6. Fia
Fia
“Don’t eat the sunscreen, honey!” I wiggle around in the driver’s seat, prying the tube from Daisy’s grip at the red light. Her squishy fist stays tight—she’s freakishly strong for someone who’s just learned to walk.
It’s been twenty-four hours since Caden showed up at my house, unlocked my door like it was the most natural thing in the world, and then offered to loan me a small fortune.
Just add his name to the list of people who think I’m incapable of handling things on my own.
The moment I pull into my sister’s driveway, I hear Penny before I see her. “Where’s my favorite baby!” A messy blonde bun and tanned legs rush to the side of the car, throw open the back door, and attack Daisy with a million and one kisses.
Daisy starts giggling and I can’t help but smile. Hearing her laugh breaks through all bad spells.
I slowly get out of my car as Penny pops Daisy onto her hip and pulls me into a hug. “You look exhausted, let me pour you a cup of coffee,” she says, like she’s been waiting all week to play therapist.
“And you look like you’re almost thirty,” I shoot back, tongue out.
She gasps and slaps my shoulder. “Take that back.” She shifts Daisy to her other side. “I still get hit on by the college lifeguards at the beach, so I’d say I still got it.”
Rolling my eyes, I follow my sister through the screened-in porch. The sun shines across the collected sea glass and driftwood lining the little shelves, and Nan’s copper wind chime sounds as we walk into the house.
“Sit down,” Penny instructs, kicking out a chair at the kitchen table. As I do, the aroma of strong black coffee hits me—only my sister would still have a fresh pot brewing at four in the afternoon.
Daisy happily swings around with her as she pours me a cup. She makes everything look effortless. A spotless house and her own business, and to top it off, Daisy never cries when she’s with her aunt.
Penny hands me a steaming pink mug, full to the brim.
“Where are the boys?” I ask, noticing that the house is abnormally quiet.
“Jesse and Danny took Tank with them to pick up some tequila.” Penny smiles at me. “Can’t have a family dinner without margaritas,” she adds with a wink.
Dread pools in my stomach.
“Of course,” I say, sipping my coffee.
I kind of pushed it from my head all day long, kept myself busy with laundry and picking up Daisy’s toys. But now my entire family is going to be under one roof for dinner, and I’ve never, not once, had a good poker face. They’re going to know something is wrong.
“You sure you’re okay?” Penny eyes me up and down.
“I haven’t slept much, Daisy’s been extra fussy. I think another tooth is about to break through.”
Penny tickles Daisy, who looks just fine. “Well why don’t you go lay down, take a nap in the hammock out back until everyone gets here—it’s shaded this time of day.”
My sister nearly shoves me from the chair.
I laugh. “I just got here!”
“And I’ve got Daisy. When’s the last time you napped? Just go.” She shoos me out the door into the yard.
The last time I napped was yesterday in Caden’s office. And look how that ended.
But with large palm fronds draped over the sandy grass, and a luxurious hammock swinging in the corner, Penny’s backyard calls to me like an oasis. I’d be stupid to say no to some peace and quiet.
I tuck my hair behind my ears and place my phone on the side table.
Then I lie down, swaying gently. If I listen close enough, I can hear the ocean waves.
I haven’t been able to fall asleep without thinking about the damn roof for days now, but my eyelids give in, and I allow myself just a moment to rest . . .
Only to be woken up way too soon by slobbery kisses and whiskers tickling my chin. “Tank, your breath smells like hot garbage.” My eyes flutter open, and I’m face-to-face with a gray-and-white dog, a line of drool running down his jowls.
“I missed you, pup.” I sit up, cradling Tank’s big block head between my hands. He wags his tail so hard that his hips shimmy.
“What time is it?” I whisper to myself, patting my empty pockets, not sure where I even left my phone.
“Stealing my dog again, kid?” Jesse comes stalking out of the back door, tall and tan under all those tattoos, smirking at me.
“He’s my baby, I just let him live with you.” I narrow my eyes at my sister’s boyfriend, who is like my second big brother.
“When you going to get your girl her own dog?” Jesse squats down to pet Tank as I stand from the hammock.
“When my life isn’t falling apart,” I murmur, then look away when Jesse peers up, frowning at me.
Shit, I shouldn’t have said that—especially not to him. If he even gets the hint of something, Penny will know in minutes. Those two are connected by a million invisible strings.
“What’s going on?” His shoulders tense as he asks.
“Oh nothing, just a crazy workweek.” I brush his curiosity off with a shrug and dust the dog hair off my jean shorts.
“And of course, dealing with the fact that Daisy is now walking, and nothing is safe anymore.” I laugh but Jesse barely cracks a smile.
“Plus, we don’t need a dog. Daisy’s got Hamburger,” I add, trying to ease the tension.
“Right, the feral cat who hates everyone but you two.”
I exhale as Jesse teases me. “Listen, Hamburger chose us. And Daisy loves him.”
Well, she loves trying to eat different parts of him, but that’s a secret we keep within our house. I don’t need another reason for my family to think I need an intervention.
The back door squeals open. “Oh good, you’re awake.
” Penny rushes out, a ball of energy. “You know, I was reading that Daisy should be eating a larger variety of foods by now.” She’s holding my child on her hip with a margarita in one hand, while wearing a shorts and crop top set that makes her look like a fitness model.
“Uhm . . .” I rub my eyes, still coming out of my slumber. “I do feed her a mix of stuff—”
Penny cuts me off. “Well, I made her some broccoli bites and packed it in to-go containers. You can give them a try at home this week. Let me know how she likes it.”
I suck my lips in without a response and hold back telling my sister that she’ll probably just spit them out or fling them at the wall because that’s what she’s into right now.
“Hey, Fia, how long were you planning on driving with bald tires?” My brother, Danny, walks through the back gate with a rag in his hands. His blond hair is a shade darker than Penny’s, but other than that, it’s very clear they are twins.
I’m the outlier sibling here.
“What?” I scratch my head as everyone’s eyes land on me.
“Your tread is this deep.” Danny holds up his fingers, pinching them close. “Do you know how dangerous that is?”
“I rarely drive . . .” I begin to protest, but Penny slaps a palm to her forehead, being dramatic as ever.
“Fia, you have a baby.” She emphasizes baby like I’m unaware that I birthed a whole human.
“Listen, I’m getting new tires soon.” My heart kicks up a notch as my neck gets hot.
The truth is, I was going to get new tires for my car in a few weeks, but now it seems like it’s between tires or fixing my roof.
At this point I’m not sure which one is more important. I’d been doing just fine walking everywhere until everyone decided it was a problem this week.
“Just looking out for you.” Danny throws his hands up and pats me on the shoulder as he goes inside.
I stand there, wishing the yard would open up and swallow me whole.
We gather around the dining table, Daisy happy to be passed around from lap to lap.
One thing she’ll never lack is a pair of arms ready to hold her.
Even Danny, who’s still adjusting to life outside prison, is a natural with her, bouncing her on his knee while he shovels in the fish tacos Penny got for dinner.
For all the domestic advice my sister spews at me, she can’t even make a taco to save her life. She ordered them from a little stand down the street.
“Hey, Fi,” Jesse starts, using the nickname only my family uses, “I have a client right around the block from you next Friday. I thought I could swing by after and switch out the fire alarm you said keeps chirping.”
Cold sweat takes up residency on my neck, and I choke on a piece of fried fish. I did complain about that fire alarm. But that was before it started raining in my house.
Penny gazes at me over her margarita glass. “You good?”
“It’s fine, I fixed it myself.” I smile at Jesse and he nods, a lock of dark hair falling over his forehead.
The fire alarm is chirping . . . or was.
I know how to use a broom. And I used that broom to knock the fire alarm clean off the ceiling.
It’s not like there’s not another one at the other end of the hall.
Nan went crazy with installing them when we were kids, terrified the old house would go up in flames or something with all the pyro crap my brother, Danny, pulled.
“That’s good, you can never be too careful. Especially in an old home like that,” Jesse adds, and I’m sure it’s meant to be reassuring, but it does nothing to settle my nerves.
First Caden, now Jesse.
“Speaking of.” Penny’s eyes light up, and it’s like whiplash as I turn to look at her. “Two streets over from here, they just finished renovating a cute little duplex. It’s going to be up for rent by the end of the summer, and I already inquired about the price—”
“For who?” I deadpan as my throat tightens. Every few weeks she tries to get me to move.
“You. You know that.” She laughs like I’m daft, bringing another bite of food to Daisy’s mouth. “Come on, Fia, it’s something to think about. It’s really nice, and Jesse and I would be right here—”
“It would be, at minimum, a thirty-minute drive to work every day for me.” My fingers curl tightly around my water glass as I try to reason with her.
Penny rolls her eyes with a scoff. “Okay, well there are coffee shops here that would just die to have a manager like you.”
The flattery doesn’t work. I steal a glance at my phone—we’ve been here for three hours already. I need to leave now to get Daisy home in time for bed.
My saving grace.
“Thanks, but I like my job,” I reply with a tight smile and pop the last bite of food into my mouth. “And I’m perfectly happy with the house I have.”
I might love it, but it doesn’t feel like it loves me back right now.
Penny throws up her hands. “Seriously, Fia, that’s a lot of house for you and a baby alone . . .”
I stand abruptly, my chair scraping against the tile floor. “Thank you for dinner.” I smile at Penny tightly.
She concedes, dropping the discussion as I rush the goodbyes, though Danny manages to get in one more word about my tires.
The moment Daisy and I are buckled in the car, I release a shaky breath and rest my head against the steering wheel.
First the roof.
Now the freaking tires.
I’m simply doing my best to keep a tiny human and alley cat alive.
Thinking about it all feels like watching one long, slow avalanche inch towards me, all while my feet are stuck in place.
***
Daisy is fast asleep in the backseat by the time I pull into the bumpy driveway and cut the engine. The moment it’s quiet, the tears start falling.
I know I need to fix things instead of just duct-taping everything in my life together.
With misty eyes, I find my daughter’s face in the rear-facing mirror attached to the back of the seat. Her binky is smooshed into her cheek, and a giraffe stuffie sits tucked under one arm. My heart presses against my sternum at the sight.
My wallet isn’t thick, and I can’t give Daisy everything I wish I could. But despite it all, I like this safe neighborhood, and this house full of memories.
I like the little life I created here with her.
And no matter what my family’s opinions are or how they think I should be conducting myself, I’m laying my foot down. I’m not giving up on this house, with or without their support.
“You can do this, Fia,” I whisper to myself, blotting my eyes.
Carefully, I lift Daisy out of her car seat and hold her tight against my shoulder as I walk into our home.
Tonight I will apply online for a loan, and this week I will call the company Caden referred me to.
I’ll stop avoiding it. I’m going to fix this. For her.