Chapter 9
Nine
“ I t was really nice of you to meet us,” Grace said, standing up from the bench underneath the grove of trees and walking forward to wrap her arms around Lauren.
The other lady must be Claire. Lauren could kind of see the resemblance to her teenage friend.
She also stood and waited her turn to give Lauren a hug. Lauren hugged them both back, feeling like she had stepped back in time.
Why had she waited so long to reconnect with her friends?
But she knew why. The tragedy that lay between them had split them apart, even if the fault line hadn’t been obvious at first. It was why they didn’t get back together after high school, and they’d all gone their own separate ways, getting out of Raspberry Ridge just as fast as they possibly could.
“I’m sorry, I can’t stay too long. I have my cheese bread rising.”
“You’re making cheese bread?” Grace said, her hands clasped to her chest. “We should lay siege to your shop later!”
“Are you opening it again?” Claire asked, her eyes lighting up at the prospect.
“I’ve thought about it, but… I don’t really know if I can make a go of it, you know? ”
“I guess that’s the risk of being a business owner. That’s why there’s a big payoff. Versus just being an employee, you know?”
She nodded.
She supposed that was true. The risk, the amount of time it took that a person had to spend to baby their business along until it was big enough to grow on its own.
That’s what Cannon had been busy doing. And what she had supported him in, for so long. It just got…old, when the business always took first place.
“Anyway. Enough about that. How have you been?” Grace asked, truly wanting to know.
“I guess I’m hanging in there. You know I lost my mom, we talked about that, and that’s just been hard.”
“Yeah. I was a little worried about you after seeing you yesterday. I’m so glad we were able to get together today.”
“Me too. I just lost my gram, which I know is not the same thing, but it’s still tough.”
“Yeah. I’m sorry. I hadn’t heard. She was such a sweet woman. I have so many good memories of hanging out at her farm and playing. I also remember that truth or dare game. You and Josiah. That kiss. He couldn’t stop talking about it for months afterward.”
“Well, I gotta say, he was a good kisser then, and he’s even better now.”
They laughed together, and Lauren honestly started to feel like she was coming home.
“I know that this is a hard time for you, but if you want to talk about what happened with Yolanda, Claire and I tried to hash it out, and?—”
“No. I’m definitely not ready for that. Too many other things. And I don’t care if I never talk about that again.”
The other ladies nodded, but she got the feeling they disagreed with her.
Maybe they were right. Maybe it was better to talk about things rather than hide them, but she always figured that there wasn’t really a Bible verse for that.
Maybe just sharing it with the Lord. And working through it that way.
But to actually talk about it with other people… She didn’t need to .
Still, maybe it wouldn’t hurt. Maybe they would be able to say some things that would assuage her guilt. But she didn’t want platitudes. She didn’t want to not have guilt that she deserved to carry around. After all, she could have stopped the whole thing. And Yolanda would still be alive.
“That’s totally up to you. No one can force you into it.
Still, I feel better after talking to Claire about it.
” Grace spoke, and then she totally changed the subject.
“I heard there’s a new bookshop opening up right beside the bakery.
That is fortuitous, isn’t it?” she said, wiping her eyes and looking excited.
“I heard the guy that’s opening it is retired military. I haven’t actually seen him, but you know how gossip travels in this town.”
“I’ve seen him. And I believe it. He looks like he worked in intel or something. His eyes scan constantly, and while he seems very laid-back, there is an alertness around him that’s disconcerting at times.” Lauren figured that was a safe subject.
Grace jumped on that immediately. “You’ve seen him?”
“Yeah. He said he followed his nose into the bakery yesterday when I was making Nutella banana bread.”
“Oh my goodness. That stuff smells so good. I hope you open the bakery again. I miss walking down Main Street and just being able to follow my nose to some delightful treat.”
“Well, none of this stuff is healthy. I feel like I would just be selling heart disease to my friends and neighbors, and I don’t really want to do that.”
“So make healthy twists on the favorites. Or sell healthy stuff along with the junk. Honestly, there’s got to be some room for junk in our lives.”
That’s kind of what Matteo had said. Even though he didn’t look like the kind of person who ate much junk.
“What about your husband? Is Cannon following you here? Or is he already here?” Claire asked.
“No. He’s still in Cincinnati.”
“Are you guys…separated?” Grace asked cautiously. Then she put a hand up. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. My husband ch eated on me, and I divorced him. We didn’t have any children, so that didn’t complicate the situation.”
“Mine cheated on me too. Only we did have children to complicate the situation, and we tried to work it out. He had an affair with our therapist. So, I guess his idea of working it out didn’t jive with mine, so I came here.
Lost, broken, and pretty sure that my life was basically over.
I wanted to visit with my grandmother and feel safe again. And then she died.”
“My goodness. You both had it rough.”
“You know, it worked out for good. Because through it all, Josiah stood beside me. And while he wasn’t really someone I was interested in in high school, he…
was so strong and steadfast. So different than my husband, and, well, he was there for me.
And my ex didn’t want my kids for the entire summer, so they spent two weeks with him in Boston, and now they’re back with me.
So I pretty much have everything, except my loser husband, who I do not miss at all. ”
Claire looked particularly strong, and Lauren had to laugh.
“I think that’s a pretty good ending,” she said.
“Did your husband cheat on you? Because I feel like we’re developing a theme here,” Grace said, laughing. “Although, part of the theme is the second time around we find men who don’t cheat. Because we’re smarter.”
“You know, that’s one good thing about my husband.
Actually, there’s a lot of good things about my husband.
Maybe I didn’t appreciate him the way I should have.
Because no. He didn’t cheat. He’s not a jerk.
He’s actually pretty nice. He’s…maybe more of a doer rather than a talker, if that makes sense? ”
“I think a lot of men are that way. They talk with the things that they do. Josiah’s like that.
He works with his hands a lot, and I think his love language must be acts of service, because anytime he wants to make me happy, he does a little improvement project around the house.
That works for me,” Claire said, laughing.
“Interesting,” Lauren said. Maybe Cannon’s love language was acts of service. She hadn’t even thought about it. Was he trying to tell her he loved her by…working so much?
He insisted that he was working for her, and for them, but…she di dn’t really want him to work. She wanted his attention. She wanted his time. Was that a love language—time?
She’d skimmed through the book years and years ago, but she couldn’t really remember. She remembered there was one that was words, and she thought that words were cheap. Words definitely weren’t her love language.
She supposed they could be Cannon’s, but she really wasn’t sure. He didn’t talk that much. So probably not.
“So he didn’t cheat on you?” Grace said.
“You seem disappointed,” Claire said, poking her with her elbow in the side.
“I do not. But it would have made a really cool club. Although,” she looked at Lauren with sincerity, “I wouldn’t wish that kind of pain on anyone. It was the worst year of my life, bar none. I guess I haven’t lost my mother, so I suppose that could be worse.”
“Yeah. Cancer was pretty bad. It’s not an easy disease.
And it wasn’t fast, and there was a lot of suffering and pain and disappointment and…
just general badness involved. Those last three years are mostly under a dark cloud for me.
And I feel heavy when I think about them.
” She paused for a moment and then looked at the grove of trees around them.
“I guess I still feel heavy. Sad. I wonder sometimes if I’m depressed? ”
It was funny, she hadn’t seen these ladies in years, and she’d just said something that she hadn’t mentioned out loud to anyone.
“I think it would be perfectly normal for you to be depressed, after you lost your mother.”
“I had three miscarriages too. I…”
“I’m so sorry,” Grace said, standing up and coming over and putting an arm around her. She guided her to the bench, where they sat.
Claire followed suit, sitting down on the other side, until her friends, rather than facing her, sat beside her with their arms around her. Was this so hard? This is what she wanted her husband to do. To just sit there. And hold her, and tell her that he was sorry.
He hadn’t managed to do it. Not once. He’d encouraged her instead to get off the couch and do something.
That exercise made people feel better, and she needed to get out and walk around.
And if she wanted him to, he could give her a job in the business.
That would help her get around people, use some of her people skills.
She didn’t want to resent him, but he just didn’t know what she needed. And he hadn’t asked. And to her shame, she hadn’t told him.
“My husband… I know he cared. But he wasn’t devastated the way I was.
My sister-in-law, whom I love dearly, was pregnant the same time I was with my second miscarriage.
She had a healthy baby boy. And it was about one month before my due date.
It was hard. And then, three years later, right on my due date for my third miscarriage, she had a set of twins.
That was pretty devastating, because it was right before my mom died. ”
“Wow. What timing.”
“I know, right? And they were so happy. And I was happy for them. And I went down to help. The babies were adorable. I was thrilled I got to see them… I really was happy. But it was hard too. And then my mom died, and yeah. Things just spiraled from there, I guess. And now I’m here. And?—”
“And your husband is not coming?” Claire asked gently.
“Probably not. I can’t imagine he would leave his work for that amount of time. I haven’t ever been able to get him to take off, and he kind of resented having to take off for my mom’s funeral.”
“You’re kidding. That’s terrible!” Claire said. It made Lauren feel better to hear someone sympathize with her, but at the same time, she felt like she needed to defend her husband.
“He really is serious about his business, and it paid for everything. I was able to quit my teaching job and just stay home and be a caretaker for my mom. And when I went for a couple days to help his sister with her new babies, we could afford to hire a nurse to take my place. I do really appreciate the fact that his business is successful. I just… I guess I’m jealous of his business.
I feel like he didn’t really cheat on me, but he definitely loves his business more than he loves me. ”
“I see. So that doesn’t count as cheating, but it definitely counts as not being a good husband.”
“Yeah. And I guess I’m not a good wife, because he told me he wanted me to come home and I told him no. ”
“That’s understandable too,” Claire said, squeezing her with the arm that was around her.
Somehow, just talking to her friends made her feel better. They didn’t have any advice for her, and they certainly couldn’t fix her circumstances, but just knowing that they cared made her not feel so alone.
It’s what she needed from her husband. To feel like he cared. To feel like he was willing to put time in to show her that he cared. To act like he wanted to help her feel better, and that time away from his business wasn’t upsetting or annoying to him.
“I think this happens with a lot of couples. You just grow apart, and no one says anything,” Claire said.
“Yeah. Although, it seems like he knew that he wasn’t paying a lot of attention to her and he expected her to just accept it, as that’s what needed to happen in order for his business to take off.”
“Yeah. That’s pretty much it,” Lauren said.
They sat there for a little bit longer, both Grace and Claire talking a little bit more about what was going on in their lives, and finally Lauren had to interrupt.
“I’m sorry, but I really do need to get back to my bread. It’s going to rise up all over the place, and I’m going to have a mess on my hands if I don’t get it in the oven.”
“I might feel the need to stop by later,” Grace said with a wink as they stood together.
“I’m feeling that same need,” Claire said. “Probably in an hour or so, about the time the bread comes out of the oven.”
“You ladies are welcome to stop by anytime.”
“And if you need someone to help you get your store open, let me know. I would love to be able to come over and lend a hand, especially if you need any painting or decorating. You know that’s my thing.
And my husband is pretty handy with wood and stuff, and I know he’d be willing to give you a hand as well. ”
“My husband is a fix-it guy, and we’re the same. You can pay us with food. I’ve been working on bread recipes on my own, although I haven’t branched out to cheese bread yet. I guess I just don’t think I could stand the disappointment when it doesn’t taste like your mom’s. ”
“I don’t think anything would taste as good as hers, although cheese bread was my thing, so maybe.”
“I think I’ll have to taste and tell you,” Claire joked as they started walking out.
They chatted a bit about the things that they missed about her mom’s baked goods shop until they reached the end of the healing garden, and Claire headed toward her car after embracing Lauren and telling her that she’d love to get together anytime.
Grace gave her a hug as well. “I’m supposed to meet my husband on the beach, so I’m going to head that way. But I’m the same as Claire. Hit me up anytime you need someone to talk to.”
They parted, and Lauren found herself almost smiling as she walked back to the bakery.