoroughly satisfied. “That’s all I need to know for right now. We can figure the rest out later.”
“But…”
“Later,” he repeats, rising off the pillow in a smooth, fluid motion. “I really want the rest of that lasagna now before it gets too cold.”
From the floor, he grabs his underwear, putting it on with his back to me so I see the moment it slides over his muscled ass, and heads back towards the kitchen with nothing else on.
Letting out a surprised laugh, I follow suit, grabbing a silky bathrobe from the closet, one that Jane got me as a gift and I’ve hardly ever worn, tying the belt around my waist and padding back down the hardwood floors of the hallway in my bare feet.
The curtains are all drawn so no one can see in, and I double check that the doors are locked before joining Deacon back in the kitchen.
A few people have keys, including Jane and River, but I know Jane won’t be interrupting us and River is hours away in Sioux Falls.
So, I sit down to finish my meal across from a mostly-naked man who just fucked me and who almost certainly intends to do it again before the night is over.
Deacon’s already eating the lukewarm food like he just ran a marathon and needs to get his strength back up.
I know from feeding a ravenous River just how much fuel it takes to keep a large, muscular body going, which is why I made plenty and have more food in the fridge he can snack on if he needs it.
I pick at my salad again, my head still spinning with the events of the last half hour. “Can I ask you a question?”
Deacon pauses in his eating to take a large gulp from his water glass. “Always.”
“Why me?” I wince as the words come out sounding needier than I intended them to.
“I’m not fishing for flattery, I promise, but you have women literally slipping phone numbers in your pockets.
You were married to a beauty queen. A middle-aged science tutor in a small town feels like a bit of a downgrade. ”
I soften my words with a smile, but it doesn’t make them less true. If I’m going to make any sense of what’s going on, I need to start here.
Deacon places his fork down to give me his full attention.
“I told you about how things changed for me in the dating game when I started playing hockey professionally, and I have no illusions about why that is. Those women who slip me their phone numbers don’t care about me as a person.
They’re attracted to the fame, the name, the lifestyle. It’s all surface-level.”
“As opposed to me, who slept with you because of your looks.”
He grins at my teasing tone. “That might be the first thing you noticed about me, and I sure as hell noticed how good you looked at that bar, but it’s not why you slept with me. It’s not why I slept with you either.”
My chest tightens as his gaze holds mine, open and honest, and again, I try to repay the favour by being as truthful as possible. “I felt comfortable with you right away. I can’t explain why, but I knew I could trust you.”
“Exactly. You didn’t know who I was and you didn’t care. You trusted your gut and I did the same. So, when you ask ‘why you’, the truth is that I don’t know, Daley. It’s not a thing you can know. It’s something you feel, and I feel it with you.”
“I prefer when there’s proof,” I admit. “Hard facts over feelings. That’s where I’m comfortable.”
Deacon nods, picking up his fork again. “In that case, why don’t we make this an experiment?”
“I’m listening.”
A smile pulls at his lips as he takes another bite. “If you wanted to understand something in the lab, how would you start?”
My mind flashes back to my days in the biology lab, days I loved before my mistakes with Anthony. “I’d lay out my hypothesis and design an experiment to prove or disprove it.”
Another nod from the other side of the table. “So, if our hypothesis is that we’re compatible, that there might be more to this than just good sex, how could we test it?”
More than sex. My heartrate kicks up a notch at the idea, but I force myself to focus on the immediate next steps rather than getting overwhelmed by all the potential obstacles. Why worry about how other people would react when we don’t even know for sure yet that we want more?
“I suppose spending more time together would be the place to start. We’ve enjoyed our time together so far, but results need to be repeated to be validated.”
“And maybe change a variable or two?”
My eyebrows raise in surprise. “Variables, huh? I’m impressed.”
His smile is more sheepish than before. “I might have done some reading about experiments before this weekend to make sure I didn’t embarrass myself at the showcase.”
My chest tightens again, but this time gratitude and affection cause it. The effort Deacon put into today is another point in his favour, as if he needed more.
In fact, all the points not in his favour have nothing to do with the things he can control. They’re all external factors, so if we remove those for the sake of the experiment, the results will be more accurate.
He knew what he was doing by appealing to my scientific curiosity. My mind is focused again, leaving me feeling much more in control and eager to see exactly where the rest of this evening takes us.