Chapter Eight #4
“You want me to apologize and say that I was wrong, but I’m not going to do that. I still think it was the right call at the time. If I had to make that decision again knowing what I know, I’d make the same one.”
His head snapped up. “Say that again.”
“Trent,” Falyn and Abby said at the same time, warning him.
“I would do it again,” I repeated. My voice didn’t waver.
“Because if I’d told you—and you’d slipped, or Falyn had slipped, or one of the kids told a funny story at school about something Olive did the day before—if she wasn’t murdered, one of you would’ve been.
Hollis. Hadley. Carter, the twins. Gavin…
Oliver. Yes, I traded your grief for your lives. And I don’t—I won’t—apologize for it.”
“That’s the thing, Thomas,” Falyn said, her voice sad. “You don’t know that. We could’ve been spared the heartache and been okay.”
“I do know that,” I said. “Because I know the people hunting her.”
Trenton laughed, bitterness soaking through. “Nice speech, but you don’t get credit for martyrdom, Tommy.”
“I’m not asking for it.”
“Good,” he said. “Because I don’t forgive you. I will never forgive you, none of us will.”
His words landed like a punch, harder than anything he could’ve ever thrown. “I understand.”
“Oh, get fucked, you self-righteous piece of shit,” he grumbled. He began to pace, and Tyler rose and followed him. Their whispers filtered over from the back corner of the room, tense and strained.
“Liis is no better,” Abby hissed.
“Don’t bring her into this,” I said. “It was my call.”
Travis’s mouth twisted. “Bullshit. She signed off on it. You made the decision together.”
“She stood with me,” I said. “Same as you would’ve if you had the same information.”
He stared at me, long and hard. “Don’t tell me what I would’ve done. What do you know about the capabilities of the Carlisis and the Yakuza that I don’t? I haven’t been out of the game that long… sir.”
He wasn’t wrong. Travis—and Abby—had both worked with the Bureau in one capacity or another until Abby gathered up enough info on her father to get at least a few of the main players locked away. But then Travis was released, his involvement in the fire that started it all forgiven.
“There was no other way,” I said, my tone final.
His jaw flexed. “There’s always another way,” Travis said, his tone low and menacing. I’d heard it before but never directed at me.
We stood there, neither of us backing down, breathing hard, adrenaline doing what it always did in men like us. I could feel the moment teetering. One wrong word, one wrong step, and fists would fly.
“I hate you for making me hate you,” Trenton said from the corner. “I don’t know how not to.”
“I know,” I said. It hurt more than I thought it would, even after years of accepting the outcome.
He pointed at me, held back by Tyler. “And don’t ask me to make peace with this; it’s never gonna fucking happen. You’re dead to me, Tommy!”
After a few moments of silence, I gave him what he asked for. “I won’t.”
“You’re making it worse,” Ellison said. “You accepting it so easily, being hated and shunned by your family, is just making it worse.”
I sighed. “I don’t know what else to do, Ellie. I knew this was coming. I accepted it the day I made the call. I don’t blame any of you for feeling the way you do. If the situation were reversed, and it was Stella, or any of my nieces or nephews, I’d feel the same.”
Falyn looked over her shoulder at Trenton, and then back to meet my gaze. “If you’d one day gotten rid of the Carlisis and the Yakuza and she was safe… would you have told us then?”
“I would’ve left that up to Olive,” I said.
“And she would’ve known that it would destroy the family,” Taylor said. “So, she wouldn’t have.”
“I would’ve made it clear that shouldn’t be a consideration,” I said.
Taylor shook his head, disgusted with my technical answer. “I feel like I don’t even know you.”
“Maybe not. And maybe it’s better that way.”
“Oh, boo fuckin’ hoo, dude,” Travis scoffed. “You haven’t even apologized. Okay, you feel you’ve kept her alive, but you’re not even sorry for what you put everyone through?”
“For that, I am sorry. Of course I am. And I’ve been sorry,” I said. “But there was no other way.”
“You’ve mentioned that,” Falyn said, staring at nothing in front of her. “And I still don’t believe you.”
“Fair enough,” I said.
Falyn’s bottom lip trembled, and her head fell forward, her hand covering her eyes.
Taylor stood up, but Travis grabbed him as Falyn moved to stand between us. Tyler ran across the room for backup.
Don’t!
Sit down!
Taylor, stop!
They’ll make us leave without Olive!
Naomi straightened from the wall. “Ahem,” she coughed, the sound carrying. She planted her heels, hands at her sides, weight balanced, ready for anyone who tried.
Taylor paused, huffing, then slowly lowered himself to the sofa.
After several beats, he looked up at me from under his brow, an expression I’d seen him make on the playground, in The Circle, or in a bar fight.
The look he gave an opponent, a stranger, someone he wouldn’t piss on if they were on fire.
“After this, I never wanna see you again. You’re not family, you’re not my brother, you don’t exist.”