Chapter 39
thirty-nine
Rosalie
It’s been a little over a week since my major breakdown at work, and while I haven’t had any more of those moments, I’ve had some smaller ones here and there.
Like when a song comes on the radio or I see a lily, my mom’s favorite flower, pop up in someone’s garden or in those little premade bouquets at the grocery store.
But overall, I feel like I’m doing better.
There’s also been a significant shift now that Cameron knows about the letters.
I can’t decide if I kept them to myself for so long because I was embarrassed by my dependence on them or because I was waiting until I felt comfortable enough in my relationship with Cameron to show him that side of myself.
Either way, it feels good not to hide the fact that I’m still processing my mother’s death.
Cameron talks openly with me about how he coped with life right after Julianne’s passing, his level of despair.
I know it’s his way of supporting and loving me as I struggle to come to grips with the loss of my mom, and I’m immensely grateful.
He’s honestly tried to be my superhero, there in a flash, whenever I need him.
All I have to do is put up the bat signal, and he’s there ready to save the day, but there are some days he can’t save me, or he shouldn’t have to.
I’ve thought about calling to schedule a counseling appointment many times. Cameron has been subtly bringing it up without being too pushy, and even Elodie has given me the name and number of her counselor, Dr. Allen, but I just don’t know if I’m ready.
No two losses are the same, with each of us bringing individual and intimate memories with us to the grief process.
The people we lost are woven into our lives in various ways, and when the thread is broken by loss, the blanket’s unique pattern changes.
Sometimes, the holes created can’t simply be patched over or stitched closed.
Right now, my blanket feels tattered, filled with more holes than the beautiful patterns life can create.
With the addition of Addie and Cameron in my life, and the close friends I’ve made here in Winhaven, I can finally see a new, pretty pattern forming.
But my blanket, as a whole, is still a bit rough and ragged looking—thin, and I’m worried talking through everything with a counselor will unravel the new beautiful patterns I’ve begun to create.
My thoughts veer back to the reason I’m in my truck this morning—Mr. Brooks and the foal we delivered last week. He called to let us know she’d taken to a nurse mare and was doing well but still wanted us to come out and check on her.
I drive down a paved road lined with pastures, each separated by rows of pristine white fencing.
In the distance, I see a beautiful, matching white barn with a steepled top.
A wide smile stretches across my face, and I press all four buttons to open my windows.
The scent of cut hay and horses fill my nose, and I let out a blissful sigh.
This is why I moved here. This is what I love about horse country.
Mr. Brooks has one of the smaller breeding farms in the area, but it’s no less breathtaking as I pull up to the side of the barn that houses all the newborn foals and their moms.
Stepping out of my truck, Mr. Brooks is there to meet me.
“Good morning, Dr. Whittington,” he says, reaching out to quickly shake my hand.
“Good morning, Oliver,” I say in a voice sounding falsely chipper to my own ears, and I briefly question if I made the right choice to come out here.
Elodie offered to make the visit, but I reassured her I’d be fine.
It’s essential I be the one to check on this foal.
I feel a responsibility to her mom to ensure she is doing okay.
It helps immensely that one of Mr. Brook’s nurse mares had taken to her and allows her to feed and care for her like a surrogate mother, but I’m still dealing with some residual emotions from this little foal’s birth.
I swallow the lump forming in my throat before asking, “How’s the foal doing?”
“She’s doing well, she’s doing well,” Mr. Brooks says before waving me forward and into the barn.
“Our little Princess P has taken well to her nurse mare, Delilah, and is thriving more and more every day.”
Taking a deep cleansing breath after hearing this positive news, I follow Mr. Brooks down the line of stalls. He stops outside a large stall where a stocky chestnut mare stands, allowing a tiny black foal to nurse from her. The sight makes my heart soar as the mare reaches back to nuzzle her flank.
Seeing my smile, Mr. Brooks adds, “We got really lucky. We weaned Delilah’s foal last week, so she was still lactating when we brought Prophecy home. We had to get donor colostrum since Dee’s not producing it anymore, but our little princess here took it straight from the bottle like a champ.”
Mr. Brooks seems to be in good spirits even though he lost Folly during the birth. I’m glad he isn’t the kind to hold it against us or the foal, since what happened was a complete fluke and definitely not Prophecy’s fault.
I think about this sweet foal’s name and can’t help but ask, “Why Prophecy?”
“Well, her registered name will be A Promising Prophecy, and it just felt fitting. It shows hope for a promising outcome for this little lady.”
At that declaration, the little princess herself walks hesitantly to the door and touches her nose to Mr. Brooks’s hand, while Delilah comes over to me.
I reach out to stroke her cheek with tender affection, hoping she understands how thankful I am she’s taken to Prophecy as a mother figure.
When she extends her neck and huffs what I consider a you’re welcome into my hair, I know right then and there if Mr. Brooks wasn’t standing next to me, I would have flung my arms around Delilah’s neck and cried happy tears.
Instead, I settle for stepping into the stall and getting to work.
***
On my way home, the phone rings and Cameron’s face appears on my screen, making my heart do a little happy dance, and I quickly hit accept.
“Hello!”
“Hey, you sound happy. I take it the check-up on the foal went well?”
He sounds a little nervous, as if he questioned whether to bring up the appointment at all, and I don’t blame him after how much Prophecy’s birth affected me.
I called Cameron on my way out to Mr. Brooks’s farm, and I could hear the hesitation in his initial responses, but he quickly covered the uncertainty with words of encouragement that soothed me as I drove.
“It did. She’s taken to a nurse mare and looks as healthy as can be.”
I hear a breath whoosh out of him, followed by “I’m so glad.”
“How’s your day going?”
“That’s actually the other reason I called.
I may need to stay a little later at the office tonight.
You know the first week of the month is always my busiest time, and I’ve got some things I need to wrap up here before I head home for the weekend.
Would you mind picking up Addie from the house and letting her hang with you and Paige until I can get off work and come get her? ”
“Of course, I’d love to pick up Addie. In fact, why don’t I keep her overnight at my house with us? We can have a girls’ night sleepover, and if you get done early enough, you could catch a drink or something with Beck.”
The excitement of having the girls to myself tonight has my mind swirling with all the fun things we can do together. Junk food, manicures and pedicures, a hair salon, and horse movies, obviously.
“Are you sure?”
“Cameron, I love your girl just as much as I love you. This isn’t even an ask, and Paige will be ecstatic. Just take tonight for yourself and go hang out with the guys when you’re done. You deserve it.”
He chuckles, likely feeling the full court press of my encouragement. Not that I don’t want to spend the night with Cameron, but he does deserve a night out after a long day of work. Plus, now that I have a night with my girls planned out in my head, I’m not backing down.
“Okay, but I’ll be at your house tomorrow morning with breakfast for all of us, so don’t lift a finger in the kitchen trying to create some spectacular-themed meal for breakfast.”
I let out a giggle. This man really does know me well. I had already formulated a plan to make chocolate and sprinkle pancakes shaped like horseshoes.
“Okay, fine,” I say with feigned disappointment. “But only if you bring us donuts.”
“It was already at the top of my list,” he says with a smile I can hear through the phone. “Also, once you pick up the girls, can you send me their order? I never know if Addie will want the character donut of the week or a simple strawberry with sprinkles.”
I snicker, knowing exactly what he’s talking about. The Sassy Sprinkle Donut Shop always has these adorable character donuts on Saturday mornings, and Paige loves them. The last time we went, she sat and wavered back and forth for what felt like hours between donut holes and the mermaid tail.
“I’ll send you their order as soon as I know. And Cam?”
“Yeah, baby?”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
That simple exchange will never get old, or if it does, it’ll only get old with us because I plan to spend the rest of my life with Cameron Brown.
My heart flutters with happiness at the thought of being with Cameron and Addie forever.
They’ve become an important part of my life, and it’s hard to imagine it without them.
“Okay, go get your work done and call Beck.” I say the last two words with a bit of force.
“I don’t want you working super late and then going home to an empty house to sulk about missing out on the mud masks, pink toenail polish, and the live-action recreation of Barbie & Her Sisters in A Pony Tale. ”
Cameron groans. “Up until the last item on the list, I was kind of thinking about skipping out on meeting Beck, but you solidified my plans for the night with the mention of that awful movie.”