Chapter 40
forty
Cameron
“Dude! Did you just take a fucking selfie?”
The voice comes from behind me, startling me and almost causing me to drop my phone into my beer.
We’re at the Bluegrass Brewery and Pub again, and between the loud chatter and groans of the game night crowd and clinking of the glasses and bottles from the busy bartenders moving rapidly in front of me, I didn’t hear Beck walk up behind me.
“Shit, Beck! Warn a guy if you’re going to sneak up on him like a damn ninja.”
“Well, you looked awfully immersed in making eyes at your phone. I was honestly just waiting for you to make a kissy face or throw up the classic peace sign with the head tilt.”
I stare at him for a moment because he’s speaking a different language.
“What the actual fuck are you talking about?”
“You know,” he says before doing some weird facial contortion that has him looking more like a fish gasping for air, before switching to some creepy wide-eyed look while posing with a peace sign next to his cheek.
I pull his hand down and shove the drink I bought for him in it instead.
“Honest to god, man! What the hell was that? And how do you even know what those are?”
“Well, Cam,” he starts, his voice dripping in sarcasm. It lacks its usual edge of humor, making me nervous about what he’s going to say next. “Not all of us are lucky enough to fall in love—twice.”
I wince slightly. I know how fortunate I am to have found two women to love in my short lifetime. I also know Beck’s had a hard time opening himself up to someone after Julianne’s passing and has done nothing more than casually date for the past five years.
I have no idea where this conversation is going since it started with jokes about selfies, but I wait for Beck to continue, preparing myself for it to drift to more serious topics.
The burgers I ordered for us are set down on the bar top, and Beckett takes a bite before continuing, “Did you know almost every single profile on those apps is some girl making a kissy face or holding up a peace sign?” Beck throws his hands up in exasperation.
“I mean, I get it—some people like to be playful, and you can’t tell shit from one photo—but I wish there were more to go on.
Maybe a picture with a dog on a hike, knitting a sweater for their cat, reading a book…
something that shows who they really are.
It’s hard not to feel like you’re guessing at the real person behind the screen. ”
Seeing him get worked up like this is funny, but I also notice the slight tension in his shoulders, the way his eyes soften when he talks about the dating apps. His delivery is typically animated and full of humor, but I hear the loneliness underneath, and it makes me want to reach out.
Knowing this isn’t the time or place to dive into that topic, I flip over my phone to see if I’ve missed any more texts from Rosalie during Beck’s diatribe against dating apps.
When I swipe up, the picture of Addie and Paige, faces covered in guacamole and twin peace signs up by their faces, is still on my screen, and I chuckle.
Beck looks over my shoulder.
“See! See! That’s what I’m talking about!” He’s almost frantic in his delivery, and I turn to him and put a hand on his shoulder.
“Dude, calm down. I get it, dating apps are hard.”
He blows out a breath and shakes his head. “Man, you have no fucking clue.”
He’s right, I don’t. And again, I feel damn lucky.
Beck glances down at the picture on my phone and points. “What the hell is on their faces?”
I chuckle before adding a small heart to let Rosalie know I loved the picture. “It’s avocado. Rosalie made tacos for girls’ night dinner.”
I scroll down to show him the picture of Rosalie in front of the stove and am still in awe of how breathtaking she looks.
“See,” I say while staring at the photo.
My eyes catalog the way her hair is trying to escape the ponytail she wears daily for work, and the way her smile looks so happy and peaceful. I’m simply enamored. This is probably why I don’t initially notice my best friend has gone completely silent next to me.
I turn to find him gaping at me, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why I warrant such an expression.
“What?” I ask, thoroughly confused.
Beck barks out a laugh that garners the attention of half the surrounding patrons and points down to my screen. I look down to see what he’s found so funny and find his finger pointing to the taco comment I sent to Rosalie.
Shit.
The comment was totally out of character, which is why Beck’s likely struck speechless. But Rosalie teed me up so perfectly I couldn’t help myself.
I mean, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love having her in my mouth and on my face, but I’m not usually one to send such blatantly sexual texts to my girlfriend—especially those referring to her vagina as a taco. I’ve never once called it that in my life.
I snatch my phone away just as another photo shows up on the screen, and I try desperately to turn the conversation back toward Beck.
“So, you’re on a few dating apps, huh?”
Damn, that was an undeniably weak attempt.
“Oh no, Cam, we aren’t going back to me just yet. Who the hell is the man who sent a text to his girlfriend insinuating her pussy was a tasty taco he’d like to eat?”
He’s still wound up from this entire conversation, so his comment is loud enough for the women sitting next to us to hear. Thankfully, they must not think I’m too big of a creep because they snicker instead of leaving.
“What the hell, Beck? Could you maybe bring your voice down a few notches so this can be a private conversation and the entire bar doesn’t think I’m some horny bastard sexting his girlfriend using food analogies.”
This has the opposite effect, as his laughter only intensifies, his body doubled over and shaking with unnatural force.
Lucky for me, this level of laughter comes with a wheeze feature, and the volume has, in fact, decreased.
Unlucky for me, it’s paired with a gasp that still has a few people looking over.
I hold my hand up in a wave I hope conveys everything is all right, while my best friend starts to return to his normal upright position.
He looks at me, and the smile on his face is huge conveying a combination of wonder and humor.
“Only you would think to use the phrases horny bastard and food analogies in the same sentence.”
“Shut the hell up,” I say, punching him in the arm.
“No, but seriously, I can’t believe you’re the same straight-laced Cam who was married to Julianne.”
I think about what he’s saying and have to acknowledge he’s right. I expect the acknowledgement to sting a bit and briefly wonder if I should be ashamed to have seemingly changed so drastically from the man I was when I was married to his sister, but then I think better of it.
“Your sister taught me how to love with my whole heart. She helped me grow up and become a responsible man. She taught me I had the strength to hold her up when she could no longer do it herself. She gave me the greatest joy of my life in Addison, and with that came a new layer to our love.”
The humor on Beck’s face falls away, and his eyes look a bit glassy, but I continue, needing him to know I’m no more or less happy with Rosalie than I was with his sister. Rosalie and I just have a different kind of love.
“Julianne had a subtle wit that never failed to catch me off guard and make me laugh. We found our peace in the simple, tranquil moments we spent together. Our love was easy. No baggage, no skeletons, rare fights. Easy, until it wasn’t.”
I place my hand on his shoulder and look him directly in the eyes as I say my next words. “I’m not going to go into detail, but that last year was hard on all of us. Regardless of how strong your sister, my wife, was, it didn’t take away from the despair we all felt.”
I feel him tense under my hand and know I need to wrap this up.
“I’ve just now started letting myself truly live again, Beck. It feels good to smile and laugh at stupid shit or shoot my mouth off with insane and somewhat tasteless texts I immediately regret.”
I feel him relax and see a smirk lift the side of his mouth.
“Rosalie has brought a light back into my life. The darkness of that year took it away, but it doesn’t negate the undeniable happiness and love I felt while married to your sister.
I wouldn’t wish a single moment of my life with her away.
It just means I’m getting to know a new side of myself, and I kind of like him, dumbass comments and all. ”
Beck laughs softly, but I know he’s still stuck in the past my words have brought back to the forefront of his mind. I shift quickly so he doesn’t stay there and dwell.
“Now…” I say, taking my hand from his shoulder and joining it with the other, rubbing them back and forth quickly in an expectant gesture. “Let’s talk about these dating apps. Who knew you, Beckett Pyle, the most sought-after bachelor of Carlsburg, Kentucky, needed an app to find women?”
He groans and rubs a hand down his face. “That’s not even a real title, man.”
“Too bad for you, I don’t give a shit and will be calling you that for the rest of the night. Hell, I might change your contact name to that in my phone.”
“Like hell you will,” he says, quickly grabbing my phone and placing it in his pocket.
I momentarily panic, always needing my phone close by in case of an emergency, but I trust Rosalie implicitly with Addie, so I sit back, relax, and take a giant bite of my burger, ready to have a fun guys’ night with Beck.
After we both finish our burgers and pay our tabs at the bar, we make our way to the back room to play a couple rounds of pool.
The ordinarily busy area is sparse since most of the patrons are in the main area watching the Cincinnati Reds take on the Pittsburgh Pirates, so Beck and I get a table right away.
“So,” I say while racking the balls, “how’s work going?”