Chapter 19
They walked on, and Birdie thought she saw the lights of Raspberry Ridge not far ahead in the distance on the left. She was a little sad that their time together was growing short, but she was starting to get chilly, since she hadn’t brought a jacket, and it had cooled off considerably once the sun went down.
“So... Maybe we want to think about things?” Wesley broke the silence between them.
“Yeah. I suppose if I’m not ready to be a full-time wife and mom, or at least wife, I probably should just keep focusing on my career.” The thought made her sad. And the idea of having children... Even though they had just watched children that were really difficult, she still wanted children of her own.
“So how long do you think you’re going to be around?” he asked. “If that’s not too pressing. I’m not trying to ask you questions that you can’t answer.”
“I appreciate the consideration. Although, I don’t mind being asked questions that make me think. You know how sometimes your answers change?”
“Yeah. That happens to me all the time. Sometimes my answer might have been different last week, but I was a different person last week, you know? So facts don’t change, but answers that are based on feelings and what we want absolutely can.”
“I agree.”
That seemed to close out what they had been talking about before, and then she thought about his next question. “I wasn’t really trying to put you off with the next question. I just wanted to make sure you understood that I’m not sure how I feel, and maybe that’ll change. Anyway, I can’t stay past September. I have things that are happening and a path I’m going down that I can’t get out of.”
“I see. I guess I’m the same. September happens to be my cutoff too. Maybe about the last Friday or so, I’ll have to leave.”
“Really?”
He was leaving. Why hadn’t that occurred to her? It wasn’t like this was something that would last forever.
“I don’t like to think about end dates.”
“We all have them. They happen.”
So true. Everyone died. She didn’t know why she hated them and got sad thinking about them. So she just didn’t, then was surprised to realize that her time here wasn’t just an isolated bubble that floated on endlessly.
She loved what they had done so far, just hanging out in the afternoon, helping each other write, doing fun things, eating supper together, feeling like family. Seeing her gram and his gramps laugh and joke together. Seeing her gram throw herself into everything here and get active and involved the way she loved. She hated the idea that that wasn’t going to be her life forever, but that she had to go back, traveling from city to city, doing tours and shows and meeting with executives and making decisions about her business.
It felt so heavy and stressful and no wonder she needed to take a break. Except, it felt like she hardly got started, and now she was thinking about the end.
“You got quiet again. I guess that means you’re thinking.”
“Yeah. You asked me a question that definitely got my brain working. I love what I do. I feel very blessed to be able to do what I do. There are so many people who would love to be able to make a living the way I do, but... It’s gotten to be a lot. And I wonder if I’ll ever be happy going back to just a little? Something manageable. Or do I have to give it all up?”
“I guess I could talk to you about it if you want to, but I might not be the best person, because I have a tendency to run full steam ahead.”
He didn’t seem like that here, but she could kinda see that in him. Where he was driven to be the best, and he worked hard. He certainly didn’t shrink from any opportunities or any work here. After all, he gamely watched four wild children and a set of twins. She didn’t know any other man in the world who would do that, so he had to be in the top one percent of whatever it was that he did.
“I think the path is here,” he said, pointing through the sand toward the barn.
She had no idea how he saw anything, but she said, “All right. I’ll follow you.” Assuming that if they got lost, they wouldn’t be lost for long. Plus, they were on horses, surely they could cover more ground that way. Although, whether that would actually help if they truly got lost or not, she wasn’t sure.
“Bingo. This is it. I see our tracks from earlier and recognize the formation of those three bushes.”
“I’m glad you were paying attention. I wasn’t at all.”
“I was having a great time, but I also wanted to make it back. I...don’t want to get you lost or lose you.”
“Well, I’ve been with you the whole time.” She laughed. “And so far, it’s always been fun.”
“It could change at any time,” he said, and she thought he was mostly joking. “But I had a great time. Would you be interested in doing it again tomorrow evening? Making it a regular thing?”
“I’d love it,” she said, not needing to think about her schedule and loving that. That was one of the nice things about not having all the pressure of the tour and her business and all the things she had to direct on her. She didn’t have to think about what she was doing tomorrow. She made her own plans. And she really, really enjoyed that.
Although, she wasn’t so na?ve as to think that if she quit touring, and backed out of being a pop singer, that she could actually have a regular life, and that would include being able to plan whatever she wanted whenever she wanted. That just wasn’t possible. There were going to have to be concessions. No life was perfect.
The barn came into view, and they saw Becky sitting on the top of a fence board, staring down at the ground between her feet.
“I bet you thought we were lost,” Wesley said as they rode up.
She hopped off as soon as she heard his voice and turned toward them, the light from the barn shining on her face. She was smiling and didn’t look the slightest bit worried.
“I figured you’d be back eventually. Although, it’s easy to miss the trail down to the lake, and I thought you might end up coming through town.”
“We could have gone up the bluffs path. It’s not that steep,” Wesley agreed.
“But Wesley was able to find it easily. I would have totally missed it, and I’m not sure I would have thought about going up the bluffs right away. I probably would have spent a lot of time looking for the path and panicking.” She was just being honest, and she appreciated the fact that Wesley was there. He helped her, and she was going to give him credit for it.
“All right, how do you like it? Did the mares do well for you?”
“They did great.”
“So well, in fact, we’d like to come back tomorrow, if that’s okay?”
“That would be awesome. What time?”
“Same time?”
“Well, I don’t have anyone else booked, so that’ll be fantastic,” Becky said, looking like she was indeed pretty happy.
“You don’t have to sit around and wait on us though,” Wesley said as they dismounted.
“I didn’t. I actually was working on the fence until it got dark, and then I hit my thumb with a hammer and decided that I better wait until morning and the sun comes out and gives me a little bit of light before I keep going.”
She laughed, like hitting herself with a hammer wasn’t that big of a deal, but it made Birdie’s stomach clench. Ouch.
“I didn’t hear you yelling, so that is impressive,” Wesley joked as he handed the reins of his horse to Becky and went around to touch Birdie’s waist as she dismounted. She appreciated his steadying hand and felt that if she had a little bit more practice, maybe she wouldn’t be quite so awkward at the whole thing.
“You know, that’s just part of farming. You get something that hurts almost every day, although some days are worse than others,” Becky said.
That was probably true. Even in her line of work, she got hurt at times. But as a farmer, someone working with large animals and equipment day in and day out, the odds were good that something was going to happen, even if it was something little.
They set up a time for the next day and then walked out to the car. They got into it without saying anything, and Birdie finally broke the silence as they pulled out on Main Street in Raspberry Ridge.
“Thank you. I really, really appreciate you going. I could have done it by myself, but it wouldn’t have been nearly as fun.”
“I wouldn’t have wanted to do it by myself. I still don’t. The only reason I enjoy horseback riding is because you’re with me. ”
“We don’t have to do it if you don’t want to!” she said, immediately feeling bad that she was pushing her dreams on him, and he had sacrificed in order to make her happy.
“No. I love that we have a reoccurring time set up. Actually two of them, if you count the afternoon at one o’clock on the beach and then evenings at seven. Two times a day I get to look forward to seeing you.”
“Still, we really don’t have to do this. We could see each other doing something else? What would you like?”
“Nothing. It’s perfect. And I do enjoy horseback riding. It’s just... I wouldn’t enjoy it without you.”
She wasn’t sure exactly what he was saying. Maybe she was reading too much into it, but he had given her the idea that he did want to have a relationship, he just didn’t want to have one that wasn’t meaningful. Or going somewhere. That didn’t have a purpose. And she wasn’t sure that she could promise him that. She had to think about it. Actually, she knew in her heart that she wanted to and she hoped that she could, but maybe the idea was just so big, so different than what she’d always thought all of her life, that she just needed time to get used to it.