Chapter 27
Nicole frequently looks over and grins at me.
Ignoring her is impossible and no matter what we’re working on she’ll find a way to bring it back to me and Cian.
I shouldn’t have told her, yet I needed to tell someone and I wasn’t about to blurt it out to Eric when he asked if I’d spent my weekend doing anything interesting.
‘Hello,’ Nicole says as Cian walks over to our desks. ‘What are you doing here?’
Yes, what is he doing here? He’s not meant to be in the office today and we agreed to meet downstairs.
‘Are you lost?’ Nicole teases.
He folds his arms and makes an attempt to appear serious.
‘Or do you have a story about food culture crossovers to share for our podcast?’ she taunts. ‘How do you feel about tapas and tortillas?’
‘Nicole,’ he groans, ‘you’re killing me.’
‘You’re too easy. Zoe, Cian Walsh is here for you.’
‘Why are you hanging near my desk?’ I ask. ‘People will see.’
‘He’s here all the time when you’re not in,’ Nicole says. ‘I’m surprised there are no rumours about me and Cian.’
‘Here,’ he says, handing her a KitKat. ‘Zoe, are you not ready?’ While he falters, my email flashes with Nicole sending me a heart GIF.
‘I’m almost done,’ I tell him.
‘Cool. I’m going up to check on something with Dev then I’ll meet you downstairs.’
‘Cool,’ I reply.
Nicole pretends to cry, then says wistfully, ‘They grow up so fast.’
He puts his hands on the back of her chair and shakes it. ‘You can’t do this. You can’t try to embarrass us.’
‘You’re both being embarrassing without my help. Cian?’ she calls as he begins to walk off.
‘Yeah?’
‘You’re so cute.’ Nicole laughs then says to me, ‘He’s so cute.’
I close my computer down and gather my things. I hate the idea of people seeing us leave together so I text him to meet me by the shop a few doors along.
‘Why’d you do that?’ he asks, when he comes ten minutes later.
‘Too many eyes,’ I explain.
‘Yeah?’ He leans to one side, then scruffs his hair. ‘Funny, I was thinking that too. Especially Danni. She likes to talk.’
‘You could say that. Anyway, what do you want to do?’
‘I told you. I have a plan.’
He doesn’t share it with me, so I trail beside him as we weave through Soho crowds and down across Old Compton Street.
We keep close but don’t hold hands, though I would if it would speed him up because he’s slow, distractable in a way I’ve never noticed before.
He stops to check menus in restaurant windows, goes into one shop for chewing gum, then into another to price up a shirt.
We finally arrive at a food hall for dinner, a noisy, casual place filled with an after-work crowd.
We sit on high stools and have margaritas and Malaysian food.
Afterwards, we carry on walking down to the river, stopping by Somerset House.
‘I just thought of something,’ he says. ‘This is the first time I’ve been out with you in the dark. ’
‘My bedroom last week was kind of dark.’
He gives me his put-upon look. ‘Go stand over there so I can take a photo of you.’
‘No.’
‘Stop being shy.’
‘I’m not shy.’
‘Stand there.’ He points his phone at the water and scrunches his eyebrows.
‘I’m cringing,’ I complain as I try to focus on the view rather than on him.
‘Don’t look at the camera, gaze at the water.’
The lights that line the Thames are warm yellow, while the London Eye is a cold blue, and while I’ve never been the type of Londoner who keens for this side of the city, right now it feels so perfect that I want to call Eric and scream at him, Are you mad? You can’t leave.
Finally, Cian says, ‘I have the best photo of you.’ I’m in each of the photos he flips through.
‘Not this one,’ I say, grabbing for the phone. ‘Delete that now.’ His arm blocks me, then he shows me a nice one, taken closer than I thought he was. ‘You can keep that.’
He puts his hand on the back of my neck and gently massages it. ‘Your pupils are huge.’
‘Thank you,’ I say tartly.
His gaze drops from my eyes to lips, then down to my neck. ‘Your neck is red.’
I whack him playfully, made self-conscious by how closely he’s observing me. Has he always done this? ‘I can’t believe you’re saying these things to me.’
‘Isn’t this the point of us dating?’
‘You think the point of us dating is so you can say whatever you want to me?’
‘No. I think the point of us dating is that I can do things that make your pupils big and your neck red.’
‘This is a new side to you.’
‘Do you like it?’ he asks brightly.
‘Unfortunately, I seem to like all sides of you.’ And it’s funny because however much I thought I wanted Cian in the months leading up to this, it’s nothing compared to how much I want him now.
We go back north, rather than south, because since moving out, him and Brendan have an undiscussed set-up where Cian sleeps over in his childhood bedroom most Wednesdays. Though as we near the end of his street, it occurs to me that it is, in fact, Thursday.
‘This is weird,’ I say. ‘You walking me home.’
‘Were you expecting me to talk to you on the phone till you were through the door? I can walk now; we don’t have to do the phone calls anymore.’
‘Maybe I liked the phone calls.’
We come to a stop in front of my place, and I step forward and kiss him as chastely as possible on the cheek. ‘Thank you for tonight.’
‘Is that it?’
‘It’s our first date. What have you heard about me?’ I hold in my amusement as his face morphs to mild confusion.
‘There’s no way this counts as a first date.’
‘Remember when you said someone would need to hold you at gunpoint to do anything other than sleep with a woman ever again.’
‘Ah. Right. I get it.’ He walks to the other side of the gate and makes a great show of closing it. ‘Do you want to come and see my place next time? I’ll cook for you.’
‘You can’t cook.’
‘I can. It’s one of the sides of me you don’t know yet.’ He grins. ‘I’m going to leave you to get into your burrito.’
I take out my keys and slowly turn around. Why am I trying to do this now? It’s too late to act virtuously. I’m already in way too deep. I turn back to the gate, open it and pull him in.
‘What’s this?’ He laughs. ‘What’s happening now?’
‘You can come in, but you can’t sleep over.’
‘You’re using me?’
‘Yes.’
He snorts but allows me to tug him into the flat and, as warned, send him home a few hours later.