Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
T he ride home was quiet, both of them processing everything they had discussed with Eloise.
She’d given them exercises Lena could try to still her mind and access her visions as well as some history she’d found about this power.
But none of it would help if they didn’t actually tell Lena what was going on.
Not to mention the whole wolves were trying to kidnap her and may still want to kidnap Lena theory. Ruby didn’t love that. And by the way Rafe was death-gripping the steering wheel, Ruby assumed he didn’t love it either.
Rafe pulled the truck in front of the tiny cottage Ruby called home. She didn’t budge when he turned off the engine.
“Should we go in?” he asked, his voice gruff.
“I just need a minute.”
“Okay.” He stayed facing the windshield, watching the rain drops slide down the glass.
Between the early sunset and the gray clouds covering the sky, it was already getting dark.
Ruby used to love the dark back when she could daydream about what lived in the shadows of the trees.
Having it all confirmed was more terrifying than she would like to admit.
“I have to tell you something.”
Rafe’s jaw ticked. “Okay.”
“I had a dream when I was a kid. Or I thought it was a dream. But maybe it was?… something else.”
He turned to face her. “What do you mean?”
“Before my parents’ accident I had a dream that it would happen. I tried to convince them not to go but they thought I was being silly. They went anyway?… and then…”
“Jesus, Ruby.”
“I know! I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before when you asked if it ran in the family. I didn’t think it did. What happens to Lena is so different from what happened to me, but now with this whole mistaken identity thing… Maybe it isn’t a mistake. Maybe they would take either of us?”
“They won’t take either of you,” he growled through clenched teeth.
“Okay,” she whispered.
The windows had fogged over, their warm bodies competing with the cold air outside. She turned to face him, one leg tucked under the other.
“You have a hole in your tights.” He said it like it hurt him. He traced the tiny hole with one big finger. Ruby shivered.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“Why are you sorry?”
“I’m just sorry about all of it. Sorry you got stuck here with me.”
His gaze flicked up to hers, dark and intense. “I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”
“You mean you couldn’t be.”
“What are you talking about?”
Ruby blew out a frustrated breath. “You said you were drawn to me, like I’m pulling you in somehow.” She shrugged. “That doesn’t mean you want to be here.”
He laughed. He actually laughed at her! Deep and throaty and so damn sexy it pissed her off.
“What are you laughing at?”
“Ruby, why do you think I’m drawn to you? Because I hate you?”
“No?… I guess not?… but you said…”
“I meant what I said.” He was back to serious, his laughter long gone. “I can’t stay away from you, but it’s more than that. I don’t want to.”
“You don’t?”
He shook his head. “I should stay away from you.”
Her lips tipped up in a smirk. “But you don’t want to?”
He leaned forward and took her face in his palm, warm and rough. “No, Ruby, I don’t, because you’re funny and sweet even though you pretend you’re not, and you’re loyal, so damn loyal, and you care about your friends and family more than anything, and…” He drew in a deep breath.
“Go on.” Her smile grew.
He narrowed his eyes at her as though he could scare her. “You have horrible taste in movies but great taste in books. You paint your toenails bright colors even though you always wear black. You drink too much coffee and sleep in way too late. You are reckless and brave and…”
“And?” The word was breathless as it fell from her lips.
“And you’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever met.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes, it is. And keeping my hands off of you is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
“You haven’t even done a very good job of it,” she said, memories of their make-out session running through her mind.
His fingers flexed against her jaw. His callouses were rough against her skin.
“I know.”
“So maybe you should give up on that little plan.”
He was even closer now so, when he spoke, his lips practically brushed against hers.
“Even if I do give in, I can’t stay, Ruby. I can’t let my life, my people, and all the messy fucking violence that comes with it ruin your life too.”
“I’m not scared of you, Rafe.” She nipped at his bottom lip and he groaned.
“You should be.” He pressed his mouth to hers, hot and urgent. She grabbed at him, her fists tangling in his shirt. He grabbed her waist and pulled her onto his lap. “Fuck, Ruby,” he panted. “I can’t… We can’t…”
“Why not? Tell me why.”
He stared at her wide-eyed, afraid. Afraid of what he might do.
“I’m not a pet, Ruby. I’m not a dog. I’m a fucking werewolf.” A muscle ticked in his jaw.
She rocked her hips over his bulging erection, and they both groaned, their voices filling the confines of the truck.
“I’m aware.”
“Ruby,” he hissed, his fingers pressing into her hips, holding her still. “Do you want to know why I left the pack?”
He didn’t wait for her response before he went on. “My father wanted me to kill my brothers, to take my rightful place as the Alpha. I was the biggest, the strongest. He wanted it to be me.”
Ruby swallowed hard.
“But you didn’t do it.”
“We fought for hours, the three of us. He was always making us do shit like that. Fighting our way to Alpha. He wanted the whole pack to see which one of us was worthy.”
“That’s fucked up, Rafe, but it doesn’t mean anything about us .”
“It does,” he growled. “It means everything about who I am. What I am, Ruby.”
“Tell me,” she said, running her fingers through his hair. “Tell me what you are.”
He held her gaze as he went on. “By the time the rain started we were already exhausted and injured. Theo was the weakest. I could have picked him off easily.
“My father screamed at me from beside the ring. ‘ Kill him! Kill him! ’ The old bastard was dying and wanted to see the new Alpha crowned before he left this world. I pinned Theo to the ground. My own brother , my own blood. He fought me, clawing and scraping. I slashed his face, blood pouring into his eyes. You saw it, Ruby. You saw the scar.” He held her stare, and she nodded, not backing away from his pain.
“I could have ended it, but I hesitated. Knox barreled into us, his teeth at my throat. And I was happy, relieved . If he would just kill me, I could be done with it all. With everything my father wanted from us.”
Rafe’s eyes glowed bright silver, his voice a deep growl. Even his teeth seemed longer, sharper. She put a hand on Rafe’s chest, and she could practically feel the beast prowling beneath his human skin.
“But then I saw her. Phoebe. She was hiding in the trees, watching, silent tears trailing down her face. Her eyes never left Theo. He lay in the mud, chest heaving, face covered in blood. I’d done that to him.
My own brother. But Knox was at my throat.
I was pinned on my back, the only thing stopping him from killing me was my paws on his chest. If I let him kill me, he’d kill Theo next.
I did the only thing I could think of. A desperate, disgusting thing. ”
His breath came in long shuddering gasps like he’d just been in the ring, like the fight hadn’t been over a year ago. His eyes were dark with the memories.
“I shifted. Back into human form, right in the ring. It shocked the hell out of everyone. It’s forbidden.
Wolves only fight as wolves. I shamed my father and my pack.
Knox didn’t know what to do. I used everyone’s surprise to my advantage.
I screamed at Theo to run and he did. Sloppily and half blind he ran into the woods.
My father came into the ring, raging but so old and sick I wasn’t scared of him anymore.
“He spat at my feet, my bare, human feet drowning in mud. ‘Get the fuck out of here. You are dead to us,’ he screamed. So I did. So I am. I’m dead to my pack, but I’m also a shitty human. I’m nothing.”
“You saved your brothers,” she whispered, and he laughed, low and mocking.
“Goddamn it, Ruby. Get it through your head. I’ve done nothing but fight and kill my whole life. And then in the end all I did was shame my people. I’m both a monster and a coward.”
“But—”
“Stop.” His voice was hard and cold, unmovable. “Stop trying to see me as something else. End this ridiculous infatuation. You are a silly little girl who likes ghost stories, but I am not a story, and I will hurt you.”
She swallowed the sharp, angry tears clogging her throat.
“Have it your way.” She slung her leg back over his lap, returning to her side of the truck as gracefully as possible, which wasn’t very considering the situation.
“Maybe I am silly and ridiculous.” He winced like he already regretted the words.
“But you’re the one still believing all the lies your father told you.
You’re the one with a completely warped view of himself.
All this talk of protecting me when all you really want to do is protect yourself. ”
“Ruby, wait. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said?—”
She glanced back at him over her shoulder before hopping down from the truck. “But for the record, I still fucking like you anyway.”
She pulled her jacket around her, slammed the truck door shut, and stormed through the rain and into the house.