Beyond The Blues

Chapter 1

WEEK 1

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to your Clear Airlines flight to Santorini, Greece. The estimated travel time is four hours and fifteen minutes. We hope you enjoy your flight. Thank you.”

The stewardess’s voice cracks through the plane speakers.

tapping my fingers on my thigh, anxiously awaiting to take off.

The man next to me was on his phone, with a font so big that people from five rows back could see him texting his wife ‘flirty’ text messages.

The other seat is empty, hoping it remains that way so I can sit by the window.

Staring out the window at the airport, a sense of guilt overwhelms me.

Although it’s been months since my best friend Coco passed, I feel like I have a responsibility to be there for everyone else.

For her parents, for her other friends, even for my parents, she was like their second daughter.

I just couldn’t continue sitting there in my room filled with our memories.

What once was just a door is now the place I last saw her walk out of.

Coco always wanted to go to Greece, so I’m doing this for her although it involves a lot of my fears, flying, swimming and being alone in a whole unfamiliar country.

That’s what I miss about Coco the most.

She brought me out of my shell.

Anything Coco did meant I could do because what was the worst that could happen? Sure, we got ourselves into some situations, but that’s what gave us the best memories.

We looked back on and laughed about them.

I cry now for the memories that cannot be made because the worst part is that I never knew when we would create our last memory together.

BEYOND THE BLUES

*5 months ago*

I stand outside of my best friend’s house, feeling weird that it won’t be Coco greeting me. I thought it would be best to check in with Coco’s parents as they are like a second family to me and I don’t want that to change just because I’ve lost my soul sister. My mum accompanied me as she and Coco’s mother, Susan, got very close during our friendship. We ring the doorbell, waiting for a response. After a minute, we hear slow footsteps approaching the door. As the door opens, Susan is standing there looking drained. Her eye bags are a dark purple, her skin pale and her hair shoved up into a bun. You could tell she had been crying and probably hadn’t stopped since it happened. It’s as if there’s permanent tear stains on her cheeks.

“Hiya Susan.”

My mum says, giving her a sympathetic smile.

“Sorry- I didn’t realise you were coming. I would’ve cleaned myself up better.”

Susan stated, crossing her cardigan over her body. She looks over at me, her eyes filling with tears.

“Hi second mum.”

I say croakily. Susan pulls me into a hug and pulls me into her. You can tell she really needed this. After a minute, she pulls away, wiping her tears away.

“Come in, let me make you ladies a cuppa.”

Susan adds, opening the door further. When we enter the house is a mess, things sprawled out everywhere, unwashed plates, spilt liquids on their white carpet. I try to keep a straight face, but Susan has never been like this. Her house was almost always spotless. I sneak a look at my mum, and she’s also aware of the state. We sit in the living room silently, staring blankly at each other. Susan and my mum stare at each other and without words, they understand each other. My mum scoots closer to Susan, pulling her hands into hers. Their relationship reminds me of what mine and Coco’s once was. There was always a silent understanding between us.

“Darling, why don’t you go up to Coco’s room, see if there’s anything you might want?”

Susan’s voice breaks, and my mum’s eyes tell me to go. I nod and leave the living room. As soon as I step out, a wail comes from

Susan, my heart shattering just a little more.

But it won’t be as much as I’m about to feel walking into Coco’s room for the first time since she passed.

I stand outside her bedroom door, white with blue seashell stickers on, slightly lifting now.

Shakily placing my hand on the doorknob, and it feels a lot colder than I remember, but that is probably just the coldness I feel without Coco’s presence.

I twist the doorknob and swing the door open, revealing her bedroom.

I cover my mouth to suppress my cry as I see that the room remains, as if she just left it this morning.

The duvet is messy, clothes scattered on the floor, and her art book is still open on her desk.

I step inside and the scent of Coco’s smell hits my nostrils.

One step at a time, Ophelia.

Her room represented everything she was, bright,chaotic and homely.

I look around slowly, my feet moving at a snail’s pace.

Something feels like it’s missing, and I wish it was just a t-shirt or a picture, but it’s not.

It’s Coco that’s missing.

She should be here, sprawled out on her bed, laughing at some stupid video.

Or scribbling in her art book and showing me the most beautiful artwork, which she’d always describe as ‘not her best’.

I sit down at her desk and just take in my surroundings, crying a river.

After half an hour of just sitting here, staring at everything in her room, Susan and my mum come upstairs. Susan seems a lot calmer than when we arrived.

“Picked some bits of hers, love?”

I shake my head.

“I don’t know what to pick, because… because it’s hers, it’s not mine to take.”

My voice breaks again. It breaks so much at the moment, I sound like ‘Wheezy’ from Toy Story.

“Shall we help?”

My mum asks. I nod.

We pack up a little cardboard box and fill it with a few bits, which means a lot to our friendship. A hoodie we got on our first theme park trip. The photos of us that were on her wall. One of her gold rings she always used to wear, with a quartz crystal in the middle. Lastly, her stuffed animal ‘Kitty’, because I know she’d feel so sad knowing he’s sitting here alone with no one to have at night. In all honesty, I wish I could just stay here, surrounded by the scent and feeling of Coco, so I’ll close my eyes at night and imagine she’s right next to me.

*

BEYOND THE BLUES

“Right, love, you can pop by whenever you want. You’re always welcome.”

Susan says.

“Thank you.”

I go to walk away, but like a rope, I’m pulled back straight into

Susan’s arms.

*

I decide to move to the window seat. To make sure I’m not stealing someone’s window seat, I take another look around. I shuffle my bum over awkwardly and drag my hand luggage underneath the seat, finally resting my head back.

“Sorry, excuse me.”

An Irish accent says, I shoot my head round to a person standing by my row, smiling at me. Oh fuck.

“I’m sorry, I’ll move. I just assumed and tha-”

The stranger interrupts me. The more I look at this woman, the more I recognise her freckled face and perfect eyebrows.

“No, it’s grand. Stay there. Would you just mind moving your pretty pink purse?”

The woman says, a smirk falling onto her lips. I grab my handbag off the seat and apologise again. I glance over at her. She has a low fade haircut with curtains, dark blue eyes and a recognisable cluster of freckles on her cheek. That’s when I clock her and realise it’s Nora from university. Nora studied a different course to me, we still managed to bump into each other a few times because of our group of friends, not a lot, but occasionally. She was more feminine in university, but that cluster of freckles I would always recognise, and the fact she’s incredibly attractive. Of course, it’s just my luck to be sitting here wearing an old bobbly hoodie, no makeup, and my curls piled on top of my head in a bun.

“You know I’m actually glad you sat there, one less person to climb over awkwardly to get to the toilet.”

She interrupts my thoughts, showing her pearly straight whites off.

“Yeah, just let the pro make a fool of herself,”

I reply, pointing my fingers at myself.

“It’s alright, I’ll stand up and make your life easier.”

She winks at me subtly, causing a flush to my cheeks.

“Not so sure about that guy, though.”

I point my head at the guy next to

*

her, his glasses down his nose and mouth open, snoring. She laughs out loud, her nose scrunching.

“This may sound odd, but do I know you from somewhere?”

she asks. “Funnily enough, yes, from university?”

“Of course you were friends with Coco and James!”

Nora exclaims. ‘Was’ friends with Coco.

“Remind me of your name?”

Nora questions.

“Ophelia, yours?”

Even though I already know, I try to play it cool.”

“Nora, look at us with both old people’s names.”

“Hey! My name is young and hip.”

I argue, pulling out a peace sign, making me internally cringe. I shake my head and wait for Nora to fill the awkward silence so I don’t embarrass myself further.

“So Ophelia, what takes you to Greece?”

Nora asks. I try to think of a quick answer which isn’t ‘well you know Coco, she died and I will break down further if I stay at home.’

“Just a self care holiday, I guess.” I shrug.

“You?” I ask.

“Same I guess, I finally finished university, so I thought why not?”

Nora answers, pulling out a bag of skittles from her rucksack and chucking a red one into her mouth.

“Do you still live here, in London?”

I ask, feeling slightly nosy.

“Yeah, I moved from Carricklea but I hated it, so as you know, I studied in London, mostly to get away from my hometown, you know?”

I guess I understand what it feels like to want to get away from your hometown, away from everyone you know. At home, I know everyone is just staring at me with sympathy for ‘the girl with the dead best friend.’ I stare at Nora, wondering if the look in her eyes means she sees me as the girl with the dead best friend.

“I get you”

smiling at Nora, the conversation coming to an abrupt ending. I sit without my headphones for twenty minutes in case Nora carries on the conversation, but she doesn’t. Instead, she opens Netflix on her phone and watches a film. I’m glad something distracted me as we were taking off though. I put my headphones over my ears and shut my eyes, imagining I

BEYOND THE BLUES

was not on this plane.

Closing my eyes used to be so calming, but ever since Coco left, it’s harder.

I close my eyes and she pops up in my thoughts, our memories, our last day together, her funeral.

I shoot my eyes open and decide to distract myself with a cheap magazine I bought at the airport instead.

The type of magazine with the insane four paged long stories in them, which make you wonder if they’re real or not.

I feel my eyelids heavy with tiredness.

Getting up at 4am for a flight was a battle for me, someone who usually wakes up at 10am.

I take my hoodie off, trying to avoid elbowing Nora in the face.

Once the hoodie is over my head, I come to the horrible realisation that I didn’t just lift my hoodie up, but also my shirt, revealing my bra.

I frantically pull my top down and look to my side to see if anyone was looking, and of course Nora was.

She looks away quickly, keeping up with her nonchalant act, or maybe she genuinely was this chill and calm.

“Sorry”

I whisper, even though I doubt she can even hear me through her headphones.

“No complaints”

Nora replies, not looking away from her phone. My cheeks burn with a hot flush, which I know looks like blood on snow, noticeable from miles away.