Chapter 28
Maggie
April - Las Vegas
I fall apart in my hotel room, crying until there’s nothing left. I feel like I got hit by a bus over and over again. Dragging myself to the bathroom, I drink water straight from the sink just to quell my thirst.
I guess I know where you stand now.
Why did I say all those things? Why did I push him away when he was the only one in my corner? The pressure behind my eyes comes back in full force and I sob my way through a shower before passing out on the cold bed.
He was right. I did it because I was scared.
Because I’m a fucking coward. I’m no better than my dad.
My head is pounding when I wake up to the sound of my phone ringing. I blindly reach out on the nightstand and pick it up, hoping it’s Rowan.
It’s not. It’s my sister.
“Hey, Andi,” I say, my voice raw from crying.
“Mags, what happened? Are you okay?” my older sister asks, concerned.
“No, I fucked everything up,” I say, the damn breaking once more as I cry into my pillow.
“Honey, where are you? I’ll come to you.”
“No, you’re pregnant, I’m not gonna make you fly for me,” I say, sitting up and wiping my tears away. “Can I come to you?”
“Of course. Come stay with us for a bit, we can talk through everything and find a solution.”
“Okay, thanks,” I say, starting to pack up my small suitcase. I didn’t bring much since we were only supposed to be here over the weekend. Yet, I still find some of Rowan’s clothes strewn around the room.
After debating it for far too long, I decide I want to face him again. Maybe apologize and tell him that I just need some time to sort it all out.
I knock three times on his door and wait, impatiently tapping my foot against the carpet. The door opens but it’s not Rowan I’m faced with.
“Elena?” I ask, frowning. “What are you—”
“It’s not what it looks like,” she says in her thick Polish accent. Her face is more serious today, reminding me of how she usually is before our matches. Focused, locked in. On a mission.
“What are you doing in Rowan’s room?” I ask, afraid of the answer.
“Oh, relax. I’m not into blondes,” she says, opening the door all the way in and I mindlessly step inside. “Rowan and Jacob got shitfaced last night, passed out in Jacob’s room, and both of them left early this morning.”
“He left?” I ask numbly, dropping the bag I brought with me and sitting on the edge of a chair.
“Apparently they’ll spend some ‘bro time’ in London,” she says, adding air quotes. “Jacob’s words, not mine.” She sighs.
“Oh,” I say, sniffling.
“I’m just here to pick up some items they forgot,” Elena adds, picking up a T-shirt off the floor and holding it between a thumb and forefinger. “Men are gross,” she adds and I choke a laugh.
“Rowan’s actually cleaner than me,” I say, taking the shirt from her and adding it to my bag.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks.
“No, not really,” I say. When I notice the careful way she’s looking at me, I add, “But thank you. You’re not what I expected, you know?”
The smile she gives me is wicked. “Oh, I know.” Her expression softens again and she pulls me into a hug. “You’re not what I expected either. But I’m still going to crush you at the French Open,” she whispers in my ear.
“Good luck.” I laugh, making my way out of the room.
I spend my entire trip to California agonizing between all the articles that are speculating on my relationship with Rowan and texting my group chat with the Athlala girls.
Blair
You need to get off the Internet.
Isla
Agreed. You know the articles are just speculation. There’s no point in worrying over it.
I know they’re right, but I can’t help the anxiety bubbling up in my chest. It brings me back to my high-school years and the last thing I want is to think about my parents right now.
Maggie
I’m sorry I kept you in the dark about Rowan. I was just honoring the agreement.
I feel like a shit friend. These girls have been nothing but supportive. Why couldn’t I open up to them? Maybe because deep down I knew this thing between Rowan and I would end. I’ve never deserved him.
Blair
We understand. But you need to fill the details in when you’re ready.
Isla
Especially once you two hash things out.
I somehow magically think a solution will come up and fix everything, but by the time I’m dragging my suitcase to my sister’s tenth-floor apartment, I still got nothing.
Andreea opens the door and immediately pulls me into a hug. Her pregnant belly is so much more pronounced than it was a couple of months ago. “Andi, you look so cute,” I say, tearing up.
“Aw, thank you,” she says, tucking my hair back behind my ears. The gesture reminds me of Rowan and I can’t stop the floodgates. “Oh, honey,” she says. “At least come inside and cry on the couch.”
I fall face down on her plush decorative pillows and she pats my back. “I’ll get you some water,” Andreea says.
“Where’s Max?” I mumble, not wanting more people to see me like this.
Andreea hesitates, taking a deep breath.
I sit up and watch her over the back of the couch.
She adds some crushed ice and a slice of lemon to my water and walks back towards me.
“You’re not going to be happy with my answer,” she says, handing me the glass.
I take it and gulp down half the contents in one go.
“What did he do? Do we need to murder him?”
“No, Max is not the issue. He’s out hanging out with Dad right now,” she says, coming around and sitting at my feet. Her expression is apologetic while mine is confused.
“Max and Dad are hanging out? Why?” I ask, not able to grasp what she’s saying.
She shrugs, placing a hand on her belly. “Something about wanting to reconnect for the sake of our family. He’s actually putting in the effort. He even got a small condo nearby and has been staying in the city,” she says, watching me wearily.
My eyes are wide and might actually bug out of my head. “Dad is actually trying? He’s being nice to Max?” I ask, dumbfounded.
She nods sheepishly. “I know you two still don’t talk, but I don’t know, something has changed recently. He even comes to dinner once a week.”
I blow out a breath. Where was this version of my dad when I needed him? When mom was packing up and leaving us behind with him. He did everything he could to throw himself into work and barely paid any attention to his daughters.
I don’t say anything to my sister. She already knows all of this and has clearly chosen to forgive him. Or at least to allow him to make amends.
“Well,” I say, swallowing hard. “That’s really great, Andi. I’m glad you’re happy.” I reach out and squeeze her hand.
She curls her fingers around mind and smiles. “Do you want to talk about the tabloids?”
“It’s so much more than the stupid tabloids,” I groan, resting against the couch and tilting my head up to the ceiling.
“What did Rowan say about all this? I’m surprised you didn’t bring him,” she says, frowning.
“Well,” I say, shifting uncomfortably, “you already know about my agreement with Rowan, so I might as well tell you the rest.”
I fill her in on the last few years, how things have shifted between me and Rowan and how I’ve been in love with him for the longest time.
I even tell her about Italy and that perfect week we spent together in our delusional love bubble.
I tell her about the Bahamas and how I considered ending things then. How scared I was of people finding out.
“In the end, it didn’t matter, I guess. All the hiding, for what? Now the whole world knows and I don’t know how to deal with it,” I say, shaking my head, disappointed in myself.
“So, let me get this straight,” Andreea says, looking at me like I’ve grown two heads. “You broke up with him after everyone found out? The cat’s out of the bag now, so, why not actually be together?” she asks, confused.
“You don’t get it,” I say, standing up and pacing.
“This is like Mom and Dad all over again. The media would be in a frenzy, constantly watching us, waiting for one of us to slip up. Rowan could be visiting his mom and they’d say he’s having an affair in another state or some bullshit,” I say, chest heaving.
“Honey, this is nothing like Mom and Dad,” Andreea says, trying to placate me, but I was there. I lived through it all.
“It is. And not to be a cliche, but their divorce really fucked me up, Andi,” I say, wiping away a tear. “And you weren’t there for me. You were off to college, doing your own thing.”
My sister sighs and wraps me in a hug. “You’re right.
I don’t know how much it messed you up, because I had a different perspective.
But I do think you’re overreacting a bit, comparing this situation to our parents.
Their relationship was a dumpster fire. You and Rowan, on the other hand, you two are perfect for each other. ”
“Maybe. Or maybe deep down I know I don’t deserve him,” I cry, letting my sister pet my hair and hold me tight.