Chapter Four #2
couldn’t tell the difference between an actor and me?”
“I’d never actually seen him before. Sophy set me up, and
you’re not exactly hard on the eyes. Not that every actor has to be gorgeous.
I’m sure it’s helpful, of course, but I know a few. My family is close to Josh
Hunt. That doesn’t help because he is wildly attractive. But they aren’t all.
Not that you aren’t. That’s why I thought you were him.” She stopped, and her
cheeks stained red. “I’m talking too much. I do that when I’m nervous.”
“You didn’t that night.”
“I wasn’t nervous that night,” she replied. “I was
comfortable. Then I don’t feel the need to talk.”
He didn’t like the idea that she wasn’t comfortable with
him. “But you’re nervous now. Is it about the leg?”
“I’m not nervous. Well, I guess I am since my new boss
handed me everything I wanted, and he might reconsider if he knew. At the very
least Ollie would never let me hear the end of it. Although I think you dodged
a bullet. Slutty Sue is way more bratty than I am and oddly, despite her name,
surprisingly clingy. I don’t know what Oliver was thinking. Everyone knows her
biological clock is ticking hard.”
“Slow down, Vivian,” he ordered. She was spiraling.
She took a long breath. “Why would I be nervous about your
leg?”
She obviously hadn’t read the file yet. “Nothing. I would
prefer another therapist. I don’t think this can work out between us given the
background.”
That seemed to slow her down. She went still and sat back.
“All right. I suppose I’m not for everyone. I’ll talk to Damon about bringing
in a male therapist. Now that I think about it, I’m not suitable at all. I’m
sorry. I was excited because I’m moving into full time.”
“Why would you have to bring in a male?” Mal asked.
She studied him for a moment. “Because I don’t think you’ll
open up to a woman.”
He was confused. “Why wouldn’t I open up to one?”
She seemed to think, as though trying to state whatever she
was going to say as carefully as possible. “I think you would be more open to
discussing your issues with a man. We don’t have one on staff, but we can bring
one in. I definitely think it would be a bad idea for me to be your therapist.”
He thought so, too, but he didn’t like the words coming out
of her mouth. Not at all. He knew he was being utterly perverse, but he
couldn’t seem to stop himself. Of all the ways he’d imagined seeing her again,
this wasn’t one of them. He’d thought he would see her at the club and coax her
into a D/s relationship. He could handle that. Keep it to the club. He wouldn’t
see her outside of the club.
Now he would see her every time he walked into the bloody
office.
And she thought he was a misogynist. “I don’t hate women.”
“That sounds like something you should talk to your
therapist about,” she replied, her expression calm.
He rolled his eyes, frustration welling inside him. “Did I
seem like I didn’t like women the night I ate your pussy until I couldn’t
breathe anymore?”
Her cheeks went pink, but she didn’t flinch. “Sex is
different. That’s a biological instinct hard wired in your system. It doesn’t
mean you like the person you’re having sex with, just that you need the sex.”
He paced, unable to stay still. “And what was it for you? Do
you hate men but need a little cock from time to time?”
“Mr. Mays, I don’t deserve that from you. I spent a night
with you, and I thought we were both satisfied. I apologize if you weren’t, but
I’m not going to sit here and let you prove my point.” She put a hand on his
file and pushed it across her desk toward him. “This is your file. You can
personally take it back down to Theresa in human resources so you can be sure I
don’t study it. I don’t need to look at it to know what’s going on in your
head.”
Arrogant thing. He crossed his arms over his chest and
stared at her. “What’s going on in my head?”
“Well, you’re upset to see me for one thing,” she said but
then settled back in her chair, considering him. “I would bet you’re divorced.”
Thought she knew everything, did she? “Ah, because I’m
bitter.”
“In particular you’re bitter about women and relationships.
I don’t know what happened. It was probably terrible, but you haven’t worked
through it. You’re still in the middle of it. All the talk about wanting no
ties, only sex, you think you’re sparing your partner, but those boundaries are
for you. They keep you safe, not your partner.”
She was being a hypocrite. “You agreed to my terms.”
“I did because I wanted what you offered,” she replied
simply. “I’m a submissive. I’m not happy if I can’t express that part of
myself, and you gave me a wonderful space to do that in. I remember that night
quite fondly.”
“Not fondly enough to stay.” He wanted to take the words
back. He wasn’t sure why he said them.
A brow rose over her suddenly chilly eyes. “Mr. Mays, when
someone tells me the arrangement is for the play period and that I shouldn’t
get thoughts in my head that I might be able to manipulate a man into a
relationship, I listen. I did everything you asked for including leaving you
alone when it was over. I wasn’t mean about it. I was a bit surprised to find
out you weren’t supposed to be my partner, but it was all right. I spent the
next Saturday with him.”
The rage threatened to choke him. A wild possessiveness he’d
never felt before. “You slept with him? A week after we were together…”
“I am a single woman, and who I sleep with or play with is
not your concern. Please take your file and leave. I’ll contact Damon and make
different arrangements.”
He knew he was being a bastard, but he couldn’t quite make
himself stop. He’d been numb for so long that feeling anything emotional
felt…good. Alive. Then there was the fact that he’d only gotten this job an
hour ago, and one of the pacts he made with his new boss was to get along with
this woman.
Oh, how he’d gotten along with her once. If he hadn’t been
brutally honest with her, would she have been in that bed with him the next
morning? Would they have the D/s relationship he wanted?
Would she have opened something inside him? Would he be more
normal?
Or would her rejection later when he lost his leg had
wrecked him even more thoroughly?
“If you call Damon, I’ll likely lose this job.”
“I doubt that. He wasn’t planning on hiring anyone. He made
an exception. And Damon understands things like this. I wasn’t planning on
keeping it from him. I’m going to disclose our relationship, but not in front
of Oliver,” she admitted. “I would appreciate it if you would be a gentleman
about it.”
“Vivian, he was clear with me.” Mal had to keep this
position. “I have to have these sessions or I don’t have a job. I know you
don’t understand, but the only thing I have in life right now is work. I won’t
say a word, but I’m asking you to see me.”
“Mr…”
“Call me Malcolm. I think we should be on a first-name
basis. It’s not just the job. I…I’ve been staying at a hotel. I’m almost out of
cash.” He hated this, but he couldn’t lose this opportunity. “I can’t afford my
own flat.”
He watched as his confession softened her expression.
“Malcolm, you won’t get what you need out of me.”
“Please let me have a few weeks. I can prove how valuable I
can be.” He hated begging. He would rather walk away and sleep in the park than
humiliate himself like this. He’d been willing to walk out rather than beg
Knight. But he couldn’t walk away from her.
“What happened to your leg?”
This might be the only good thing that came out of him
losing his bloody leg. “I lost it. Sepsis. I was in an accident on a mission
and spent a few weeks in the jungle.”
Her expression didn’t change. “Is that why you left the
service? You didn’t want a desk job?”
“I am still useful,” he said, his gut tightening. “My value
doesn’t depend on the state of my leg.” He straightened up. “So, you don’t have
to worry about me bothering you at the club again. I won’t be going.”
She sighed and her eyes rolled. “I never said I thought you
would bother me. Stop while you’re ahead, Malcolm. You had me at the I lost
my leg and they tossed me out part. You can play on my sympathy, but
you’ll find I don’t have a lot of guilt.”
“I wasn’t…” Fuck. He had been, and he was surprised she’d
called him out. Most women would have protested that they wouldn’t see him as a
bother. Vivian simply told him what she saw and what she was and wasn’t willing
to take. “I suppose I was, but it’s also true.”
“I didn’t think you would bother me,” Vivian reiterated. “If
anything, I think you’ll completely avoid me since you’re a one and done kind
of guy.”
He didn’t like how that sounded. It made him sound like a
player. “I wasn’t staying around. I wanted to be open about what I could give.
I didn’t lie to you. I was overly honest. You’re right. I am divorced, but you
knew about my leg so I think you must have had a peek at my file. Is this your
way of making sure I don’t get hired?”
A brow rose over her eyes, which held a chilly gaze. “You
favor your right leg in a way you didn’t before. And it hurts. You have a tell
when it comes to pain. I realize we don’t know each other in any important way,
but I’m not a liar. I skimmed your file because that’s my job. It was placed on
my desk a few minutes before you walked in. I had not gotten to your service
record beyond the dates and ranks associated with it. That is the truth and you
can take it or leave it.”
He believed her. “All right. I still need those sessions.”
Vivian took a long breath as though steeling herself. “I
can’t in good conscience be your therapist because despite all of that, I have
feelings about you. Not for you. You made that clear, and I respect you for it.
But the way you’re acting today makes me not respect you. I didn’t look for
you. I didn’t cling to you. I gave you no reason to think I would try to keep
you out of the club or a job. If Damon thinks you can help, then I want you on
the team because I care about them and the job they do. I cannot be your
therapist because it wouldn’t serve me or you.” She frowned. “Do you know