17. Alistair
“Could you take me there?” A simple question.
“ I would like that very much.” A simple answer.
But the words feel…
Heavy?
I’m certain that’s not the word I want.
“I’m terrified of the ocean…”
“Could you take me there?”
It all feels…
Big. Her question. That she fears the waters but trusts me to keep her safe. It all feels big and heavy and…
Once, in another life, another world, I’m told I am…
What’s the word?
Emotional.
I can’t recall who said this. I see a stern face forming the words. It’s someone I know, but their name has slipped.
“ You’re too emotional, Alistair.”
“You trust too easily.”
“You give your heart too quickly. It’s going to get you in trouble someday.”
I’ve forgotten how deeply I can feel.
But as I stare through the waters at Pippi, watching her…fur…?
No. It’s not fur that falls over her shoulder. It has a different word.
Hair?
Yes.
Watching her hair move when the air hits it.
It’s colorful, her hair, and it enthralls me. How bright it looks against the dark rocks, the way it moves in the air, like a dance.
Those emotions I’ve once been told would cause trouble, the emotions I’ve forgotten how to feel, fill me again. I’m alive, in a way I haven’t been for so long.
Pippi pauses, her eyes darkening as she stares at the water.
Fear.
You don’t have to.
I want to tell her.
You belong to the land. And the land is where you should stay.
I don’t want you to be scared.
I’m selfish. For bringing you into the water when you fear it.
But I don’t say those things.
“You’re so selfish, Alistair!”
Indigo’s face comes to me. Her eyes are watery as she yells those words.
“You’re selfish!”
And I am. I never mean to be. But I am.
That selfishness hurt others. Hurt those I cared for the most.
Pippi moves again, her flippers—feet—her feet moving slowly against the stone. Her eyes roam now. Looking for me?
I blow out. The shooting water draws her gaze. Her mouth moves into a crooked smile, and her eyes…
The trust in them feels heavy too.
I am selfish. But I am determined to never let that selfishness hurt Pippi.
I just want one night.
“You won’t let me drown, right?” she asks.
“Never.”