30. Fia
Fia
The salty air kisses my cheeks as I lounge under the umbrella. Cloudless blue skies shimmy above, and the sound of kids playing in the sand surrounds me. Heaven.
I prop myself up on my elbows just in time to see Danny and Jesse dive into the ocean like they are carefree twelve year olds again.
“I’m so happy you suggested this—it took me way too long to recover from the bach trip,” Penny laughs, glancing over at me. Daisy bounces on a towel in the sand between Penny’s outstretched legs.
Ever since Penny got home earlier this week from her trip, she’s been so busy catching up on work, she hasn’t bothered me at all or attempted to visit me at home.
For the first time in weeks, my shoulders aren’t tensed into hard rocks. I’m in a state of cautious belief that perhaps everything will work out just fine.
“I can’t begin to explain how badly I needed this,” I moan, stretching out my bare legs, digging my toes into the hot sand.
“So, you nervous for tonight?” Penny asks, and I make a face, my heart stuttering.
But that’s ridiculous . . . No one but Halle knows about my crush.
“Not at all, Caden and I get along great,” I reply with a laugh, hoping she doesn’t pry past that.
Penny narrows her eyes at me.
“No, I’m talking about leaving Daisy overnight. It’s the first time.”
“Oh!” I blush. “Yeah, a little nervous, but she loves you. She probably won’t even notice I’m gone.”
Clad in her ruffled yellow bathing suit and matching hat, Daisy pulls herself up, balancing against her aunt’s leg. She even has white daisy sunglasses, making her the coolest baby I’ve ever seen.
“We will have so much fun. First of many sleepovers with Auntie Penny,” my sister coos, squeezing Daisy.
“Thanks again.” I smile. “It’ll be nice to go out and feel like an actual adult.”
I went from being a carefree college student to a mom in the blink of an eye. There was no in between, no ease into responsibility. Tonight is beyond overdue.
“So your boss is nice now? What changed? Thought he was a class-A prick?” Penny asks, each question faster than the last.
I shrug, picking up my water bottle just to have something for my fidgeting fingers to hold because Penny will know something is up, will read the softness towards him on my features, and will question me.
I hate hiding things from Penny. The house felt justifiable . . . but I never expected there to come a time I’d have to hide my feelings about a guy from her. That’s what big sisters are for, giving advice on things like this.
Advice I could actually use. But I’ll have to navigate tonight on my own.
“He’s been . . . around . . . the shop more this summer, and I’ve gotten to know him better.” I stare out over the blue water, thinking about everything Caden’s done for me these last few weeks.
“He’s not a people person, but he cares about his employees a lot. He’s a nice guy.”
Penny stares at me suspiciously, so I jump up.
“Alright, Daisy, you ready to dip those toes in the ocean?” I ask her with a big smile, needing to end this conversation immediately.
I fear my feelings for Caden are written all over my blushing face.
Despite how much thought I put into my outfit, I remind myself that this is an important work event tonight, not a date with my boss. But when I pull into his driveway, my body is whirling with a concoction of guilt over leaving my daughter, nerves about tonight, and a sprinkle of excitement.
There’s a text from Caden as well.
Caden: I’ll be over to pick you up at 6.
I know he means he will come to my door to get me at six to drive us into town, but the simple message causes a rush of butterflies to swarm my stomach.
“This isn’t a date,” I say aloud in the quiet guesthouse, while I plug in my curling iron. Then I fill Hamburger’s dish with dinner, leaning down to pet him.
“Alright, buddy, I’m going to be home late. I have a work thing. But you’ll be okay.”
He begins to crunch on the kibble, and I glance at the clock.
Shoot—I need to hurry up.
The shopping bag with a green silk dress has been sitting on the kitchen table for two days now.
It was like a scene out of a movie when I walked into the boutique that I only ever window-shop at, never entering because the prices would make me vomit.
But I did this week—Caden’s credit card in hand.
The moment I saw the dress with spaghetti straps, a cowl neckline, and a slip above the knee, on the mannequin, I was drooling.
Even the store associate clapped when I put it on, telling me my date was going to be weak at the knees.
It was sweet, but he’s not my date. However, her kind words riled me up and I bought it, along with a pair of nude heels.
Penny lent me pearl earrings, but as I secure them in my ears and swipe on dark berry lipstick, my hands tremble.
“You deserve this. It’s going to be fun. You can do this,” I affirm in the mirror with a lopsided smile.
The green silk is like butter under my fingertips, but now I worry this is too much. I rotate, realizing how high the slit in this dress is. Was it always this high?
Hamburger jumps on the bathroom counter, startling me with a loud meow.
“I should just tell him I’m sick,” I tell my cat frantically, but then two loud knocks sound on the front door.
“Mother effer,” I groan, inhaling deeply. I turn off the bathroom light and take careful steps towards the front door, heels clicking the whole way.
I know what’s waiting for me on the other side of that door, and I’m not sure I’m ready to confront it.
But I turn the doorknob anyway.