Chapter Thirteen
Camille
Jim’s worn couch made it easy to sink into the cushions and relax during my short break between the breakfast dishes, chores, and prepping for lunch. The loud buzz of the lawnmower outside competed with the music playing from Olive’s laptop, and I chuckled and waved as Trenton stopped at the window to smooch at me like he had the previous four laps around Jim’s front yard.
Saturdays at Jim’s were my favorite, even if it meant cleaning his house and then mine. We spent it mowing and vacuuming instead of the farmer’s market or watching the game at a local pub, but it was the one day of the week we could spend several hours of quality time with Jim without rushing out to get to work or home. Travis and Abby usually stopped by with the twins for lunch. It was the closest we could come to having the family under one roof on a regular basis.
Saturdays at Jim’s also meant hanging out with Olive from the moment she finished breakfast until dinner time, and after the full day I’d had of testing with my OB/GYN the day before, I needed the sweet distraction that was Olive.
She was sitting on the floor just a few feet away, surrounded by a chaotic mess of schoolbooks, snack wrappers, and papers. She’d swept back her long, cool blonde strands behind her shoulders so they didn’t get in the way of the calculations she was jotting down in her pink glitter notebook.
I watched her with a smile, sitting with my legs tucked beneath me, both hands cupping my mug of lukewarm coffee. I couldn’t help but still see her as that wide-eyed five-year-old, absolutely unbothered by the fact that her best friend and champion was a full-grown man, up to his neck in tattoos.
Olive might’ve been just months away from moving out on her own, but to me, she was still the adorable whirlwind who’d gotten me to open the door for Trenton the night of our first not-a-date date—always moving, always asking questions. I glanced over at her just as she looked up, her big eyes fixed on me with a familiar expression. I knew that look. It meant she was working up to an uncomfortable conversation, something bigger than her parents would prefer she’d ask. My chest tightened a little. Olive was an old soul, and as long as I’d known her, she’d asked difficult questions, and trying to answer them reminded me that I was still figuring things out myself.
“Cami?” Her voice was softer than usual, cautious.
I leaned over to set my mug on the coffee table and playfully narrowed my eyes, unable to stifle a grin. “I knew it. What’s up, buttercup?”
She hesitated, biting her lip before continuing, a grimace weighing down her delicate features. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sounds like you’ve been holding on to this for a while. Of course,” I tried to keep my voice light, “you can ask me anything.”
She paused again, her eyes dropping to the floor before she blurted it out, “You and Trent are okay, right?”
The question knocked the breath out of me for a second. I blinked, trying to steady myself before I answered. “I love him like my life depends on it. What makes you ask?”
She shrugged, picking at a loose thread on her shirt. “I just… I hear things. Mom and Dad talk, and sometimes I see the way you look at each other, and I just… I wanted to make sure.”
“We look at each other like we’re not okay?”
“It’s just that you don’t look as happy as you used to.”
Olive was too perceptive for her own good. She watched as I silently scolded myself. It wasn’t as if we’d been careless. I thought back on as many of the times Trenton and I had been around her and her parents that I could remember, wondering what was said or what expressions had been exchanged to tip her off. She knew us more intimately than most, and it was no secret that life had been intense lately. The challenges with infertility, the general stress of adulting, and then there was the small detail that an unstable college student had been routinely stalking us and scheming to ruin our marriage.
I leaned forward, trying to keep my voice steady. “Olive, look at me.”
She met my gaze, waiting for news that would either reassure her or—as far as she was concerned—end life as she knew it.
“I need you to know that what Trent and I have, the love we feel for each other is stronger than anything that comes our way. Every marriage has its obstacles, but for us, the love doesn’t change.”
She didn’t look convinced. “Mom told Dad how you’d been struggling with infertility, and how hard it was before they adopted my brother and me. She said they almost got a divorce. Why don’t you just adopt? Like, right now? Before you get a divorce.”
“We’re not getting a divorce, Olive. It’s not even in our vocabulary. If we’re one of those couples who never have children, then that’s the way it’s supposed to be.”
Her brows knit together as she pressed her lips into a thin line. “Why don’t you want to adopt?”
Oh, shit.
“We’ve discussed it so many times. We’re just not there yet.”
“What do you mean you’re not there yet?”
Abort, abort, abort. This was going to blow up in my face no matter how I explained it.
“Maybe you should talk to your parents about it. They’d be able to explain better than I could.”
She rolled her eyes. “You mean they can explain what they want me to know.”
I swallowed, knowing she wouldn’t be satisfied with vague reassurances. “Well, yeah. It’s not my place to—”
“I don’t want to hear it from them why you and Trent don’t want to adopt.”
“Boo bear, it’s not that. Adoption is definitely on the table.”
“But it’s the last resort,” she said, clearly hurt.
I was desperate to shield her from the pain in her eyes. “We’d love to find a perfect, beautiful, entertainingly persistent baby girl just like your parents did. You’re just… there’s no one else like you. It’s just not that simple.”
“Abby was asking Papa Jim the other day when he thought you’d be ready to start the process. Is it the money? Because they said they’d pool together the funds when you were.”
I sat, stunned, my eyes threatening to gloss over. “Oh. That’s, um, wow. That’s really sweet of them. It’s definitely something we’ll have to talk about. But, O… you shouldn’t be eavesdropping. That conversation was meant to be private.”
“I wouldn’t have to if everyone wasn’t so secretive,” she said, offended. “I can tell when something’s wrong, you know. But no one will tell me what the heck is going on, so…” she sat up a bit taller, “I have to find out for myself. This is my family, too.”
“You’re not wrong. But instead of listening in on private conversations, I think it’s better to just ask, so we can discuss it like we’re doing now.”
“Okay, then tell me the truth.” She scooted closer to me, the dissention in her tone having faded. “You’re not waiting to adopt because I was always over here a lot, right? Was I annoying? Or because you think I didn’t want to be around my parents? Because I love my parents. I love spending time with them. I really do. I just love you guys, too.”
“Oh, for God’s sake!” My voice broke as I scrambled off the couch to hug her. “No! Of course not, you’re the reason we know it’s a great idea! I honestly don’t know what Trent would do, what any of us would do, without you. We never thought you were here because you didn’t want to be there . If we had, Trenton would’ve been asking your parents why a long time ago.”
I was mortified she’d ever had those thoughts and was desperate to relieve her of them as quickly as I could. Trenton would’ve been heartbroken to hear those words come out of Olive’s mouth. Her world should’ve consisted of friends and school, maybe even a crush, a little stress about the talent show, or making student council. Nothing more than what was required to be a happy, carefree teenager, but Olive loved hard, hung on tight, and it shouldn’t have surprised me that she paid closer attention than we’d thought—or intended.
I squeezed her and blinked away any threatening tears, unwilling to let her see me cry. “And Trent and I… we’re absolutely okay. Better than okay. It’s not always easy. But at the end of the day, we have each other, forever. That means any challenges that may come up are temporary.”
Olive leaned away just enough to study me for a moment, trying to gauge if I really meant it. I wanted her to believe me—I wanted to believe it myself. Those questions infiltrated my days so often they felt like a part of me now.
“What about Madison? The other kids at school have been talking. Why didn’t you tell me it had gotten so bad?”
The truth was, I hadn’t wanted Olive to know the full extent of it. I didn’t know how to explain that Madison had been a quiet shadow in our lives for months, maybe years, her obsession with Trenton growing more dangerous by the day, or that her grief had morphed into something dark and unstable, that she’d become more erratic, more desperate to hurt us. But how could we miss that the latest town scandal would make its way to the high school? We should’ve discussed it with her before someone else did. Now that I recognized Olive was doing what all kids did—whether they were eight or eighteen—connecting the problems between adults to herself, sure it was somehow her fault, I worried she didn’t understand how Trenton’s relationship with Madison was different from his with her.
“What have you heard?”
She shrugged one shoulder. “That Trent was her older sister’s boyfriend, but she died in a car accident a long time ago. Then Maddie and Trent got close, and now she’s been sent away because she went crazy. Clara Simmons said Madison is pregnant and thinks the baby is Trent’s, but I told her it was bullshit. She’s been dating Avery’s brother since Christmas break, anyway. It’s probably his. It’s just been a few months, and Avery said he’s obsessed with her, that Maddie was his soulmate, and that Maddie was just as obsessed with him, telling him she wanted to get married and all kinds of crazy stuff. But now he’s heartbroken because she cut it off without an explanation, but she also won’t leave him alone.”
“Avery’s brother Aaron?” I asked.
“Yeah?”
“Well,” I began, trying to ignore the fact that I’d just heard her swear for the first time—and that Trenton had just threatened the brother of one of Olive’s friends. “You’re right that Trent isn’t the father. I’m not even sure that she’s really pregnant. And I guess on paper, the rest of it is all true. But it’s more complicated than that.”
“Did he quit hanging out with her because she’s nuts, or is she nuts because they stopped hanging out? Because if Trent decided one day he hated me…”
“Olive, I want you to hear me when I say this: his friendship with Maddie is very different. You’re family. It’s true that Trenton was in an accident with Madison’s older sister, Mackenzie, a long time ago, when he was in college, and she was killed.” I sighed. How in the fuck do I explain this? “But he hadn’t seen Madison in years. They’re not close like you and Trent.”
“So, they just started talking again?”
“Yes.”
“What did she do to make him stop?”
“She’s confused. She thinks she’s in love with Trent, that he’s in love with her, and that they’re meant to be together. She thinks the bond they share from losing the same person is more than what it is. Eventually, that confusion led her to make a lot of bad choices. She’s been trying to cause problems in our marriage with rumors and lies and,” I paused, “some other things. She’s crossed lines that forced Trent to stop being her friend. Some of the things she’s done are so serious that her parents sent her away to a psychiatric hospital to help her see things more clearly.”
Olive nodded, relieved. “Holy crap, she really is delusional. I mean… that’s actually insane. But she’ll get out at some point, right? Is she going to leave you alone?”
“What I know, without a doubt, is that we can trust that Trent would never let anything happen to me. Or to you.”
“The fact that her parents had to send her away because she wouldn’t stop. Cami,” she spoke her next words quietly, “are you scared?”
“Nope,” I replied with a soft but confident tone. “I don’t have to be. I have Trent. And Papa Jim. And Travis.”
“And me,” Olive said, taking my hand in hers. “You have me, too.”
“I do,” I said. “Family is the best protection you can get.”
We sat comforted by the quiet, feeling free of the burden of everything that had been left unsaid for too long. Olive leaned against me, and I felt an intense need to make sure from that moment on, none of the messy situations we found ourselves in ever touched her.
Olive settled back into her carpeted seat on the other side of the coffee table, already refocused on her notebook. She loved us as fiercely as we loved her. Between Madison and the danger Thomas, Liis, Abby, and Travis were tangled up with, the only control we had was to stay vigilant, and to love and protect one another. As much as I wanted to protect Olive from it all, she was affected, too. We could no longer assume she was oblivious to the very real threats which could at any moment be hovering just beyond the walls of our homes. Too much risk came with only knowing half-truths, and even though I had to keep the FBI part close to my chest, I had to figure out how to tell Jim, Trent, and Olive just enough so they could safeguard themselves and each other.
The toilet flushed in the bathroom down the hall, the sink turned on, and then the door opened. Jim appeared in the hallway, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. He nodded once to me and then turned for the kitchen, favoring his left hip. Stopping at the sink, he reached for his coffee cup and then turned to hold it under the running faucet.
I stood and joined him, touching his shoulder. “I can make you a cup of coffee, Dad. Are you ready for lunch?”
“Not just yet,” he said, glancing behind him. He spoke his next words softly. “At the risk of implicating myself when you’d just told Olive not to eavesdrop… you and I are going to have a conversation after she heads home.”
I swallowed. “Um, yeah. We can definitely do that.”
As soon as Jim turned away, my stomach tightened, twisting itself into a knot I hadn’t felt in years. Jim was nothing like my father—he never had been, never could be—but the feeling of being in trouble with him was enough to throw me into a mild panic. I was eight again, standing in the shadow of a man whose disappointment was a fuse waiting to be lit. Jim would never spiral into a rage the way my father had done so many times, but the phantom fear lingered, tugging at the part of me that thought I’d left this feeling behind. I wasn’t a child anymore, but right then, I might as well have been—a little girl bracing for an explosion that would never come.
He nodded once and set his mug to dry in the dish rack, leaving me in the kitchen alone to sit in his recliner.
I wasn’t sure what part of the conversation we needed to have a come-to-Jesus about, but regardless, his tone made me nervous to have it.
Just as I returned to the living room, the sound of the lawnmower abruptly cut off, and I side-stepped to look out the window, seeing Trenton greet Travis and Abby. Travis’s laugh was muffled but still audible within the house, gently swinging white plastic bags adorned with bold red Chinese characters. Abby stood with a soft smile, holding one small hand of each twin, shaking her head over something Trenton had said.
Travis tipped his chin in a quick nod to Trenton before heading toward the porch, his family trailing just behind him. Moments later, the door creaked open, the lively chatter from outside spilling into the house.
“Don’t start lunch, Cami! We brought about six pounds of rice!” Travis yelled, waiting until his family cleared the door before closing it with his foot.
“Well, look what the cat dragged in!” Jim said, slowly standing.
A savory medley of smells instantly filled the house, prompting Olive to stand and head to the kitchen.
“Did you break your hip old man?” Travis said, placing the bags on the wooden dining table.
“ Agh, ” Jim said, waving Travis’s thinly veiled concern away. “Arthritis is acting up again.”
Abby glanced down at Jim’s hip while she unloaded the sacks. “Have you seen Dr. Adams?”
“I’m not paying him another dime just so he can tell me I’m old, sis,” Jim said.
“You always say that,” I said, opening the Styrofoam containers and organizing them in the center of the table. “Thanks for lunch, guys.”
“Sorry we didn’t give you a heads up,” Travis said. “We realized after we left the restaurant that you might’ve already bought groceries.”
“I did,” I said, shrugging one shoulder. “Just stuff for fajitas, but I’m sure we’ll have lunch again tomorrow.”
Jim chuckled, taking his seat at the head of the table. “Did you get any of them dumplings I like?” he asked, searching over his glasses.
“Right here, Dad,” I said, nudging the container. “Let me get plates first.”
“I’ve got them,” Abby said, already in the cabinet.
Olive sat on the other side of James, because Jessica had already claimed her seat next to her favorite person in the world, Papa Jim.
Abby distributed the plates, pausing only when Trenton blew through the door, covered in sweat and grass. “It’s almost ready,” she called to him.
“Just let me rinse off and change real quick. It’s stupid hot and it’s not even officially spring. I’m soaked.” And with that, he disappeared down the hall.
“Good,” Jessica said. “Maybe the pool will open soon.”
“Not this soon,” I said with a smile.
Abby frowned at her daughter. “Don’t talk with your mouth full, baby.”
“Sis,” Jim scolded. “Leave my sweetheart alone. She’s at Papa’s house, and Papa don’t care.”
“I care,” Abby said.
Jessica bounced as she kicked her feet under the table, grinning without the slightest worry of consequence. She was sitting next to her free pass, Abby’s kryptonite, the man who would find an excuse even if that angelic ball of fire were to burn down his house.
“Have I told you how much you look like your Granny Diane?” Jim asked his granddaughter.
“Only every day since her first birthday,” Travis said, finally taking a seat next to his dad. “And Mom would hate being called Granny.”
“No, she wouldn’t,” Jim said, still smiling at Jessica.
Jessica shook her head in agreement, mirroring his expression. Partners in crime, those two.
“It’s the eyes,” Abby said, pointing with her plastic fork. “Identical. It’s wild to me to look at old photos and see my daughter’s eyes looking back at me.”
“Do you know who you look like?” Jim asked James.
James pointed at Abby and then Travis.
“Perfect combination of both!” I said, my arms crowded with glasses of ice water.
“It sounds like Christmas in here,” Trenton said, walking in with the fresh T-shirt and basketball shorts he’d brought from home, just like he did every Saturday he mowed. “Hi, baby.” He pecked my cheek as I started to pass, but then paused, helping me pass out the drinks.
“More like Chinese New Year,” Travis quipped.
We were all finally seated, our plates full, and ready for Jim to say the blessing.
“Our Heavenly Father, thank you for blessing us with family, our health, and wealth. We ask you to bless this food to the nourishment of our bodies, to protect us as we go about our days. In Jesus Name…”
“And Lord,” Olive interrupted.
I peeked with one eye, seeing her knuckles white as she firmly intertwined her fingers, her eyes closed tight.
“…please bless Trent and Cami with a baby, or help Abby raise all the money they need for the adoption. Amen.”
“Amen,” everyone repeated.
“Aunt Cami’s pregnant?” Jessica cried, covering her mouth quickly.
“No, dummy, they’re adopting,” James said, frowning.
Trenton looked at me with wide eyes.
“No! No, not pregnant, still haven’t decided about adopting,” I said with a nervous laugh. “Thanks for the prayers, though, Olive, that was sweet.”
Trenton’s shoulders relaxed, and he worked to scale back his shocked expression. The chatter resumed, with multiple storylines about school, work, and cafeteria drama ricocheting back and forth like a fast-paced game of ping pong.
Still, an unease lingered beneath the surface. The tones of all the adults in the room shared the same desperation to ignore Olive’s prayer.
After the food slowly disappeared, the kids went outside to enjoy the sunshine in the freshly mowed grass. Travis and Trenton threw away the paper plates and plasticware and then returned to the table, adding to the noticeable silence between me, Abby, and Jim.
“Olive,” Trenton said. “Can you go keep an eye on the littles?”
“I can,” she said, standing. “You’re all going to miss the free babysitting when I leave.”
“First of all,” Trenton began, “quit saying you’re leaving. You’ll be across town. You’re never leaving me, so stop trying to make me cry. Second, you’re right, Travis and Abby are definitely going to miss the free babysitting.”
“Aw… Twent,” Olive said, hugging him from behind.
“Don’t do that, or I really will cry,” he said, patting her arms and then clearing his throat.
She pecked the top of his head and then turned on her heels, the front door closing behind her as she joined the kids in the yard.
After a solid minute of trying and failing to expose the elephant in the room, Trenton sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “So, uh… what was Olive talking about, Abby?”
Abby closed her eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know she could hear us.”
“Hear who? Hear what?” Trenton asked, already irritated.
“Baby,” I warned.
“What’s he talking about?” Travis asked his wife.
Abby peered over to him, her eyes heavy with regret. “A few weeks ago, when I came to visit, I was talking to Dad about all of us maybe helping to raise funds to start the adoption process,” she looked to me with the same expression, “but only when you were ready.”
Travis looked at his brother, surprised. “I’m confused. Are you adopting or no?”
Trenton’s jaws flitted under his skin.
I put my hand over his. “We’re open to it, but we’re still trying to conceive on our own.”
After several beats, Trenton spoke. “I want to be really clear here. I don’t like the idea of you, or anyone, discussing our business when we’re not present.” His gaze was locked on Abby, his frustration clearly bubbling beneath the surface. “Especially in front of Olive.”
“Hey,” Travis said, tensing.
It was Abby’s turn to put her hand over her husband’s. “You’re right, and I’m mortified she heard us. It was careless and intrusive, and I’m sorry, Trent. And to you, too, Cami.”
“Just wait a goddamn minute,” Travis said. “You know her heart was in the right place, Trent. She loves you. She was just trying to help.”
“We didn’t ask for help,” Trenton seethed. “Now we’re going to have to explain to Olive why we’re not adopting yet. Do you have any idea how we’ll do that without absolutely destroying her? Because I sure fucking don’t!”
“Boys,” Jim warned.
“You’re going to watch your goddamn tone with my wife!” Travis growled.
“Motherfu—” Trenton began, placing his hands on the table in preparation to stand.
“I told her!” I cried, holding my hands up between them.
Everyone’s eyes were on me.
“I explained it,” I said, my breath trying to keep up with my rapid heartbeat. Thwarting a Maddox brothers’ brawl wasn’t for the weak. “She mentioned it earlier. We talked. She’s fine. She’s okay.”
Trenton sat back in a huff, folding his arms across his chest.
“I know,” Abby said. “I know, it shouldn’t have happened. I’m sorry. I really am. It just popped into my head, and I blurted it out because I was excited. I wasn’t thinking and it won’t happen again.”
“Quit apologizing, Pidge,” Travis grumbled. “He knows you didn’t mean for this to happen. He’s just taking his shit out on you.”
“Trav, stop,” Abby said, her voice firm. “They deserve an apology. I’m giving them one.”
“You’re lucky your wife’s here to shut you up, you pu—” Trenton began.
“That’s enough!” Jim said, his voice booming as he pounded the table with his fist. Once the boys settled down, he continued, his voice calm. “It wasn’t Abby’s idea. It was mine.”
“Dad,” Abby began, but he held up his hand.
“Abby waited until Olive went to the restroom and then asked me more about it. It wasn’t for now; it was an if and when .” Jim leaned toward Trenton. “We’re not giving up, son. I’m just as sure it’ll happen for you as I was the day you got married.” He sat back, resting his hands on his belly. “Your old man just likes to plan.”
“You mean meddle?” Trenton asked.
Just as I was about to scold him, he smiled.
I stood to check that the children were still playing and unaware of the conversation. “I know neither of you meant any harm. And no, it wasn’t the easiest discussion to have with Olive, but by the end she understood, and I was very careful that she doesn’t feel our decision to keep trying to have our own child before adoption meant she’s any less loved or wanted. She doesn’t feel like a last resort, is what I’m trying to say.”
Abby perched her elbows on the table and covered her face with her hands. “Oh, God. I’m so sorry you had to have that conversation.”
“It’s okay,” I said quickly. “If you hadn’t, and Olive hadn’t asked me about it, I wouldn’t have found out that Madison has been dating the friend’s brother, Aaron, and that it seems like she’s been basically love bombing him since Christmas break only to end it abruptly.”
“Which friend?” Trenton said, bristling.
“Avery.”
Trenton winced, nearly recoiling from the truth. “Oh my fuck, I threatened Avery’s brother? I thought he looked familiar, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.”
I put my hand on his. “From the way Olive described it, she ended it, but also wouldn’t leave Aaron alone. Knowing Madison, I think it was all planned from the beginning, with the crescendo meant to be at her apartment with you saving the day and ending up in her bed to celebrate.”
“What the hell?” Trenton said, bewildered. “So the Dayton guy?”
I shrugged. “Who knows. Olive said she didn’t know they were dating, and she’s friends with everyone.”
“All lies,” Trenton whispered.
“Well, accidental epiphanies aside, I still feel like an ass,” Abby said.
Travis rubbed her back. “You didn’t know she could hear, Pidge. Don’t beat yourself up.” He turned to look at Trenton. “We good?”
Trenton shifted in his seat. “It’s just a sore subject for me. It’s everywhere we turn, it’s always on our minds, but getting surprised…” he trailed off, sighing. “I’m sorry I yelled at you, Abby.”
“You didn’t,” she said with a small smile.
“Apologize to me , shithead. I’m the one you yelled at,” Travis quipped.
A wide grin spread across Trenton’s face. “Not a chance. Cry about it, you little bitch.”
After a few taut seconds of silence, Travis let out a sharp laugh, breaking the tension. One by one, the rest of us gave in, until the room was filled with full, unrestrained laughter.
“You boys,” Jim said, shaking his head.