Chapter 45
forty-five
Rosalie
Addison has been rocking the hot pink cast that matches her hot pink unicorn from the hospital for three weeks now.
Initially, she was pretty bummed she couldn’t ride her bike and had to wear this ridiculous cast cover to swim in the pool for the rest of the summer, but Cameron, Paige, and I have done everything we can to make it fun.
We’ve had movie nights with real movie popcorn purchased from the local theatre.
We had a build your own pizza bar with a sundae station.
We’ve tie-dyed shirts and made slippery slime, neon slime, cloud slime, and every kind of slime in between.
We’ve even made enough friendship bracelets to make any Swiftie proud.
Paige and Addie plan to pass them out on the first day of school.
I have to say, I think that might have been my favorite activity we’ve done so far.
I loved watching Paige and Addison work together to make the bracelets since Addie has a hard time using the fingers on her casted hand.
They had so much fun, giggling incessantly as they fumbled to figure out which one would put on the bead and which one would pull the string.
A couple of days after Addison’s trip to the ER, I asked Cameron to give me a night to myself with Addie and Paige. I wanted to explain what really happened the morning I broke down.
It was challenging to find the balance of being honest without exposing them to the darker side of losing someone you love and the grief that accompanies it, but I rehearsed what I was going to say with Cameron and was as ready as one could be.
I also wanted to make sure he approved of my explanation, since the conversation would be with both Paige and Addie. As expected, he had some wise feedback and suggestions that made the whole process a lot smoother.
Paige had an easier time understanding and accepting what happened because she was so close to my mom, and her experience with loss was more recent.
Her memory of the funeral back home and her exposure to the way different people handled my mom’s loss allowed her to understand my explanation better.
However, it was Addie who spoke into my soul with words wise beyond her sweet seven years.
She told me every time you love someone, an invisible ribbon is formed between the two of you and tied in a pretty bow and knotted infinity times so it’s unbreakable, no matter how far you are from each other.
She said sometimes you may feel a tug on the ribbon, but that’s just the feeling of the other person saying “I love you.”
It took everything I had not to break into more tears, but I successfully held them back until I was alone.
Her words hit me hard, not only because they were a beautiful reminder I was still connected to my mom but also because they made me wonder how often she would feel that tug throughout her life.
As she got older and further processed the loss of her own mother, would it become more frequent?
If it did, I hope from now until eternity she’d always see the tug as her mother saying “I love you.”
I also hope if the tug became too hard, she’d turn to me for help, or if Paige ever struggled more with the loss of my mom, she knew I could be strong enough to be there for her.
It was these thoughts, along with my own desire to actually process my grief in a healthier way that drove me to finally call and get myself in to see a counselor.
Dr. Allen is a kind woman and also a mother of three. I highly respect her professional advice and the safe space she gives me to speak about my grief, and it’s nice to know I’m talking to a fellow mom in case I run into another spilled milk situation.
I’ve only been three times, but it feels good to discuss everything with an impartial person in a place where my thoughts and feelings won’t impact the ones I love most. It’s been freeing to yell, cry, cuss, laugh, and more with unadulterated weightlessness.
I always leave feeling a little lighter, and my emotional burdens aren’t impacting Paige, Addie, and Cam as much. I honestly think we’ve all grown closer over the past few weeks.
***
We’re heading to Cameron’s parents’ home in Carlsburg today for their end-of-summer barbecue. It’s an annual tradition the weekend before school starts to help Addie get excited for the new year. He even said they go as far as buying some of her school supplies and wrapping them up like gifts.
This will be the first time I’m meeting Cameron’s parents in person, and I’m so nervous I can already feel the under-boob sweat saturating my bra.
I’ve spoken to them on a few video chats, so they aren’t complete strangers, but I’d really love to make a good impression since I’m in love with their son.
Raising my hand to anxiously bite my fingernail, Cam’s intercepts it and gives it a squeeze before intertwining our fingers.
“I promise it’s going to be a fun time. Everyone is expecting us so there are no surprises. If I thought we wouldn’t be wholeheartedly welcomed by every person there, I wouldn’t be dragging you and Paige with me.”
His words are reassuring, but I can’t help the surge of butterflies building in my gut.
I won’t only be meeting Cam’s parents but Julianne’s parents as well, and I’m concerned with how they’ll react to seeing Paige and me with Cameron.
He assures me it’ll be fine, but I can’t imagine what it’ll be like to see him with someone other than their daughter.
We make the thirty-minute drive to their home, and the twisted feeling in my gut only intensifies. Cameron must feel the anxiety rolling off me because he moves our hands to his mouth and kisses my wrist before placing them on his thigh.
“Rosie, I know I’ve told you this before, but I’ll repeat it again for reassurance.
When I could tell our relationship really had the potential to go somewhere, I called my in-laws to talk with them about it.
They know I still deeply respect Julianne’s memory and I’ll always love her, but they didn’t expect me to stay single forever.
They were completely supportive and understanding.
They’re happy for me, for us. Everyone is going to love you because I love you. ”
Cameron speaks with Julianne’s parents frequently.
One, because they’re still active in Addison’s life, and two, because they’re still his family.
I’m sure others may find this dynamic strange, but their continued love for one another is admirable, and their constant communication and maintained relationship is the reason Cameron can give me these reassurances that have some of my nerves dissipating and my body relaxing, if only a little.
Before I know it, we’re pulling up to a modest ranch home with white siding and black accents. There are gorgeous potted flowers atop the stairs near the front door, and all the hedges are trimmed to perfection.
Catching on to how I’m apparently glued to my chair, Cameron parks the car and walks around to open the door. The girls take this as a sign to let themselves out and take off like a shot toward the front door.
“Addie, please be careful!” Cam yells. Then with a grumbly mutter, he adds, “The last thing I need is for her to trip and fall while we’re here and end up with another broken something.”
His grumpy delivery has my lips quirking up in the corner because it’s so not Cameron. But since Addie’s accident, he’s been a little on edge, especially since Addie hasn’t really let this slow her down one bit.
I hop down from my spot in the Jeep and land right in front of him, reaching up to turn his scowling face toward mine.
“Hi, grumpy.”
The side of his mouth twitches.
“That’s not really a nickname I prefer.”
“Well then, don’t act like it. She’s doing fine.”
“I know, but the girl never stops moving, and I just want her to heal as fast as she can.”
“And I love you for that, but I think she can manage a good skip to the door with her bestie.”
“They were running,” Cam says, his scowl returning.
“They were, and they’re fine and inside, which is where we should be right now.”
I rise on my tiptoes and give him a peck on the lips.
“Now, take me inside before my nerves get the best of me and I climb right back in this Jeep and hide out here for the afternoon.”
“Oh no, you don’t,” Cam says before putting his arm around my waist, tucking me in close, and leading me to the front door.
Once inside the house, I can’t keep myself from scanning my surroundings.
The interior of their home is warm and cozy, with a neutral color palette and pops of green that match the luscious rolling hills of the Kentucky landscape.
The floor plan is open, and I can see straight through the house to the backyard where the rest of the family is gathered.
Cam continues to lead me through the house, giving me a very brief tour of the rooms we come across on our way outside. As we walk, I catch glimpses of framed photos along the walls and recognize Cameron and Addison in several, but we’re going too fast for me to study them in the way I want to.
When we step out onto the back deck, every set of eyes swings to us, and nerves flow through me once again. Cam leads us over to his parents, whom I recognize from our various FaceTime calls. His mother and father, Charlotte and Christopher, step slightly in front of another couple to greet us.
Christopher is a tall, brawny man with a warm smile that reaches his olive-colored eyes, crinkling them in the corners.
His hair is dark, like Cameron’s, except silver streaks run through it, more prominent at his temples.
Charlotte has a chic brown bob that frames her youthful face and stunning blue eyes.
She’s petite next to her husband and son, but I know her personality is just as big, if not bigger than the two of them combined.
“Hey, son!” Christopher’s strong voice booms while he reaches out and pulls Cameron in for a hug, forcing Cam to let go of my hand.