Chapter 15
I spent the morning getting my knuckle checked out by the doctors. I left Nora in bed to sleep, especially after the night she had yesterday. The doctors said that my knuckle was fractured and applied a big embarrassing blue splint to it. This is the second injury of the holiday and I’ve only been here for a week. I walk back to the hotel, petting every stray cat I see, making my quick journey about fifteen minutes longer. I would be riddled with guilt if I didn’t pet every cat I saw, thinking if I didn’t pet them, who will?
I walk in the door and Nora is on the balcony smoking her morning cigarette, wearing just her sports bra and shorts. Her back is broad and smooth, making me want to jump on her immediately and spend the entire day in bed. I walk on out to the balcony and kiss her cheek, making her jump a little.
“Where have you been?”
Nora asks, before noticing the big splint on my hand.
“Oh, Christ Ophelia.”
“It’s fine, just a minor fracture. I’ve got to ice it and relax it.”
I reassure her.
Nora pats her lap, inviting me to come sit on it.
“How’s your head?” I ask.
“No complaints.”
Nora winks at me with her cheeky smile back on her face. I’m glad to see her happier this morning. I knew that laying in would do her good. I roll my eyes.
BEYOND THE BLUES
“No, no, it’s grand. That medication they gave me knocked me right out,”
Nora says, tucking my hair behind my ears. Her other hand on my bare thigh. Whenever this woman touches me, I just want to lie down and let her do whatever she wants.
“I like this.”
Nora pulls on the hem of my skirt. Nora compliments me so often I feel like a schoolgirl with her first crush. I kiss Nora, for which it feels like the first time in ages. Her breath is warm and minty. Her hand wraps around my waist, pulling me in closer, and all I can think about is how I never want this to end. I never want us to end, but there’s a tender ache in my heart knowing this has to. I mean it when I say I feel ridiculous falling for Nora so quickly, but I truly think this invisible string tied us together. We are supposed to be here together, falling for each other. Or at least me falling for her, even if this meant I’d be leaving my heart here in Greece. I may have come here because of losing the best connection I’ve ever had in my life with Coco, but I’m leaving with a new connection, one to remember for a lifetime. One to remind me there are plenty of good people to meet out there, just you may not have met them yet.
We decide to head on down to the markets; the stalls filled with handmade jewellery and a range of delicacies. We walk side by side, hands occasionally grazing past each other. I come across a stall run by a mother currently yelling something at her two children running around. The market is full of evil eye jewellery, with the blue colour pouring out over the table. I pick one up. It has a silver-plated evil eye with baby blue and pink thread wrapped around. Reminding me of Coco, I give the woman five euros and continue walking along.
“I’ve noticed you like blue quite a bit.”
Nora points out, pointing to the bracelet I just bought, my blue tote bag slung on my shoulder and blue socks poking out my trainers.
“It was Coco’s favourite colour, and I guess I’ve just grown to love it.”
I shrug, fiddling with my shell necklace again. I remember Coco saying if she ever passed away, she’d have to have a very blue funeral, flowers, invites, dress code, the lot.
*
Five Months Ago
I flatten down my baby blue dress and sit down at the front of the pews, staring at the array of blue flowers at the front.
Alongside a collage of photos of Coco, in particular, I notice the one with me and her laughing very hard at something.
If I remember right, it was because we witnessed someone falling over in front of us.
I know it shouldn’t be funny, but being with Coco made everything funny, even when it wasn’t meant to be.
One look at each other and it would be over.
We’d be cackling in a room of silence.
My eyes well up, knowing she was so happy there and now I’m here at her funeral, because she was so unhappy she took her own life.
The music for her funeral begins, ‘Forever Young’ by Alphaville plays, and the entire room seems to burst into tears.
She made such a difference to every person she met, whether she played a big role in their life or not.
I try to keep my eyes to the front, because if I see her coffin too soon, I fear I won’t make it out of here alive.
I’m afraid I’ll cry so hard I’ll stop breathing.
Then it appears in my direct eyesight, the coffin holding my best friend.
It’s smaller than I expected.
Surely she can’t fit in there.
She’s in there.
The gates open and tears stream down my face, my breath barely there and my eyesight blurry.
The music muffles in and out, but all I can think about is that my best friend is dead.
I feel my mum beside me pulling me into her side, and I fall into her effortlessly.
I have no more strength to comfort myself.
The funeral goes past in a blur, I barely lift my head from my mothers chest, until Coco’s mum, Susan, comes up to me.
I look up at her, her eyes puffy and that gentle smile that’s so familiar to Coco’s.
“She loved you so much darling.”
Susan says, clasping my hand.
If she loved me so much, why’d she leave me? Losing someone in such a way leaves you feeling all kinds of emotions, anger, guilt, confusion, the list goes on.
I’ll feel angry for a moment, wondering why she did it and didn’t reach out but then I remember it’s not that easy.
Then I’m angry at myself for not noticing, for remembering all the times she wanted to speak to me about something but changed her mind and I just let her.
If I could, I’d grab her shoulders and shake her, begging her to talk to me.
“I know it’s difficult, but if you want to share a couple words, we’d really appreciate it.”
BEYOND THE BLUES
Susan says, and although my anxiety wants to stay here and just cry, I will do it for Coco’s parents. I drag my feet up to the front, the other people staring at me. A sea of tears, tissues and black clothing. Coco wanted blue, but it seems to have been forgotten about. I feel out of place wearing blue and feel the need to address it.
“Hi, so, I’m wearing blue because that was Coco’s favourite colour.”
The silence is overwhelming and I’m unsure what to say. There’s no words to describe my best friend. There’s no words to describe how beautiful, caring and kind she was. There are definitely no words to describe how much I miss her.
“I met Coco on my first ever day of school, I was alone and she was the only person to come over to me. Then since that day it was as if we were bonded together, inseparable. It was always ‘where’s Coco?’, ‘How’s Coco?”, and it feels funny that I haven’t been asked that question since she’s been gone. I don’t really know what to say, other than-”
my voice breaks and I look over to her coffin.
“I miss you, and I don’t know how I’ll do life without you.”
That’s all I can muster up before I start sobbing again. My cries are loud in the silent room. I walk over to her coffin and lay my upper body on top, imagining I’m hugging Coco and not a wooden box. My tears puddle on top of it, and I want to stay here forever, let myself rot away just so I can be with my best friend.
*
We finish our shopping trip with a walk along the beach. The sun is setting perfectly, pink and orange hues spreading across the sky.
“The view is so beautiful, I can’t believe I’m here,”
I say staring out at the sea.
“It really is beautiful.”
Nora says. When I turn to look at her and she’s already looking at me. I love you. I think. My heart is telling me I love her, but my head is telling me to be rational. You barely know this person. But I feel like I know her. You know that feeling where you’ve not known someone for that long but it feels like it’s been years? That’s me with Nora.
“I know this is last minute, but I’ve got a surprise for you.”
Nora admits.
“What is it?”
I ask, narrowing my eyes at Nora.
*
“I don’t think you understand the concept of a surprise.”
Nora laughs and holds out her hand for me to take. I take her hand and we walk further along the beach before she stops me.
“I need you to cover your eyes.”
Nora says.
“Are you going to throw me into the sea?”
I laugh, totally clueless about what she’s doing.
“No, that’s after the date, silly.”
“So it’s a date?”
“When’s it not a date with you, Ophelia.”
Nora places one hand on my eyes, the warming musky vanilla scent wafting to my nose already. Her other hand wrapped around my waist, guiding me carefully. I attempt to listen out for clues, but all I can hear are the waves crashing and the local nightlife.
“You ready?”
Nora’s voice sounds giddy. I nod. Nora takes her hand off my eyes, revealing a boat on the edge of the deck. A well-dressed man is standing at the edge, smiling at me with a bottle of wine ready to welcome me.
“Shut up!”
I squeal, turning to face Nora. Nora nods her chin back to the boat.
“I think you missed something”
I look back to the boat and walk a couple steps closer, and then I see it. I place my hand over my mouth, in shock and trying not to cry. The word ‘Coco’ is painted on the side of the boat.
“This is a Coco Viente yacht.”
I stand there in disbelief that Nora went through all this effort to find a boat with Coco on it. I know Coco is somewhere extremely jealous that she doesn’t get to ride the yacht with her name on.
“Now let’s get on before they leave without us.”
“Were going on it?”
I exclaim.
“What did you think we were doing, baby?”
The way Nora says baby makes my chest feel warm, and my heart flutters.
“Baby?”
I ask playfully.
“Is that ok?”
Nora says nervously, scratching the back of her head. “More than okay.”
Nora’s smile spreads across her face, and her blue eyes
light up. We walk onto the boat, the deckhand passing us a glass of wine each, before the captain greets us, all dressed up in his immaculate white uniform.
BEYOND THE BLUES
“Good evening ladies, I am Sergio. I’ll be driving Coco today. If you have questions, please feel free to find me or one of my deckhands.”
We thank him and then walk around to the front of the boat. I may know nothing about boats, but I can tell this is nice. When we get to the front, it’s decorated beautifully. There are rose petals dotted around the floor, and tea lights placed carefully. In the middle of all this seems to be an array of foods, but the one that catches my eye is the vast bowl of olives. I smile to myself.
“You hate olives.” I say.
“But I like you.”
Nora responds. We sit down on the deck, and I take in the view and what Nora has done for me. The picnic I laid out for her doesn’t even come close to this. I lean in close to Nora’s side and lay my head on her shoulder. She presses a kiss on my head.
“Thank you so much, Nora.”
Without saying a word, Nora pulls me in for a kiss. Each kiss with Nora feels like our first one, special.
“Why’d you do this?”
I question.
“Because I wanted to show you how special you are.”
I feel my cheeks flush, and I lower my chin into my chest, looking up at Nora.
“And-” And?
“I love you.”
The words take the breath out of my lungs and my lips fall open slightly.
“You don’t have to say it back, but I just wanted you to know, just in case.”
Nora adds. I feel stunned, unsure what to say because I know those thoughts have passed through my brain too, but I just didn’t know if I was ready to say them. But staring at her face, itching to hear any words from me. The effort she’s put into this evening, for me, despite how I’ve been. Despite the wild journey of what was to be a relaxing holiday, she stayed by me and accepted me for who I am.
“I love you too.”
I respond, as if a weight has been lifted off of Nora’s shoulders, they lower and a smile breaks out on her face. She leans in to hug me and nuzzles her face into my chest, her arms wrapped around my waist.
“I don’t want this to end.”
Nora says muffled in my chest. It doesn’t have to, I want to say. Stay here with me, don’t worry about America, just please stay with me.
*
“Me neither.”
I opt for instead, stroking her hair gently. Nora pulls away and holds eye contact.
“I think every person that I’ll meet from now on, I’ll always look for you in them.”
Nora whispers to me. Both of our eyes are watery, but I can’t tell whether they’re happy or sad tears.
Happy that we got to experience this connection or sad that we won’t be able to for much longer.
I know I can’t go to America, it’s not what I want for myself.
I want to be an author and after this trip, I truly believe I can.
I want to have a writing desk in London, facing the street and write till my heart’s content.
I can’t sit back watching Nora live out her dream, wishing I had lived out mine.
In the words of Nora, if you want it hard enough it will happen. I realise at this point, neither of us know how long each other is here in Greece for.
“When are you leaving?”
I ask out of the blue.
“One more week.”
Nora said in a broken whisper, her voice etched with sadness.
“Me too.”
I press my lips together. One last week of this.