9. Alistair
I still dream.
My sleep isn’t the same as it once was. It’s not as… complete .
No. That is not the word.
Or perhaps it is?
But I think there’s another I want, for the sleep I once had. When I’d lie down and become unaware of everything around me.
Now my rest is in complete. I am always aware of the waters’ movements. The way they cool and roughen as they prepare for a storm.
A storm is coming.
I don’t know when, but the waters do. And I will see when it arrives, even if I remain in my sleep.
I am never fully asleep. And yet, I can still dream.
Those dreams take me to faraway places, filled with light and color.
I see things I once knew but have long forgotten, like the great orb in the sky—the feeling of its light warming my skin.
There are faces too— familiar faces. Seeing them makes me… hurt.
No …
This is not the word I want either.
There’s a feeling in my chest, and although it causes hurt, it has a different word.
But it’s one of the many that have slipped away.
And the hurt deepens when her face appears in the dream.
Indigo.
I see her smiling, full of light. Of joy . It soothes me, as much as it hurts me.
Until the dream changes. And it always changes.
Her smiling face crumples in pain.
Moisture fills her eyes.
She screams for me. Reaches for me. Pleads for me to help her.
And I can’t.
I want, more than anything, to save her. To guard her from the force that will rip her apart.
But I can’t.
Because this dream is a memory. And memories can’t change.
I am forced to watch, again, as she screams. Forced to watch, again, as she… dies .
I hate that this is a word I still remember.
Dies . Death.
I wish I could forget the hurt that comes from having a love die. But for all the words that have slipped away, the one I want to slip remains with me.
I watch Indigo die. Always. Whenever I sleep.
And I awaken from these dreams, restless and hurting. Surrounded by the dark waters. Doomed to never again feel the warmth of the orb in the sky or see the colors of the land.
Doomed to never see her smile again.
But tonight is different.
Because when I open my eyes, a woman stares back at me.