Chapter 9 | Stodax
Chapter 9
Stodax
I go back to my chair after the lights are off. It's dim inside the bakery despite that it's still early in the day. Usually, work starts before it is bright outside. Today, it has been dim and gloomy.
Am I the crazy one for coming here regardless of the weather?
I don't understand, though. I've never run into a time when work is suspended, no matter what happens.
I rub my horns as I take a sip of the mug of hot chocolate. Maybe it's different here. Zoe is right that the bakery is here to sell beings food, so if no beings will show up, there's no need to open.
It is still snowing heavily outside, with no sign of slowing down. Zoe loves the holiday... I really hope she gets to enjoy it. The storm isn't enjoyable at all.
She's lying on the couch, seemingly asleep already. It must be tiring to wade her way through the storm to get here. It's fine with me to make it here for work, but for her, there's no need to be here. She's only here because she is worried about me.
Am I too dumb to live in a city? I've been trying, but it feels like I don't mix with this place. She has been nice and has been helping me. I don't want to bother her any more than I already do.
The hot chocolate is slightly bitter but smooth and pleasing. I've never tried this before and never imagined I'd have a chance to get it for free.
I take a breath, enjoying the warmth in my stomach. There's warmth in the bakery, which is a lot better than how it used to be. Things are so good here that it feels like I'm dreaming at times.
I glance at Zoe again. It can't be comfortable sleeping on the couch, but I can't help her. Maybe I should have bought a phone. I just didn't see the need for that. No one warned me about that. Beings like me back there don't have anything under our name. Even the clothes on us weren't ours.
The Christmas tree remains at the corner. The lights are off when the bakery isn't open, so I leave it that way. Part of me wishes I knew about holidays and special days for ricods. It was awkward when Zoe asked me about that.
All I want is to be safe, without someone chasing my heels. Now, I'm here, safe.
It feels wrong to want more, but...
I finish my mug and sneak my way to the couch where Zoe sleeps. She said not to wake her unless necessary, but she didn't say that I couldn't be around her.
Wait... If she got out of the door to check on me, maybe she hadn't eaten.
I head to the kitchen instead. I think she won't be mad if I bake something for her. It isn't like we have something else here that will fill the stomach.
What would I be doing if she got into an accident on her way here?
I shiver as I wash my hands and get ready for baking. Before she arrived, I prepared a tiny bit of dough. She didn't tell me what to do when the weather's bad, so...
Zoe... maybe what she has done for me is considered normal for other beings. It feels special to me.
I knead the dough, getting it into shape. My heart skips a beat as I recall how she shouted at me. I just wanted her to be happy, but I can't seem to do the right thing most of the time.
It's frustrating when it feels like I should know better, but I don't.
I put the dough on the tray, getting everything ready. I don't think we're leaving for the whole day, so I prepare for us. I brought my lunch with me, but dinner... that can wait anyway.
"What are you doing here?"
I shudder when Zoe shows up at the kitchen island without a warning. I almost dropped the dough. "Boss, I'm just trying to..."
"Are you preparing breakfast?" There's a faint smile on her face. She doesn't seem to be mad.
"Yes, I think that you may not have had food before you came looking for me. I'm so sorry about that."
"Don't be sorry. I'm the boss and I should have done more, and I should have told you what to do if things like this happen. It's all good. Now put the tray into the oven before we talk."
"Sure, sure." I do as I'm told, making sure I remember to set the timer. Before I can turn around, she wraps her arms around me from behind. I flinch. Did I do the wrong thing? Is she going to shove me into the oven or something?
She purrs against my back. "Stodax, what's in your head?"
Nothing?
She watches me when I'm still coming up with the right words. "Look, why's the wait? If you don't want to tell me, just say it."
"I was just wondering whether I've done the wrong thing again."
She narrows her eyes at me. I wince, almost seeing the whip lash that would land on me. Instead, she holds my wrists. She strokes my forearm. "Hey... Why do you keep thinking that you've done something wrong?"
I shake my head. "I don't know."
"Come on... I just want to help. Maybe we should get to know each other more. We don't have anything else to do anyway. Unless you want to sit and stare at the oven until the timer sounds."
"I..." Part of me knows that I don't have to be scared of her, but... I can't make out the words. What if I'll ruin everything?
"Relax, big guy." She pats my chest. "Nothing bad's going to happen, okay?"
The windows rattling outside don't agree with her. She heads out of the kitchen. I remain in my spot, turning to stare at the oven. Maybe that's what I should do — pull a chair from outside, then stare.
"Stodax."
I almost jump at her voice. "Yes, boss!"
"Come out of there, it's hot inside."
"Okay." It's fine for me. I'm pretty used to the heat inside, but if she tells me to get out, I get out.
She gestures for me to head over to the Christmas tree. She already turned on the lights for it. Without the other lights in the bakery, the tree is pretty shiny. She sits on the floor. "I think we mopped the floor before we left yesterday, right?"
"Yeah, we did." But we walked around earlier, but it's not that big of a deal anyway. I sit next to her, which seems to be the right thing to do.
She says, "This isn't a workday, so we are just friends here in the bakery."
What am I supposed to feel?
She leans into me. "Big guy, just relax for a bit, okay?"
I think that relax isn't something that I can put effort into.
She says nothing but stares at the tree, so I do the same. I like it when she leans against me. I like it when I fuck her, too. But... sometimes, I don't know whether she really likes that.
I shudder when the annoying music is back up. The jingling is back, and they disturb the tranquility I had with her. We could be enjoying our time together and leave it like that.
She chuckles. "You don't like Christmas music, huh? We can play something else. What do you prefer?"
Like... nothing? I clear my throat. "I don't know a lot about music."
"Okay... So, what do you do when you walk on the streets alone?"
"What do you mean? I walk."
"No listening to music, or something like that?"
I shake my head. Why would I do something like that?
She says, "Ah, right, you don't have a phone, so there's no music to listen to when you're outside. What about when you're at home? After work?"
"I... What do you mean?"
"Like, what do you do when you get home?"
"Shower."
"Okay, after that?"
"Make dinner and have dinner."
She sighs. Apparently, I'm not giving the answer she expected, but that's the truth. What else is there to do?
She says, "And...?"
"Go to bed."
"Then wake up and go to work."
"Yeah, that."
She rolls her eyes, but I don't see the problem. I ask, "Do you not do those things?"
"I do. But I also listen to music, watch a movie, read a book, watch cat videos, message a friend, something like that."
"Oh..."
Her eyes seem to light up when I start to understand her question. She asks again, "What about you?"
"Um... Nothing."
"So... Really nothing?"
I nod. "I mean... Stare at the ceiling?"
"All while you don't even think about something? There's nothing you want to be doing?"
I swallow. I don't think doing her is the right thing to think about. Since we fucked each other and had been doing that for a bit, sometimes, I do think about her. I wonder how I got this lucky, when every day feels like a dream that I don't want to wake up from. And... Secretly, I want this to last past working for her. I want her to be my mate, for us to stay together. It's already proven that we can work together pretty well.
But who am I to even think about that?
I clear my throat. "I think I'm such a strange being that I don't fit in at all."
"Fit in where? What? Here in the bakery?"
I nod. "When I talk to you, it feels like I'm never saying the right thing."
She taps my forehead. "It's not like that. There's no right thing to say here. There are just answers that are more expected and some that aren't."
Is that the case? "And the expressions that I can never get it right."
"You don't come from this planet, after all. That's normal. Beings from different places use words differently."
"So... You don't find me weird?"
She shakes her head. I can only hope she means it. "I've been enjoying having you around. I used to work alone, and that's pretty draining to be here day in and day out with no one to talk to at all. Sometimes, you just can't tell customers about things that are on your mind. So even when you aren't a big fan of small talk, knowing that there's someone I can talk to makes me feel better."
I've never thought about that. She makes it sound like she's happy just because I exist.
She pats my thigh. "Don't worry too much about things and words. You can always tell me what's on your mind. I can't promise every being out there is nice and there to help, but I'll always be there for you. It stands even if you stop working for me. After we get you a phone, you can always call me."
I take a breath. I'm not sure whether that's an important promise or what. This is hard. I may be overthinking it. I have no idea. Back there, no one would say something like that to me. So... I have no idea what this is supposed to mean for beings like Zoe.
She says, "Ask questions, talk to me."
"I... Thank you. I'm just wondering... Do you tell everyone that?"
She glances at me with a smirk. "No, I don't. My phone number isn't the bakery's phone number. I only give my number to important beings. And in case you're going to ask, yes, I give my number to the bank, but that's different."
"Okay."
She leans into me again. I wrap an arm around her, holding her to my side. I think I can tolerate the Christmas music.
She yawns. "You can always ask me when you don't understand things."
I nod. Maybe in time, I'd shake that feeling, the feeling that I don't belong and am the odd one. "Beings like you just do and say what they want, right?"
She rubs her eyes, seemingly getting drowsy again. "For me, as long as I'm not hurting anyone and beings that can be affected are onboard, yeah." She snuggles even closer to me. "Life's too short to think too hard. No one dies most of the time."
That's very different from the world where I came from. It sounds like something I want.
"Zoe..."
She remains quiet. I glance at her. Her eyes are shut and she... probably fell asleep.
I... Does that mean I can ask whether she wants to be my mate even though I'm a dumb ricod with almost nothing under my name? And when everything I have comes from her? I worked for the money and earned it, but still...
Would I ruin everything if I asked, and she isn't interested at all?
Would I embarrass myself?
Would I need a new job after that?