Chapter Four #4
the time we talked he was no longer considering his plan.”
“He had a plan?” Sophy asked.
He was still thinking about that night, and it did something
for her. She couldn’t deny it. But she was smart enough to ignore the impulse.
“He wanted to be in London because he wanted access to Dominion.”
“I told you. I said it that night,” Sophy pointed out. “He’s
dumb. Men aren’t good with their feelings.”
She didn’t remind her cousin that he’d taken eighteen months
to try to find her and probably only because he was no longer a soldier. It
wouldn’t work. “He doesn’t want to be good with his feelings. That’s the
problem.”
Sophy seemed to think about that for a moment. “Didn’t he
tell you he wasn’t looking for a girlfriend? Did he change his mind?”
“He wasn’t looking for a permanent sub. Apparently that’s
what he’s changed his mind about, and he decided I performed well enough before
to qualify. He still isn’t interested in a girlfriend. He wants a club-only
relationship. He wants a plaything he can put on the shelf when he needs to.”
She wasn’t being fair, but she didn’t feel like it. She felt…like her skin was
too tight. Like she should have done something more.
“You’re joking.”
She shook her head and sighed, sitting back. “No. He was
planning on finding me and offering a D/s relationship.”
Sophy’s head shook, and she crossed her arms over her chest,
sitting back. “Jerk. No wonder he’s friends with Oliver.”
Vivian ignored the dig at Oliver. It was kind of their love
language. “I don’t know about that. I think he was offering me what he could.
But I can’t accept because I know it wouldn’t work. Nothing will work for him
until he forgives himself for whatever happened.”
Sophy’s eyes narrowed. “Okay, you’re obviously in shrink
mode. What makes you say that, and why do you sound the same way when you talk
about my uncle?”
They didn’t talk about her uncle. Clive Weston was off
limits. She’d tried to talk to Sophy about him a few times, but it was clear
Sophy had a lot of loyalty to the man and didn’t want to hear about his flaws.
Not that they were flaws. That was the thing. Emotions like grief and fear and
shame took all the good things about a person and twisted them. For Clive, it
was his will. The man had survived childhood cancer and lived his life without
concern for what society thought, but that passion was twisted when he lost the
loves of his life. It turned into something that isolated him. It wasn’t a
flaw. It was more like a sickness that could be treated. But the patient had to
want to be treated. This medicine couldn’t be forced down the throat.
“I try not to talk about him.”
Sophy’s expression turned thoughtful. “I know and I know
why. Because I’ve been touchy about him. Uncle Clive and I have a lot in common
and I’m protective of him, but I also know that he’s not happy and I don’t
think he’s ever going to be if something doesn’t change. He never talks about
them.”
Christina and Leon. At one point Clive Weston was happy
sharing a woman with his friend. He didn’t care that it would be a scandal.
He’d always said he would walk away from the title if he had to choose between
it and his happiness. It was decades later and Clive still hadn’t moved forward
with his life. He might not talk about Christina and Leon, but they were still
in his head, in his heart, and not in a good way.
She was fairly certain the same thing was happening with
Malcolm Mays. “Grief does odd things to people.”
“What happened with your hot Dom?”
“Not sure,” she admitted. “But I think it has something to
do with his divorce. I’m pretty sure it happened before I met him at Dominion.
I don’t know how long ago, but it’s obvious to me that he isn’t over it. He’s
angry and bitter, and it comes out and hurts the people around him.”
“So he walked in here and offered you a D/s relationship?”
Sophy asked. “How did he find you? I didn’t give him your name.”
Vivian’s smile was rueful. That night had been a clusterfuck
of an evening. Everything except those moments when they connected, when he was
thinking of her and not what happened to him. “Of course you didn’t. You would
have given him Slutty Sue’s name.”
Sophy winced. “Yeah. I’m still sorry about that. I don’t
think those doors have numbers on them yet. I put sticky notes on, but they
fall off or someone draws dicks on them. I’m pretty sure that’s Oliver.”
It wasn’t. It was totally Lucy, but that was a secret Vivian
would take to her grave. “He didn’t find me. He took a job here thinking he
would see me at Dominion.”
Sophy’s eyes went wide. “So he didn’t know you worked here?
That must have been a fun reveal.”
Vivian nodded. “Yeah, it was a surprise, but we managed to
keep it quiet that we know each other.”
“How does Oliver not know?”
“Did you tell him about the mix-up?” Vivian was pretty sure
they’d decided to never tell Oliver what happened. Vivian didn’t want him to
know she’d fucked his friend and his friend was kind of an ass. Sophy didn’t
want to take the shit that would come from the screw-up.
“No, but Sue got a T-shirt,” Sophy pointed out.
The memory made Vivian chuckle. Sue had shown up at the next
play party with a T-shirt that read I did Galen Perry and all I got was
this T-shirt. “I don’t think he put the two together. He was in Italy far
longer than he thought he would be. By the time he returned, Galen was in New
York and Malcolm was back with his unit, I guess.”
“Well, that’s a relief.” Sophy sighed. “I certainly didn’t
tell him because the last thing I need is a lecture on responsibility. Like I
need that.”
“You know you’re the only one he does that to,” Vivian pointed
out. Oliver was a laid-back dude most of the time. It was one of his personas,
and maybe the truest one. Or the beast was the real Oliver. That was what
Vivian called the part of Oliver that came out during certain missions or when
he was truly angry. He only allowed a few people to see that piece of him.
Sophy was one of them. When Oliver roared her way, she rolled her eyes and
yawned.
She didn’t seem to understand that was catnip to Oliver’s
beast.
“Lucky me.”
She wasn’t sure Sophy was ready for this conversation, so
she mentally shelved it. “Malcolm and I came to an agreement. He’s going to see
William.”
“Oooo, subterfuge. I like it. Let
me see if I have this right. You’re going to keep everything quiet by sending
your ex-honey to another therapist—one you also dated—and then you’ll take his
reports and hand them to Damon like they’re your own.” Sophy neatly summed up
her whole plan.
Her probably bad plan, but she’d been in a corner. She was
rallying now.
“No. I’m going to explain to Damon that Mr. Mays needs a
male therapist,” she replied. “And Malcolm is not an ex. I barely spent an hour
with the guy and he… Well, he made me feel small. He’s in a bad place, and I
hope William can help him out.”
William Hollister was a friend. Yes, they’d briefly dated,
but they were far better friends. She’d brought him to a family dinner when her
parents and Uncle Ian and Aunt Charlotte were in town. He had not handled her
uncle well. Didn’t get his sense of humor. Maybe she should have introduced
Tarquin to her uncle. But no, she knew exactly the ribbing that would come with
that meeting. Tarquin… His name alone would send Ian into endless rounds of
despair. Not to mention the fact that Tarquin wore pork pie hats and talked
about films like they were things to be taken apart and not enjoyed, and he
only listened to vinyl. Her father would have hated Tarquin, but he might have
actually killed her Uncle Ian. He often said too much douchebaggery
was bad for his heart.
Why? What the hell had she been doing?
“You’re thinking about Tarquin again,” Sophy said with a
sigh. “You get this confused look on your face when you think about him. It’s
like eighty-five percent confusion with fourteen percent rage and a hint of
shame.”
That did sum up her feelings. She would bet Malcolm Mays had
never once wore a pork pie hat or any hat that wasn’t there for a specific
reason. “I don’t understand what I saw in him.”
“Well, that was my fault,” Sophy admitted. “I warned you
about his reputation, but I thought you might get through to him. I thought
Tarquin was a cool guy, if pretentious, but then they kind of all are in my
uncle’s world. Now that I think about it, he was probably always on his best
behavior around me since he needs my uncle.”
Which pointed out the whole problem. “I worry that’s the
reason he asked me out in the first place.”
Sophy’s eyes rolled. “Sure, because that hourglass figure
and gorgeous face don’t attract any men.”
They hadn’t helped much long term. “Well, it didn’t keep him
around. Honestly, he was pretty good to me. It wasn’t until I overheard him
talking to his friends that I realized I was a joke to him.”
“You aren’t a joke. He’s an ass,” Sophy corrected. “I think
you went for him because he was nothing like the men we grew up around.”
“I love the men we grew up around.” But even as she said the
words, Vivian was already thinking about them. Sophy wasn’t necessarily wrong.
Had she stayed away from men like her dad and uncles?
“I know that. I do, too, but sometimes you have to break
away to gain some perspective,” Sophy explained. “After listening to Tarquin
drone on about how superhero movies are ruining Western culture, I was way more
willing to listen to Uncle Ian’s stories about how he freed the goats in
Morocco. Suddenly listening to Uncle Li drone on and on about the beauty of
Ireland is refreshing. You got here wanting to find a freedom you’ve never had
before. That’s not a bad thing. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your parents. It
means you need to figure out who you are without them looking over your shoulder,
constantly keeping you from making the mistakes that would help you grow.”
That was some serious projection. Not necessarily untrue
about her, but it was on Sophy, too. She had survived cancer as a kid and her
parents hovered, as Vivian knew she likely would have too. Sophy spent years in