Chapter Nine #2
Larissa wouldn’t take his calls.
Jonah wouldn’t allow him close to the house.
The club was not currently talking to him. Well, most of the club wasn’t talking to him.
Big Dick sat outside, and it was starting to get fucking cold. He didn’t even know when spring had turned to summer, and now they were entering fall. It was fucking cold.
His sister was close to her due date. Everything was a fucking mess. Harlow had already come around to scream at him. His brothers, including that piece of shit Erick, had texted him to ask him what the fuck his problem was. Ava wasn’t speaking to him. Neither was Raven, nor Abriana.
It hurt that his sister wasn’t talking to him. She was the only person he could think to talk to. Smokey hadn’t kicked his ass out of the club, but he figured that was because he hadn’t done anything to the club.
Carlos wasn’t answering calls either, so business must be important. The mafia life and all that shit.
He sat outside near his bike, which was already cleaned and fixed, and didn’t need him to tamper with it, which was why he was freezing his balls off. There was no way he was going inside the clubhouse.
“Are you all right?” Brick asked, handing him a beer, which he took but had no interest in drinking.
“You talking to me?”
“Why not, no one else is. You’re as grumpy as Kinky is, and trust me, he used to be a lot more fun than he is right now.” Brick sighed and moved to sit beside him on the wall. “How are you doing?”
“Let’s see, the club won’t talk to me. My family won’t talk to me. Larissa won’t talk to me.”
“It’s fucking quiet at least,” Brick said.
Big Dick sighed.
The truth was, he missed Larissa. He ran a hand down his face, as it had been a hectic few days, as he got his cell phone shut off.
Cadeon had taken his cell phone. Thankfully, there was nothing relating to club business on his phone. The club was always careful in their communications, and never released any sensitive information in texts or email.
“Did you find your phone?” Brick asked.
“Fuck, no. Trust me, if I had, I would already have Cadeon’s fucking neck in my hands.”
“He’s smarter than his previous Prez. We’ve got to give him that.”
“He’s a fucking coward.”
“And he’s got balls,” Brick said. “He was able to steal your cell phone.”
Big Dick ran a hand down his face. “I’ve got to go.” He moved to straddle his bike.
“Where are you going?”
“Anywhere.” He couldn’t be at the clubhouse. There was no way he could go and see Larissa.
He had to fix this and the only way to figure that shit out was to get onto the open road. Never in his life had he felt this fucking lost and confused.
He was the one who was always in charge. Women meant nothing to him. He had enjoyed them, and left them. Of course, he did have certain rules, like no kissing, and he never went down on women either. When it came to Larissa, he had broken so many rules.
The moment he was out of the clubhouse parking lot and on the open road, he just let the bike ride. He rode to try and clear his mind, but all he could see was Larissa’s smiling face as she looked up at him. The giggle he absolutely fucking adored, because it lit up his world.
The long days had felt like total shit until he got to see Larissa. He counted down the hours until he was able to see her, look at her, and be with her. She had called to him in a way no woman ever had. And he had that damn blockage.
One of his skills at the Hell’s Bastards MC was his ability to hunt and find anyone.
There was always a clue he was able to sniff out.
Cadeon had been able to evade him at every turn.
This was not something he was used to. He was always one step ahead of the enemy.
He didn’t have a clue how Cadeon was able to do this, and it pissed him the fuck off.
He felt so fucking angry and was close to losing his shit.
And after nearly a two-hour drive, he was in fucking shock as he arrived in the driveway of his parents. He never willingly came here.
The front door opened, and he looked at his father. It had been so long since he had come home, especially like this. Usually, he came for one or two Sunday dinners, rarely for Christmas. His life had always and would always be the club.
“George?” his father, Drew, asked.
“Hey, Dad,” Big Dick said, climbing off his bike.
“Who is it?” his mother, Nancy, asked.
Big Dick looked at his mother. There were times he couldn’t stand her.
“George.”
“I should go,” Big Dick said.
“Do you seriously think that is any way to talk to your mother?” Nancy asked.
Big Dick looked between his parents. They looked so concerned. This was kind of scary. He was used to their judgement. Or at least his mother’s judgement, his father usually remained silent.
“Come inside, right now. I will get hot chocolate on,” Nancy said.
He was even more shocked for his mother, who was wearing a pair of pajamas, to herd him into the house. Even when he had been a teenager and angry at his parents, they had often left him to his own decisions.
Stepping over the threshold into his childhood home, he had missed the last couple of Sunday lunches, mainly because he couldn’t be bothered. Also, one of them was when he was with Larissa. He was not going to sacrifice his time with her for his parents.
Much to his surprise, he was walked into the kitchen, where his mother immediately went to the stove and started to gather a saucepan and some milk.
He looked around the kitchen, and it was the strangest thing.
His mother had always been someone who liked a clean house.
She would often make the home look like it was straight out of a magazine.
Everything always had a perfect spot. Nothing was ever out of place.
Yet, he saw so many changes. The large utensil basket, with a multitude of used wooden spoons.
They had all seen better days, but then, they were his mother’s favorite.
She had attempted the silicone ones that had a popular minute, but she hated how they would chip away.
They had soon made their way into the secondhand stores, as she donated them.
A mixer, good processor, and a coffee machine also graced the counter.
Her cookbooks that had seen better days were in pride of place, even with books she had clearly taped together with all the use. He also noticed the vegan cookbooks.
“You’ve got vegan cookbooks?” he asked.
“Yes, yes, I think it is time I started to learn to cook vegan. Your father and I have a vegan meal twice a week now,” his mother said.
“It’s hard, son, I’m not going to lie. It’s hard to go without meat, but your mother is getting pretty good.”
“You did that for Harlow?” he asked.
“Of course,” his mother said.
Within minutes, she had a can of whipped cream out of the fridge, and she made him a lovely hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.
“Erick, uh, he came around a few months ago.”
“Of course he did,” Big Dick said.
“Son, I know you and Erick don’t get along, but he came and gave your mother and I an eye-opening reality check.”
This was news. “Erick gave you guys a reality check?”
“I know there has always been tension with you all. Erick was never my favorite.”
Big Dick couldn’t help but snort.
“I love all of my kids. I always have and I always will. Erick was just ... easy,” Nancy said.
“Easy?”
“He wouldn’t make waves,” Drew said. “He didn’t get into fights at school. He would brush his teeth, do his homework. He was a good kid.”
“You just didn’t see him when your back was turned,” Big Dick said.
“And he told us that,” Nancy said. “After Harlow’s accident, when we nearly lost her and discovered she was pregnant, it hit him hard.
He came to us and told us the truth of what was happening.
Then, when she came out, and she didn’t come to see us, she was just living her life.
It was like a slap to the face. She’s pregnant, and I know I have pushed her away.
I wanted a daughter so damn badly, and when I got her, she was not what I expected.
I loved her, but I didn’t know how to communicate with her.
” She took a deep breath. “I pushed my daughter away, and because of that, I might not get to meet my grandchild. So, that is what we’re doing. We’re slowly realizing our mistakes.”
Nancy reached out and touched Drew’s hand.
“I also know that you guys adore your father, and it is me you all have a problem with. I ... push. I criticize. I became my own mother, and in doing so, I pushed my kids away.”
Big Dick looked into his mother’s eyes, as she pointed to the house.
“She would always tell me I had to have a good house. A good house meant a good wife and a good mother. Kids that behaved was the sign of a good woman. Whenever you kids were just being kids, and she would see, she would tell me nonstop that I was doing everything wrong. I should discipline you all. I should tell you how to behave.” Nancy sighed.
“I ... I listened to her, and I stopped being the mother I wanted, and instead became the mother she wanted me to be. For that, I am sorry. We have seven kids, and you know, none of you come to see us. Seven kids, and we don’t even get to meet girlfriends or partners.
You come to visit, and you’re always checking your watches so you can leave. ”
Nancy offered him a smile, and he saw that it was filled with regret.
“My mother, your grandmother, was mortified about you joining the Hell’s Bastards MC.”
That was the first time he had ever heard her call the club by its full name.
“She told me I should be ashamed of myself to have anyone associated with that club. That I had failed you as a person. I know that club is a lot, and has been through a lot.” Nancy reached over and gripped his hand.
“But I am so proud of you for ignoring me. For becoming your own man and going after what you want. I have seen you around town, and I’ve seen how happy you are.
That club makes you happy, then I am happy for you.
Just as I am happy for Harlow for wanting to be a vegan, and finding the love of her life.
She is going to be one hell of an amazing mother. She will be nothing like me.”
“Mom, come on, you were not that bad,” Big Dick said.
“But I wasn’t what I wanted to be.”
“You clothed us, and fed us, and you were at every event without fail.”
“And I tainted it. I am going to fix that.” His mother rounded the counter and wrapped her arms around him. “I will not lose you, nor any of my sons, or my daughter.”
He’d not been expecting this. He felt the burn in his throat. For a long time, he had hated his mother. Couldn’t stand the way she behaved to Harlow. Now, he was going to have no choice but to go see Erick and talk to him.
“What do you need, son?” Drew asked.
His mother ruffled his hair.
“We’re delighted you came here, but what do you need?”
Nancy went to stand beside his father.
Big Dick looked into the hot chocolate mug and gritted his teeth. “I messed up, and I hurt someone.”
“We know about Larissa,” Drew said. “We got the videos and yes, your brothers did as well. They called us, because they didn’t know what to do with them.”
“You’re not angry with me?” Big Dick asked.
“We don’t know the full details,” Nancy said. “We only know what we saw, but the way you look right now ... you’ve not shaven, and if that is the look you’re going for, then I am happy with that.”
Big Dick laughed, and for the first time in a freaking long time, his vision got blurred.
“I did make that bet,” he said. “But ... it’s not .
.. I didn’t want ... fuck me. I never wanted to hurt Larissa.
She didn’t deserve that.” He took a deep breath.
“I fucked up and I don’t have a fucking clue what to do.
She won’t talk to me, neither will the club.
I messed this up big time.” He rubbed his eyes.
“And I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do. ”
“Do you love her?” Drew asked.
He looked at his father, then at his mother. “I don’t know. I don’t know.”
“You’ll know. Love is one of those feelings that doesn’t go away.
It gets stronger, and you find yourself thinking about that person.
You find yourself craving them. It doesn’t just disappear.
It’s a feeling that keeps growing, and there is no way you can run from it,” his mother said. “Larissa is a good woman.”
“She didn’t deserve this. She told me she loved me.” He hated this feeling. “And I fucked that up.”
“The question is, son, do you want to win her back, or cut ties?”