Chapter 24
twenty-four
Cameron
Holy Shit. I just did that.
I hop back into the Jeep and run both hands down my face. The smile is still firmly plastered there, and I can still feel the touch of her lips on mine. But more than that, I can vividly picture the dazed smile she wore when I pulled away from her, and it was stunning.
It was well worth the lie I told my daughter as I pulled a U-turn at the end of the street, claiming I forgot something back at Rosalie’s house.
A lie I’m reminded of when Addison asks, “Did you find it, Daddy?”
Answering quickly and hoping to squash any additional questions about the ‘missing’ item, I respond, “You know what, Addie, I must have left it at our house. I’ll be sure to look when we get home after I put you to bed.”
“Okay,” she answers easily with a yawn. My girl played hard tonight, and I’m relieved she and Paige got along so well. Not only will it give me an extra reason to see Rosalie, but it will also give Rosalie peace of mind knowing Paige has a friend here.
I blink my eyes a few times when we pull into the drive of the craftsman-style bungalow Julianne and I purchased when we first moved to town.
It’s a three-bedroom, three-bath floorplan, just enough for the two of us and the children we planned to have.
However, the backyard was the true selling point, with mature trees lining the property and the small family pool surrounded by a safety gate, we could easily imagine growing our happy family in this home.
Following Addie up the stairs and into her bedroom, I help her get ready and tuck her in bed on autopilot.
Typically, I’d get in bed, too, and watch sports highlights or read for an hour, but tonight I need something else, so I head to my office.
The post-kiss adrenaline is coursing through me, making me restless.
It was a damn gamble to just go for it like that, but I’m happy it paid off. I could tell by the way Rosalie leaned into my touches while we cleaned the kitchen that she liked my hands on her. I was just hoping that meant my impulsive action to put my lips on her would be just as welcome.
I found any and every excuse to touch her tonight, most of them were intended to be comforting and could have been categorized as friendly had I needed to defend my actions.
When she didn’t call me out on the kiss I placed on her head when she was upset, I knew taking a chance at crossing the line was going to be running through my mind all night.
And, truthfully, I did spend a good portion of the evening in my head about whether I was going to kiss her before leaving. Desperation warred with logic after all that transpired throughout our night together as I struggled to make the right decision.
Between her obvious exhaustion and the emotional overload our discussions about grief and loss elicited, I wavered.
It was important to me she knew, without a doubt, I was here for the hard stuff, but I wanted it to be balanced with the fun connection we found on the side of the road.
We could be both those people, even if she couldn’t see it right now.
It’s why I made the decision to put an end to the seriousness with my overtly suggestive comment in her bedroom.
Watching her face morph from sadness to shock was priceless.
It shifted the entire energy of the night, and by the end, we had returned to our more fun-loving selves.
I think that shift in our conversation gave me the balls, although a little belatedly, to go for the kiss.
I smile as I think back on the evening and feel gratitude for her unfettered openness. Even the moment she snapped at me was a gift because it meant she felt comfortable enough to show me that side of herself.
It felt risky bringing up counseling, but I couldn’t help myself. I think even with all the outside help I was getting from friends and family, I never would’ve found the drive and strength to move forward without Dr. Hawke.
He gave me a safe space to purge every thought in my head.
I didn’t have to worry about holding back my words for fear of hurting someone I loved.
At the time, so many of us were experiencing the loss of Julianne in our own way, and I was always terrified I’d trigger someone else, so I internalized my own emotions to preserve theirs.
But it became too much, which is why I sought out help.
There were days when I sat down in Dr. Hawke’s office and unloaded a litany of curse words as I described the unfairness of my loss, and other days when I’d break down and sob.
My time in his office became essential to my well-being as I realized I couldn’t simply hold everything together and trudge forward with life.
Even in the limited time I’ve spent with Rosalie, I can see the immense weight she’s carrying as she tries to simply put one foot in front of the other without breaking, and I have this desperate need inside me to ease her pain.
I want her to know it’s okay to reach out for additional help, but I could have handled that conversation with a bit more care.
I know from personal experience not everyone is open to counseling and other mental health options.
Beck was the complete opposite of me when Julianne died and refused to see anyone. He held on to his anger and sadness and spent almost a whole year pushing all of us away. Our relationship is healed now, but that first year, I felt like I lost both of them.
I probably should have been prepared for any number of responses from Rosalie, yet I still stood there stunned in the kitchen after she essentially looked for the quickest escape route and practically ran from the room.
I finally came to my senses and went after her when I heard a door slam down the hallway.
I knew it wasn’t the door to Paige’s room, so I went to the only other occupied room in the house, Rosalie’s.
I could see the light under the bathroom door, and my heart broke when I heard a large intake of breath followed by an almost inaudible sob.
I felt awful knowing I was the catalyst for her reaction, so when the door opened and she stood there looking so incredibly wrecked, I wanted to take every ounce of it back.
I hadn’t expected the outburst of frustration over not being able to go to counseling.
It was humbling in that moment to realize how much I’d taken my family’s support for granted.
They automatically stepped in to fill the gaps with Addison so I could heal and be better for her.
Rosalie doesn’t have that here in Winhaven.
It’s the reason I keep reiterating how much I want to be that person for her, and I’ll keep repeating it until she believes me. We may have only just met, but there’s more to us than simple attraction; there’s a meaningful connection, a bond I don’t want to break.
I look down at the tree house plans I have for Addie strewn all over my desk.
She’s always wanted one, and this summer I finally have the time to build it.
She’s talked incessantly about inviting her friends over to play in it, and I immediately picture her and Paige racing through the yard and climbing to the top, with Rosalie and me looking on from the back porch.
Damn, I have it bad. I shake my head and refocus.
I need to make good use of my time when I have the energy to do this kind of stuff. Life at the office is pretty busy, and when I come home I’m too exhausted to do anything but spend time with Addie and collapse into bed.
I’m just about to sketch out more of the elaborate design ideas Addie’s been dropping hints about for months now, including a rounded door that “looks like a castle” when my phone dings.
ROSALIE
Hey…I just wanted to say thank you one more time for everything you did tonight.
It means a lot to me. I know my reaction was a bit unhinged, but I appreciate the open conversation about the help you got when your wife passed away.
I need it too and will look into it. Paige had a great time with Addison, and I hope we can do it all again sometime soon. Good night.
I read and reread the message. Not because it has any new information in it; nope, it’s because my kiss-scrambled brain is fully focused on the word all in the last sentence. Does she mean all of it, including our kiss? I sure hope so.
I take a moment to think about my response before I decide to go with heartfelt instead of horny. It’s really a no-brainer but I do have a whole lot of innuendo-filled thoughts running through my head at the moment.
I look forward to it. And since you and I are in the business of repeating ourselves, I need you to know I was serious when I said I want to be your person. Please let me know if you need anything, and I’ll be there. Sleep well.
I wait a few minutes to see if she responds, and when she doesn’t I turn back to the plans for the tree house and my daydreams of all the things I could do with Rosalie Whittington.