Chapter 37
Ispot Deacon across the courtyard, and smile because he looks great. He's running with his bunkmate, although it looks more like racing than a casual run. I sit on one of the benches nearby, and wait as they come finish.
Walking over I can't help how nervous I feel. Even as I wait I've changed my mind a hundred times about what I'm going to say to him. When he spots me, a charming grin takes over his face.
"There you are, stranger. I've missed you," he says, hugging me, and pressing his sweaty body into mine as I squeal.
"Deacon! Gross!" I push him back as he chuckles.
"My bad, what's up? You got time for the little people today?" he jokes, but I catch the hint of hurt in his voice.
I cross my arms and roll my eyes.
"Now you know what it's like, "Mr. Popular-our-entire-lives". So sorry I've finally made a few friends," I reply, smiling at him. "Want to have breakfast with me?"
"Of course," he says, getting his canteen and turning towards the hall.
I grab his arm, pointing to the muffins I've already swindled from Chef at the cafeteria.
"Actually... I was hoping I could show you one of my favourite hiding spots," I nod towards our building.
He frowns, confused, but follows me to the stairs.
We walk up the winding steps silently.
"Maple, I hate to break it to you, but your room is neither special, nor a secret. In fact, it's busier than the mess hall most days," he mutters, and I laugh.
"Just shut up, and follow me, will you?"
We continue past my room and he peppers me with questions along the way, all of which I ignore. As we walk higher, I feel a familiar pressure building—pressure to spit out the secrets I've been keeping from him all this time.
As we get to the top I shove the muffins in my oversized pockets, motioning for him to go first up the ladder. He cocks an eyebrow at me, and grins.
"Been awhile since you and I scaled a building together. This should be fun— just like old times," he says, hauling himself up, and easily pushing through the hatch.
I give him a minute to look around and gain his footing. He doesn't seem at all bothered by the height. We settle beside each other on a spot overlooking the city and the rolling hills beyond it.
"This is incredible," he says, with an appreciative breath.
I look at him. I take a second to really look at this man who's been my best friend my entire life.
His hair is different—cropped at the sides and longer at the top, as a lot of cadets wear it.
It makes him look older; a little more intense.
The boy-ish charm has faded slightly since he's been here, but he's still impossibly handsome. Still Deacon.
He catches me studying him and frowns.
I throw him a muffin, looking away.
"So, what is it?" he asks.
"What's what?" I say, deflecting.
He gives me a look that says, come on.
"We haven't really hung out in weeks, and now you bring me up to a secluded rooftop. I know you're not trying to seduce me, so what's up?" he asks, ripping off and popping pieces of muffin into his mouth.
I take a steadying breath, leaning over the ledge, and wondering how to explain all of this properly.
"I don't know how to tell you this gently, so I'm just going to go with honesty. And I'd like to get this all out, before you jump down my throat. Ok?"
"Ok..." he says, his eyes searching my face.
I realize my hands are shaking, so I grab the wall. Deacon notices the movement and moves in, throwing his arm around me.
"Hey, I promise, ok? Whatever it is, we'll figure it out."
I groan. Why does he have to be supportive right now? It only solidifies what a terrible person I am for waiting this long to tell him.
"I'm leaving," I spit out, bowing my head.
"I'm leaving and I'm taking Linden and Willow, I'm getting out of this ruined shit-hole of a country.
We're heading to Zaphira. I've found escorts who will take us through.
" He stills, clearly stunned, and I hold up my hand to stop the interruption I know is forming between his lips.
"Zaphira isn't what you think it is, Dea.
They're doing alright over there. Their agriculture never died out.
Here, the Council is... I haven't been able to figure out everything.
.. just that they are drugging us. Magic isn't what we thought it was, and they have lied about.
.. " A bitter laugh rolls off my tongue, pretending to count on my hands.
"Ooh I don't know, about a hundred things, and nothing, I mean nothing Deacon, is what we think it is.
Everything is convoluted, and hidden, and messy, and I'm getting out.
And I'm sorry— I'm so sorry you followed me here and now I'm leaving you behind with this…
" I gesture out over the city that's just coming to life… "this mess," I whisper.
I close my eyes, blowing out a nervous breath.
"Maple," he begs, trying to get me to open my eyes. But I don't, because I don't want to cry right now. And if I look at his sweet, dumb face—the one I've been looking at since I was five—I will cry.
"Maple, come on," he nudges me, and I gasp, even though I'm clearly not going to fall, but he gets what he wants, because now I'm looking at him.
"I have a lot of questions," he says matter-of-factly.
"I figured."
"But, I guess the most important one is, when do we leave?" He's staring at me, his eyes and hair a vibrant copper in the morning light, and I can't help the tears that sting my eyes.
"Deacon, I can't let you come with me. I love you, but I can't let you come," I shake my head.
"And why not?" he asks, amused.
"Because! You have your own family— and I don't need your protection, in case you haven't noticed.
I can't drag you into unknown chaos when your life is good here.
You'll do fine, even if they make you finish your stint.
Whatever flak you'll get after we leave, I'm sure your family connections will keep you safe.
" My eyes shutter slightly as I think about Zander.
He snorts, and I glare at him.
"This isn't funny, Deacon. I'm serious. You've already given up too much. You can go home now, meet a nice girl. Go find Hollis and marry her, and make beautiful little babies or something."
He looks momentarily mortified.
"What? Gods, no thank you," he shakes his head. "I'm only going to say this once, so now it's your turn to listen to me."
He turns to me so I'm facing him.
"You are my family, Maple Treow. You have been my family since before I can remember, and I am coming with you.
I believe in you. I know there's..." he hesitates, like it's painful, "I know there's bad stuff happening right now.
I may not fully agree with leaving, but I want to come.
I want to help. And Willow and Linden are my family, too. "
Tears slip down my cheeks now. There's really no stopping the swell of emotion from overwhelming me. I shake my head again, still wanting to talk some sense into him.
"Deacon, you have a real family here—sisters, and parents, and a good life.
It's all waiting for you back home. I was serious when I said you could settle down and make adorable little Deacons to love.
Maybe name one Maple. It's a good name." I laugh, but it comes out more of a sniffle. His jaw clenches.
"No. If you go, I go."
He moves to rest his forehead against mine, like we used to do all the time, but the intimacy of it has me tensing. He registers my flinch, and he pulls back, brows furrowed. Maybe it's unfair of me to put new rules on our relationship, but it feels like I have to.
"Tell me I can come. I love you. I love all of you guys.
There's nothing here for me, if you go." There's utter desperation in his eyes, and it makes my chest ache.
"Maple, I know my life has been fairly easy.
I get that this might not make sense to you, but you're the only person—well, you, and Willow, and Linden—that make me feel like I belong somewhere. Like I'm important. Worth something."
He wipes the tears falling down my face and I turn with a sigh, looking back over the city.
He takes this for what it is, my acceptance. He bumps shoulders with me.
"So, when do we leave on our grand adventure?"
"Tonight."
"Tonight?! Gods have mercy, Maple. Not really giving me a lot of time to prep."
"I'm sorry," I say, but I don't mean it. He doesn't have to come, I remind myself.
"It's ok... What's the plan?"
For a second, I hesitate. I don't know what makes me pause. I've already told him the important parts, so the details of later today shouldn't come as a shock to him… but there's a tug in my gut, second-guessing how much to share.
I settle on telling him the bare minimum. I tell him what to pack, and where to meet. I decide to have him join me with my task; I'm in charge of weapons, so another set of arms won't be a bad thing. When I'm finished, I can tell something is bothering him.
"What?"
"Leo knew before me? You really know how to wound a guy, Mae," he says, clutching his heart like he's been shot.
"Hey, Leo is important to the plan. He's crafty. It's going to be a long journey so... be prepared for lot of chatting." I smile.
He nods. "I'm kidding. I really like them all, actually. Even Tarius, although he still wigs me out a bit sometimes, and Farra..." he chuckles.
"Scares you," I finish, with a laugh, and he nods.
We stand in silence for a while longer, until I finally decide it's time to get going.
"Time for a grand adventure, little tree," he smirks at me as we part ways near my door.
I stick my tongue out at him, before slipping into my room, hoping desperately that I've just made the right decision.
The rest of the day goes by in an anxiety-riddled blur. I pack and repack my bag about ten times.
"Can you stop pacing!?" Farra complains, and I frown at her.
"I wish I could be like you. Just lay down like a statue, staring at the ceiling," I joke.