Chapter 22 #2
“Cheers.” I was too tired for a verbal spar. Not that verbal sparring was ever my forte anyway.
Then he quietly added, “Still … guys like you … you come and go.”
I froze.
He wasn’t saying anything untrue or anything I wasn’t already aware of. And yet, something inside of me bristled, and my hackles rose, even though I knew he wasn’t talking about her.
I forced a laugh and shoved him lightly. “Mate, I know how visas work. Relax.”
But deep down, something cracked. The truth was as simple as it was terrifying — I wouldn’t be able to just go home.
Not anymore.
Not when Tori was back home, probably pretending she wasn’t waiting for my text.
Not when I’d started imagining a whole future I had no right to imagine.
Not when the thought of leaving her felt like someone pressing a knee into my ribs.
The bus rumbled beneath me as I shifted from side to side, trying to get comfortable in the cramped seat. The night sky had swallowed the highway outside the windows, leaving only the blur of passing truck headlights and the low hum of tired conversation drifting between rows.
I slumped into my seat, my ribs still aching from two late tackles I probably should’ve avoided but didn’t, because apparently my brain considers football to be rugby with extra steps.
But for the first time since coming here … I had been good today.
Not perfect — not even close — but good enough.
I’d held the edge, shed blocks and found the runner twice before he got momentum. I even caught a pass clean as anything and stiff-armed a guy so hard he hit turf like a cartoon character.
On the walk back to the tunnel, I could still hear Marcus in my ear, though.
He’d grinned when he said it, the kind of lazy, cutting grin people used when they wanted to pretend they were joking but absolutely weren’t.
Yeah, it had stung, but nowhere near as badly as it used to. Now I had someone who actually believed I wasn’t a lost cause.
Tori.
Just thinking her name made my chest go hot. It was a bit pathetic, really, but I didn’t give a flying fuck.
I pulled out my phone, staring at the blank message screen like it held the secrets of the universe.
I wanted to text her normal stuff, like ‘How's your night?’ or ‘Hey, I didn’t die, yay me,’ or even ‘Miss you in a totally casual, non-clingy, non-desperate, non-whipped way.’
Except I was whipped.
And the longer I sat in this bus seat, my muscles throbbing and my adrenaline fading, the more my brain spiraled back to her.
Watching her nimble fingers braid her hair, the bright red strands shiny and vibrant, and wondering how she did it without getting her fingers tangled up.
Feeling her small, warm body pressed against me. The tiny crease she always got between her eyebrows when she was focused. The way she sometimes looked at me, like I was trouble she wanted anyway.
I groaned into my palms.
Yeah, I was so fucking gone.
Completely, hopelessly, catastrophically gone.
The bus jolted over a pothole, shaking me back into reality. I blew out a breath, opened our message thread — which was, depressingly, mostly memes and her threatening me with physical harm — and typed.
You awake?
Three dots appeared instantly.
Instantly.
The thrill running through me, coupled with the twitching of my dick, was slightly humiliating.
Obviously.
I smiled before I could stop myself.
Miss me?
There was a full thirty seconds of silence during which I imagined her scoffing, rolling her eyes, calling me an idiot or maybe even throwing her phone across the room.
No.
Lie.
Had to be.
Liar
I can smell your affection from here
I don’t HAVE affection. Go to sleep. Your brain cell needs rest.
I laughed under my breath, earning a glance from the guy across the aisle, but I really, really didn’t care.
We won btw
I did okay
Thought you’d wanna know
There was a long pause this time. Long enough to make my stomach tighten.
Good. I knew you would.
Just four words and my heart was done for.
Cooked.
Finished.
Stick a fucking fork in me.
I sank deeper into the seat, letting my head knock back against the window, the phone feeling warm in my hand. The steady purr of the bus engine beneath my feet was like white noise, but all I could think about was her voice saying those words.
I knew you would.
She believed in me like it was obvious, like it was fact.
I typed again before I could talk myself out of it.
Wish you were here
I hovered over ‘send,’ my pulse racing. Was it too much?
Probably.
Did I care?
Not even slightly.
I hit send and the minute the message went through, nausea and excitement mixed in my stomach like a bad cocktail.
One minute.
Two.
Three.
My leg was bouncing nervously.
Kai…
My breath caught and I waited, my aching muscles coiled tight.
If I was there, you wouldn’t be sleeping.
And you need to be sleeping.
I swallowed hard as I read it once, twice, three times. It wasn't a rejection. Not even close.
kind of hard in a tiny-ass seat surrounded by smelly dudes
Aww, muffin. It’s so hard being you.
Don't mock me
You love it.
True
Goodnight, Kai.
Night. Miss you.
I stared at the words until my vision blurred around the edges.
God, I wanted her. Not just her body — though yes, obviously that too — but her. The whole terrifying, stubborn, brilliant mess of her.
None of this made sense; we didn't make sense, but it didn't matter. I was already imagining a life that wasn’t meant to be mine.
The bus lights dimmed and my phone buzzed once more. Surprised, I glanced down at the glowing display.
…Kai?
Yeah?
The three dots did their little dance.
Disappeared.
Appeared again.
I’m glad you ended up here.
I pressed my fist into my sternum because my chest physically hurt.
Me too. Night, Love
Night.
I placed my phone on my chest, closed my eyes and allowed the vibrations from the road to pull me under.
The last thought I had before sleep dragged me down was—
I can’t lose her.