15. Eliana
FIFTEEN
As I lay in bed,the remnants of another restless night slowly dissipate. My gaze fixates on the plain expanse of the ceiling above me. The morning light filtering in through the curtains, casts the room in a soft glow while a lingering sense of unease settles within me as I think back to yesterday.
Griffin’s grey eyes, intense and unwavering, bore into mine with so much adoration that it had sent shivers down my spine. In that moment, I couldn’t resist the pull and almost gave in to the temptation of leaning in and pressing my lips to his.
Would that have been so bad?
Had it not been for Zale, bursting the bubble that had surrounded Griffin and me, we might have done something that Griffin would regret later.
After finally convincing myself to get up and get ready for the day, I make my way downstairs and into the heavenly smelling kitchen. I spot Griffin first, but he seems determined not to meet my gaze, his eyes fixed on his plate with a resolve that speaks volumes. Zale, on the other hand, fixates on me with a playful smile dancing across his lips, his eyes sparkling knowingly.
I do my best to ignore him as I grab a plate from the kitchen island and load an omelet on top of it. Taking a seat in between Maliah and Kairi, I keep my eyes focused on my plate and away from Zale who sits directly in front of me.
I”m worried if I look at him long enough, he”ll take that as a challenge and tell everybody what he saw yesterday. It doesn”t take long for him to confirm my fear.
“So, team,” Zale says loudly, just as I’ve put a big bite of the omelet in my mouth, “I made a discovery at the side of the house yesterday and I have to share it with you all.”
Griffin, who was taking a sip of water, spits most of it out onto his empty plate and turns wide eyes to Zale. I stop chewing, dread completely taking over as I lock eyes with Zale who’s grinning right at me. I feel the blood drain from my face.
“Oh? And what was this discovery?” Kairi asks, raising a curious brow at the way Griffin glares at Zale.
“Well,” Zale starts, glancing at Griffin with a mischievous smirk, “I shouldn’t take all the credit here since Griffin?—.”
Griffin slams his fork and knife on either side of his plate and abruptly stands up, cutting off Zale as he balls his hands into tight fists. My stomach drops and any appetite I had is gone as I wait for Zale to tell them what he saw.
“There’s an outdoor shower at the side of the house,” Zale finally says, anticlimactically.
“Wait, is it that wooden shed looking thing?” Maliah asks, mouth full of food.
“Yup, looks pretty damn nice on the inside though,” Zale says, before stuffing his mouth with food.
He returns his mischievous brown eyes to mine, and I narrow mine in response, causing him to burst out into a fit of giggles until he starts to choke on his food.
“Serves you right,” I whisper, watching as he quickly gulps down water.
“Sorry, what did you say?” Maliah asks, leaning into me.
“Oh, I was just saying that I don’t really have an appetite right now,” I reply, standing up and bringing my plate to the compost, emptying it and loading it into the dishwasher.
I start to make my way toward the stairs, but I come to a stop when Gabriel walks through the front door with his clipboard in hand. He’s dressed in all black today, from his black shorts to his black baseball cap.
“Good morning, team,” he says, as he enters the kitchen, “today’s practice is going to be a mixture of onshore and in-water. It’s hot as hell out there so no wetsuits needed.”
“Oh, God,” Maliah groans, standing from her seat with great effort, “the last onshore practice we had, I nearly died.”
The team makes their way upstairs as Gabriel approaches me with a smile.
“Good morning, Eli,” he says, the nickname getting easier for me to hear without getting emotional.
I beam up at him, but a movement on the stairs catches my attention. I glance towards the stairs and spot Griffin standing at the top, watching us with furrowed brows.
Why is he watching us like that?
After ignoring me all morning I figured he was back to treating me like enemy number one. I quickly return my focus to Gabriel before he notices the eavesdropper.
“Good morning,” I reply with a warm smile.
“How is the Griffin Campaign going?”
“Great, actually, I’ve put together a rough draft and would love to get your thoughts on it in the next few days.”
He nods with a pleased smile. “Just let me know when and I’ll be there.”
I give him another smile before I turn and head up the stairs, spotting the end of Griffin’s shirt as he retreats to his bedroom.
I throw on a pair of acid wash shorts over my bikini and then start looking through my closet for a shirt. Everything I have either shows off my scar or is way too hot for today. Why the hell have I never invested in a basic T-shirt? My only option is to wear one of my tank tops and risk the rest of the team seeing my scar. The thought terrifies me.
Every time somebody asks about the scar, I get sucked back into the memory of the accident, hearing the sounds, the screams, and feeling the pain – it”s all too much.
A knock at my door pulls me out of my thoughts and I quickly walk over and swing it open, only to have Griffin barge in and close the door behind him.
“Uhm, hi?” I say, crossing my arms over my bikini top.
“Here.” He throws a ball of purple fabric into my hand.
I grab onto the fabric and open it up to see that it’s a T-shirt with the Saltwater Springs crest on one of the sleeves. I look up at him and notice how intently he’s watching me, waiting for a reaction.
“Is this yours?” I ask, looking down at it again, noticing it’s not in my size.
“It doesn”t fit me anymore and I figured you could wear it out there, if you have nothing else, especially because it”s purple.”
Especially because it’s purple? He noticed that it’s my favorite color.
“So, you’re done ignoring me now?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest and pretending I’m not flattered.
He sighs, looking down at the floor before returning his eyes to mine. “I was not?—”
“You were,” I interrupt, not giving him the opportunity to lie, “you wouldn’t even look at me during breakfast.”
“I just have a lot on my mind right now, Eliana,” he says, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his black swimming trunks.
“Like regret?”
I don’t expect to feel hurt saying the words out loud. I know he’s never promised anything to me, and I don’t know that I want anything from him aside from his acceptance. He’s hot and cold and I can’t keep up anymore.
Griffin’s silence hurts even more, and I struggle to swallow past the lump forming in my throat. I feel stupid for allowing his rejection to hurt as much as it does, but I’m just so tired of constantly feeling like this.
“I don’t regret almost kissing you,” he finally says, surprising me, as he runs a hand through his dark hair, “I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re not good for me.”
I feel like I’ve just been slapped. “Ouch.”
“That came out wrong.” He takes three quick strides, coming to a stop in front of me, our bodies inches from touching.
I lick my lips as I look up at him, his gaze turning dark as he tracks the movement.
“You are my biggest distraction and I don’t know how to resist you.”
“So don’t,” I say, surprising us both. “I told you, live a little.”
Those words are all it takes for him to place one hand on my lower back and pull me into his chest as his other hand tangles into my hair, tugging my head backward so that I’m forced to look up at him. His lips to crash into mine as an overpowering energy crackles between us, my body molding into his.
The kiss is unforgiving, completely consuming me as his tongue teases mine. He tastes like mint, and I feel desperate for more as my fingers claw into the material of his blue shirt, pulling him closer.
He lets out a low growl before releasing me and taking a step back. I bring my hand up to my swollen lips as I stare at the rainbow of emotions that dance across his face.
“I shouldn’t have done that,” he says, frowning in confusion as he looks away, “I just can’t seem to control myself around you.”
“Maybe if you stopped fighting how you feel about me, you might find that I’m not as distracting to you anymore,” I muster up the courage to say, “I might even become the motivation you need.”
He stares at me, and I feel exposed in a whole new kind of way. I”m tired of hiding my attraction to him. It”s been so long since I”ve felt anything remotely close to this and I”m done pretending like I don”t want more.
“Maybe you’re right,” he says, eyes trailing my body.
I pick up the purple T-shirt that he brought for me from the floor where I dropped it. “Thank you for this,” I say, shaking it slightly.
He nods in return, his eyes burning into mine. “So, you and Gabriel,” he finally says, trying to sound nonchalant and failing as his brows pull together in a scowl and a vein in his jaw ticks.
“What about him?”
“Is there something going on between you two?” he asks. “He has a soft spot for you which is unlike Gabriel.”
I blink twice before bursting into a fit of laughter. He watches me, a hint of amusement swimming in his eyes, patiently waiting for an answer. Once the giggles subside and I’ve wiped away the tears that were pooling in the corners of my eyes, I shake my head.
“He’s just being nice. Our relationship is just a working relationship,” I say.
The air between us grows heavy with tension as he studies me, goosebumps crawling up my arms at his dark expression. Reaching forward, he gently grabs my wrist and tugs me towards him until our chests collide again.
“Good,” he mumbles, lowering his mouth just above mine and slowly looking into my eyes, “Because I don’t share.”
His lips brush against mine as he says those last words and everything around us slows down as he lowers his head and gently kisses me this time.
“Put the shirt on,” he mumbles against my lips before walking out of my room and closing the door behind him.
I fall back onto my bed and stare at the ceiling for the second time today. My stomach in knots as I replay the kiss, the hair tugging, and the moans.
I don’t share.
His words replay in my mind as a let myself smile. But just as quickly, guilt creeps into my head at the reminder that I’m hiding a part of myself from him. It feels…wrong. He opened up to me so why can’t I do the same?
I sit up and quickly throw his T-shirt over my head before walking up to the mirror to check myself out. The shirt is longer than my shorts and makes me look like I’m not wearing anything underneath, so I tuck it in. While tucking the back in, I turn to get a good look in the mirror only to see Jones written on the other side.
My face grows hot as I stare at his last name on my back. Once I walk out there wearing this, there’s no going back. Taking a deep breath, I grab my camera from my desk and make my way downstairs.
The team standsnext to their boards, listening as Gabriel gives them instructions for the practice. Griffin peaks up at me over his shoulder, his eyes traveling all over my body before his eyes connect with mine again and he winks. I bask in the attention he’s giving me; confident he’ll go back to hating me any moment now.
Once Gabriel finishes, they rest their boards on the board rack as they won’t need them for this practice. Griffin, in his black swim shorts, walks over to me with his board tucked under his arm.
“You look good in my shirt,” he says, putting his free hand in his pocket as he smirks.
I raise my chin to meet his eyes. “Did you know your last name is on the back of it?”
A mischievous glint dances in his eyes as he nods. “It suits you,” he says, sucking all the air from my lungs.
He leaves me stunned and blinking as he walks towards the board rack and puts his board away. He joins the others at the end of the shore, a large rock in front of every person.
“Remember,” Gabriel starts, standing in front of them, “this exercise is to help build your endurance in case you ever get pushed down by a wave. If at any point you feel extreme discomfort or pain, drop the rock and swim up.”
He gives them the go ahead and they each bend down and pick up their rock while Gabriel makes his way to stand next to me. I point my camera at them, making sure Griffin is in the shot, and snap some photos of them lined up along the shore.
When Gabriel reaches my side, he blows his whistle and they all start running into the water, amazed as they end up fully submerged and I can’t help but wonder how cool the shots could be if I was under there with them.
“You can go in if you want, just try not to get too close or you might throw off their focus,” Gabriel says handing me a pair of goggles, not taking his eyes off the ocean.
I don’t hesitate, stripping down to my bikini quickly, leaving my clothes in a pile next to him before running into the water while I snap the goggles into place. I dive under water, my camera bumping against my hip as it hangs from my neck strap.
The water is warmer than usual, thanks to the heat of the sun today. I barely notice the temperature cool down as I swim towards the team in deeper waters. They’re running laps underwater, holding their rocks to remain weighed down. I take some shots of them from above before swimming to the surface to get air and diving back down.
This time I get closer, zooming in on each of them and getting really nice shots that I can’t wait to share on socials. Their followers are going to eat these pictures up. Kairi and Zale drop their rocks first, rapidly swimming to the top. Next is Maliah, leaving Koa and Griffin neck in neck.
As I zoom in on them, I notice Griffin begin to struggle. He starts by grabbing his chest, the rock falling to the sandy bottom and prompting him to begin floating upward. I lower my camera and watch as he begins thrashing in the water, time seeming to slow down. Koa drops his rock and begins to swim towards Griffin, grabbing ahold of his arm and dragging him along as he rapidly swims to the surface.
I follow close behind and we all break through to the surface together, Griffin gasping for air as his eyes go round and unfocused.
“Breathe,” I hear Koa repeating calmly.
“I can’t I—I need help.” Griffin rasps.
“Is he okay?” Gabriel calls from the shore.
“He’s fine,” Koa shouts back, lying.
I grab ahold of Griffin’s free arm as he begins whispering incoherently while breathing heavily.
“What is this?” Koa asks, still gripping Griffin’s arm.
“A panic attack.”
A bad one.
I move myself in front of Griffin so that he’s looking straight at me.
“The sky is blue, the clouds are white, the water is warm,” I start, Koa and Griffin frowning in confusion as they watch me, “and there’s fish tickling our toes, and seagulls flying above us.”
Griffin’s breathing starts to return to normal as his eyes focus on me completely. He looks around, blinking three times.
“I think it’s working,” Koa whispers as he studies Griffin.
“You’re safe, this is temporary, and it’s passing,” I say, my throat becoming tight as the fear in his eyes fades as well, “we’re here to help you.”
After a few minutes, he clears his throat and looks at us both before his gaze becomes downcast.
“Thank you,” he says, pulling out of grips.
Griffin begins to swim back to the shore, leaving Koa and I to watch him as he gets out of the water, stumbling slightly before he grabs his towel from the sand and walks back to the house without a word to anyone else.
“How often do you think that happens to him?” Koa asks, frowning in the direction of where Griffin disappeared to.
“Based on how quickly he just brushed it off, more than he lets us see.”
We swim back to the shore together and we’re instantly bombarded by the rest of the team and Gabriel as they question us about what happened. When Koa remains vague, I decide to follow suit, packing up my belongings and making my way into the house while the others continue their practice with Gabriel.
I walk into the air-conditioned house, putting my cameras and tripods on the counter before heading upstairs to change. Griffin’s door is open, but I don’t see him inside, so I turn around to make my way to my room and walk straight into his hard body, his cologne engulfing me as he wraps his arms around my wet waist.
“Come to the gym with me,” he mutters.
How he has the energy for the gym after a panic attack is beyond me. Every time I’ve ever had one, it’s made me crash hard.
“I’m soaking wet,” I say, pulling away from him so that I can see his face.
“Fuck,” he groans, a half-smile dancing on his lips, “don’t talk dirty to me right now.”
I gasp and swat his chest. “Griffin!”
He laughs and releases me, taking a step back. “I usually go to the gym in town but we have a smaller gym downstairs, come workout with me and maybe we can give that outdoor shower another try.”
A tight, needy feeling forms in my core at the thought. “I need to change first.”
“I’ll wait for your downstairs.”
I watch as he fights a smirk before he makes his way down the stairs. Once he’s out of sight I run to my room, searching through my drawers for my black workout set until I find it. I grab a red thong from my underwear drawer and quickly change, tying my hair up into a damp bun.
As I make my way downstairs, Griffin sits at the last step on his phone. I peak over his shoulder and see my face. He’s watching the stories I posted on the team’s Instagram account.
He watches those?
“I didn’t know you were on social media,” I say.
He quickly locks his phone and turns around to look at me, his eyes glazing over slightly as he stares at my figure in the tight clothes.
“I rarely go on but when I do it”s from a private account,” he replies.
“Have you read the comments on the last post?”
He shrugs. “I try not to read comments. The last time I did I was obsessing over all the negative ones.”
“You should read the most recent ones I haven”t seen any trolls in the comments yet.”
He nods before tilting his head towards the hallway. “Let’s go.”
He doesn’t say anything as he begins walking down the long corridor that leads to the meeting room, but I don’t mind. Across from the meeting room is another door and Griffin swings it open, revealing a fully furnished gym.
“Wow, this house just keeps surprising me. Next thing you’ll be showing me is the dungeon,” I joke.
“I just might,” he says absentmindedly as his eyes burn a path down my body.
I clear my throat and approach a squat bar. “What are we starting with first?”
I trail a finger along the bar and check for dust, not surprised that it’s squeaky clean. I’m convinced Gabriel has night cleaners for this place because it’s always clean.
“Let’s start with squats,” he says, grabbing weights off the rack and adding them to the squat bar.
Once he’s finished putting the weights in place, I position myself under the bar, Griffin standing close behind. As I start my first squat, I notice how my ass all but brushes past him on my way down.
It’s only until I feel something begin to harden in that spot that I realize I’ve been rubbing my ass along his cock. I look at him in the mirror across from us, but his eyes are fully focused on my ass.
“You suck at spotting,” I say through clenched teeth as I struggle with the bar.
His eyes quickly snap up and he lifts the bar from my grip, placing it back onto the rack with ease.
“Sorry,” he gives me an apologetic smile in the mirror, “this is what I mean when I say you’re too distracting.”
I turn around to face him and watch as his eyes snag on my breasts before finding my face.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have come.” I say, taking a step toward the door.
“Maybe we should just skip straight to the outdoor shower?”
As much as I want to get in that shower with him, I want to talk about his panic attack more. I want to check in and make sure he’s okay, that he’s not embarrassed or still in pain.
“What happened in the water today?” I ask.
“So direct,” he scoffs, before taking a seat on a nearby bench. “Sometimes I have panic attacks.”
“Sometimes? How often is sometimes?”
He pauses for a moment before picking up a barbell that already has a few weights on each end. “A few times throughout the day.”
My brows furrow as I stare at him, his eyes downcast again.
“Griffin, when do they happen?”
His brows furrow in annoyance but he doesn’t reply, so I push harder.
“Is it whenever you’re in the wat?—”
“Look, I have it under control so you can stop worrying about it. Today was the first time it’s ever happened underwater, and it won’t happen again.”
“But if you had been alone, it could have been so much wor?—”
“Well, I wasn’t alone,” he replies stubbornly, cutting me off again.
“This time.”
He lowers the barbell and rubs his face before standing up. “I think you’re right, maybe this was a mistake. I don’t think I can work out today.”
He walks out of the gym, closing the door behind him. Griffin is always running from confrontation and unfortunately there’s only so much I can do. Instead of returning to my bedroom I decide to stay and finish the workout, taking my frustration out this way.