34. Fia
Fia
Icheck my phone out of habit while Caden secures the boat. Nothing from Luanne, which is a good sign. Halle, however, is a different story.
Halle: What do you mean you’ll be gone for HOURS? What kind of work meeting is this?
Halle: I need details ;) ;) ;) God my life is so boring.
Halle: But also, text me if you’ve been taken somewhere against your will.
Fia: Promise everything is good. I’ll tell you everything later. Facetime tonight?
“Ready?” Caden offers a hand, and I grab it, jumping off the back of the boat into the shallow water.
It’s cool around my legs, and I squeal with joy as he points to a trailhead.
It’s barely visible between the dunes and tall grasses blowing in the summer breeze.
“That trail up there leads to a small private beach. I think you’ll like it. ”
I twirl my hair up, securing it with a clip, as we wade through the water to shore. Caden doesn’t try to hide his eyes roaming over my lavender bikini top, and for once I don’t shy away from the attention. It’s not like I’ve kept my gaze from his impeccably sculpted chest and abs.
“How did you find this?” I ask as we start trekking up the sandy trail, tiny birds flitting around in the willowy plants. The sand squishes between my toes, and with nothing but my phone in my shorts pockets, I feel light as a bird.
He’s a few paces ahead of me, the sun shining off the muscles spanning his tanned back. Caden glances over his shoulder.
“I grew up exploring the islands with my friends every summer.”
“I have a feeling we had very different childhoods,” I reply, thinking about the turkey sandwiches Nan packed for our public beach days.
Though, I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face as we continue along the trail, surrounded by the sound of waves gently lapping the sand.
When we reach the top of the dune, I’m slightly out of breath.
“Almost there,” Caden says, but I’m only half listening.
With my arms stretched wide at my side, I tilt my face up to the blue sky, filled with puffy white clouds.
The perfect summer day.
“This is the life,” I whisper, somewhere between a prayer and a moan.
I open my eyes to see Caden watching me behind his dark sunglasses.
“I’m glad this feels like a break to you.” He takes a step back towards me, wrapping his arms around my sun-warmed skin.
“Are you kidding? This is the best surprise ever. Don’t get me wrong . . . I love my job, I love being a mom, but this—” I look out at the ocean on the horizon. There’s not a person in sight, just us. We’re on our own little adventure.
“This is my happy place.” I swallow, gratitude swelling my chest. “Thank you.”
He kisses me softly, and everything inside of me turns to jelly.
Holding my hand, Caden pulls us along, right down the dune. That’s when I see the private beach, with an enormous piece of driftwood washed ashore, like it was placed there just to lounge on.
It’s like something out of a Disney movie. The long sandy stretch between the blue water and tall grassy dunes is full of seashells, driftwood, and sandpipers running along the shoreline.
My eyes meet Caden’s and he smirks, almost shy.
“I always thought this area was cool,” he says, scrubbing his jaw. “Was this totally lame?”
I shake my head, gazing out at all the treasures.
“Are you kidding me? I used to spend hours scouring the beach as a kid for seashells. This is incredible.”
We start down the sand, carefully stepping around shells.
Scanning them, I spot a beautiful one in near perfect condition. It’s cream colored with rusty orange stripes and as shiny as a new penny. I cradle it in my hand, checking to make sure no little critter is calling it home.
“I discovered this specific area a few years ago,” Caden says. “I was trying to find an area to get away from the crowds one weekend, and as it turns out, people just stick to the main shores. No one explores this far.”
“People have no sense of adventure,” I reply in agreement, picking up shells and a piece of driftwood that would make the perfect jewelry hanger.
Within minutes, my arms are full, and my heart content.
I glance up to find Caden, but he’s further down the beach, gazing out over the water.
I make my way towards him and he looks up, eyes going wide at the stash in my arms.
“Ah—now I see why your house is packed full.”
“And I see why your house is so minimal. How do you come here and not take a souvenir?” I ask, truly aghast.
“I can come any time I want to get a shell, so I guess I never feel the need to.”
“Politely, I have to disagree with you there. Sometimes things only come around once in a lifetime. You have to harness the moment.” I look down at my findings. “See, like this.” I hold up a shell. “A perfect Scotch bonnet shell. Do you know how rare these are?”
Caden chuckles, hands shoved in pockets.
“You don’t get out much, do you?” he replies.
“Hey, you have no room to talk, you're a literal hermit crab!”
But he smiles in response and it disarms me.
The pattering of my heart reminds me how fast I’m falling, how fast our friendship turned into something more.
Sometimes I want to put my hands out and stop the fall, and other times I want to just jump and trust I’ll land.
“You hungry?” he asks, breaking me from his spell. He rubs a hand over his toned belly. By now I know this question means he’s hungry.
I glance down at my bountiful collection. “Yes, always.” I blow my bangs out of my face. “Did you happen to pack a lunch in that monstrous cooler of yours?”
Caden smirks. “I did, actually. I made turkey sandwiches.”
“How are you somehow more domestic than me?” I tease, and he rushes at me, wrapping his arms around my waist, picking me up, twirling me around with my feet off the ground.
“No! Don’t!” I scream out between laughter. “My shells!”
Caden puts me down. “Give me those.”
“What?” I cock my head back to look up at him.
“I’m carrying them.” He nods to my treasures.
Oh.
I offload them into his arms, feeling the weight lift from my body.
He does that a lot, and I’m still waiting for it to not make me falter in my steps.
We eat lunch in the back of the sailboat—gourmet turkey sandwiches and sliced fruit packed neatly in glass containers.
It’s almost noon, and I lick the last delicious crumb from my fingers, the guilt of not being at work completely gone.
Now I don’t want to move from this boat.
I’ll be thinking about this day for a long time.
“Can I ask you something?” Caden’s question breaks the comfortable silence between us.
“Yeah, what’s up?” I pull my knees to my chest, resting against the back of the seat.
“What do you want to do after Good Grinds?” Caden asks, setting his water bottle on the floor next to his bare feet.
“Like, after work today?” I furrow my brows at him.
Caden leans forward on his knees and shakes his head, gray eyes serious.
“No . . .” He shrugs. “You’re driven, you’re a hard worker, you’ve got your degree . . . I can’t imagine managing my coffee shop is your dream.”
I swallow, my heart picking up pace. I’ve suppressed my dreams for so long.
“Uhm, to be honest, I’ve been mostly focused on surviving since the day I found out I was pregnant.” I peel my eyes away, staring at the blue stripes on the beach towel beneath me. “I’ve been really happy working for you.”
“But . . .” He coaxes me, waiting.
I exhale shakily and meet his kind gaze.
“I guess I still do have a daydream . . . It’s not anything serious, just something I think about sometimes when I’m falling asleep.
” I pause, but Caden continues watching me with a look I can’t place.
“I always wanted to own a used bookstore. It would be a place that feels magical to step into,” I admit, feeling a bit silly.
But he doesn’t look at me like it’s silly.
My mind flashes to the mood board I once created for this bookstore. Window boxes filled with wildflowers. Plush armchairs in front of big windows. An ample children’s section with bargain books. I haven’t allowed myself to look at the board for quite some time.
Caden doesn’t respond at first as we rock gently in the calm waters.
I wave my hand dismissively. “It’s just a daydream! I doubt a used bookstore is all that lucrative anyway.” I laugh, though my heart sinks a bit.
“Don’t do that.” Caden looks up at me with his brows furrowed.
“Do what?”
“Don’t dismiss your dreams.” He sits back and nudges my foot with his. “If that’s what you want to do, you shouldn’t give up on it.”
I remain motionless, words caught in my throat.
“Trust me,” he says, leaning closer, touching my knee, “money isn’t everything. Yeah, it buys security and experiences . . . but none of that is worth it if you’re unhappy in life. And the quickest way to unhappiness is letting other people’s expectations rule your life.”
“Well, I have Daisy to think about,” I whisper.
“Of course.” Caden places his hands on his thighs. “You’re a good mom, Fia. A really good mom. But don’t forget to take care of yourself too.”
I scoot towards him, resting my head on his steady warm chest. He wraps his arms around me, holding me like that for what feels like forever.